


colour my senses cherry red

by thilia



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Closeted Character, M/M, Pornstars, Roleplay - Somnophilia, Roleplay - Teacher and Student, Romance, Rough Sex, Smut, Spanking, Threesome - M/M/M, slight dub!con in one chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-07
Updated: 2013-04-29
Packaged: 2017-11-18 04:53:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 96,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/557109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thilia/pseuds/thilia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn Malik, closeted gay pornstar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Português brasileiro available: [Colour My Senses Cherry Red (Portuguese Version)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1051308) by [adorelarry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/adorelarry/pseuds/adorelarry)



> Okay. So. I wasn't going to start posting this until I had more chapters written, but I can't resist temptation, so... here it is. This is a total WIP and I don't even entirely know where I'm going with this; I also have a deadline for another fic on November 15th, so until then, updates might be slow. We'll see. I usually don't take that long, though, so... yeah. 
> 
> This story is based on [this amazing gif set](http://chokingonhazzasgravy.tumblr.com/post/35039552011/au-meme-zayn-malik-closeted-gay-pornstar-im). Thanks to rule_number_7 for suggesting the title, which is a line from All Time Low's "The Girl's A Straight Up Hustler". 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
>  **Translations in the works:** [French](http://archiveofourown.org/works/962197/chapters/1885942) | [French 2](http://colores-mes-sens.skyrock.com/2.html) | [Polish](http://paulaangela17.tumblr.com/ColourMySensesCherryRed) | [Portuguese](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1051308) | [Russian](http://ficbook.net/readfic/2167026)

Zayn's heart is racing and he's breaking into a sweat as he looks around the empty and sparsely decorated room, almost identical to the ones he's seen on his computer screen so many times, and wipes his clammy palms on his jeans.

The thing is, he isn't even sure why he's here right now and he can't remember how he got here in the first place. He does remember thinking about this, considering it vaguely, but isn't sure when he made the conscious decision to actually come to this audition. 

But now that he's here, Zayn is fucking terrified. 

He stares at the door and considers bolting right this instant, but something keeps him there. Maybe it's just the fact that his knees are little weak and that he feels literally frozen to the spot, or maybe it's curiosity. That's why he's here, after all. Curiosity, and the urge to finally do something about those urges that are slowly becoming harder and harder to ignore.

He folds his hands in his lap and stares down at them, swallowing hard and willing himself to take a deep, calming breath.

Suddenly, he hears voices on the other side of the door; a loud, clear laugh and a deeper one, and feels his whole body tense when the handle is pushed down and a couple of men come into the room. One of them is tall and broad with dark hair, the other one considerably shorter and younger, and ridiculously pretty with remarkable cheekbones, perfectly sculpted hair, clear blue eyes and a wide smile. Neither of them look like what Zayn had expected to see here today and he feels himself relax just a little. 

"Hi there," the younger of the two says when he spots him, approaching him with that same wide smile and holding out his hand. "I'm Louis, nice to meet you."

Zayn manages to get to his feet and shakes the offered hand, managing a shaky smile in return. "Hullo. Zayn."

Louis tilts his head, not letting go of his hand. "Relax, honey," he says with a comforting smile. "We don't bite." He pauses and raises a brow. "Unless you ask nicely."

Zayn lets out a laugh that sounds much too loud in the nearly empty room, and finally draws his hand back, wiping his sweaty palm on his trousers before shaking the other man's hand as well. He seems to be in charge; introduces himself as Simon and gestures for him and Louis to sit down on the couch. Zayn does, folding his hands in his lap again. 

"So, Zayn. You're here to audition for our next project. Why don't you tell us a little about yourself?"

Zayn licks suddenly dry lips and glances over at Louis; despite the fact that he barely knows the other boy, his presence is comforting. He draws a breath and rubs the back of his neck. "Um. There's not much to tell," he offers, biting his lip. "My name's Zayn Malik, I'm nineteen years old and I'm a student. I…" He trails off and tugs on the collar of his jumper. "I'm sorry, I'm really nervous."

"That's all right," Simon says, giving him a smile while Louis reaches over and places a small hand on his thigh, squeezing it reassuringly. 

"First time, eh? We've all been there," he says softly. "I haven't been doing this for a long time either – a couple of years, yeah?" He looks to Simon for confirmation and gets a nod in reply. "You really haven't got anything to worry about here. Simon is very serious and professional; we'll ease you into this."

"Okay," Zayn murmurs. "It's just. I've never really… I'm not… you know."

Louis looks at him quizzically before his brows shoot up. "Oh, you're not out? This is literally your first time?"

Zayn nods, feeling a flush work its way up into his cheeks and suddenly feeling stupid. But once again, it's Louis who makes him feel a little better about the whole thing. "Well, that's great, actually. You're like, a blank canvas or something."

He gives him another one of those wide smiles and Zayn gives him a small one back. 

Simon, in the meantime, clears his throat. "That is highly unusual," he admits. "But not necessarily a bad thing. We may have to change your role in the film a little bit, but we can work with a virgin. Definitely. You've got that raw innocence you see so rarely in our regulars."

Louis huffs indignantly. "What, are you saying I'm not innocent?"

Simon raises a brow at him. "Seriously? You and Harry are the _least_ innocent actors I've ever worked with."

Louis isn't offended and just laughs. "Fair enough," he says before he turns back to Zayn and smiles. "Right, shall we get to it then?"

"To what?" Zayn asks, a hint of panic in his voice when he realises that he has no idea what to even expect from this first meeting. He assumed they would talk a little; that it would be like a regular job interview, but now Louis wants to "get to it" and Zayn has no idea what to do.

Louis seems to sense his nervousness and strokes his back lightly. "Wow, you really haven't got any experience at all, have you?"

At that, Zayn finds himself frowning a little and protests. "I do. I've been with plenty of women, just not… I mean, I've thought about it a lot, I've just never…"

"That's all right," Louis says, a small smile on his lips. "Like I said; I'll go easy on you. Just one question, though – what made you come here? I mean, most people would rather experience this with someone they actually care about, if you know what I mean."

Zayn looks down at his hands again and bites his lip, not sure what to say. That his family would never tolerate it if he brought a bloke home rather than the charming girl they're expecting? That none of his friends have any idea that he secretly swings this way? That he's a fucking coward and can't bring himself to stand up to the world and tell everyone he's not as straight as they all think?

He doesn't particularly feel like baring his soul to these strangers when he hasn't even fully admitted the whole thing to himself, and Louis seems to sense that. He touches his chin lightly and turns his head towards him, and before Zayn can fully process what's happening, Louis' lips brush his own and he's kissing him, his lips gentle but sure. 

Zayn's eyes flutter closed of their own accord and he makes an involuntary little sound in his throat as he returns the kiss tentatively, every nerve on edge. It's brief; after a few seconds, Louis draws back and gives him a sweet grin that makes Zayn feel at ease. 

He licks his lips and looks down at Louis' mouth, wanting more – but he's still highly aware of Simon sitting there, watching them, probably holding a camera at this point. Louis seems to notice this and leans in to capture his lips in another slow, deep kiss, and Zayn falls into it, forcing himself to forget about everything else. Louis licks into his mouth, tongue probing his lips lightly until Zayn grants him access and opens his mouth to allow the intrusion. Hands still in his lap, he lets Louis cup his cheeks and kisses him back, his heart pounding in his chest. 

He's never felt anything like this before. He's kissing a boy for the first time in his life (a meaningless snog during Truth or Dare at a party a few months ago excluded) and while he's obviously just met Louis and isn't in love with him in the slightest, it still feels like the best thing he's ever experienced. It's eye-opening, and after a couple of minutes, he has to draw back and gasp for air at the intensity of the kiss. 

Louis is looking at him through half-lidded eyes, a satisfied smirk on his lips as he brushes his fingertips over Zayn's cheek. "You're a fantastic kisser," he murmured. "Should've known. With those lips…"

Zayn feels his cheeks flush again and ducks his head when Louis laughs. He feels the other boy's fingers tilting his chin up again and reluctantly meets those blue eyes.

"Are you ready?" Louis asks quietly.

Zayn swallows hard and gives a half-nod, half-shrug, not sure what Louis is even talking about. Louis sees the question in his eyes and slides his hand to the back of Zayn's neck, rubbing it lightly. 

"I'm going to kiss you again," he explains. "Then I'm going to take off your clothes and probably go down on you, or touch you with my hands. We just need to see how you look on camera, you know? Normally, you would be the one to touch me, but since this is your first time, we'll go with this, for now. Just be yourself. Ignore Simon and focus on me, all right?"

Zayn nods mutely and his heart skips a beat. He's worried, of course. A little voice in the back of his mind is screaming at him and asking what the fuck he thinks he's even doing here, but he knows he can't run. He's here now and he won't back out.

"Good," Louis says after a moment of silence, sliding his hand to the side of his neck. "Then let go, Zayn. Just let me take care of you."

Louis' eyes are warm, his voice soft and comforting, and when he leans in to kiss him again, Zayn gives in and melts into the kiss, reaching up to wrap his arms around Louis' neck. He closes his eyes and tries to push everything else out of his mind; tries to forget where he is and just let go. 

Louis hums softly and tilts his head, invading Zayn's mouth with his tongue, hands sliding down to Zayn's sides, pulling him closer. Zayn tightens his arms around Louis' neck, their bodies pressed together. His breath catches in his throat when Louis pushes him down on the couch and slides on top of him, his body solid and warm above his own. 

His heart is still beating rapidly when Louis shifts into a comfortable position between his legs and Zayn feels himself tense a bit. The moment is gone a couple of seconds later when Louis starts to slowly grind his hips against Zayn's and his cock hardens instantly. He stifles a moan when Louis slips a hand beneath his t-shirt and strokes his side gently, fingertips tracing his ribs. 

He breaks the kiss then and looks down at him with a hunger Zayn has never seen in anyone's eyes before. He swallows hard and glances down when Louis pushes his jumper up to his chest, his brows shooting up when he sees Zayn's tattoos. 

"Well hello there," he purrs as he leans forward and drags his tongue over one of them, tracing it with the tip before he moves up to his nipple and starts sucking on it. Zayn bites his lip when a moan escapes him and his body arches up automatically. 

Louis' hands slide down to his hips, keeping them firmly pinned to the sofa as he grazes his teeth over Zayn's nipples, eliciting another helpless moan from him. Zayn's breath comes faster when he feels Louis' hands between his legs, working on the buttons and zipper of his trousers and tugging them down over his hips. He watches him slide down his body with wide eyes, stomach hollowing as he holds his breath. Louis kisses his hipbones, eyes locked with Zayn's as he hooks two fingers under the waistband of his briefs and pulls them down as well, freeing his erection. 

Zayn swallows hard and closes his eyes, partly embarrassed, partly too aroused to look at Louis right now. He feels the other boy's breath ghost over the exposed head of his erection and whimpers when Louis brushes his lips over the tip.

"Fuck," he breathes, throwing an arm over his face when Louis slowly sucks him into the wet warmth of his mouth. 

He's been sucked off before, of course – he isn't as virginal as he feels right now. But after a few seconds, he realises that he's never really _experienced_ a real blowjob before. The way Louis moves his head up and down on his cock, hand firmly wrapped around the base and stroking it slowly suggests that he knows exactly what he's doing; something Zayn has never really felt with a girl before. 

His hips thrust upwards of their own accord when Louis removes his hand and swallows him down to the hilt. Zayn forces himself to open his eyes; they widen almost comically when he sees Louis deep-throating him and Zayn grips the armrest of the couch behind his head. He's never seen anything this hot before. 

When Louis opens his eyes and meets his, Zayn almost comes but manages to restrain himself, reminding himself that he's auditioning for porn here, and that stamina is necessary to succeed in this business. He bites his lip and takes a couple of deep breaths, trying to control himself and hold back.

Louis keeps sucking steadily, and Zayn groans and reaches down, sliding his hand into Louis' hair almost hesitantly, not wanting to mess up the other boy's artful hairdo. Louis however seems to lean into the touch and goes back to sucking him off, making Zayn's eyes roll into the back of his head with his skilled tongue and the light pressure of his lips. 

He twists Louis' hair between his fingers and tries to keep his hips still, but Louis is no longer holding him down and he literally can't stop himself from thrusting up into the welcome heat of Louis's mouth. Louis doesn't even gag; instead, he makes an appreciative sound and lifts Zayn's hips a little, encouraging him to fuck his mouth, and after some initial hesitation, Zayn does. 

He doesn't last as long as he wants to, but thinks it's a perfectly acceptable duration, considering how _good_ Louis is and how long it's been since he's been blown.

He tightens his fingers in Louis' hair and tugs a little harder than necessary when his hips buck up and he feels his orgasm wash over him, eyes fastened on Louis as he comes down his throat and cries out hoarsely. Louis stares up at him as he swallows it all, drawing back a moment later to lick him clean. 

Zayn closes his eyes and lets his head fall back, panting heavily, feeling dizzy. For a few seconds, he can't even think straight, but feels Louis' lips on his stomach and chest, and then near the corner of his mouth. He turns his head a little, opening his mouth to Louis as he kisses him again; and tasting himself on the other boy's tongue is almost enough to make him hard all over again. 

Louis finally draws back and looks down at him with dark eyes before a smile tugs on the corners of his mouth and he turns his head to look at Simon. "Well?"

Zayn's cheeks flush when he's brought back to reality and reminded of the fact that they're not alone. When Louis gets off him, he tugs his jumper down and swallows hard as he sits up and pulls his pants back up. 

Simon's quiet for a few moments and Zayn looks up anxiously when he's buttoned up. His heart is beating fast for an entirely different reason now; he almost feels like he's back at school, awaiting his marks for a test or presentation. 

"You're good," Simon says finally, looking at him thoughtfully. "A bit hesitant and reserved, perhaps, but I do see a lot of potential, and if anyone can bring it out of you, it's Louis. I think with a bit of practice, you could be amazing – if you really want this."

Zayn releases the breath he didn't know he's been holding and licks his lips. "I think so," he says hesitantly, and Simon gives him a knowing look. 

"Take a few days to consider it, then. We start shooting in two weeks, so you've got a few days to think about it. We've got a back-up actor in case you decide this isn't what you want after all, but… we would be lucky to have you, Zayn. You could be a star in this business, so think about it and get back to us when you've made up your mind."

Zayn smiles a little, flattered, while next to him, Louis is bouncing on the couch, apparently also really pleased with his 'performance'. "You're going to be great. And we can exchange numbers, and if you have any questions, you can ask me, all right? I'll gladly mentor you."

He grins and Zayn smiles back when they all rise to their feet. He shakes Simon's hand again and watches him leave before Louis grabs his wrist and tugs him out of the building behind him. 

Outside, Zayn sucks in a deep breath and reaches into his pocket with a shaky hand, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and lighting one; taking a deep, calming drag. He leans against the wall, still a little unsteady on his legs. 

Louis is watching him and when Zayn meets his eyes, he smiles. "You did great, Zayn."

Zayn smiles back, feeling oddly light-headed as well as proud of himself. He's not surprised Simon thought he was a little too reserved, considering he's rather shy as it is. But he's managed to come here today and do this after thinking about it for a long time, and he can't help but feel like it was the right choice, surreal as it was. 

"Can I have your number then?" Louis asks after they've been standing there in silence for a little while, and Zayn nods. They program their numbers into each other's phones, and Zayn finishes his cigarette, tossing the butt onto the sidewalk. 

"All right then," Louis says. "Call me, yeah? If you want to meet up and discuss stuff, just ring me up and I'll find time for you. I know this is weird and scary at first, but I promise it's not as intimidating as it may seem right now. I think you'll be fine – especially with me as your mentor."

He gives him a smug smile and Zayn can't help grinning back. "All right," he says softly. "I'll think about it."

"Good," Louis says. He glances at his watch. "Right. I should be going, but I'll see you soon?"

Zayn nods and then waves when Louis disappears around the corner of the building. Zayn stays for another cigarette but then makes his way home a little while later, feeling oddly elated.


	2. Chapter 2

Back in his dorm room, thinking about his afternoon, Zayn suddenly finds the whole thing pretty surreal. Moments before, everything seemed perfectly plausible to him, but now he finds himself doubting his sanity. Did he really go to an interview to audition for a part in a pornographic film? Did he get an incredible blowjob from a ridiculously attractive guy he'd never seen before? Or did he fall asleep in the library and dream about it? 

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, scrolling down until he finds Louis' number, and only then does he believe that it's actually happened. He doesn't know anyone else by the name of Louis, so it has to be him. 

His thumb hovers over the 'call' button for a minute or two as he contemplates calling him right away. 

Before he can make up his mind, however, he's interrupted by the arrival of his rather loud roommate and best friend. 

"Where the fuck have you been, you cunt?" Niall exclaims when he sees him, coming over to flop down on his bed and pat his shoulder. "I've been looking for you everywhere."

Zayn can't stop the blush from creeping into his cheeks, and hopes that the slightly guilty expression on his face doesn't give him away. "I was just… around," he explains lamely, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably when it begins to prickle, the way it always does when he's not being completely truthful. He wonders if Niall suspects something, but one look at the other boy's face tells him that he's being paranoid. 

"Why were you looking for me?" he asks after a moment.

"To ask if you fancy a drink at the pub tonight," Niall says, shrugging. "It's not urgent, but I figured you'd want to know as soon as possible, in case you wanted to invite someone. Of course you can find your shag for the night at the pub, but…"

Zayn rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "I'll pass," he murmurs. "I'm quite knackered, so I think I'll do some homework and go to sleep early."

"Boring," Niall sighs, shaking his head. "You've been slacking, mate. When was the last time you got laid?"

Zayn bites back his retort – saying 'this afternoon' would be a bad idea. It would only make Niall ask incessant questions about who he was with, whether Niall knows "her", and Zayn doesn't particularly feel like lying more than he has to. So he just shrugs. "A while, but I'm fine. Really, you go have fun, and if possible, go to _her_ place. I don't think I can listen to you moaning all night again."

Niall smirks, knowing fairly well that he's exceptionally loud in bed. He shrugs and gets off the bed. "Fine, have it your way. I'm gonna go have dinner with the lads and probably won't come back before tomorrow morning then. You'll be fine, yeah?"

Zayn nods. "Sure, sure. Go, have fun, get laid, whatever. Don't worry about me."

"As if," Niall huffs and tugs his t-shirt off to replace it with a new one. Zayn watches his friend for a moment, then averts his eyes, realising that Niall would probably be uncomfortable if he knew he's being checked out by his gay best friend. 

Not that Zayn is really checking him out – Niall isn't really his type. Skinny and blond has never done anything for him, whether it's a girl or a boy, so Niall's safe. 

Zayn waves when his friend leaves, then settles back and stares up at the ceiling. 

He hates this. He hates feeling like he does. For a long time, he didn't even acknowledge the fact that he's obviously gay or bisexual. He doesn't know anyone else who is, and most of his friends have given him the impression that they're quite homophobic, so he's never had the courage to bring it up. He isn't sure about Niall, to be honest, and has a feeling that maybe, he wouldn't make a big deal out of it. But until he's completely sure, he can't tell anyone. Not his family, not his friends. 

He desperately wants to talk to someone, though; preferably someone who gets him.

He glances at Louis' number on his display again and nibbles his lip. His finger slips and he presses 'call' before he's even ready or knows what to say, but he's grateful 'cause otherwise, he might've chickened out again.

Louis sounds cheerful when he picks up, and when Zayn asks if he wants to have a drink tonight, he says yes right away and asks if it's okay if he brings Harry. Remembering the name from earlier, Zayn realises that that's probably not a bad idea, considering Harry will be his _other_ co-star, if he decides to accept the role. They arrange a time and place, and when he hangs up, Zayn feels a little better, if nervous.

He's never been good at meeting new people; all the friends he has at this point, he's met through Niall. He's kind of proud of himself for going to that place on his own this morning; only a few months ago, his shyness would've never allowed him to do that. 

After the phone call, he decides to try and get some homework done, but can't stop thinking about the audition and the decision he needs to make in the next couple of weeks. Is becoming a porn star really the right decision? Wouldn't it be easier to just find some gay club nearby and go there to meet someone who can ease him into this whole thing? It probably would be. But he's thought long and hard about this, and in the end, the idea of going to this audition seemed less intimidating to Zayn than going to a club full of guys who are so much more experienced than him, and probably only looking for a casual fuck anyway. So becoming a porn star would basically be the same thing, except that he would get to be with guys who actually _knew_ what they were doing, and would earn some money in the process. 

And while the thought of losing his virginity on camera makes Zayn feel a little uncomfortable, going to this audition was, in the end, easier than finding the courage to go to a club on his own, which should be telling enough. And besides, he's already more or less made up his mind and decided to say yes. He'll think about it some more, of course, but if he had to make his choice right now, the answer would be yes.

Zayn sighs heavily and shakes his head, wondering why he feels the need to justify the whole thing to himself. There's nothing wrong with porn; whether it's straight or gay. Of course it's another secret he'll have to hide from his friends, but at least he would get to be with people who could accept him for who he really was, unlike his _actual_ friends. 

He stares down at what he's written so far, and finally gives up on his essay before he's even halfway done. Instead, he goes for a walk to get some fresh air and clear his head before he needs to get ready for his night out with Louis and Harry. 

He wonders what kind of guy Harry is and hopes he's as easy to get along with as Louis…

*****

He's nervous when he enters the pub sometime later, and looks around. He feels like everyone is staring at him; as if they know exactly that he's here to meet a couple of porn stars. He feels himself relax a little when he spots Louis at a table a moment later and is even more relieved when the other boy is alone. 

He makes his way over to him when Louis waves, and manages a small smile when he sits down across from him. 

"Thought you weren't going to come," Louis says with a grin. "And Jesus, you look tense. Relax, will you? I'm not going to bite."

"I'm not tense," Zayn lies, shrugging off his jacket and taking a deep breath. "I'm just… this whole situation is kind of surreal, you know?"

Louis nods sympathetically. "I know. It was the same way for me when I went to my first audition, but… you'll get used to it, I promise. The first few days of shooting will be weird, but after the first scenes, you'll get used it. Now, what can I get you?"

Zayn blinks. "Um. A beer is fine."

Louis nods and gets up, making his way over to the bar to get their drinks. When he returns with two pints a moment later, Zayn takes a breath. "So… where's this Harry you mentioned?"

Louis flops down again and pulls his glass towards him. "He should be here soon," he answers. "I hope you don't mind that I invited him?"

Zayn shakes his head, even though he would've rather met Louis on his own tonight. He reaches for his glass and takes a few sips while Louis does the same. They look at each other for a moment before a smile tugs on the corners of Louis' mouth and he breaks the silence. 

"So, tell me about yourself, Zayn. Where are you from, what do you study, what made you come to the audition today? How do you feel about the whole thing now, a few hours later? Have you made up your mind about the offer yet? Do you have any questions? Anything I can assist you with?"

He tilts his head and gives him a friendly smile. Zayn's lip quivers a bit when he returns it and takes a breath. He's grateful for the questions. He's rubbish at making conversation, especially with people he doesn't know very well, and is relieved that Louis is so talkative and open. It makes this a whole lot easier. 

"I'm from Bradford," he says after taking another sip, trailing his finger around the rim of his glass, "and I study English and History. I'd like to be a teacher someday."

He pauses for a moment and lets out a nervous laugh. "Probably not a good idea to start a porn career now, is it? I mean, if anyone ever found out about it in my later life, I'd be screwed."

Louis shrugs. "It's perfectly possible to have a normal life after all of this. I've seen it countless times. Many people only do this to finance their studies or until they meet the love of their life and then quit and never really think about it again. I don't see how this would be a problem."

Zayn nibbles his lip, considering. "Is it… I mean, the films you make, are they online or out on DVD, or…"

"On the internet, mostly," Louis replies, pushing his fringe back. "And really, the chance of anyone finding one of your films among the massive amount of porn online is slim. I wouldn't worry about this, honestly. Unless you go to a place frequented by a lot of gay blokes, no one's gonna know."

Zayn nods, a little comforted. He reaches for his drink again and feels himself relax when the alcohol begins to kick in. "So you've been doing this for two years now?"

Louis nods. "More or less. I got into it shortly after I moved here to study, but I gave up on that after a while. Now I only do porn."

Zayn's brows shoot up in surprise. "You can do that? I mean, you make enough money to support yourself with this alone?"

Louis smiles, making tiny crinkles appear around his eyes. "Why yes, Zayn. I make a small fortune, if you must know. If you have any financial problems at the moment and you decide to accept Simon's offer, you won't have a thing to worry about anymore."

Zayn is still staring at him, honestly surprised. He's always assumed that really famous pornstars like Brent Corrigan (yes, he's done some research before his audition) would make a lot of money, not small, mostly unknown actors from the UK. Huh.

"And does… do your parents know you do this?" he asks.

"Yeah," Louis says, his eyes twinkling in amusement. "Well, I told my mum after I'd been doing it for a while. She wasn't pleased at first, but in the end, she accepted it. My sisters are still too young for me to tell them, and my dad hasn't been around for years. My grandparents still think I'm studying full-time, like their good little boy, though. So I guess my mum's the only one who knows."

"Wow," Zayn murmurs, rubbing the back of his neck. "I can't imagine telling my parents about this, ever. They'd disown me."

Louis shrugs. "I suppose most parents would. I know I'm very lucky."

Zayn nods, rubbing his chin as he thinks about the next approximately two hundred questions he intends to ask, but before he can pick one, he's interrupted by Louis who suddenly looks up, his face lighting up. 

"Haz! Over here!" He waves at someone near the door, and Zayn, turns his head to look around curiously. A tall, curly-haired boy with a huge smile is standing by the door, waving back at Louis enthusiastically. Zayn watches in awe as he walks to the bar to get them a fresh round of drinks – his legs are _endless_ – and then joins them at the table. 

He leans over Louis and pecks his lips, then turns to look at Zayn. "Hello! I'm Harry. You must be Zayn. Lou's told me so much about you."

And to Zayn's surprise, Harry leans over to him and kisses his lips as well.

Zayn feels his cheeks heat up and keeps staring at Harry as he sits down next to Louis, taking off his coat and scarf. Zayn is not used to this. He barely knows these boys and they treat him like they've been friends for years. 

He blinks and finally finds his voice. "Right, yeah, I'm Zayn. Nice to meet you."

Harry looks up through a curtain of thick dark curls and smiles, and for a moment, Zayn is completely mesmerised by his beauty and literally speechless. 

"Sorry I'm late," Harry says, turning to Louis. "Traffic, you know?"

Louis nods, sliding an arm around Harry's shoulder and running his fingers through his curls. "Of course, don't worry about it. Zayn and I had a lot to talk about, don't we, Zayn?"

Zayn feels his cheeks flush again when both boys turn to look at him, and he just nods dumbly. He honestly was not prepared for _both_ of them to be so gorgeous, and all of a sudden, he's no longer surprised that the two of them make a fortune with this. He himself would pay _a lot_ to see the two of them together. 

"So, what were you talking about?" Harry asks, giving the barkeeper a smile when he brings their drinks to the table. He sips some of his beer, then licks the foam off his upper lip, and Zayn unconsciously licks his own lips as well. 

"Just… stuff," he murmurs. "You know, like, the audition."

"Which went really well from what Louis has told me," Harry says. "He seemed really, really smitten with you when we talked on the phone earlier, and I can see why. You're beautiful."

Zayn tugs on the collar of his shirt as he feels another blush creep up his neck. "Uh, thanks," he stammers. "I'm quite plain compared to you."

Harry eyes him. "Are you serious? You're way better-looking than we are. So exotic. I love it. And our _viewers_ are gonna love it."

Zayn can't help but smile a little at Harry, who's obviously a little mental. Louis seems to sense his slight discomfort and reaches over to touch his hand. 

"Any other questions, Zayn?" he asks. "You look like you've got a lot on your mind."

Zayn nods, licking his lips. "Yeah, I do. I just don't want to be annoying."

Louis shakes his head. "You won't be. We're here to answer any questions you might have. I mean, I offered to help you through this, so… whatever you want to know, ask, and we'll do our best to answer."

Zayn nods, looking down at his glass again as he collects his thoughts. "I just… is it safe? I mean, do you use condoms and stuff? And what about, like, privacy? Do you use your real names for this or do you use fake ones, or… And since I've never really, you know, done this before, is it gonna happen on camera, or…"

He trails off and wets his dry lips. 

"We do use condoms, occasionally. It's basically your choice whether you want to use one or not. But Simon makes us get STD tests very regularly and supervises them so they can't be faked, so there's not really anything to worry about when it comes to that. Most of us are in relationships and don't really sleep around, but if you'd prefer to use protection, that's perfectly fine."

Harry takes over then, "We don't use our real names. Or, well, in some cases it's some version of our real names. Louis goes by Tommo and I'm–"

"Harry's actually known as The Kraken, in our circles," Louis says, interrupting Harry and letting out a laugh. 

At that, Zayn raises a brow curiously and Louis waggles _his_ brows suggestively. 

"Because, you know, he's got a huge cock." 

Zayn's eyes widen and he looks at Harry, who's just grinning smugly into his beer. "What can I say?" he asks. "I'm very blessed."

"Indeed," Louis says, poking him teasingly and grinning. 

He turns back to Zayn. "As for your last question… that's up to you, Zayn, really. If you want to wait till the first day of shooting, you're going to do it on camera. If you'd like me or Harry or anyone, really, to give you a bit of an… initiation before that, just say the word."

"You can also have both of us," Harry adds, leering a little and looking very intrigued by that option. 

Zayn bites his lip. "To be honest, I'm a bit intimidated by The Kraken," he admits in a soft voice, making both Harry and Louis crack up. He manages a little grin, feeling himself relax further as the alcohol works its way into his system and gives him that pleasant buzz.

"I can't blame you," Louis says with a grin. "When I first had that monster in front of me, I was fucking terrified."

Harry smiles. "Aww."

"But I've come to love it," Louis says with an affectionate smile in Harry's direction. 

Zayn watches them curiously, then clears his throat. "So how long have you been doing this, Harry?"

Harry manages to take his eyes off Louis and smiles. "Me? For a little over a year."

"He started at the tender age of seventeen," Louis says. "Not quite legal, of course, but that's Hazza for you."

Harry grins. "I've always been a rebel."

Zayn asks a few more questions and finds out that Harry's eighteen and in his first year at University. His parents are divorced and he's still close to his mother but isn't in touch with his father anymore. He has an older sister. He and Louis moved in together only about a month after they'd first met and have been living together ever since. 

The drinks keep coming, and when all of Zayn's questions are answered, they start talking about other things and find out that they all share a love for music, art and Johnny Depp. Louis is the one who talks the most, but since Zayn isn't a big talker in the first place, he doesn't really mind and is perfectly content to just listen. 

And he feels comfortable. For the first time in his life, he feels perfectly at ease because with these two guys, he doesn't have to hide. He can just be himself, knowing they accept him just the way he is. It's a nice feeling. 

Around midnight, Harry sits up and announces his departure. "I have a class at eight tomorrow, so I should get to bed. You'll be home soon?" 

"If you give me five more minutes, I'll come with you," Louis says, raising his glass to his lips to drink the last few sips. 

Harry agrees and gets up to go to the loo while Zayn and Louis finish their drinks. 

"He's quite something," Zayn says, nodding to where Harry's disappeared behind a door. 

"Isn't he?" Louis asks with a little smile. "Best boyfriend I could wish for."

At that, Zayn's brows shoot up. "Wait, he's your boyfriend?"

Louis arches one eyebrow and smiles. "Well, yes. What did you think?"

Zayn shrugs. "Dunno. Guess I just assumed you guys were roommates and best friends and nothing more."

Louis nods. "Yeah, a lot of people think we're just really close, but… no, we're an actual couple."

Zayn empties his glass and looks at him thoughtfully. "How does that work? I mean, you both sleep with other people, obviously, so don't you get like, insanely jealous?"

Louis shrugs. "That was an issue at first, yeah, but we trust each other. We know the lads we work with quite well, and I know Harry would never actually cheat on me when he's not in front of the camera. And Harry trusts me too, so… It works."

Zayn nods and wonders if he could ever date someone, knowing they're sleeping with other people on the side – even though it obviously wouldn't mean anything and would be just for work. He's pondering this when Harry comes back and gives them a smile. 

"All right, lads, shall we?"

Zayn and Louis nod, and after a brief argument about who gets to pay, Zayn gives in and lets Louis pay for their drinks; insisting however, that next time, he'll be the one to invite Harry and Louis. They put on their coats and jackets and make their way outside. 

"Do you need a lift?" Harry asks when Zayn lights a cigarette, taking a deep drag. He considers it for a moment but then declines the offer. 

"I could use some fresh air, so… no, thanks." 

"All right," Harry replies, smiling. "Well, it was good to meet you, Zayn, and if you have any more questions, don't hesitate to get in touch with us. And we should do this again sometime."

Zayn smiles. "Definitely."

They say goodbye and Zayn watches Louis and Harry hold hands as they walk away. He smiles to himself and wonders if he'll ever be able to do that. Then he turns and walks in the opposite direction on his way back to his dorm.

His room is empty when he gets there, and Zayn is relieved that Niall has clearly taken his request to heart and not brought a girl over. Zayn rubs his eyes tiredly and considers a wank, but his head is spinning a little as he collapses on the bed and he only manages to wiggle out of his clothes and get under the sheets before exhaustion washes over him and he falls asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

"It smells in here," are Niall's first words when he enters the room late the next morning. Zayn is already awake, working on the essay he couldn't make any progress on the night before. 

He turns his head to look at his friend and eyes him. "It must be you then, 'cause I haven't noticed anything unusual."

Niall frowns, then picks up Zayn's shirt from last night and sniffs it. "It smells like pub. Did you go out after all last night?"

Zayn looks back at his essay without a word and Niall gasps. "You did, didn't you? You went out without me, you cunt? Wait, did you have a date I don't know about?"

Zayn sighs. "I can go out without you and not have a secret date, you know?" he says softly. "I do have friends besides you."

"Who?" Niall demands to know, looking deep in thought. "No, seriously, who? I'm pretty sure you only know people I know as well, so I have no idea who you can have possibly gone out with, considering all our mutual friends were with me last night."

Zayn sighs. "Does it really matter?"

Niall shrugs. "Not really. I'm just surprised, is all. I didn't know you had other friends – but if you do, good for you."

He smiles and stretches, making his t-shirt ride up his flat, pale stomach. Zayn watches him for a moment and smiles. "Did you have a good time at least? Or was my absence so distressing that you couldn't get laid?"

Niall laughs. "Oh, I got laid all right. She was _wild_. I think I'll be sore all day."

"No details, please," Zayn groans, making Niall laugh as he's taking his clothes off. Zayn watches him, then averts his eyes when Niall pulls his boxers down and goes into the bathroom to take a shower. 

Zayn looks back down at his essay and sighs heavily, knowing that with Niall here now, he definitely won't get much more work done. He gets up and shoves his books into his backpack, deciding to go to the library instead.

He knocks on the bathroom door and informs Niall of his plans, then leaves, getting some coffee on his way to the library. He has a smoke while finishing his coffee, then tosses the cup into the litter bin and goes inside, heading for his usual spot near the back of the library. 

He takes a deep breath as he unpacks his books and laptop and starts typing. 

He manages to focus for about ten minutes before he's distracted by someone loitering around the psychology section. He looks up when the bloke drops a book and watches him curiously. He tilts his head, watching the guy walk around the shelves; he looks more than a little lost. 

Shaking his head, Zayn tries to go back to typing and taking notes, but soon finds himself looking at the (very attractive) guy again. He nibbles on the end of his pen, eyes roaming over the young man's fit body. He's very tall with short brown hair, a cute nose and a great body, from what Zayn can tell. He tries to look away again, knowing it's impolite to stare, but he can't help himself; there's something very intriguing about the man. 

His heart stops for a second when the bloke turns around and is suddenly looking back at him. Zayn quickly leans over his book, pretending to have been looking at it the whole time. He doesn't risk looking up again for fear of being discovered – at least until a shadow falls over him. He raises his head slowly and comes face-to-face with the guy who is now looking down at him with a friendly smile. 

"Hi!"

Zayn opens his mouth, tongue darting out to wet suddenly dry lips, and swallows hard. "Hi," he whispers, cursing his voice for not working when it's supposed to. Then again, they _are_ in the library, so whispering is not completely out of place. 

"I was wondering if you could point me to the English lit section? I'm kind of lost. I could've sworn it was around here but apparently not." He smiles, and Zayn's heart skips another beat. He has a really nice smile. Zayn can only stare for a moment, eyes focusing on the birthmark on the guy's throat. 

Then he blinks and leans back. "English literature is over there," he manages, pointing to the other end of the library. "It used to be here but they changed it over the holidays."

"Ohh, I see," the boy says, nodding as he looks around and spots the sign. "I just got back from a year abroad, so that explains it."

He smiles. "Anyway… thanks, mate."

He turns around and walks away to where Zayn has pointed a second ago, and Zayn can't help glancing down at the boy's arse for a moment. When he notices what he's doing, he groans inwardly, leaning forward to press his forehead against his keyboard. He's so fucking inadequate in situations like this. Put a cute guy in front of him and he seems to almost forget the entire English vocabulary. 

He looks back up at his screen and almost has a heart attack when he realises he's accidentally deleted his entire essay and replaced it with "alksjfdalksdjflkahutrioadnsvrijifvgkyauib". He doubts his professor would be impressed if that's all he has to say about Shakespeare, so he hits 'undo' repeatedly until his essay reappears on the screen. 

He rubs his face and takes a breath, and tries to focus on his writing again. He still finds his eyes darting over to where the guy's disappeared to, but he's hidden behind the shelves now. Zayn sighs and continues working on his essay, telling himself to get a fucking grip and not develop a crush on just _any_ guy he meets. 

It doesn't take a long time for him to get distracted again when the same bloke from before drops down across from him, setting down a pile of books in front of him. When he notices Zayn looking, he smiles yet again. "Hi. Hope you don't mind? I can go somewhere else if you'd rather be alone?"

Zayn is fascinated by the way the boy's lips move as he speaks, but quickly collects himself and shakes his head. "No, I don't mind at all."

He face-palms inwardly. How is he ever going to finish this essay? He has a _deadline_ , for heaven's sake. 

"Good," the boy says, still smiling. He reaches over, holding out his hand. "I'm Liam, by the way."

Zayn looks at his hand, then fits his own around the other boy's, shaking it. "Hey, I'm Zayn."

"Nice to meet you, Zayn."

Zayn can't help but smile back. "Nice to meet you too."

He licks his lips. "So… English lit, huh?"

Liam nods. "And History." 

Zayn's eyebrows shoot up and his stomach flutters because he's an idiot. Hundreds of people study English and History; this doesn't mean _anything_. 

Liam picks up one of Zayn's book. " _Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under 't._ " He smiles. "I remember Macbeth. We did a lot of Shakespeare in my first two semesters."

"What semester are you in now?" Zayn asks curiously. 

"I'm currently working on my doctorate, actually," Liam says, surprising Zayn. He doesn't look that old. Not that he'd be old – in his twenties, probably. But older than Zayn expected. He has a certain innocent quality about him, so maybe that's what's fooled Zayn into thinking Liam was closer to his own age. 

"Cool," Zayn says, nodding, and slaps himself mentally. _Cool_? That's all he has to say about this?

Liam smiles. "Yeah. A lot of stress, but I think I'm doing well, so far."

Zayn smiles back and doesn't know what else to say without seeming terribly nosy and too interested in the other man's personal life, so he refrains from saying anything else. Probably better to keep his mouth shut.

"Right," Liam says, reaching for one of his own books and opening it. 

Zayn watches him for another moment, then tries to go back to his own essay, which is completely futile, as it turns out. Instead of typing and doing his research, he finds himself glancing over at Liam more often than he looks at his screen. Maybe staying in his dorm would've been a better idea – Niall's probably not even there anymore. But then he wouldn't have met Liam, which is already the highlight of his day.

Forcing himself to actually focus for a minute or two, he reaches for one of his books and starts underlining stuff he considers important, and actually manages to do that for a while without looking over at Liam. 

When he finally does look up again, his heart stops because Liam is staring straight at him. He feels his cheeks heat up but can't make himself look away. A smile tugs on the corners of Liam's mouth, and Zayn returns it hesitantly before looking back at his book, cheeks flushed.

What the fuck is _wrong_ with him?

A little while later, Liam gets up to make some photocopies and Zayn leans back, rubbing his face. He's barely made any progress on his essay; has only managed to add one mediocre paragraph to what he'd written before. He bites his lip and sighs, deciding that it would probably be better if he continued working on this elsewhere; but at the same time, he can't quite make himself save his work and get up to leave. 

He's not even sure what he's doing here. It's not like Liam's shown any interest in him apart from the politeness any decent human being would show a stranger. And it's not like Zayn's even halfway ready to go on a date with a guy, so he's not sure what he's hoping for here.

Liam comes back an instant later and returns the books to where he's found them. When he's back, he picks up the pile of photocopies he's made and gives Zayn a smile. "Right, gotta go. I'll see you around, yeah? Nice meeting you, Zayn."

Zayn nods. "Definitely. Have a good day."

"You too," Liam says, waving before he leaves. 

When he's gone, Zayn can't help feeling a little disappointed. But honestly… did he seriously expect Liam to offer him friendship or his phone number? 

He rubs the back of his neck, then saves his essay and slams the laptop closed in frustration as he gets up and shoves his books back into his bag. Then he leaves the library, trying not to let his disappointment get to him too much. Because he has no reason to _be_ disappointed. It's not like _he_ has made any effort to stay in touch with Liam, so he has no right to be sad about this.

He leaves the library and is lighting a cigarette when someone calls his name. 

He blinks and whirls around, smiling when he spots Harry hurrying towards him, curls bouncing. 

"Hey Zayn! Fancy seeing you here! Didn't think we'd ever run into each other, with the campus being so huge." He grins when he stops in front of Zayn, cheeks flushed and a little out of breath. "So, what're you up to?"

Zayn shrugs. "Just trying to get some schoolwork done. How about you?"

Harry smiles. "Same. I was just heading to the library, actually."

"That's where I'm coming from," Zayn says, nodding behind himself at the library building.

He takes a drag off his cigarette and bites his lip. "Do you want to grab some coffee, maybe?"

Harry shrugs. "Sure. I can procrastinate some more."

He grins mischievously, making Zayn laugh. "All right then."

They walk in relative silence for a moment until Harry breaks it. "I really enjoyed meeting you last night, though – Louis didn't promise too much. He's talked a lot about you. If I wasn't completely sure about his undying love for me, I'd be quite jealous."

Zayn's brows shot up. "Really? Well, I'm not planning on taking him away from you, so…"

Harry smiles. "I know that, don't worry. I'm not gonna turn into a horribly jealous monster."

They reach the coffee shop and Harry pushes the door open, stepping aside when Zayn enters it. Harry tosses his jacket over a chair and flops down while Zayn makes his way to the counter to place their order, after Harry has told him what he wants. 

A moment later, they are both sat around the table, sipping their coffees. Zayn looks at Harry, returning his smile hesitantly. He's not quite sure what to talk about, so he leaves it to Harry, who soon starts telling him about his homework and studies, and Zayn is honestly surprised that they can actually talk about something that _isn't_ porn. He's not sure what he's expected but it's actually rather nice. It feels like he finally has a friend (or two, 'cause he feels the same way about Louis) that he can actually talk to about personal stuff without having to be careful about what he reveals. 

It's not like he has to censor himself when he's having a conversation with Niall; but it's still different with Harry because he can be completely open. 

They sit and chat for a good half hour before Harry decides he really has to go and get some work done, and Zayn doesn't hold him back. For a moment, he considers going with Harry and attempting to get some more of his essay written, but then remembers he's got some laundry to take care of. 

They part ways a little while later, promising to call each other and go out again at some point, since they had so much fun the other night.

The rest of Zayn's day is rather uneventful and he's surprised that he actually manages not to get lost in thought while he washes and folds his clothes and cleans up the dorm. Niall's gone, probably seducing some girl to avoid doing schoolwork, and Zayn is grateful for some peace and quiet. 

It isn't until much later, when he's already in bed that he finally allows his thoughts to drift back to the cute boy from the library. Niall's still not back, so he has some privacy, which is good, considering that just the thought of Liam makes him semi-hard. He closes his eyes as he remembers Liam's smile and full lips and the sound of his sexy voice. He slides his hand down his chest and curls his fingers around his still-clothed cock, letting out a soft sigh as he squeezes it and feels it harden.

He shoves his boxers down, rubbing his palm against his erection and wraps his hand around it, then lets out a shaky breath when he imagines Liam's plump lips wrapped around his cock, sucking him down to the hilt and pinning his hips to the wall as he sucks him off. His hand starts moving automatically around his erection, his index and thumb squeezing the base to give himself the illusion of it being Liam's lips pressing down on him firmly. 

He groans and throws an arm over his face as he continues to jerk himself off roughly for several minutes, picturing Liam's lips stretched around his cock. He lets go of it just before he's about to come, and takes a few deep breaths. He reaches over and fumbles for the tube of lube in his bedside table, slicking his fingers and pulling his knees up to his chest as he brushes them over his crack, slowly circling his entrance before pushing in. 

He's imagining Liam flipping him over, pressing him into the wall as he pushes a finger past the first ring of muscles, clenching around it firmly. Liam's hands are bigger, fingers thicker, stronger, but he still manages to picture it vividly. He adds a second finger after a few moments, moaning at how stretched he feels. The thought of a cock inside him almost makes him come right away, but lets his fingers still for a moment to recover before he starts moving them back and forth again.

He wraps his free hand around his cock when his arousal grows, stroking himself firmly and thrusting his fingers in at the same time. It doesn't take much longer before he feels his orgasm rushing towards him and lets out a hoarse moan when he falls over the edge suddenly, coating his hand with his seed and clenching violently around his fingers.

He lets out a shaky breath and lets his head fall back against the pillow, keeping his fingers inside for a moment before slowly pulling them out and wiping them on his discarded boxers. He takes a deep breath and shoves the lube back into his bedside drawer, rolling onto his side and pressing his face into the pillow as he continues to breathe heavily, his whole body tingling.

He pulls his covers around his shoulders and takes a deep breath, still unable to stop thinking about Liam, except now he's imagining him wrapping himself around him from behind, spooning him and holding him close to his chest. He sighs heavily and buries his face in his pillow, hoping he'll be over this Liam thing soon because it's not like there's a chance of that ever happening in real life.

Suddenly, he's extremely sad when he realises that he'll never have the balls to ask Liam out or even make his interest in him known. Even though it's probably better that way, since he's got no clue what way Liam swings. But with his luck, he's probably straight as an arrow. Maybe he should ask Louis and Harry about it at some point. Not about Liam in particular; just about the whole gaydar thing. Because Zayn's pretty sure he doesn't have one of those.

He rolls onto his other side and forces himself to push all thoughts of Liam to the back of his mind. But when he falls asleep, he still finds himself dreaming about the boy with the warm brown eyes and sweet smile.


	4. Chapter 4

A few days later, Zayn runs into Liam again. Or rather – he sees him from afar, follows him around a bit, waiting for the opportune time to make a move and talk to him, and then acts completely surprised when he bumps into Liam when he rounds a seemingly random corner. 

Yes, he's aware that he's quite pathetic – but he can't help it. He's spent two full days thinking about the other boy, is absolutely terrible at spontaneous small talk and just wants an excuse to hear Liam's voice again.

"Zayn, hey!" Liam says, his face lighting up when he recognises him. "You all right?"

Zayn smiles back. "Yeah, I'm fine, thanks. Sorry – didn't see you there."

Ha.

"No problem; nothing happened," Liam says, shifting his books to his other arm and giving Zayn another sweet smile. "So, what've you been up to?"

Zayn shrugs. "The usual. Classes and stuff, you know?"

Liam nods. "Yeah, same here."

They look at each other for a moment and Zayn feels a flush work its way into his cheeks. He really should've thought about what to actually _say_ to Liam before the actual meeting, instead of stalking him like some creep and ogling his arse. Which he may have done. A little.

"Actually, I'm afraid I've got a lecture to attend now, so I can't stay to chat," Liam admits, glancing at his watch. "I'm already late, so… I'll see you soon, yeah? Have a good day, Zayn."

He gives Zayn a smile, then takes off, and Zayn sighs heavily. He isn't sure what he's expected, but he _did_ hope to get Liam's number, at least. But Liam didn't ask for his number either. And while he's ended their conversation with 'see you', he's added a vague word like 'soon' to it – which means… what? 

When _is_ soon? Tonight? Later this week? Never?

****

As it turns out, 'soon' is that same evening. 

Zayn has taken his books and laptop to a coffee shop off campus because Niall has invited some friends over to the dorm and while Zayn obviously doesn't mind – Niall can invite whoever he wants, of course – it is kind of hard to focus on schoolwork when three guys are yelling loudly at the Playstation and each other. So he's made himself comfortable in the corner of said coffee shop and is sipping some tea while working on his presentation. 

Completely focused on his work, Zayn doesn't see Liam when he comes in; in fact, he's completely lost in his research until he feels someone's eyes on him. When he looks up, his heart skips a beat and a smile tugs on the corners of his mouth when he realises that it's Liam who's staring at him from a table on the other side of the room. 

He hesitates for a moment before he lifts his hand in a slow, awkward wave, flushing when Liam does the same, but much more enthusiastically. Zayn tugs on the collar of his t-shirt and runs a hand through his hair, telling himself to stay cool when Liam gets up and comes over a few seconds later, and hopes he looks at least semi-presentable.

"Hey there," Liam says, looking down at Zayn with those warm brown eyes of his. "Busy?"

Zayn glances at the books spread out on the table and hesitates. Then he makes himself look up at Liam again, and with a little smile, he asks, "Depends. If I say no, will you join me?"

Liam's brows shoot up in surprise and he lets out a chuckle, tilting his head as he looks at him. "I might. You'll have to try, I suppose."

Zayn swallows hard and bites his lip, deciding to risk it. "In that case, I'm not busy."

He closes his laptop demonstratively, not breaking the eye contact and willing Liam to sit down. Liam, however, merely smiles. 

Zayn's heart sinks a little when Liam suddenly turns around and walks back to his own table, and for a few too long seconds, Zayn is sure he's fucked this up. He's literally _flirted_ with Liam just now, and Liam is walking away, which means he isn't interested, right? On top of that, he has probably just ruined any chance of a friendship they might've had. 

But then he notices that Liam isn't actually leaving; he's picking up his cup and jacket and bringing them over to Zayn's table a few seconds later, and Zayn has a really hard time keeping himself from smiling like a love-sick idiot. He gathers his books together and slides them into his backpack, followed by his laptop to make room for Liam. 

Liam sits down across from him, draping his jacket over the back of the chair, and wraps both hands around his coffee cup. "So… hello Zayn."

God, he loves it when Liam says his name like that. 

"Hey," Zayn murmurs back, lowering his gaze shyly. Now that Liam is actually here, he again finds himself at a loss for words.

"So how's the Shakespeare essay coming along?" Liam asks, breaking the tension. "Do you need any help?"

"All right," Zayn says, then adds, "And no, thanks – I actually finished and handed it in the other day; now I'm working on a presentation." He wrinkles his nose. "Hate those."

"Ahh," Liam says, nodding and giving him a knowing smile. "Not a big public speaker then?"

Zayn shakes his head vehemently. "Not at all. I hate and avoid it whenever I can, but sometimes, you have to do it."

"You'll get used to it," Liam promises. "It takes some practice but after a few months of regularly speaking in front of your class, you get used to it. Trust me – I've been there."

Zayn smiles. "Yeah?"

Liam nods seriously. "Yes. And if it gets really bad, you can always imagine your class naked – that's supposed to help. Never tried it myself, but apparently, if you imagine everyone else less attractive than yourself, it'll boost your confidence and makes you feel more at ease."

He grins cheekily and adds, "And considering you're better-looking than pretty much anyone here, it's a technique that should work really well for you."

Zayn flushes, wondering if he's misheard or if Liam has really just complimented his looks. If he has, does that mean he's into guys? And more specifically, interested in _him_?

Zayn can only hope.

Liam said it so matter-of-factly, though – as if there's no way to dispute the fact that Zayn is good-looking

"I doubt I'm better-looking than anyone here, but… thank you?" he replies hesitantly, giving Liam a timid smile.

Liam returns it warmly. "Well, to me, you are."

Silence falls over them as Zayn blushes and stares at his tea, contemplating that statement while Liam keeps staring at him. After a couple of seconds, he breaks the silence again. 

"I'm sorry. I suppose I shouldn't go around complimenting attractive men without knowing whether they're single or not," Liam says, leaning forward to catch Zayn's eyes. Zayn glances up at him, his cheeks still red.

"So… are you single, Zayn?" Liam asks softly, what Zayn considers a hopeful look on his face. 

"Yes," Zayn says after a moment, rubbing his forehead. "I mean… yes, I'm single."

The smile that lights up Liam's face at that is heart-warming. "Good. So I didn't misinterpret the signs?"

"What signs?" asks Zayn, seriously baffled. He isn't aware of giving Liam any hints whatsoever. 

"Well, you blush a lot. You look at me rather intently, and you seemed determined to get me to come over here," Liam starts.

Zayn groans, interrupting him before he can go on. "I wasn't trying to be obvious," he murmurs, hiding his face in his hands. He can't believe he comes across as so desperate – and here he thought he's been rather subtle. 

"You weren't," Liam says instantly. "I'm quite sure I only noticed because I'm rather interested in you as well."

Zayn peeks at him through his fingers. "You are?" he asks, his voice muffled because his palms are still covering his mouth. 

Liam nods earnestly. "I am."

Zayn lets out a breath and lowers his hands. "Oh," he murmurs, not sure what else to say. 

His heart is racing and he's trying to wrap his mind around that statement – Liam is interested in him? Liam wants him? Is he joking?

Liam seems to sense that this conversation is getting a little uncomfortable for Zayn because he promptly changes the subject and starts asking Zayn all sorts of questions about his studies and life. He's interested in everything it seems; his age, his childhood, his siblings. And there's something so genuine about his interest that by the end of the evening, Zayn can't help believing that Liam really _does_ fancy him. 

He doesn't have a lot of time to ask Liam much before the lady behind the counter tells them to finish their drinks and leave, as they're about to close. 

Zayn sips the last of his now almost entirely cold tea, and stands up. He slides into his jacket and shoulders his bag, following Liam outside into the cool night air. 

"So… can I have your number?" Liam asks, and Zayn tries hard to hide his ecstasy as he fumbles for his phone and lets Liam type in his number, while he takes extra good care to get his own number right as he programs it into Liam's phone. 

He hands the phone back after double-checking that the number is actually in the phone now, and their fingers brush. Zayn draws his hand back and looks down, cheeks colouring. 

"Right. Thanks," Liam says, glancing over his shoulder. "I have to go that way; what about you?"

Zayn points in the opposite direction. "I'm over there," he says, then curses the fact that he didn't come up with an excuse to walk Liam back to his dorm. But maybe it's better this way; he can end the evening without horribly embarrassing himself. 

"All right then," Liam says, smiling. "It was great seeing you again, Zayn. We'll talk soon, yeah?"

Zayn nods. "Yeah, it was. Goodnight."

"Night, Zayn," Liam says, giving him another sweet smile before he turns around and walks away. 

Zayn stays there and watches until he disappears into the darkness.

*****

His phone rings when he enters his dorm.

"Hey Zayn, it's Louis."

"Oh hey!" Zayn drops his books on the bed and shoves the door closed with his foot. "What's up?"

"Well, I just got off the phone with Simon and he wanted to know if you've made a decision yet. You still have a few days left to decide, but the sooner he knows, the better, you know?"

"Oh," Zayn says, blinking. He's been so immersed in his pursuit of Liam that he almost completely forgot about the porn shoot. "Right."

He flops down on his bed and rubs the back of his neck, thinking. He actually made up his mind a while ago, but that was before he met Liam. They haven't been on an official date yet, but Zayn hopes they will, soon. Would it be right to start off his porn career when there's someone who could potentially soon be his boyfriend?

He blinks, realising he's getting way ahead of himself. Sure, Liam has admitted that he's interested in Zayn, thinks he's good-looking and has asked if Zayn wants to see him again, but with Zayn's luck, he wouldn't be surprised if Liam changed his mind sooner or later when he discovers that there is nothing fascinating about Zayn. Besides, Liam didn't explicitly say he'd take him out, did he? He just said they would do this again sometime, but what does that even mean? Getting coffee on a study break isn't exactly a date, is it?

"I'm in," he says finally. "I… do you want to tell Simon or should I call him?"

"You are?" Louis asks, sounding ecstatic. "I'm so glad to hear that, Zayn; you won't regret it. And Simon will want to hear it from you, I'm sure, so you should give him a call at some point."

"All right," Zayn says, smiling a little. "I will then."

"Fantastic," Louis exclaims, and Zayn can almost feel his smile through the phone. "Oh, and do you have any plans for the weekend?"

Zayn thinks for a moment, trying to remember if Niall has mentioned any parties he wants to drag him to. "Not that I'm aware of – why?"

"Well, Harry won't stop talking about you," Louis says, sighing heavily, "and he's determined to cook for you, for some reason, so he wanted me to ask if you've got time this weekend and whether you're interested in having dinner at our place on Friday or Saturday night."

Zayn smiles happily; he's been waiting for a chance to hang out with Harry and Louis again. "Sure, definitely. Just tell me when and where and I'll be there. I'll even bring some wine."

"Excellent," Louis says with a grin. "Shall we say Saturday then?"

Zayn nods. "Sounds perfect."

"All right, I'll text you the address then, and we'll see you on Saturday at seven. Bye, Zayn, have a good night, yeah?"

"Okay, yeah. Bye!"

Zayn hangs up a moment after Louis has done the same and smiles to himself, really looking forward to a nice evening with Louis and Harry. 

His phone beeps to announce a text message the moment he's set it down, and Zayn's heart skips a beat when his screen says 'Liam'. He opens the text and grins from ear to ear as he reads it. There are only three words in it, but he knows he'll keep this text forever. 

_Sweet dreams, Zayn :)_

*****

Saturday comes, and after a quick trip to the nearest supermarket, Zayn makes his way to the address Louis has texted him, armed with two bottles of Merlot. He's a bit nervous; Harry and Louis are still rather new friends, and it will probably take a few more meetings for Zayn to feel completely calm when meeting them. 

He enters the building and makes his way upstairs, ringing the second doorbell when he finds the right door. It is pulled open a moment later by Harry, who's smiling widely – and wearing a rather interesting apron with a picture of a very muscular naked man on it. 

Zayn is distracted by the hugeness of the guy's package for a moment before he raises his eyes and smiles at Harry. "Hey."

"Hello! Come in, make yourself at home," Harry exclaims, grabbing Zayn's shirt and pulling him inside. Zayn blinks, stunned, but lets Harry drag him into the flat and living room. He looks around curiously, impressed by how stylish and expensive everything looks. If their flat is any indication on how much they earn by doing porn, Zayn really _won't_ have to worry about money soon. 

"Louis is still at a shoot – but he should be here any minute now. Make yourself comfortable and – ooh, is that wine? That's my favourite!" Harry seems bouncy and Zayn can't suppress a grin. 

"Yeah," he says, letting Harry take the bottle and watching him dance into the kitchen. He smirks and shakes his head as he follows him. "Can I help you with something? It smells amazing, Harry."

Harry smiles at him. "Thanks, mate! It's my specialty – vegetarian lasagne. I wasn't sure if you eat meat or not, so I thought this was a safe dish."

"Oh, I should've thought of that and said something," Zayn murmurs, rubbing the back of his neck. "I actually do eat meat, but I guess I'm a bit picky when it comes to it? Chicken's my favourite and I don't eat pork at all and…"

"Don't worry about it, honestly," Harry says, furrowing his brow and biting his tongue as he struggles to open the bottle. A moment later, the cork comes off with a 'pop' and Harry smiles. "Where was I? Oh, right, don't worry. This is better than any meat dish you'll ever taste _and_ it was less work for me, so seriously, relax."

He smiles and one-handedly takes out two glasses, setting them down on the counter and pouring them both a glass. He hands one of them to Zayn, then raises his own glass. "Cheers," he says, and takes a few sips, humming contentedly. 

Zayn smiles and does the same. "So you don't need help?" he asks again as he sets down his glass and shrugs off his jacket, tossing it over the back of a chair. 

"Nope," Harry says. "I'm all done. Now we just have to wait for Louis to get here."

He takes off his apron, and Zayn is secretly glad not to have to look at apron-guy's cock anymore, as it intimidated him a tad.

He takes another sip of wine and thinks for a moment. "So you're really not bothered knowing that Louis is…"

"Fucking another man as we speak?" Harry supplies helpfully, grinning when Zayn blushes. "Nope. I'm used to it. And I know he'll be fucking _me_ later, so I'm not bothered."

Zayn nods slowly, nibbling his lip. He still can't imagine that he'd be this cool if he knew that his other half was sleeping with other people – even if it was only for a job. 

"I hope you're hungry," Harry interrupts his train of thought as he peeks into the oven to check on the lasagne. "I've cooked enough to feed a small army."

As if on cue, Zayn's stomach lets out an embarrassingly loud growl, and Harry laughs. "Good."

The front door opens and a few moments later, Louis enters the kitchen, smiling when he sees the two of them. "Hey, you're already here! Sorry to keep you waiting; took a little longer than I expected."

He touches Zayn's shoulder as he passes him, then makes his way over to Harry, wrapping his arms around him and kissing his lips. "Hello beautiful," he murmurs, making Harry's face light up. 

"Hello love of my life," Harry says back, giving him a wide smile. "Did you have a good time?"

"It was all right," Louis confirms, smiling back and reaching for the bottle to pour himself some wine as well. "Good choice, mate."

Zayn smiles and watches him take a few more sips before Harry makes them leave the kitchen and take a seat in the dining room. He follows a moment later with the food. After making sure everyone's plates and glasses are filled, Harry flops down and starts eating. 

"Wow," Zayn says as he takes the first bite. 

"It's amazing, isn't it?" Louis asks, winking and covering Harry's hand with his own smaller one. "Harry's the best cook in the world. He spoils me rotten. Got to be so careful not to get fat."

Harry rolls his eyes. "Oh please."

Zayn returns Louis' grin, then looks down at his plate as he shovels more food into his mouth and decides that this is the single best thing he's ever eaten. He wonders if Harry would mind if he became a regular addition to their household. He simply can't refuse Harry's offer for a second and third serving. 

"I was so happy when I heard you're going to make the movie with us," Harry says after a while, cleaning the last bit of lasagne off his plate and licking the sauce off his fork. "It's going to be so much fun to work with you."

Zayn smiles, leaning back. "I hope so. I have a feeling I'm going to be a bit of a catastrophe and ridiculously camera-shy, but hopefully it won't be too bad."

Harry shakes his head. "I'm sure you'll do fine," he says reassuringly. He finishes his wine and sets the glass down, glancing at Louis briefly before meeting Zayn's eyes again. 

"So, have you thought about our suggestion?" he asks carefully, and Zayn furrows his brow questioningly, not sure what suggestion he's talking about. 

"You know… about how you'd like to lose your virginity?" Harry elaborates, giving him a little smile. "Remember, we talked about this."

"Oh," Zayn says, nodding. "Yeah, right. I… don't know, to be honest. I haven't really thought about that much."

"All right." Harry looks at Louis again, and the latter continues.

"See, Harry was thinking that if you wanted us to take care of it before the actual shoot, we could do it tonight," Louis says, giving him a smile. 

Zayn stares at him, then looks at Harry who looks really hopeful, and feels a flush creeping up his neck. "You want… _tonight_?" he asks, unable to keep the shock off his face.

"Only if you're comfortable with it," Louis adds quickly. "But, you know, the shoot is in a week, and I'm not sure how much time we'll all have during the week, since you and Harry have got classes to go to and homework and everything, and since we're here already, and have our bed right there… it might be the best opportunity to get it over with? Unless you'd rather do it on camera – that would be kind of hot as well."

Zayn rubs the back of his neck, looking between the two of them. The thought that tonight might be The Night hasn't even occurred to him, but it does make sense. He might be swamped with homework next week and he wouldn't have much time to _think_ about sex, let alone have it. Tonight actually seems like the perfect time to do it. 

He licks his lips and looks down briefly, hesitating. But after a moment, he raises his head again, meeting both boys' eyes and giving them a hesitant nod. "Yeah… I think we could do that."

Harry literally squeaks when he hears Zayn's words, while Louis gives him that sweet, crinkly smile of his. "Perfect! Then we'll do it after dessert. And Zayn – don't be nervous. It's not that big of a deal, really, and we'll go easy on you; ease you into it. There's nothing to worry about, and it'll only help make you feel more comfortable during the actual shoot next weekend.

"Okay," Zayn murmurs, taking a deep breath and willing himself to calm down. It sort of works for a little while, but when Harry brings in their dessert – a wonderful-looking tiramisu – he can't quite make himself eat as much as he usually would have; too nervous about what's about to happen. Eventually, he gives up on eating entirely and drinks another glass of wine, which finally helps him relax. 

He watches Harry and Louis finish their desserts, then swallows hard when Louis gets up and holds out his hand. "Come on, then."

Zayn looks at his hand for a moment, then hesitantly reaches for it and lets Louis tug him up, trying to ignore the nervous flutter in his stomach as he follows him to the bedroom…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter's already written, so I won't make you wait too long for the smut ;)


	5. Chapter 5

Zayn follows Louis into the bedroom, Harry on their heels, and looks around the large room curiously. It's a beautiful room. The bed is huge and the sheets look soft and clean, and Zayn feels some of the tension leave his body as he tells himself it's going to be all right. 

Despite only knowing Harry and Louis for a little while, he trusts them and knows they won't hurt him. They're here to help, and it's not like Zayn hasn't fantasised about being with them ever since he'd met them. The only person he'd thought about more during his nightly wank sessions, was Liam. 

He feels a brief pang when he realises that Liam's the only person he actually wants to take his virginity – but Liam hasn't called him since they've met at the coffee shop that night, and Zayn, always too pessimistic for his own good, assumes he's lost interest. 

Which hurts him more than he's willing to admit. 

He pushes Liam to the back of his mind because even _if_ he's still interested, they're weeks away from sex, so there's no point in worrying about it now. 

He's pulled out of his reverie when he feels Harry's breath on the back of his neck, his strong hands resting on his hips. He stiffens for a moment but then takes a breath and relaxes, leaning back against Harry. 

"Can't wait to see you naked," Harry whispers into his ear, breath warm on his skin. "Been thinking about it ever since I first saw you and Louis told me how bloody gorgeous you are."

Zayn shivers and automatically tilts his head to the side, his breath hitching when Harry's cool fingers slip beneath his t-shirt. He slides a hand up his stomach and chest, brushing a finger over his nipple. His eyes flutter closed as he arches into the touch, his body reacting instantly. 

Harry's lips trail over his neck and shoulder, leaving gentle, wet kisses while his hands roam possessively over his torso. A moment later, Zayn feels the warmth of Louis' body press against his front, one hand cupping the side of his neck as he leans in for a kiss. His lips are soft and gentle; he's obviously trying to make Zayn relax, and it works. Zayn responds to the kiss, leaning forward to deepen it and parting his lips when he feels Louis' tongue press against them. 

The kiss grows in passion and heat soon enough and Zayn has to admit that he loves being trapped between Harry and Louis; their bodies warm and solid against his own. He can feel Harry's bulge pressed against his arse and unconsciously rubs against it a little while Louis' erection is pressed against his thigh. 

He sighs in disappointment when Louis breaks the kiss, but lifts his arms obediently when Harry tugs his t-shirt over his head. Seconds later, Louis' lips are on his own again, and Harry's sucking marks into his neck. 

"I like the tats," Harry murmurs against his skin, teeth grazing his neck. "They're really sexy."

"Thanks," Zayn whispers when Louis releases his lips to kiss the other side of his neck. 

"Harry's got some as well," Louis says as he draws back. "You'll see."

Zayn opens his eyes and meets Louis', letting out a shaky breath when he sees the intensity in them. Louis is looking at him hungrily; the want evident on his face. Zayn's cock gives a little twitch when Harry's fingers dig into his hips and he realises he's never felt this wanted before. 

It's a nice feeling. 

"Ohh," he gasps when Harry's hand suddenly slips between his legs and he cups the bulge there. His body arches forward into the touch of its own accord and he bites his lip hard when Harry starts kneading his erection gently.

"Niiice," Harry whispers into his ear, and Zayn can feel more than see the smirk on his face. When he opens his eyes again, he sees Louis looking at Harry over his shoulder, noticing the same smirk on _his_ lips. 

"I know, right? We're very lucky," Louis purrs, taking a step forward again and hooking his fingers under the waistband of Zayn's trousers. "Let's get these off you, shall we?"

He doesn't wait for a reply before he nudges Harry's hand away and starts unbuttoning his trousers. 

Harry lets go of him and steps behind Louis instead, resting his head on his boyfriend's shoulder as he looks Zayn up and down. "You really are bloody gorgeous," he murmurs. "I bet you taste good too."

"You'll find out soon enough, Haz," Louis murmurs as he tugs Zayn's trousers down. They pool around his ankles and Zayn steps out of them, hugging his chest self-consciously because he's half-naked and Harry and Louis are… not. He feels his cheeks heat up again, but then makes himself drop his arms to his sides, giving Harry and Louis a moment to appreciate his looks. 

"Fuck," Harry mutters, his eyes dark. "Louis, I need to – can I?"

"Sure, babe. Whatever you want. Zayn's all ours tonight, isn't he?"

Louis gives him a wink and Zayn nods mutely, wondering what Harry wants to do to him. 

He finds out a moment later when Harry pushes past Louis and drops to his knees in front of him. He leans forward and rubs the tip of his nose against Zayn's erection, then starts mouthing it through the thin fabric of his boxer-briefs, making Zayn suck in a sharp breath. "Oh."

Harry grins and hooks two fingers under the waistband of his pants, pulling them down slowly, eyes fastened on Zayn's face. 

Zayn can't look away. He's vaguely aware of Louis taking off his clothes somewhere behind Harry, but he literally cannot take his eyes off Harry's face and those wide eyes and his full, pink lips. He can't help wondering what it'll feel to have his cock between them. 

His cock springs free, finally, and Harry looks at it hungrily before wrapping a large hand around it and stroking it firmly. 

Zayn moans, a low, growly sound in his throat, and tips his head back, eyes closing again as he feels Harry's breath ghost over the exposed head of his cock. A moment later, his knees almost buckle when Harry wraps his lips around him and sucks him into his mouth. 

He reaches down and tangles his fingers in Harry's curls – trying very hard not to shove his cock all the way down Harry's throat, but merely keeping Harry's head in place. 

It feels _so_ good. He's been sucked off before a number of times but even Louis' mouth didn't feel quite this amazing. Harry tightens his lips around him and rubs his tongue along the sensitive underside before drawing back and teasingly nibbling along the ridge around the head. 

"Mmmh, knew you'd taste good," he murmurs as he nips his way up Zayn's length before taking him into his mouth again and sucking hard. 

Zayn finally manages to open his eyes again and stares down at Harry, eyes wide when Harry relaxes his throat and takes all of him into his mouth. He feels him swallow around him, and nearly comes right then and there. 

"He's amazing at this," Louis says, and Zayn finally manages to tear his eyes off Harry and look at Louis instead. Louis has taken off his clothes in the meantime and is comfortably settled against the pillows on the bed, legs spread, hand wrapped around his cock and idly stroking himself as he watches them. "Doesn't he feel amazing?"

"He does," Zayn manages, torn between watching Louis touch himself and risking another glance at Harry with his cock in his mouth. He decides for looking back and forth between the two of them for a moment, but soon realises that he can't do that without coming instantly; so he closes his eyes and just enjoys Harry's ministrations. 

He's near the edge, tugging hard on Harry's curls to warn him about his impending orgasm when Harry draws back of his own accord and brushes cool fingertips over Zayn's hips. 

"You were holding back," Harry says, his voice slightly rougher than before, and sounding almost disappointed. "You could've fucked my throat, you know. I would've loved it."

An involuntary whimper escapes Zayn's lips and he stares down at Harry incredulously. No one's ever said anything like that to him before. The girls he's been could never quite take as much as Harry, and they would've left instantly if he'd only suggested fucking their mouths. But Harry actually encourages it?

Zayn's cock twitches and Harry grins up at him innocently; not looking like words that dirty could ever leave his lips. But Zayn knows better now; Harry only _looks_ like an innocent cupcake.

"Come here, love," Louis says suddenly, waving a hand at him. Zayn disentangles his hand and touches Harry's cheek lightly for a moment, brushing his thumb over Harry's plump bottom lip; then he joins Louis on the bed, relieved that his knees haven't given out yet. They are grateful for the break, though.

He settles down next to Louis, and without even being asked to, he bats Louis' hand away and replaces it with his own, wrapping it around his cock. He watches his hand slowly move up and down on Louis' erection, smiling when he elicits a moan from Louis. 

"Look," Louis murmurs then, and Zayn makes himself look up at Harry, who's stripping. He's pulling his t-shirt off, revealing soft-looking pale skin and black ink. Zayn takes a moment to inspect Harry's tattoos; particularly intrigued by the two large birds on the younger boy's chest. 

"Pretty," he murmurs. 

"Isn't he?" Louis asks, sounding a little breathless. 

Harry smiles at them, then unbuttons his trousers and drops them as well, followed by his boxers. 

Zayn's eyes widen almost comically when he sees Harry's cock, which is as big as Louis promised it would be. Zayn inexplicably feels his mouth water, and realises that he wants it in his mouth. Maybe not right away, but later. 

Harry joins them on the bed an instant later, and crawls on top of Louis, kissing his lips a few times. Zayn watches them, and can literally feel the love radiating off them as they look at each other. He feels a bit like he's intruding, stealing the precious time they could be spending together on their own. 

The moment passes, though, when both of them turn to look at him, twin grins on their lips. 

Zayn eyes them suspiciously, then smiles when Harry crawls on top of him and presses their lips together in a long, deep kiss. Zayn's hand stills on Louis' cock and he uses his free hand to cup the side of Harry's neck as he returns the kiss, moaning when Harry's tongue pries his lips apart and slides into his mouth. He moans into the kiss, which is slow, wet and perfect, and makes his cock harden even more. 

They're both breathless when they draw back, and Zayn stares up at Harry through half-lidded eyes. 

"What do you want us to do to you?" Harry murmurs, leaning forward to trail the tip of his tongue over Zayn's bottom lip. He catches it with his teeth and bites lightly, tugging on it and sending a spark of pleasure down Zayn's spine.

"I… ahh, I don't know," Zayn breathes, hips thrusting jerking up suddenly in search for friction. 

Harry smirks at him, looking a bit smug as he grinds his hips against Zayn's, pressing their erections together. "Do you want me to fuck you, hmm? Or do you want Louis to fuck you? Or better yet – do you want both of us to fuck you?"

Zayn's head is spinning as his head conjures up images of all three scenarios, and finally, he just manages a helpless, "Yes," because he wants everything; whatever they're willing to give him.

Harry laughs and nuzzles his neck gently, pressing a light kiss to his jaw. "All right. Don't worry, baby, we'll take care of you."

Zayn tilts his head for another kiss, but Harry moves off him and the bed to open the drawer of the nightstand. Zayn doesn't have time to express his disappointment over the sudden loss of Harry's warmth above him, however, because Louis curls into his side and starts kissing his chest, tracing his tattoos with the tip of his tongue. He twirls it around his nipple, presses his lips to it and sucks it into his mouth. He rubs the tip of his tongue against it and Zayn moans as his nipple hardens under the touch. 

The bed dips and Zayn turns his head to see Harry crawling back onto the mattress. In his hand, he holds a bunch of condoms, a tube of lube, and a rather frighteningly large dildo. Or at least it looks large to Zayn, who's never been confronted with one before. 

Louis releases his nipple and kisses his nose before sitting back on his knees and looking over at Harry. Their eyes meet and they seem to communicate silently for a moment while Zayn's staring at both of them, overwhelmed by their beauty. 

They're opposites, almost. Louis is shorter and slighter than Harry, who's broad and muscular. Louis' skin is tanned, with a sparse patch of hair on his chest while Harry's quite pale and completely hairless. They're both gorgeous. 

"Have you touched yourself before?" Harry asks as he gently nudges Zayn's legs apart, kneeling down between them. Zayn's busy watching Harry's fingers as he squeezes out some lube and coats them with the slippery substance; and it takes a moment for Harry's words to register. 

"I… what?"

"Do you touch yourself?" Harry asks again. "I mean, have you had your fingers in you?"

"Oh," Zayn says, cheeks flushing. "I… yes. I do, occasionally."

Harry smiles. "Good. So I don't have to tell you what this'll feel like."

He reaches down and Zayn's eyes flutter when Harry rubs the pads of his fingers along his crack, getting him used to the feeling. He tries not to clench, but he's never had someone else's fingers down there, so his body tenses automatically. 

Louis' lips against his neck and shoulder make him relax instantly, though, and he turns his head to capture Louis' lips in a needy kiss. Louis smiles against his lips and returns it gently, sliding a hand into his hair and distracting him enough for Harry to slide the first finger inside. 

Zayn moans into Louis' mouth and sucks on his tongue while Harry moves his finger back and forth slowly, preparing him with special care. He adds a second finger a moment later, scissoring them while he swipes his tongue over the head of Zayn's cock, making his hips jerk forward. 

"Fuck," Zayn hisses when Harry continues to trail his tongue around the head, smirking up at him while his fingers move back and forth with teasing slowness. 

He's about to resume the kiss with Louis when Harry crooks his fingers and brushes his prostate, and Zayn almost comes off the bed as waves of pleasure shoot up his spine. "Oh god," he whimpers, digging his fingers into Louis' shoulders and holding onto him almost desperately. 

Louis grins and showers his face with gentle, calming kisses, giving Zayn a moment to catch his breath. "Feels good, doesn't it? And it'll only get better, love. Just wait."

Zayn closes his eyes and enjoys the kisses, feeling oddly bereft when Harry pulls his fingers out. He brushes his slightly sweaty hair back as he watches Harry lube the dildo which, now he can tell, is thinner and smaller than an actual cock but larger than two fingers and probably meant to stretch him a bit further without the discomfort of having three fingers up his arse. 

He gasps when Harry presses the cool round end of the dildo against his hole. 

"Sorry," Harry mutters but then presses it in slowly, inch by inch, and Zayn digs his nails into Louis' biceps. 

"Oh," he murmurs, squeezing his eyes shut. It doesn't hurt, exactly – just maybe a bit uncomfortable or unfamiliar. 

"All right?" Louis asks, brushing the backs of his fingers against his cheek and jaw and looking down at him warmly. Zayn bites his lips and nods.

"Yeah," Zayn murmurs. "Yeah, I'm fine."

And he is. He's never felt anything comparable, and while the dildo is rather cool and kind of too hard, he can now imagine what an actual cock will feel like, and literally cannot wait. He hopes Louis will go first, though; he's a bit smaller than Harry – but in the end, he wants both of them. 

Not simultaneously, though; he's seen that in porn once and can imagine that would hurt quite a bit. 

He blinks and focuses on the feel of the dildo inside him, biting his lip when Harry pushes it inside a little more before pulling it out again. He does the same thing two or three times more before tossing it aside and reaching for a condom, handing it to Louis. 

"You go first. Let's ease him into this, shall we?" Harry says with a grin, while Louis laughs. 

"Yeah, I don't think he's quite ready for the Kraken."

Zayn snorts but is grateful that they're thinking so much about his well-being – and they're right. He _isn't_ quite ready to take Harry. 

Harry lies down beside him and strokes his chest gently, then tilts his chin up and presses a full, warm kiss to his lips. Zayn smiles against them, closing his eyes as he deepens it, seeking out Harry's tongue with his own and rubbing against it teasingly. Harry's hand slowly moves down to Zayn's cock while Louis is pushing his knees up a little, grabbing his legs and pulling them over his shoulders. 

Harry draws back and kisses his shoulder, then rests his head on it as he looks up at Louis. 

"Ready?" Louis asks softly, pressing light kisses to the insides of Zayn's thighs. 

"Yeah," Zayn breathes, swallowing hard. His heart is racing, his breath coming fast, and he's still a little nervous but fuck, yes, he's ready. 

"All right then," Louis murmurs, giving him a quick smile before he reaches down, takes hold of his cock and gently pushes it against Zayn's entrance. Zayn doesn't feel much at first, but when Louis starts to slide in, he sucks in a sharp breath, and his walls tighten around the intrusion automatically. He bites his lip and furrows his brow, swallowing hard. 

"It's okay," Harry whispers into his ear. "It's all right, Zayn, just relax. It'll only hurt if you're too tense – I promise it'll feel good if you can only relax. Focus on my hand, yeah?"

Harry's hand is still stroking him, gripping him firmly, and Zayn takes a few deep breaths before he manages to relax. Louis gives another push and slides in all the way in one go, and Zayn lets out a surprised moan. "Ohhhh…"

Harry smirks against his ear. "There you go. Feels amazing, doesn't it?"

He nuzzles him and Zayn nods. "Yeah… fuck, you're huge," he breathes, staring up at Louis who's got his eyes closed. He opens them at Zayn's words and gives him a breathless smile, pressing a kiss to his knee. 

"Thanks, babe. And you're _tight_. I thought Haz was tight, but this… Christ!"

Zayn's tongue darts out to lick his dry lips, and he smiles a little as he clenches around Louis again, gripping him firmly. Louis lets out a helpless moan, his hips jerking forward until his balls are pressed against Zayn's arse. 

"Ohh," Zayn murmurs, releasing a shaky breath. 

He feels… full in a way he's never felt before. It isn't uncomfortable; just unfamiliar, and while the feeling of Louis' cock just inside of him is almost enough; his need for him to move increases after a few seconds. 

"Can you–," he starts, licking his lips. "Move please?"

"Sure, babe," Louis says, winking. "Just giving us both some time to breathe. But if you're sure… get ready for the ride of your life."

Zayn doesn't have much time to contemplate that statement because Louis pulls out almost all the way, just to push in again and the breath is literally fucked out of Zayn. He whimpers and buries his hand in Harry's hair as he pushes back against Louis with every thrust of the other boy's hips. Every time he pushes in, Zayn's sure he'll come – but Louis seems to know exactly how to move to make sure he'll last. 

After a few clumsy first tries to find Louis' rhythm, Zayn manages to push back against him whenever Louis' hips thrust forward. He's breathing heavily, beads of sweat forming at his temples as he stares up at Louis, overwhelmed. 

Harry's lips find his again after a moment, but Zayn has a hard time focusing on the kiss when Louis starts slamming into him harder, hitting his prostate a couple of times and literally making him see stars. 

Harry draws back and kisses his chin, and Zayn turns his head to look at him, suddenly realising that Harry must be feeling a bit left out. 

"Can I do something for you?" His question is followed by a moan. 

"Anything you want," Harry murmurs, kissing the corner of his mouth and rubbing Zayn's balls between his fingers, tugging lightly. "Or you may want to focus on Louis right now – it's up to you, babe. I can wait."

Zayn looks back at Louis for a moment, then licks his lips. "I want to suck you off," he murmurs, meeting Harry's eyes. "Can I?"

Harry's breath hitches at that and he nods. "Sure, babe. If you're sure. Or maybe you want to do it when Louis is done with you; it takes a lot of concentration to do both at the same time."

Zayn bites his lip and nods – Harry has a point. He closes his eyes and buries his face in the younger boy's neck, breathing into it while Louis' thrusts continue. "Ohh… oh god," he moans when Harry's hand is back on his cock and he's jerking him roughly. 

"Fuck," he whimpers when Louis hits his prostate again, slamming into it. 

"You feel so good, Zayn," Louis murmurs, biting his thigh. Rather than hurt him, it intensified everything Zayn is feeling and he cries out at the next thrust, knowing he's close. Harry's hand on his cock speeds up while Louis' hips move faster as well. 

His orgasm takes him by surprise; catches him off guard, and he tenses before he comes copiously over Harry's hand as Louis fucks him through his orgasm. He looks up at him open-mouthed when Louis throws his head back and comes as well, his hips jerking forward one last time to bury himself inside him as he comes. 

He pulls out a moment later and Zayn is a sweating, panting mess in Harry's arms. 

Harry wipes his hand on Zayn's stomach, spreading his release there and pressing gentle kisses against his temple and cheek while Louis bonelessly collapses on the bed beside him. 

"Fuck, that was intense," Louis mutters, pushing his fringe back as he tries to catch his breath. Zayn glances over at him, nodding silently because he's pretty sure he wouldn't be able to speak if he tried. 

He lets out a breath and lets go of Harry, staring up at the ceiling as he focuses on breathing. 

When his brain slowly regenerates, he turns his head and looked at Harry. "Now you didn't get to…"

Harry smiles. "That's all right, babe. I'll fuck you on camera. Or maybe you'll fuck me. We'll have to see what Simon has in store for us."

He waggles his brows and Zayn licks his lips, wondering if it would feel as good and intimate on camera as it had just now. He strokes Harry's curls gently and glances down at his cock. Maybe Harry can't fuck him right now, but Zayn can still make sure Harry gets his orgasm. 

He sits up slowly, wincing a little at the slight soreness he feels in his arse; then manages to sit up on his knees. He pushes Harry down and lifts a leg over him to straddle him, sliding his hands up his chest. He leans forward to press a few gentle kisses to Harry's abs, licking his way down Harry's happy trail and rubbing his cheek against Harry's cock. 

He wraps his hand around it and strokes him a couple of times slowly, glancing up at him through his lashes as he pulls the foreskin back and breathes lightly on the head. Harry's eyes widen a little and he lets out a low moan, which only encourages Zayn to lean forward and wrap his mouth around Harry. 

He's big – really big – and considering Zayn has a pretty strong gag reflex and never done this before, he doesn't manage to take more than half of Harry into his mouth. He does his best, though, rubbing his tongue over the head and sucking hard on him while he keeps massaging the base with his hands. 

Harry's staring down at him intently, reaching down to brush a thumb over his cheek. 

Zayn closes his eyes and starts bobbing his head up and down slowly, making sure to cover his teeth as he increases the suction. He keeps Harry's hips pinned, knowing he won't be able to take more than he has right now, and Harry seems to have some practice because he never tries to thrust up into his mouth the way Zayn expects him to. 

It doesn't take long for Harry to come, and moments before his climax, he tugs on Zayn's hair to warn him. 

Zayn draws back and keeps stroking him, sucking on the head, then closes his eyes when Harry explodes, come splashing all over his face. 

"Jesus Christ, would you look at that," Louis hoarsely murmurs a moment later, and Zayn manages to open his eyes and look up at him. 

"He's a born porn star," Harry breathes. He looks a little shaken and very satisfied, and grins as he reaches down and spreads his come over Zayn's bottom lip. Zayn's tongue instinctively darts out to lick up some of Harry's come before he sucks his entire finger into his mouth and licks it clean. 

"Yeah," Louis breathes, swallowing hard as he moves over to rest his head on Harry's shoulder. "Born porn star indeed."

Zayn gives them a smile.

 

A little while later, he's in Harry and Louis' shower, washing the come and sweat off his face and body and enjoying the soothing heat of the water. He waits for the enormity of what's just happened to wash over him, but to his surprise, he doesn't feel any different. A little sore, yeah, and really excited, but not different the way he's imagined. And suddenly, he realises that he can do this. 

He's had some doubts at first; has been sure that he would feel dirty after this. But now that it has actually happened, he realises that he doesn't. So yes, he can do this. He can sleep with random men on camera for money without feeling like a dirty, immoral slut afterwards. 

Even though he probably is. 

He grins as he recalls the looks on Harry and Louis' faces when they saw him with Harry's spunk all over him, and wonders if they're right; if he really _can_ become a star in this business. 

Zayn can't imagine that he's better at it than Harry and Louis – but all he can do now is wait and see. 

He finishes his shower a little while later and returns to the bedroom where Harry and Louis, already clean, are wrapped around each other. They look up when he comes in, and Harry lifts the sheets to invite him back into their bed. Zayn shakes his head. Even though the idea of a post-coital snuggle with the two of them sounds rather nice, he wants to give all three of them some time to process this. And he has a feeling that by spending the night, he would be crossing some sort of line; the last thing he wants, is to somehow come between Harry and Louis.

He gathers up his clothes and gets dressed, then smiles when he's ready to leave. "I'll see you soon, yeah?"

"Oh, definitely. We should do this again sometime," Louis says with a grin, nodding. "That was insane."

Zayn laughs, blushing a little. "Thanks… I'm glad you enjoyed it. I did, too."

He takes a breath. "Right, I'm off then. Night, you two, and… thanks for dinner and… everything else."

Harry grins. "It was our pleasure."

He waves, and Zayn gives them a nod before he leaves, feeling ridiculously proud of himself for having gone through with this, and a lot more confident than before.


	6. Chapter 6

When Zayn gets back to his building, he hears music coming from his dorm and sighs. He pauses when he reaches the door, really wanting some peace and quiet after all of this, but since he's got no other place to go, he makes himself open the door and go inside, where he finds Niall and two girls dancing in the middle of the relatively small room. They're clearly a little drunk and seem to be having a lot of fun.

He closes the door behind himself and raises a brow, clearing his throat. 

Niall blinks. "Oh, there you are! Where've you been?"

Zayn shrugs. "With some friends."

Niall eyes him. "You have all these mysterious new friends all of a sudden… they're not imaginary, are they?" 

Zayn raises a brow and sighs. "No, Niall, they're not imaginary."

Niall shrugs and goes back to what he's been doing before – namely practically burying his face in one of the girls' cleavage, which, Zayn has to admit, is pretty impressive.

Zayn makes his way over to his bed and sits down on it, wondering how long he'll have to wait for the girls to leave. He nibbles his lip, then gets up again and grabs a bottle of beer from the fridge. He takes a few sips, looking out the window. 

He glances over his shoulder when he hears the girls giggle, and inspects them for a moment recognizing them. One of them is a girl Niall sees regularly – but not exclusively. She's nice enough. The other one is someone Zayn himself has danced with at a party a couple of times. He doesn't remember her name. 

He takes another sip of beer and wonders if getting drunk will make this a little more bearable. 

He finally sits down on the bed again and takes a few more sips, then reaches for a book and starts reading – even though the volume of the music and the constant giggling makes it hard to focus. 

A moment later, the book is pushed out of his hand and he has a lapful of girl. He looks up at her with a raised eyebrow, trying to remember her name. Cynthia, maybe?

"Long time no see," she says, playing with the hem of his t-shirt and looking at him with what appears to be a seductive look. 

"I guess," Zayn says, then frowns when she leans forward and starts kissing his neck and grinding against him, her hands all over him. He closes his eyes and tries to enjoy it for a moment, but he really just doesn't want to be touched right now; especially not by some girl he barely knows and who obviously only wants sex. 

"Hey," he murmurs. "Stop it." 

When she doesn't, he gently pushes her away – but she seems adamant to wet his neck with her tongue, so he pushes harder, eventually shoving her off his lap and getting up. "I'm not in the mood, okay?"

He looks down at her for a moment and she's pouting back at him. She _is_ gorgeous, and under different circumstances, he might have gone for it, but he really doesn't feel like it right now – besides, he's not quite sure if he'd be able to get it up after the night he's had. 

He rubs the back of his neck, then sighs and grabs his coat. He looks over at Niall. "I'm going for a walk – have them out of here by the time I get back, yeah?"

Niall looks at him curiously but Zayn doesn't wait for a reply before he leaves the room, slamming the door shut behind him. He doesn't mind if Niall occasionally brings girls over – they share the room and obviously they both have the right to sleep with whoever they want; but Niall's been having _a lot_ of sex lately, and Zayn is kind of tired of never having his room to himself anymore. 

He stays outside the door for a moment, then leaves the building, lighting a cigarette as he steps outside. He looks around; the area is pretty much dead this time of night. He starts walking with no destination in mind, smoking his cigarette and thinking about the events of the night. 

"Zayn? Hey Zayn, is that you?"

Zayn blinks and whirls around when he hears someone call his name, and a smile tugs on the corners of his mouth when he realises who it is. 

Liam smiles at him when he comes closer, stopping in front of him. "Thought that was you, hi!"

"Hey," Zayn says back softly, his stomach fluttering a little. He's missed Liam – even though it's only been a couple of days, he's actually missed him. 

"What're you up to? Midnight walk?" Liam asks, and Zayn shrugs. 

"Yeah, sort of. My roommate's got some guests and I didn't feel like getting drunk."

"Understandable," Liam says, nodding. He slides his hands into the pockets of his jeans and looks down at his feet for a moment as he balances on his heels. "Mind if I join you?"

He looks up at Zayn through his lashes, and Zayn wonders what kind of question that is. As if he'd be able to say no to those puppy eyes. 

"Not at all," he says softly, giving Liam a little smile. 

He takes the last drag off his cigarette and tosses it away, stepping on it before he starts walking slowly, Liam right beside him. 

"Tell me about your roommate," Liam says. 

Zayn keeps his eyes on the ground as he walks and shrugs. "His name is Niall – he's all right. We didn't know each other before we were put in a room together, but we got on well right away. He's…" He pauses. "He's a great guy, really. I guess I'm just a little more serious about my studies, so it's kind of hard sometimes. Our interests sort of clash, you know? He likes spending nights out, partying and drinking, while I prefer a quiet night inside."

"So do I," Liam admits, giving him a little smile when Zayn looks over at him. 

"You do?"

"Yeah," Liam says, shrugging. "I used to party a lot when I was younger but I guess I'm all partied out."

Zayn smiles. "Makes sense. When you do something a lot, you get tired of it eventually."

"Exactly," Liam agrees. 

There is a brief silence before he continues. "So, I've been meaning to call you," he says softly. "I've just had a lot going on these past few days. But please don't think I forgot about it or am not interested anymore; that couldn't be further from the truth."

Zayn bites his lip as he tries not to smile. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Liam confirms, giving him a little smile. Their fingers brush and Zayn wishes he'd have the courage to take Liam's hand; wanting to touch him and be closer to him so badly. 

Fortunately for him, Liam seems much less reserved about that kind of thing, and when their fingers brush again, he wraps them around Zayn's. Zayn slides his hand into Liam's and laces their fingers, his heart racing at the feel of Liam's warm skin against his own. 

"Did you have your presentation already?" Liam asks then, brushing a slightly calloused thumb over the back of Zayn's hand in a gentle caress. 

"Nah, next week," Zayn murmurs, wishing he'd actually gone on more dates when he was younger because just holding Liam's hand is almost more than he can handle. 

"Well, good luck for it. I'm sure you'll do great."

"Thanks," Zayn murmurs faintly, his voice a mere whisper. 

He walks in silence for a moment until Liam stops all of a sudden. Zayn immediately thinks he did something wrong and turns to face Liam, but before he can say anything or fully process what's happening, he feels Liam's warm hand on his face, his lips pressed against his own. 

Zayn's eyes widen briefly, then flutter closed as he allows the kiss. 

It's over a moment later, and when Zayn opens his eyes again, Liam's looking back at him with warm brown eyes. Zayn swallows hard, his tongue darting out to wet his lips as he glances down at Liam's and leans in to press them together again. 

Encouraged by Zayn's initiative, Liam wraps an arm around his waist and pulls him closer as he deepens the kiss, parting his lips and tilting his head to kiss him fully, his other hand still tightly wrapped around Zayn's. 

Zayn lets out a shaky breath through his nose as he kisses him back, his arm at his side because he isn't sure what to do with it. His head is spinning and the kiss nearly makes his knees buckle; he's grateful for Liam's arm around him, holding him up. 

Liam lets go of his hand and slides his fingers into his hair, holding his head between his palms as he kisses him harder. He walks him backwards towards a tree nearby and Zayn leans against it, grateful for the support as he wraps his arms around Liam's neck and pulls him closer. He falls into the kiss and makes a soft sound in the back of his throat. 

Liam's lips are soft and he tastes so good and Zayn wants to stay in this moment forever. Liam's hands are on his hips, digging into his sides almost possessively as his tongue slides into his mouth and teases Zayn's. A helpless whimper escapes Zayn and he kisses Liam as if his life depended on it because at that moment, he feels as though it does. 

When Liam draws back eventually to suck in a deep breath, Zayn buries his face in the other boy's neck and breathes him in, his arms tightening around the older boy automatically. 

Liam slips his arms around Zayn's waist again, holding him close as well, his breath warm on his skin. 

They stand there in silence for a long moment, and Zayn can't suppress a little smile when he feels Liam's heart racing in his chest; pounding nearly as fast and loudly as his own. He runs his fingers through the short hair at the back of Liam's neck, loving how it feels to be in the other man's arms. 

Liam trails gentle kisses along his jaw before he captures Zayn's lips in another passionate kiss that lasts for minutes and fills Zayn with warmth and want. When it breaks, he forces his eyes open and stares at Liam longingly, chest rising and falling quickly with each breath. 

Liam looks at him, a small smile blossoming on his lips as he leans in to rub his nose against Zayn's. "I suppose asking you to come home with me would be a little forward," he murmurs. Zayn wants to protest, but a little voice in the back of his mind tells him that if he wants this to go anywhere, he shouldn't go home with Liam right away. 

"Maybe," he whispers reluctantly, hoping his eyes tell Liam what his mouth refuses to.

Liam nods slowly, reaching up to brush a stray strand of hair out of Zayn's face. He shakes his head incredulously and Zayn feels his cheeks heat up at the look of adoration on Liam's face. How is it possible to feel something so strong for someone he barely knows?

He licks his lips and rubs his fingers against the back of Liam's neck, taking a shaky breath. 

"It's getting late," Liam murmurs after another few brief kisses. "Let me take you back to your dorm?"

Zayn nods mutely, not trusting his voice at the moment. He literally stumbles a little when Liam lets go of him and reaches for his hand as they make their way back to Zayn's dorm. It felt like they were walking for minutes before, but now it only seems to take seconds for them to reach Zayn's building. 

Zayn looks up at it reluctantly before he turns back to Liam and murmurs a soft, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Liam murmurs, eyes darting down to Zayn's lips briefly. Zayn looks at him hopefully, then swallows hard when Liam leans in for another soft kiss that takes his breath away and makes his knees weak. 

Part of him knows that it's dangerous for him to kiss a boy here, out in the open, where anyone could see him. Niall could come out any second and catch him, but for some reason, nothing seems a good enough reason to let go of Liam's lips right now. 

Eventually, Liam draws back and gives him a sweet smile. "So when have you got time to let me take you out?" he asks quietly as he takes both of Zayn's hands into his own. 

Zayn thinks for a moment and shrugs. "Anytime. Whenever you want."

Liam nods. "Sometime next week, then?"

"Yeah," Zayn answers. "Sounds good."

"All right," Liam murmurs. "Then you can expect a text with the specifics very soon."

Zayn smiles. "Yeah?"

Liam raises his brows and nods, smiling sweetly. "Mhm."

He leans in and kisses Zayn again, ending the long kiss with a few short ones, before he lets go of him and steps back. "All right. Have a good night, Zayn."

"You too," Zayn murmurs, then sighs heavily as he watches Liam walk away. 

He stands there for what could be minutes or hours, and finally releases a shaky breath before he stumbles into the building and up the stairs. His dorm is empty when he enters it, and he smiles a little when he sees a note with Niall's handwriting on his bed, saying, "Sorry."

He collapses on his bed and stares at the ceiling, a smile tugging on the corners of his lips when he remembers the feel of Liam's lips against his own, his warm, solid body pressed against him. He brushes a finger over his lips, which still tingle from Liam's kisses, and finally rolls over and grins into his pillow as he lets the feeling of pure happiness wash over him and allows himself to dream about Liam, the boy he's already truly, madly, deeply, foolishly and completely in love with.


	7. Chapter 7

Zayn doesn't have to wait a long time for Liam to get in touch with him; the next day, he gets a text from Liam, asking him to go out with him the following Friday. Zayn doesn't even have to think for a second before he says yes. Many more texts follow that week, and time seems to go by really fast because Zayn spends so much time thinking about the date. 

On Friday, he's a nervous wreck. He's met Liam a few times before, of course, but all of their meet-ups so far have been coincidences. They ran into each other and spontaneously decided to grab some coffee or go for a walk – but this is an actual _date_. Zayn isn't sure what makes this so different, but he's incredibly nervous. 

He's just getting ready to leave his dorm when his phone rings, and his first thought is that it has to be Liam who's changed his mind and is cancelling the date. His heart literally sinks at the thought and it takes all his willpower to actually make himself look at his phone. 

A breath of relief escapes him when he sees that it isn't Liam, but Harry. 

"Hello?" he breathes as he picks up.

"Zayn, hey! It's Harry. I was just wondering if everything worked out with Simon. You did call him, right?"

Zayn nods, checking his appearance in the mirror for what has to be the fiftieth time. "Yeah, I did. He was happy to hear from me and gave me all the details for tomorrow."

 _Tomorrow_. 

Part of him still can't quite believe he's actually going through with this and that tomorrow, he will be on the set of a pornographic movie, and actually participating in it. He has no idea whom he he'll be required to sleep with for the shoot, but he desperately hopes it will be either Harry or Louis. 

"Oh, great, I'm glad to hear that. Basically, I just wanted to ask if you've got any plans for tonight, 'cause I can imagine you're pretty nervous about tomorrow, so maybe hanging out with me and Lou would be a good idea. I'm sure we could find a way to calm your nerves."

Zayn can feel the other boy's grin and has to smile. "I'd love to, Harry, but I've actually…" He pauses. "Well, I've got a date."

"A _date_?" Harry squeaks, and Zayn can hear Louis' surprised gasp somewhere in the background. After a moment, Louis' voice is closer. "Put him on speaker, I wanna hear all about this."

Zayn chuckles and rubs the back of his neck. "Yeah, I've got a date."

"And?" Louis sounds excited. "Who's the guy? Or is it a girl? I want details, Zayn!"

Zayn takes a breath, glancing at his watch – he does have a few minutes to spare. "Well, it's just this guy I met at the library. His name is Liam, he's a few years older than me, also a student. He's gorgeous."

"Oh, he sounds delicious," Louis says, and Harry agrees. 

"Yeah, he is. I mean… yeah, he's good-looking and really nice. We get along really well. I'm just… kind of nervous right now," Zayn admits, pacing the room and glancing at his watch every few seconds. 

"Aw, don't be," Harry exclaims. "You're fabulous, Zayn – just be yourself and he'll fall for you instantly."

Zayn smiles hesitantly. "You think so?"

"Definitely," Harry and Louis say unanimously. 

Zayn nibbles his lip and hopes they're right. It isn't that he's afraid the date will be a complete disaster. But he's painfully shy sometimes, and he's worried that Liam will have to do all the talking, get tired of him and decide he isn't interested after all. 

"Right," he murmurs, and looks at his watch again."I should go then, or I'll be late."

"Go! And Zayn, relax. Please. Have fun. And we'll see you tomorrow, all right?" Louis says before both he and Harry wish him good luck, say goodbye and hang up. 

Zayn looks at his phone for a moment, then takes a deep, slow breath and leaves the dorm. He hopes they're right. 

When Zayn leaves the building, he's surprised to see Liam standing at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the door, looking incredible in dark jeans and a plaid shirt. It isn't that the outfit is particularly fancy or fashionable, but for some reason, he just looks _good_.

Zayn approaches him. "Hey… I thought we'd meet up at the restaurant?" he asks, a little perplexed to see Liam here and smiling shakily when the other boy looks up. 

"That was the plan, yes," Liam says, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth when he gives Zayn a once-over. "But then I decided that it would be more gentlemanly if I picked you up, so hi!"

"Oh," Zayn says, a flush gracing his cheeks as a warm feeling of happiness spreads in his stomach. That's a sweet thing to do.

"Yeah," Liam says, standing there awkwardly for a moment before he takes a step forward and presses a gentle kiss to his lips. Zayn closes his eyes and returns it lightly, then lets his eyes flutter open when Liam draws back. 

"You're ready then?"

Zayn nods. "Sure," he says, sucking in a deep, hopefully calming breath before he follows Liam. Their hands find each other as they walk, and Zayn bites his lip to keep a wide smile from appearing on his lips at the feel of Liam's fingers wrapped around his own. Nothing has ever made him feel this giddy and excited before. 

They walk to Liam's car, and Zayn's eyebrows shoot up in surprise when he sees the black Audi RS5. He eyes Liam briefly; this isn't the type of car a regular student can afford. Maybe Liam has rich parents? Zayn wants to ask but isn't sure if that would be a too personal question for a first date. 

"Impressive," he says instead, looking at the car appreciatively. It isn't that he's an expert when it comes to cars; he actually doesn't give a damn about what car he himself drives, as long as it works and gets him to his desired destination. 

"Thanks," Liam says, and looks a little embarrassed. Zayn kicks himself mentally and wonders if complimenting a bloke's car isn't the right thing to do on a first date, so he decides to shut up about it and gives Liam a small smile before he slides into the passenger seat and fastens the seatbelt. 

Liam gets in beside him and after putting on his own seatbelt, they drive off. 

There is an awkward silence for a moment before Liam reaches forward and turns on the radio. Zayn relaxes a little when the music starts playing, and leans back in his seat. 

"I don't know if you've ever been to that restaurant," Liam says after another moment of now much more comfortable silence between them. "It's basically just a small pizzeria; nothing too fancy. I hope you like Italian food?"

He glances over at him, looking a bit worried. 

"I do," Zayn says, giving him a reassuring smile. "I mean, who doesn't?"

"Right," Liam laughs. Zayn keeps his eyes on him and sees Liam's smile fade as he swallows hard. His Adam's apple bobs and Zayn tilts his head when he realises that Liam is nervous as well. For some reason, that finally helps Zayn relax and he glances out of the window, smiling to himself. 

They arrive near the restaurant a little while later, and get out when Liam has parked the car. They make their way to the entrance, and Zayn flushes a little when Liam opens the door to the restaurant for him. 

He feels Liam's hand on his back as they enter the restaurant and leans into the touch without even noticing he's doing it. Liam gives the lady at the front desk his name and keeps his hand on Zayn's lower back while the woman checks her reservation book. Seconds later, she grabs two menus and leeds them to a table for two near the back. 

"Thanks," Zayn murmurs when the waitress hands him the menu and after giving Liam a tight little smile, he starts studying it, glad for the momentary distraction. He doesn't want to stare at Liam too much, and knows he'll probably be doing a lot of that throughout the evening. 

He chooses a pizza and is secretly relieved that Liam hasn't picked some fancy French restaurant where Zayn probably wouldn't even be able to decipher half the things on the menu. Liam doesn't exactly look like the type who'd pick something really fancy for a first date but Liam's classy, rather expensive car has taken Zayn by surprise and made him realise he doesn't know much about Liam's situation at all.

When Liam closes his menu, Zayn does too, folding his hands in front of himself and looking up when the waitress comes back. They order their pizzas and after making sure that Zayn likes red wine, Liam picks a bottle from the wine list, orders a large bottle of still water as well and their drinks are served immediately.

When the waitress is gone, Liam takes a breath and gives Zayn a smile. "Hey."

"Hi," Zayn says back, licking his lips as he returns Liam's smile. 

Liam takes a sip of water and turns back to Zayn. "So… how are you?"

"I'm all right, thanks," Zayn says softly. "What about you?"

Liam nods. "Can't complain. I'm pretty busy with school, but I like what I'm doing, so…"

He trails off and bites his lip. "So how did that presentation go?"

Zayn groans and rubs his chin. "Pretty awful," he laughs, smiling when Liam raises his brows curiously. He continues, "I was so nervous, I ended up tripping on my way to the front of the classroom. I'd prepared a PowerPoint presentation, but the file wouldn't open on the school laptop, so basically I had to do the whole thing with only my notes and nothing for the class to look at. I stuttered a lot and… it was terrible."

Liam can't suppress a chuckle. "Aw, I'm sure it wasn't quite that bad."

Zayn nods. "Oh, it was bad, trust me. I just hope some of my classmates will be worse, so that my marks won't be a complete disaster."

Liam smiles. "It doesn't sound as terrible as one of my first presentations," he says, and Zayn tilts his head curiously. 

"All right, now I need to hear this," he says. "What happened?"

Liam licks his lips and laughs. "Well, I had a slideshow as well, but I'd brought my own laptop because I didn't want to risk anything. And it went rather well; the file opened without a problem, but… I'd kind of forgotten that I'd saved the file in the wrong folder, so everyone, including the professor, saw the titles and thumbnails of the porn videos I'd downloaded the night before."

Zayn freezes at the mention of porn and feels his cheeks heat up – but then he realises that Liam doesn't know anything about his new extracurricular activities and Zayn even manages a smile when he sees the blush on _Liam's_ cheeks. That's new. And kind of adorable. Zayn wants to reach over and touch one of Liam's cheeks to see if they're as warm as they look. 

He lets out a laugh. "That must've been mortifying," he snorts. "What happened then?"

Liam shrugs, reaching for his glass and sipping some water. "The class laughed, the professor looked embarrassed, and it's basically how I came out to everyone."

Zayn rubs his face and grins. "Oh god, I'm so sorry."

Liam laughs and shakes his head. "It's fine, I'm over it. I didn't go back to that class for about a week, but then I got over it. Today, I can laugh about the whole thing, so I can promise you'll forget about your bad experience as well."

Zayn smiles. "That's good to know."

Liam returns his smile warmly and nods. "Yeah."

The waitress arrives with their food, and for the next few minutes, Liam does most of the talking. Zayn listens intently while he eats, eager to find out more about Liam – and he does. Liam is from Wolverhampton, has two older sisters and a couple of nephews and nieces that he seems very attached to. Zayn smiles when he watches him talk about them; it's obvious that Liam loves kids, which is a plus. Of course, Zayn is nowhere near the point in his life where he's ready to get married and have kids, but to him, this means that Liam is actually a good guy. 

Which he's never really had any doubts about. 

He also finds out that Liam likes to read a lot, which is a given, considering he's studied English literature for years now, and that he likes to sing. Zayn tries to imagine Liam's singing voice, and even without hearing it, he knows it's probably great. He also finds out that Liam lives on his own in a flat not too far away from their university and that he always wanted to be a fireman when he was a kid. 

Liam seems to sense that Zayn is a little shy, so he asks him a lot of questions. Zayn is grateful and answers them, trying to avoid one-word answers and actually elaborating a little. The fact that Liam seems so interested in him, gives him the necessary confidence and he ends up talking more than he'd thought possible.

When both their plates are empty, the waitress returns to pick them up and to hand them the dessert menus, and their conversation continues.

"I'll pay," Liam says finally, after they'd been sitting there, talking, for another hour, and he ignores Zayn's protests. Zayn finally gives in and lets Liam cover the bill. 

When they're putting on their jackets and getting ready to leave, Zayn's nervousness is back, since he doesn't know what to expect. He desperately wants Liam to kiss him again, but he doesn't want to seem too eager, and he is much too shy to initiate anything. 

He can't quite hide his disappointment when Liam goes straight back to his car after they've left the restaurant. Zayn isn't sure what he's been expecting, but a walk after dinner would've been nice... He doesn't mention it, though, and gets into the car silently, looking out of the window as they drive, listening to the music on the radio. 

When they arrive near the spot where Liam's car was parked before and Liam stops the engine, Zayn finally glances over at him and smiles. "Thanks."

Liam smiles back and tilts his head. "For what?"

Zayn bites his lip. "Just… the whole evening. It was really nice. And thanks for driving me back."

"Of course," Liam says softly, still looking at him. 

Zayn looks back for a moment, then reaches for the door handle. "Right. Goodnight, then," he says, and is about to open the door and leave the car when he feels Liam's fingers curl around his wrist. He looks down at their hands, then up at Liam. 

His stomach flutters when Liam leans over and closes the distance between them, cupping his cheek before he presses his lips to Zayn's in a warm, deep kiss. Zayn's heart skips a beat and he holds his breath for a moment before he reaches up and slides his hands into Liam's hair as he returns the kiss just as eagerly.

His heart is pounding when he feels Liam's tongue brush his bottom lip, demanding entrance, and he parts his lips, sliding his own tongue along Liam's as he kisses him harder. 

The kiss grows in heat and passion and Zayn nearly climbs onto Liam's lap, just to be closer to him. He's never felt anything like this before, and he's painfully hard already, just from Liam's kisses. Liam's hands seem to be everywhere; he slides them down Zayn's back and pulls him closer, then rubs his side gently, fingers grazing his bare skin. 

Zayn sucks in a breath and arches into the touch, making a soft little sound against Liam's lips when he feels Liam's hand slide under his shirt and stroke his back. He wants to touch Liam too but is a little more hesitant; so he keeps his fingers in Liam's hair and on the back of his neck. 

Liam's fingers dig into his back as he breaks the kiss for a moment, pressing their foreheads together and breathing heavily before he resumes the kiss and deepens it slowly while his hand rubs Zayn's side and then follows his spine with his fingers. 

Zayn whimpers when he feels Liam's hand cup his arse and he presses forward, wanting more. Liam breaks the kiss again after a moment, rubbing their noses together, and Zayn tries desperately to catch his breath. He rubs the back of Liam's neck with the tips of his fingers, his eyes fluttering open to find Liam staring back at him with dark eyes. 

He smiles a little, then presses his face into Zayn's neck, tightening his arms around him. "I really wish I could take you home with me right now," he murmurs, breath hot on Zayn's ear. Zayn's eyes flutter closed and he clings to Liam just as hard, breathing him in. "But it's probably too soon, right?"

Zayn swallows hard and wants to protest, but he knows they shouldn't take this any further. Not yet. "I guess," he murmurs, trailing soft kisses up Liam's neck and sucking on his earlobe lightly. Liam lets out a low moan, his arms tightening around Zayn's waist. 

Finally, he lets go of him and sits back, running a hand through his hair and taking a deep breath. Zayn does the same, feeling strangely empty when he doesn't have Liam's warm body pressed against his own anymore. 

He pushes his hair back and licks his slightly swollen lips, glancing over at Liam and catching his smile. 

"I should probably go," Zayn murmurs, unable to take his eyes off Liam's lips. 

"You should," Liam agrees reluctantly. 

Zayn looks at him longingly, then leans over to him and captures his lips in another long, slow kiss. When he pulls back, he sighs heavily. "Call me soon, yeah?"

Liam nods. "I will, promise. Tomorrow."

He touches Zayn's cheek gently and rubs a thumb over his bottom lip before he leans in and kisses the tip of his nose lightly. "Goodnight, Zayn."

"Night," Zayn whispers, staring at him dreamily. He finally manages to stumble out of the car, waves to Liam and closes the car door. He watches him drive off and sighs heavily when he turns around and makes his way back to his dorm with some difficulty.


	8. Chapter 8

"Zayn! _Zayn_ , turn that bloody alarm off, for Christ's sake!"

Zayn is disoriented for a moment and blindly reaches over to his bedside table to turn the alarm clock off, and knocks his lamp down in the process. He sighs and cracks an eye open and finally manages to silence the monotonous and obnoxiously loud ringing. He sighs and rolls onto his back, rubbing his face. 

"Why the hell do you need to get up at 8 am on a freaking Saturday anyway?" Niall grumbles from beneath his covers, and for a few seconds, Zayn wonders the same thing. Then he remembers that he's supposed to be at the studio in an hour and jerks fully awake, sitting up abruptly. 

"I, uh… I've got a lot of stuff to take care of today," he murmurs. 

He pauses, waiting for Niall's reaction, but the only one he gets is a loud snore. He rolls his eyes and sighs, dragging himself out of bed and into the bathroom where he takes a quick but thorough shower and then stands in front of the mirror for a long time. He looks at himself – _really_ looks at himself, inspecting his body from head to toe – and wonders if he should manscape or something. Would they want him to be completely bare? He doesn't have a full bush or anything – he does make sure to trim regularly, and neither Harry nor Louis complained when they saw him naked the other night. 

He thinks about what _their_ nethers look like and comes to the conclusion that there is no need for him to shave anything; not down there anyway. If they wanted him hairless, they would've mentioned it. 

He uses deodorant and cologne, brushes his teeth thoroughly and feels his heart start beating faster when he's doing his hair. He swallows hard and wonders once again what the hell he's doing. If he didn't know he'd be seeing Harry and Louis in a few minutes, he would probably start panicking right now and back out last-minute. Instead, he makes himself take a deep breath and go back into the bedroom where he pulls some clothes out of the closet and puts them on. He glances at the alarm clock to check the time and sees that he's still on time, but that he needs to hurry in order to catch the bus. 

He's about to leave the bedroom when Niall lets out another loud snore, and Zayn feels a smile tug at the corners of his mouth. He swiftly makes his way back to his bed and sets the alarm clock for 9.30. Niall got home rather late the previous night – 4 am to be precise – and made a lot of noise, waking Zayn up in the process. So this is payback. 

He leaves the dorm then and hurries to the bus station, only relaxing halfway when he's sitting in the bus on his way to the address he's been given. He stares out of the window and tries to calm down.

He gets out of the bus about fifteen minutes later and finds the building instantly. Instead of going inside right away, he lights a cigarette and takes a few deep drags, hoping that will give him the necessary confidence for this, but when it doesn't help at all, eventually, he gives up on that as well and just goes inside. 

"Zayn! There you are."

Zayn looks up and is faced with Harry who gives him a wide smile. "I was just going to call you – but great that you got here all right. But now tell me," he says, pausing briefly to snake an arm around Zayn's waist. "How was your date?"

Zayn rubs his face. "Really? You want to talk about my date now?"

Harry shrugs. "Why not? What else do you want to talk about?"

Zayn sighs. "I don't know, mate, I'm just kind of nervous right now, you know?"

Harry smiles. "All the more reason to give me all the juicy details about your lad. Who is he, what does he look like, is he a good kisser? Where did he take you?"

Zayn blinks and looks around as he lets Harry guide him on their way to wherever it is they're going. "I, uh… he took me to some Italian restaurant; it was really nice. He picked me up and drove me back afterwards, and then we snogged in the car for a while."

"You did?" Harry seems almost more excited than Zayn himself. "That's so great – and you like him, yeah?"

Zayn finally manages a smile and a nod. "Yeah. Yeah, I like him a lot."

Harry ruffles Zayn's hair. "He sounds dreamy, so don't let him get away. Louis! Hey, Lou, Zayn's here. Louis?"

They've arrived in a large room and Zayn looks around nervously. It looks like a normal sitting room, with a couch, a table, a TV, etcetera. He's not sure what he expected to see but this just all seems so normal. Apart from the large camera standing in a corner, it could've been just a regular living room. 

"Hi Zayn," Louis says as he enters the room behind them. He kisses Harry's shoulder and smiles at Zayn. "You okay?"

Zayn nods. "Yeah. A bit nervous."

Louis strokes his side. "That's normal. But don't worry, all right? This is a relatively small shoot. It'll be rather intimate, in fact. I've talked to Simon and asked if it's possible to keep the bare minimum of people around for your first scene. You won't have a huge audience, I promise."

He kisses his cheek and smiles, then rubs his nose against Zayn's cheek. "Mmh, you smell good. I like that cologne. And oh! How was your date, by the way?"

Zayn sighs and gives both Louis and Harry an exasperated look. He really has other things on his mind right now, but they don't seem to grasp that. "It was great," he just says, then looks around again before he turns to face Louis, who is clearly the expert here. 

"So… is there a script or something? Do I have to remember any lines and – am I going to wear this or do I get other clothes, and…" He trails off and looks at Louis helplessly. 

Louis cups his cheeks. "Oh babe, you really _are_ nervous, aren't you? Relax. There won't be too much dialogue; we'll just improvise. The scenario's simple – you're my mate, I've invited you over for a drink and to watch sports and I'm going to seduce you. Then Harry joins us after a while. It's as simple as that. Your clothes are fine – you look hot."

He pauses. "What are you wearing underneath?"

Zayn feels his cheeks heat up. "Uh…" He looks down and tugs his jeans down a little to show Louis the black boxer-briefs he's wearing. 

"Perfect," Louis says and gives him another reassuring smile. "Now, we'll start in a few minutes, so just go sit down on the couch, take a deep breath and relax, and it'll all be fine."

Zayn lets out a breath and bites his lip. "If you say so…"

He does as Louis says, though, and goes over to the couch, feeling his stomach flip when Harry and Louis both leave the room. He bites his lip and takes another look around, eyeing the camera suspiciously and playing with the hem of his t-shirt. 

After a couple of minutes, a guy comes in with another camera, introduces himself as Steve and films Zayn from all angles, muttering something about checking if there's enough light. Then he turns away and plays with his camera while Zayn licks suddenly dry lips. He spots a couple of still-closed bottles of water next to the couch and takes one, too shy to ask if one of them's meant for him. If he isn't supposed to drink this, he'll apologize later. He takes a sip, then sets the bottle back down, just when Louis reappears with another man.

"All right, Steve, we're ready," the latter says, then smiles as he turns to Zayn. "Hi, Zayn, right? I'm Rick."

Zayn nods and shakes his hand before wiping his sweaty palm on his jeans. 

"So, this is your first time, yeah? Relax, take a deep breath, be yourself. This isn't a high-budget film, so don't even worry about screwing anything up. Let Louis guide you – he knows what to do." He turns to the camera guy. "Ready?"

Zayn's eyes widen a little and he looks at Louis worriedly, but Louis just keeps smiling, giving him a little wink. "I'll help you relax soon, babe. Don't worry."

The TV is turned on then and Steve and Rick talk in hushed voices, nodding to each other. Zayn looks between them nervously.

"And action," Steve says, and Zayn tries to swallow around the sudden lump in his throat. He has no idea what he's doing. Absolutely none. All he can hope for is that he doesn't fuck up the entire shoot and that Louis _will_ guide him somehow. 

He's not sure what to do or where to look, so he focuses on the football match on TV, telling himself to be calm. If this doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. If they fire him, they fire him. What has he got to lose? Absolutely nothing. 

That thought finally relaxes him a little and he leans back, sliding an arm over the back of the couch and staring at the screen. 

"Here's your beer," Louis says when he comes in a moment later, giving him a smile as he hands one of the glasses to him. Zayn meets his eyes and manages a shaky smile when he realises they're on camera now – acting.

"Thanks," he murmurs, and takes a sip. He hasn't had breakfast yet and he's already drinking beer. It's not as cold as he would've wanted it to be, but it's all right. He takes another sip, then sets the glass down. 

"Did I miss something?" Louis asks, nodding at the TV, and Zayn shakes his head. 

"Not really, no."

"Good."

So far, so good. Zayn resists the urge to reach for his glass again and drink some more, even though the alcohol would probably help him relax further. But this works. Just feeling Louis' presence beside him already helps a lot. 

"Is it hot in here or is it just me?" Louis suddenly asks before he shifts on the couch and takes off his shirt. Zayn looks at him uncertainly, not sure what to do or say – or how to act. Should he look interested or hesitant? He decides for an expression between the two – kind of interested but not, and hopes it looks that way on camera. 

He looks back at the screen then, feeling Louis shift a little closer to him. He keeps his eyes on the telly until he feels Louis' hand on his thigh. He looks down at it, then up at Louis uncertainly, who's looking back at him with a seductive little smile. He leans in a little and Zayn feels his warm breath on his face. He closes his eyes and swallows hard when he feels Louis' hand travel up his thigh and move between his legs, cupping him firmly. 

Zayn's lips part and an involuntary moan escapes him just as Louis leans in and pressed their lips together. Zayn tilts his head and returns the kiss slowly but it quickly grows in passion as Louis begins to gently massage the slowly growing bulge between Zayn's legs. He pushes forward into Louis' hand and deepens the kiss, the cameras and their small audience already forgotten. 

It's going much better than Zayn expected. Louis keeps rubbing his palm against his crotch and Zayn pushes back against it, letting out a breath and looking back at Louis with what he hopes can be considered a seductive expression. Louis' breath hitches a little and Zayn can't suppress a smile when he realises it's working. 

He cups the back of Louis' neck and turns towards him, looking at him for a long moment before pulling him down for another kiss. 

"Fuck, you're so hot," Louis murmurs, pushing Zayn down on the couch and moving to straddle him. He rubs Zayn's sides and pushes his t-shirt up, bending his head to press a few open-mouthed kisses to his exposed stomach. 

Zayn slides his hand into Louis' hair and tugs lightly, moaning when Louis' tongue slides up his body, circling one of his nipples. When Louis keeps pushing his shirt up, Zayn gets up on his elbows and pulls his t-shirt off completely, sucking in his stomach when Louis' lips travel down his body again. He turns his head a little and closes his eyes when Louis opens his trousers, letting the camera catch his expression. He's very aware of everything he's doing, despite the fact that he's no longer as nervous as he was at first; he still realises that he needs to look good to whoever watches the movie later. He bites his bottom lip, eyes squeezed shut, then his mouth falls open when Louis' opens his trousers and presses his lips to his still-clothed erection, mouthing it through his underwear. 

Zayn moans, his hand tightening automatically in Louis' hair. He licks his lips, then opens his eyes again, making sure _not_ to look at the camera or anyone else before he looks back down at Louis. 

He blinks, however, when Steve is suddenly right beside him, his camera trained on Louis as he slowly pulls Zayn's boxers down. Steve is really close and it's kind of odd to have him right there, probably taking a close-up of Zayn's cock and Louis' face. 

Zayn tries not to let him distract him and looks back down at Louis as his erection springs free and Louis looks at it with dark eyes. 

"Like what you see?" Zayn hears himself murmur before he can stop himself, and is rewarded with a smile and raise of Louis' eyebrows. 

"I like it a lot," he purrs as he leans forward and trails his tongue around the head. 

Zayn closes his eyes and moans as his hips jerk up of their own accord, his fingers still tangled in Louis' hair. He keeps his eyes closed for a moment, somehow feeling that the camera was on his face now, despite not being able to see it at the moment. He moans, bites his lip and gasps when Louis swallows all of him, finally forcing his eyes back open to watch him. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Zayn sees Steve backing away, probably to get a shot of both of them. He lets out a soft mewl when Louis pulls off him suddenly, then helps the other boy get his pants off entirely. He watches Louis take his own clothes off as well, licking his lips, taking him in. His cock twitches where it rests against his stomach, and he reaches down, stroking it slowly as he looks up at Louis, spreading his legs a little.

Suddenly, Louis pushes Zayn's hand away and pulls him up, and Zayn lets him guide him, blinking when Louis turns him around and basically bends him over the edge of the couch. Zayn moans and has to admit that he kind of likes not knowing what to expect – and he trusts Louis. He knows the older boy wouldn't do anything too extreme that they haven't talked about before, so he shifts a little and gets comfortable, blushing only a little when he feels Louis' hands on his arse, spreading his cheeks.

He gasps in surprise when he suddenly feels something warm and wet brush his hole and swallows hard when he realises it's Louis' tongue. He tries to stay relaxed when Louis licks his crack teasingly, then presses the tip of his tongue against his entrance. He grips the armrest of the couch, clinging to it as he tries to stay relaxed as Louis' tongue pushes past the tight ring of muscles and teases him, wet and warm. 

"Ohhh," he moans when Louis starts tongue-fucking him, and he's never felt anything like this before. "Oh fucckk…"

He's so focused on Louis' ministrations that he almost misses the soft, "Hello there, boys. Can I join?" coming from the door. He looks up when Louis stops licking him, and stifles a moan when he sees Harry standing there, already half-naked, with his erect cock in his hand and a smug smirk on his lips. 

Without waiting for a reply, Harry approaches them, running gentle fingers over Zayn's arse and back, up to his shoulders. He steps in front of him and tangles his fingers in Zayn's hair, then jerks his head back, forcing Zayn to look up at him. 

Zayn does, swallowing hard as he looks up at Harry, a little surprised at the sudden transformation. Harry's looking down at him with a seductive smirk, then forces Zayn's head down. Zayn looks at Harry's cock and licks his lips, and without even being asked, he opens his mouth, closing his eyes when Harry shoves it into his mouth. He moans around Harry's length and tightens his lips around it, even though he's still a little worried he'll be bad at this or will terribly embarrass himself when he chokes on Harry's cock. 

He lets Harry guide his head, relieved when he realises that Harry's actually being really gentle and making sure he doesn't give him more than Zayn can take. Zayn opens his eyes and looks up at him as he experimentally runs his tongue up the underside of Harry's cock. 

Harry jerks forward in surprise, for a moment not paying attention to Zayn, and Zayn can't quite keep himself from gagging. Harry pulls out then and grips his cock, rubbing the head, coated with saliva, over Zayn's bottom lip. Zayn swallows hard and already misses the feel and taste of Harry in his mouth. Zayn looks up at him and flicks his tongue out to lick around the head while Harry moans encouragingly. 

Zayn gasps in surprise when he suddenly feels Louis' fingers at his entrance and clenches around them when he pushes two inside to prepare him. Zayn adjusts to the intrusion quickly and bears down on his fingers, keeping his eyes on Harry's as he leans forward, opens his mouth and sucks Harry's dick back into his mouth. 

"Ohh yeahh," Harry moans, and Zayn, encouraged, continues to tighten his lips around him, sucking as hard as he can, his cheeks hollowing a little. "So good, baby, nnghh…"

When Louis crooks his fingers and brushes his prostate, Zayn's the one to let out a surprised moan and Harry's cock slides out of his mouth again, leaving a wet trail on his cheek. He impales himself on Louis' fingers, pushing back against them eagerly as he reaches between his legs and strokes himself idly. 

When Louis pulls his fingers out, Zayn presses his cheek against Harry's hip, still leaning over the side of the couch. Harry strokes his hair, then tightens his fingers in it again, forcing Zayn to look up at him. "I'm gonna fuck you," he murmurs. "I'm gonna fuck you hard and you're gonna love it. You're gonna beg for more."

Zayn isn't sure whether it's a promise or an actual instruction, but he's pretty sure he _will_ beg for more when Harry starts fucking him. He can't wait to have his cock buried balls-deep inside him.

Harry yanks on Zayn's hair, and after hissing at the slight pain, Zayn moves with him, sitting up on his knees and kissing Harry when he's pulled close. Harry steps out of his trousers and kisses him back for a long moment, their tongues tangling, wet and warm and maybe a little obscene. Which, considering they're shooting porn here, is a good thing.

When he lets go of him, Zayn swallows hard and watches Harry move away from him. He stays in the same position until he feels Harry's arm wrap around his waist from behind and pull him onto his lap. Zayn spreads his legs, putting his feet on either side of Harry's thighs. A moment later, he feels Harry's hands on his arse, spreading his cheeks and rubbing the tip of his cock against his opening. Zayn screws his eyes shut and moans, lifting an arm to wrap it around Harry's neck. He looks down at the other boy and gets a quick smile before Harry grabs his hips and pulls him down onto his cock. 

Zayn whimpers when Harry cants his hips up and slides all the way inside right away. He digs his fingers into the back of Harry's neck, sucking in a sharp breath. He feels stretched beyond anything he could've imagined. Harry's longer and thicker than Louis, and Zayn needs a moment to adjust. He leans back against Harry; his back pressed against Harry's chest, Harry's arms wrapped securely around his middle. He bites his lip and moans when Harry's fingers slide up his chest and pinch his nipples, reaching down to wrap his hand around his cock. Louis is beside them and tilts Zayn's face towards him to kiss him again, gently licking into his mouth and pressing their lips together more firmly when he deepens it. Zayn feels the tension leave his body and he relaxes around Harry. 

He takes a deep breath and starts moving up and down on Harry's cock tentatively when the kiss breaks, moaning when he slides out almost all the way before he sinks down on him again. Harry's large hands are on his hips, guiding him slowly, then faster, and Zayn does his best to keep up with Harry's rhythm. He clenches around him, moaning and throwing his head back when Harry changes his angle and thrusts harder.

Louis has his hand wrapped around Zayn's cock and strokes him in time with Harry's thrusts for a while before he gets up and steps in front of Zayn. Zayn opens his eyes and looks up at him, moaning when Harry keeps pushing up into him over and over again, hitting his prostate almost every single time. 

Louis wraps his hand around his own cock and starts stroking himself, looking down at Zayn with dark eyes. Zayn shifts a little and leans forward, opening his mouth, begging for Louis' cock with his eyes. He bats Louis' hand away and replaces it with his own, closing his hand around the base and sucking on the tip. He keeps his eyes on Louis' cock and licks his lips as he takes him into his mouth and starts sucking him off while Harry keeps slamming into him.

He knows he's close and wonders if he's allowed to come already or if he should try to hold back a little. In the end he doesn't have a choice as his body decides for him; he releases Louis' cock with a wet 'pop' just before he moans and comes all over his own hand. Louis is watching him intently, Harry's still thrusting into him, prolonging his orgasm. 

Harry's the next one to let go; he jerks up hard and lets out a growl as he buries himself deep inside Zayn and comes hard. 

Louis is breathing heavily, his hand moving up and down his length roughly. Zayn watches him, then leans forward and licks the head of his erection, tonguing the slit. Louis gasps and starts coming all over Zayn's face. Zayn closes his eyes as Louis' release splashes over his face; he licks his bottom lip, tasting him, and finally looks up into his eyes. 

"Aaand cut!" Rick calls from behind Steve, who's once again pretty close to them to get a close-up of Zayn's face, covered in Louis' come. They move back when the camera's turned off, and Harry easily lifts Zayn off his cock. Zayn collapses on the couch, legs thrown over Harry's lap and breathing heavily, while Louis takes a step back and sits down on the table. 

Zayn stares up at the ceiling as he catches his breath, only lifting his head when Louis turns to the director. "And? What do you think? Isn't he great?""

"Not gonna lie," Rick says, eyes on Zayn. "You got me hard, boys, which, considering I'm straight, is quite a feat."

Zayn glances at Harry and Louis who look at him like proud parents, and he grins, reaching for a tissue to wipe Louis' come off his face. What he can't wipe off, however, is the giant smile that appears on his lips at the praise he receives. A warm feeling of pride spreads through his body when he realises that he's actually done it; he's overcome his shyness and done this, and at that moment, he feels confident and sexy, and kind of invincible. 

They shower and get dressed a little while later, and as per Louis' request, get to look at a small part of the video. Zayn cringes a little when he sees himself on the small screen for the first time but after watching a little more, he has to admit that he's not bad at all. There's room for improvement, and he already thinks of ways to make himself look better in the next scene, but he definitely _does_ have the potential Harry and Louis see in him. The chemistry between the three of them is clearly visible, and when Rick mentions again how popular this video is going to be, Zayn believes him.


	9. Chapter 9

Zayn's phone goes off when he leaves the building mid-afternoon, exhausted after shooting two more scenes for the porno, one of which consisted of him blowing Harry while Louis fucked him, and the other one had him on his knees, sucking both his friends off. He's already much more comfortable in front of the camera than he was at the beginning of the day. Now he feels tired and satisfied, and maybe a little sore. Okay, a lot sore, but nothing he can't handle.

He pulls out his phone and smiles when he sees Liam's name on the display. He's kept his promise.

"Hello?"

"Hey you," Liam's soft voice replies and Zayn feels a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth at the sound of it. "What've you been up to?"

Zayn lights a cigarette and takes a deep drag as he looks up at the building he's just left. He feels a flush work its way into his cheeks. "Helping out a friend with some stuff," he lies. "I'm just done with that actually. How are you?"

"I'm great," Liam says warmly. Then he adds, "Actually, I was wondering if you've got any plans for tonight. I thought I was going to meet up with some friends but they cancelled, so I'm free. I would love to see you."

Zayn doesn't even try to hide the smile that splits his face at those words, but does try to school his features a little when Harry and Louis come out, see him and smirk back at him knowingly. 

"I don't have any plans whatsoever," Zayn says, his heart skipping a beat at the prospect of seeing Liam again so soon, and turns away from Louis and Harry who are giving him amused looks. "And I'd love to see you too."

He bites his lip before he takes another drag, listening to Liam. "Well, how about a film then? We could go to the cinema, maybe grab a bite if we get hungry."

Zayn takes a breath. "Sure, that sounds great. I'm rather tired, so yeah, that would be great."

"Or you could come over to my place," Liam adds, slight hesitation in his voice. "Since you're tired… I mean, I could cook us something nice and we could watch a movie right here. It's up to you, really."

Zayn's eyes widen a little and he pauses. Liam wants him to come to his place. For dinner and a film. And probably some snogging and cuddling on the couch. Which would lead to more in no time at all, Zayn is sure of it. And as much as he wants to be with Liam – and God, he wants to – he isn't quite sure he can handle more sex today. Which almost makes him regret participating the porn shoot a little. Almost. 

His long pause seems to make Liam nervous because after only a few seconds, he adds, "You don't have to, Zayn. Just say so if you'd rather go to the cinema, all right? It was just an idea."

"I want to," Zayn says, biting his lip. "I just–"

"I'd be a perfect gentleman," Liam promises. "I know we have this sort of silent agreement to take things slowly, so I wouldn't initiate anything unless you wanted me to."

Zayn rubs his forehead. "It's not that I don't want to," he murmurs. "I really want to, I'm just… I really _am_ tired, so… would you be very mad if we went to the cinema instead?"

He can hear Liam's smile when he answers. "Of course, Zayn. I understand; don't worry about it. So I'll pick you up around 7?"

Zayn nods as he finishes his cigarette, tossing the butt into the street. "That sounds perfect," he says, exhaling. "I'll be ready."

"Good," Liam says. "Then I'll see you soon. Looking forward to it."

Zayn smiles. "So am I," he murmurs before they both hang up. 

He takes a deep, shaky breath, feeling a little bad for not accepting Liam's offer but at the same time relieved because he already knows he'll be horribly nervous on the night of his first time with Liam and tonight isn't that night. Not just yet. 

He turns around and is met with twin grins from his friends. 

"Was that Liiiiiiiam?" Harry asks, even though he clearly knows it can't have been anyone else. 

Zayn gives him a look. "Yes," he says, then blinks when Harry claps, looking as if Zayn has just given him the most delightful news he's ever heard. 

"We'll want details, you know," he says, grinning. "Also, you should take a picture of him."

Zayn sighs. "I'll see, Harry. I'm not sure if it's time to take sappy selfies of us kissing just yet, so… give me some time, yeah?"

Harry sighs and nods. "All right, sure. But have fun, yeah?"

Zayn smiles. "I will."

He glances at his watch. "I should get going; gotta get ready, maybe do some more homework."

"We'll give you a lift," Louis says, sliding an arm around his shoulder and reaching for Harry's hand with his free one. 

"You don't mind?" 

"Not at all." Louis gives him a reassuring smile, glancing at Harry. "You may come to regret it, though, since it'll give Haz more time to continue his interrogation about your sweetheart."

Zayn looks over at Harry who's grinning innocently, and groans; mentally preparing for the questions Harry can come up with.

About ten minutes and twice as many questions later, Louis stops the car in a street not too far away from the university campus and Zayn thanks both of them as he opens the door and gets out. Before he can close the door, Louis leans over the passenger seat and looks up at him. 

"Hey… you're okay, right? Not feeling weird about the shoot or anything?" He actually looks concerned for a moment, and Zayn gives him a reassuring smile. 

"Yeah, no, I'm okay. Tired, like I said, but I'm all right. Thanks for asking, though."

Louis smiles. "Well, Harry and I convinced you to do this thing, so it's kind of our duty to look out for you and make sure you're handling it all right – physically and emotionally."

Zayn nods. "I appreciate that. And… thanks for everything. I think if you guys hadn't been there today, I would've chickened out and not even shown up, probably. But I'm glad I did, and really, I'm fine. Physically _and_ emotionally. A little sore, but I'll get over it."

Harry climbs onto the front seat and beams up at Zayn. "Glad to hear that. Now go get ready for your date, have fun, stay calm, be yourself – actually, everything we've told you earlier at the shoot also applies to your date. And don't forget to call us to tell us all about it later."

Zayn rolls his eyes but grins, giving him a nod before he closes the door and watches them drive off. 

He has another cigarette before he enters the dorm, and has to laugh when he's greeted by the sight a very hung-over Niall. He's lying on the bed, head in his hands, and flinches when Zayn closes the door with a little more force than necessary. "Hello!"

"Owww," he whines, peeking at Zayn through his fingers. "Loud. Bad. Go away."

Zayn snickers. "Wow, how much did you drink last night?"

"Too much, clearly," Niall mutters. "I feel like complete and utter shit."

Zayn almost feels a little bad for forcing Niall to get out of bed and turn off his alarm clock this morning – almost. He sits down on the edge of Niall's bed, however, gently pushes the other boy's hands off his face and looks down at him. "Are you okay, though?"

Niall grimaces and shrugs. "I'd rather be dead right now, to be honest, but I suppose I'll survive."

He sighs. "Where have you been all day anyway?"

Zayn hesitates. Earlier, when he was still at the house, watching Harry and Louis make out, he wondered when he'd be ready to come out – at least to his close friends. And Niall was definitely his closest friend right now, bar Harry and Louis who obviously know about everything, and he would probably be the first one Zayn would tell, eventually. 

Niall furrows his brow. "Zayn?"

Zayn blinks and nibbles his lip. Before, he'd felt so confident that he'd almost made up his mind to tell Niall – but now that he is actually here and does, in fact, have the opportunity to share his deepest secret with Niall, that confidence has left him.

"I was out with some friends."

Niall raises a brow. "Those same friends you've been spending so much time with lately?"

Zayn nods. 

Niall studies him. "I have a feeling there's something you're not telling me, and it seems to be bothering you. I don't know what this is about but whatever it is, you do know that you can tell me anything, right?"

Zayn digs his teeth harder into his bottom lip, opens his mouth, and is about to actually tell Niall everything there is to know – but before he has the chance to even think about how to start, Niall's eyes widen, he rolls over and throws up all over Zayn's shoes. 

Zayn closes his eyes and sighs. 

Maybe some other time then.

\+ + + + +

He doesn't get anything done that afternoon as he's busy making Niall feel better. His friend throws up a lot but eventually, he's done and Zayn leaves to get him water and food and makes him promise to call him, should Niall need him to come back. When Niall asks where he's going anyway, Zayn admits he has a date, but doesn't tell Niall that it's with a bloke. He does hesitate and consider it for a moment but when he looks down at Niall's pale – nearly _green_ – face, he decides against it. Niall obviously isn't up for a long, deep conversation right now.

When Niall's asleep, Zayn takes a quick shower and leaves with just a couple of minutes to spare. Liam (with his fancy car) is already there when Zayn finally arrives. They exchange kisses to say hello and almost get carried away, but in the end, Liam still manages to get them to the theatre on time. Liam picks a random film when Zayn admits he doesn't really care, and Zayn can't help but notice that it's probably the least popular one Liam could've chosen. Which makes his stomach flutter because that means that Liam wants to be alone with him, right?

He takes a deep breath as they enter the already dark room and smiles when Liam's fingers close around his wrist. He takes him up the stairs to the last row and sits down in the middle of it, tugging Zayn down next to him. Zayn licks his lips and shrugs off his jacket; then leans back and puts his hands on the arm rests of the admittedly comfortable seat. 

The film trailers are over a couple of minutes later and darkness engulfs them as the movie begins. 

Zayn glances over at Liam and watches him. Liam seems focused on the beginning of what is probably going to turn out to be a stupid action film, and Zayn takes a moment to just watch him; take in his features. 

After a while, Liam reaches for his water bottle and Zayn quickly turns his head to look at the screen. He has no idea what the movie is even about but doesn't really care. 

When he feels Liam's eyes on him, he shifts a little but doesn't take his eyes off the screen until Liam moves. He looks over at him curiously, then swallows hard when he sees Liam lift his arm and wrap it around Zayn's shoulders, pulling him close. 

Zayn's stomach flutters and he smiles, then leans in and places his head on Liam's shoulder, closing his eyes as he breathes him in. With his other hand, Liam takes Zayn's, links their fingers together and rests their joint hands on his thigh. 

Zayn can't stop smiling. He can feel Liam nosing his hair, closes his eyes as a shiver runs down his spine, and he unconsciously tightens his fingers around Liam's. Liam brushes his thumb over the back of Zayn's hand in gentle circles. Warm fingertips brush the side of Zayn's neck, and after a moment, he tilts his face up and swallows hard when he finds Liam looking back at him. 

Liam gives him a sweet smile, then leans in and brushes his lips over Zayn's. Zayn's eyes flutter closed and he presses their mouths together, parting his lips as he deepens the kiss. Liam's fingers thread through his hair as he gently brushes his tongue over Zayn's bottom lip and licks into his mouth. Zayn opens his mouth instantly and shifts a little closer to him, cursing the existence of the stupid armrest between them, which prevents him from climbing on top of Liam, which is kind of what he wants right now. It might seem a little eager, however, so he restrains himself.

Maybe taking Liam up on his offer to cook for him and watch telly at home would've been the better thing to do after all. The longing he feels for Liam is almost unbearable, but at the same time, Zayn can't get over how perfect this is – these slow, increasingly deep kisses and Liam's arms around him. It's completely different than the desperate snogging they'd engaged in during their previous date but just as amazing. 

After a few minutes of intense, passionate kisses, Zayn draws back to gasp for breath, and melts a little when Liam looks at him fondly, cupping his cheek with one large hand. Zayn turns his head and presses a soft, hesitant kiss to the centre of Liam's palm, his stomach flipping at the smile he gets in return. 

Liam pulls him close then, and Zayn closes his eyes as he snuggles into the other boy, enjoying his warmth and presence and letting exhaustion wash over him. Liam's breath tickles his neck, fingers still stroking him gently and Zayn relaxes, feeling perfectly comfortable and safe.

\+ + + + +

The next thing he's aware of are Liam's lips pressed to his temple and his hand rubbing his arm gently but firmly. Zayn blinks in confusion and gazes up at him, blinking at the bright lights in the room. Why are the lights on anyway?

He focuses on Liam's face and when he sees the other boy's smile, he realises he's actually fallen asleep in Liam's arms. He knew he was tired but the fact that he's literally passed out on Liam's shoulder is rather embarrassing. He sits up abruptly, suddenly wide awake, and rubs his face. "Wow. Shit, I'm so sorry."

"It's fine," Liam laughs. 

Zayn sighs. "Here you were hoping I'd be a charming and entertaining date, and instead, I fall asleep on you – I'm really sorry, Liam."

Liam cups the back of his neck and pulls him close until the tips of their noses are pressed together. Zayn's cheeks flush a little and he meets Liam's eyes. "It's okay, Zayn, calm down. You didn't ruin our date, so just relax. You were tired, and the fact that you feel so comfortable around me that you can sleep on my shoulder is actually rather sweet."

Zayn blushes even more and he hides his face in Liam's neck. He closes his eyes when he feels Liam's warm hand move down his back, and he slides his arms around Liam's neck, holding onto him for a moment. 

"Your friend must've really worn you out," Liam comments, holding Zayn.

Zayn resists the urge to groan at how true that statement is, but just nods instead. "Yeah, it's been a long day."

Liam tilts his face up to his and presses a gentle kiss to his lips. "Then let me take you home. You should get some sleep."

Zayn wants to protest and suggest they go somewhere else, but he can't deny that he's longing for his bed. He just wishes he could invite Liam into it. But then he remembers hung-over Niall and thinks that inviting Liam tonight is probably not a good idea. 

"All right," he agrees at last, smiling when Liam tugs him up, keeping their fingers laced. He follows him out of the theatre and into the cool night air, slumping against Liam a little as they make their way to the car. Liam holds him up, his grip fir and protective. 

They drive home in relative silence. Zayn's almost falling asleep again when Liam stops the car, and gives him a tired smile. "I hope I didn't ruin your evening too much," he murmurs. 

Liam shakes his head instantly. "I told you it's all right," he murmurs, stroking his fingertips down Zayn's cheek and jaw. "I'm just glad I got to see you today."

Zayn looks at him adoringly, then wraps both arms around Liam's neck and fits their lips together in a deep, almost loving kiss. He lets it go on for a little while and draws back to stifle a yawn. 

"Text me when you get home, yeah?" he asks, and Liam nods. 

"I will. Got to wish you a good night."

Zayn smiles, then pecks Liam's lips one more time before he gets out of the car. Liam waves to him and drives away, and Zayn lets out a dreamy sigh before he walks back to his dorm. 

It's dark in the room and Niall is asleep when he gets there, and Zayn doesn't bother with his usual bedtime routine; instead, he just tugs off his clothes and slips under the sheets. He pulls the covers tight around his frame and looks at his phone, wishing he had Liam right there to wrap around him, keep him warm.

The display of his phone lights up a moment later, and Zayn smiles at the text. 

_Got home all right. Now I'm in bed and thinking about you. Wish you were here :( I did have a great night, though, so I hope you'll want to see me again soon? Sweet dreams, Zayn. Get some rest. xx_

Zayn types a quick reply, then reads over Liam's text about twenty more time before he finally makes himself put his phone down. It takes seconds before he falls asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

_Possessive hands move up his sides, pushing his shirt up to his chest while soft lips suck a mark into his neck. Zayn moans, arching into the touch, clinging to Liam as he presses himself against him, needing more._

_"I'm going to fuck you," Liam purrs into his ear, tongue darting out to dip into his ear before he sucks Zayn's earlobe into his mouth and tugs on it with his teeth. "I'm going to fuck you hard and you'll love it."_

_Zayn whimpers and nods helplessly, gasping when he's flipped and roughly pushed down on a flat surface. He moves his hands to the edges of the table and grips them hard, holding on as Liam presses himself against him. He can feel the bulge between the other man's legs pressed up against his arse and finds himself pushing back against him helplessly._

_Liam's lips brush his back as he reaches in front of him to undo Zayn's trousers and tug them down roughly. Zayn wiggles until his trousers pool around his ankles, then spreads his legs as wide as he can, turning his head and looking up at Liam out of the corner of his eyes. "Need you," he whispers, too aroused to even care that he sounds needy and desperate._

_"Patience," Liam murmurs, large hands moving down Zayn's sides to cup his arse cheeks and spread them. Zayn closes his eyes and swallows hard, mewling when two of Liam's suddenly slick fingers push inside. Zayn stills for a moment, then pushes back against him, rocking back against Liam's fingers, forcing them in deeper._

_"So fucking tight," Liam hisses into his ear, his cock hot and hard where it's pressed against Zayn's arse._

_"Liam," Zayn breathes, his knees buckling when Liam rubs his prostate firmly. His eyes roll into the back of his head and he presses his cheek against the table, panting heavily. "Please."_

_Liam withdraws his fingers, apparently convinced by Zayn's pleas, and a moment later, he rubs the slick head of his cock against Zayn's entrance. Zayn clenches at the same time as he pushes his arse back against Liam, wanting him so desperately he can hardly breathe._

_"Zayn," Liam moans, and it's the sexiest sound Zayn has ever heard. Liam's cock is trapped between Zayn's arse cheeks and he grinds against him slowly, teasingly, while Zayn whimpers in anticipation; he can already tell that Liam is huge and can't wait to find out what he'll feel like buried balls-deep inside him. When he feels Liam draw back and press the head against his opening again, Zayn sucks in a sharp breath, pushing back eagerly…_

And that's when he jerks awake and finds himself sitting up in his bed, bathed in sweat and breathing heavily while his erection is tenting the bed sheets. He looks around in confusion, wondering, for a moment, where Liam went, and then lets out a groan of pure frustration when he realises that it was just a really good dream. He lets himself fall back against the pillow, breathing heavily as he pushes his hair back and glares up at the ceiling. 

On the other side of the room, Niall is still asleep, so Zayn reaches between his legs, wrapping his hand firmly around his erection. He lets his eyes drift closed, thinking about how Liam bent him over the table and touched him possessively as he gives his cock a couple of rough jerks. It doesn't take more than that for Zayn to fall over the edge, a breathy moan leaving his lips when he comes over his fingers and stomach. He collapses back against the mattress, eyes closed and breathing heavily, recovering from the force of his orgasm. 

When he finally lets go of his cock and wipes his hand on his bare stomach, he sighs heavily. Waiting is probably good for their relationship – sex would probably just screw everything up if they have it too soon, but… Zayn isn't sure how much longer he can wait. A few more of those heated snogging sessions, and he'll end up jumping Liam, whether the latter wants him to or not. Though Zayn has a feeling Liam probably won't mind.

A little while later, he makes himself get out of bed and go take a shower; it wouldn't do for Niall to wake up and find him in this position; half-naked and with come all over him – although knowing Niall, he probably wouldn't even blink.

*****

"How was your date?" 

Zayn freezes when he comes out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, to find Niall sitting up and rubbing his eyes sleepily. "You got home pretty late."

Zayn licks his lips as he walks over to his closet and pulls out a pair of clean boxers, dropping his towel before quickly pulling them on. When he's semi-dressed, he turns to face Niall and shrugs. "Not that late," he murmurs, towel-drying his hair. "I think I was in bed before eleven."

Niall eyes him. "So the date didn't go well."

"I didn't say that."

"Ha! So it _was_ a date." Niall looks smug and gives him a wide grin, and Zayn sighs heavily, deciding he actually prefers hung-over Niall over this little shit. "So tell me."

"Tell you what?" Zayn asks, tossing the wet towel onto his bed and pulling on a t-shirt and sweatpants. 

"About the date," Niall sighs. "Come on, I tell you everything about my dates, so it's only fair if you do the same."

Zayn raises a brow. "Most of the time, I actually wouldn't mind if you were a little less open, to be honest. The colour of your date's thong really isn't a detail I need to know."

Niall rolls his eyes. "Zaynnn. Tell me if she's hot, at least."

Zayn sighs. "Yeah," he just says. "Very hot."

His stomach flips when he realises that now would be another perfect opportunity for him to tell Niall. They're alone, Niall is still half-asleep and seems in a relatively good mood. Who knows when he'll have an opportunity like this again?

He turns to face his friend and opens his mouth, and is about to confess everything, when Niall gets out of bed and stretches. "You've been spending so much time with your new friends – I'm actually beginning to feel a little neglected and demand you go out with me tonight."

Zayn's resolve crumbles instantly and his shoulders slump. "Tonight?"

"Yeah. Unless you've got other plans."

Zayn hesitates and glances at his phone. He's actually been hoping Liam would want to see him again, but Niall is right. It's been over two weeks since they’ve hung out and it wouldn't be fair of him to find another excuse to get out of going out with Niall. 

"All right, yeah," he finally says. "I suppose I could do that."

Niall smiles. "Great. Pub tonight then?"

Zayn gives him a little smile and nods. "Yeah, pub tonight."

*****

They spend the day doing their homework and studying – both of them working in silence, which doesn't often happen. Niall's short attention span usually makes him give up on studying after about ten minutes, but today, he actually manages to stay focused for two whole hours before he starts flipping through a magazine.

In the evening, they head to McDonald's for a couple of burgers before they make their way to the pub. Niall orders the first round of beers, then comes to sit down next to Zayn at their usual table. 

Zayn is actually a little surprised that it's just the two of them; he can't remember the last time they went out on their own. It's nice to get to actually talk to Niall; whenever it's a group of three or more people, Zayn ends up getting bored because the others monopolise the conversation and it's hard for him to get a single word in. 

But not tonight. 

Niall talks about his classes and the girls he's been hanging out with, and shares a few anecdotes from his nights out. Zayn sips his beer and listens, smiling; it's nice to have his friend to himself for once. After he's told him pretty much everything that's happened over the course of the last two weeks, Niall turns his attention to Zayn and makes him talk. And Zayn does. 

They're on their third round of drinks and Zayn's been trying to find the courage to tell Niall about Liam and his own sexual preference in general all night. Now that he's quite tipsy, it'll be much easier to tell him, and he decides to go for it.

"Hey Niall? There's something else I've been meaning to talk to you about."

Niall raises a brow, silently encouraging him to go on. 

Zayn licks his lips. "It's about whom I've been spending most of my time with lately – my date, I mean. See, the thing is it's actually–"

"Horan! Knew we'd find you here, mate," a voice booms behind them and Zayn closes his eyes, letting out a frustrated sigh when Niall cheers and gets up to greet Robbie and Kyle, two of his best mates. Zayn rubs his forehead, wondering if he'll ever get the opportunity to tell Niall. Maybe it just isn't meant to be. Maybe these constant interruptions are someone's way of telling him that Niall isn't ready to hear it.

"And Malik, hey. Long time no see. What've you been up to?"

Robbie ruffles Zayn's hair as he flops down in a chair, giving Zayn a smirk. Zayn gives him a weak glare, combing his fingers through his hair to flatten it.

"I've been busy," Zayn says shortly when Kyle sits down on another chair and Niall joins them as well. 

"Zayn's made some new friends," Niall explains. "And he was actually just about to tell me something when you two cunts interrupted us so unceremoniously." He turns to Zayn. "You were saying?"

Zayn shakes his head – he sure as hell isn't going to talk about this with Robbie and Kyle right here. "It's nothing," he says, giving Niall a tight smile. "I'll tell you some other time. In fact, I'll go get us another round. Beer all right?"

Robbie and Kyle nod in unison and Zayn rises to his feet, making his way over to the bar. He sits down on a barstool and taps his fingers on the counter, then places their order, staying there as he waits for their drinks. He looks over his shoulder at his "mates" (that he really doesn't like very much – Niall excluded), watching them and wondering how he's ended up with a group of friends he's got nothing in common with.

"Well, well," a familiar voice to his left says all of a sudden. "Fancy seeing you here."

Zayn whirls around and his face lights up when he sees the owner of said voice. "Liam!"

Liam grins. "Hey."

"Hi," Zayn says, and his mood goes from mediocre to ecstatic within seconds. 

"You look rested," Liam says with a smile, then raises a brow when the barkeeper sets down four large beers in front of him. "Just for you? Wow, do we need to talk about this, or…"

Zayn laughs. "No, no, I'm actually here with some friends." He points behind himself at the table where Niall and the others are loudly discussing football results or something. 

"Ahh." Liam nods, still smiling. "I won't bother you then."

Zayn shakes his head, reaching for Liam's wrist to prevent him from leaving. "No – stay. I can just bring them their drinks and we can stay here or – would you like to join us, maybe?"

Liam smiles, shrugging. "I wouldn't want to intrude, but if you don't mind…"

"No, of course not," Zayn says happily. "I'm actually glad. It was just Niall – the blond one – and me and then the other two showed up and I tend to get bored when all they talk about is football, but my evening just got a lot better."

"It did, huh?" Liam's smile widens. "All right then."

He orders a beer as well, and they carry their drinks over to the table. Zayn grabs a chair from another table and drags it over to theirs, then clears his throat to get the others' attention. "Hey guys? This is Liam."

Niall looks up. "Ohh, is he one of your mysterious new friends?"

Zayn rolls his eyes and looks at Liam, and can't help smiling again. "Yeah. Yeah, he is."

Liam is welcomed into their little group right away and Zayn is surprised at how well he seems to fit in. He honestly didn't expect them to get along so well, but as it turns out, Liam knows quite a lot about football, and when he talks about it, Zayn suddenly finds himself fascinated by the subject. Zayn is quite sure that Liam could make a long speech about something as boring as kitchen utensils and Zayn would be listening just as intently. He tries not to stare at Liam's lips as he talks about how he used to play when he was younger, and his stomach flutters when Liam returns his smiles from time to time. 

Zayn keeps drinking and watching Liam, not actively participating in the conversation, but for once, it doesn't really matter. Liam's hand is resting on his thigh under the table, warm and reassuring and maybe a little possessive, with Zayn's hand covering Liam's. 

When Robbie, Kyle and Niall start discussing something else, Liam leans in and murmurs, "Think I made a good first impression?"

"Are you kidding?" Zayn asks in a low voice. "They like you better than me."

Liam laughs. "I doubt that but… that's good, right?"

Zayn nods. "It is, yeah."

He smiles, looking into Liam's eyes. Liam looks back at him and Zayn leans into him a little. 

"Do you want to get out of here?" Liam murmurs. "I've got to get up early tomorrow morning but I could walk you back to your dorm and…"

He trails off and gives him a sweet smile. Zayn melts a little and nods. "Yeah. Yeah, let's go."

He takes a breath and finishes his beer, then sets his glass down and fumbles for some money. He tosses it onto the table and gets up. "All right, lads, Liam and I are off. Niall – don't come back too late, you've got that test tomorrow and wouldn't want to oversleep, right? Besides, if you wake me up at four am again, I can't be held responsible for what I do to you."

Niall laughs, then turns serious, nodding. "Yeah, I'll be back in a little while. Really should get a good night's sleep tonight."

He waves to Liam and Zayn as they leave the pub, then turns back to Robbie and Kyle to continue their agitated discussion about politics, of all things. 

Outside, Zayn and Liam walk in silence for a little while. When Zayn's sure they've put some distance between them and the pub, he moves closer to Liam, finding his hand and threading his fingers through Liam's. 

"They don't know about you, do they?" Liam asks after another moment of silence, tightening his hand around Zayn's. 

Zayn looks at him curiously before he understands, and shakes his head. "No… I was actually going to tell Niall tonight but then the other two idiots showed up and… I'm just not sure how they'd take it, you know? No one knows."

"No one?" Liam asks, watching him curiously. "Not even your family?"

Zayn raises a brow and laughs. "No. Especially not my family. My dad would kill me, I think. My mum might be okay with it – maybe she even knows. Mothers tend to sort of sense that stuff, don't they? But no, I don't see myself telling my dad anytime soon. Even telling Niall is a big step for me."

Liam nods thoughtfully. "Well, take your time. And don't feel obligated to tell anyone because of me, all right? I know how hard it can be, so just… do it in your own time, whenever it feels right. I'm not going to pressure you into coming out when you're not ready."

He brings their hands to his lips and kisses Zayn's knuckles lightly. Zayn wants to kiss him, and, not for the first time, he wonders how he managed to find such an amazing guy. 

They take a little detour on their way to Zayn's dorm, walking around the back of the building, rather than the front. When they're hidden by a bunch of trees and bushes, Zayn stops and tugs Liam closer, leaning against him. 

"You're really something, you know that?" he murmurs, looking up into Liam's dark eyes. 

Liam sighs dramatically. "I try. I don't think I'm Prince Charming just yet – but I'm getting there."

Zayn grins and wraps his arms around Liam's neck, pulling him closer. He gazes into the other boy's eyes for a long moment, then leans in and captures his lips in a slow, gentle kiss, falling into it when Liam deepens it slowly. Liam takes a few steps backwards until his back hits the building, and he leans against it, pulling Zayn flush against him. 

Zayn relaxes into the heat of Liam's body, feeling perfectly content with the outcome of the evening. 

They kiss for several minutes; until Liam reluctantly admits he really should be going home. Zayn agrees with a heavy sigh, and walks Liam back to his car where they snog for another few long minutes. When Liam finally manages to say goodbye and drives home, Zayn smiles to himself and then stumbles back to his building, feeling a little like he's floating. 

The goofy smile still hasn't vanished when he enters the dorm, but it falters instantly when he finds the room lit up by Niall's bedside lamp. His friend is sitting in bed, a textbook on his lap. He isn't looking at the book, however, but at Zayn, his expression oddly serious. 

"What?" Zayn asks carefully, closing the door behind him. Niall being this serious always makes him feel a little uneasy.

"It's him, isn’t it?" Niall asks promptly. 

Zayn feels a flush work its way up his neck and into his cheeks. "What?"

"Liam. It's him. He's the person you're dating."

Zayn wants to deny it; laugh it off – but then he decides not to. This is his chance to come clean, and he won't let the perfect moment pass by _again_. He takes a breath and meets Niall's eyes before he nods hesitantly. "How did you know?"

Niall raises a brow incredulously. "Please, I'm not stupid, Zayn. I've seen you stare at him all night. I've never seen anyone be more obvious about their feelings for another person. Anyone with eyes in their head can tell you're head over heels in love with the bloke. I just don't get why you didn't just tell me. I mean, I had no idea you're into guys."

Zayn sighs and sits down on his own bed, looking at Niall across the room. "I've been meaning to tell you; I just didn't find the right time. And it's not like I've known for a long time either; it's just something I've recently come to terms with."

Niall considers this and nods. "Makes sense. But you weren't actually afraid to tell me, were you?"

Zayn shrugs, scrunching up his nose as he thinks about this. "A little?"

Niall sighs and closes his textbook, setting it aside as he turns to him. "I can be accused of many things, Zayn, but when did I ever give you the impression I was a homophobe? That couldn't be further from the truth. I mean, I've had a couple of drunken snogs with men and while I don't really consider myself gay or bi or whatever, I certainly am not going to judge you for your sexual preference. Dude, honestly."

Zayn blinks. "You've snogged a guy?"

Niall rolls his eyes. "Zayn."

"Sorry," Zayn murmurs. "I didn't think you'd have a problem with it. I just haven't really told anyone else and I was scared. You get that, right?"

Niall shrugs. "I suppose. But Zayn, mate, if anyone makes a big deal out of this or makes a stupid comment, tell me. I'll beat the crap out of them and they'll never bully anyone again."

Zayn smiles. "Yeah? You'd beat people up for me?"

Niall nods. "You bet I would."

Zayn smiles, physically feeling the loss of the huge weight that's just been lifted off his shoulder. "Well… thank you. Thanks for being so cool about this."

Niall shrugs. "Of course, Zayn." He's silent for a moment. "So, this Liam… is he the One, or something sappy like that?"

Zayn grabs his pillow and tosses it at his friend. "Sod off."

Niall laughs, catching the pillow. "I'm just asking!"

He throws the pillow back and Zayn catches it. He's silent for a moment, then looks back at Niall with a smile. "I think he might be. I like him a lot. We've only started dating, of course, but I think he really might be something."

Niall nods, and seems happy for him. "Well, good. I approve. He's a good guy, I can tell."

Silence falls over them before Niall clears his throat. "Right. I should get back to…"

"Yeah, right," Zayn says when Niall picks up his book. "You focus on your reading and I'll keep quiet."

"Thanks," Niall says with a smile. 

Zayn gets up, shrugging off his jacket, and goes into the bathroom to get ready for bed. Before he closes the door, Niall calls him again, "Hey Zayn?"

Zayn pokes his head out and looks at him questioningly. "What?"

Niall smiles. "Thanks for telling me."

Zayn smiles back and gives him a nod before he closes the bathroom door, takes a deep breath and looks at himself in the mirror. 

That went much better than he'd expected.


	11. Chapter 11

Everything feels better now that Niall knows. Whenever Zayn gets a sweet text from Liam (and he gets several a day), he doesn't have to lie about who's making him smile like a lovesick idiot. Niall rolls his eyes, laughs at him and generally teases him a lot about how sappily in love he is, but he doesn't do it in a mean way. Zayn can tell Niall is happy for him; glad that Zayn has finally found someone he's really comfortable around. 

When he tells Harry and Louis about the night at the pub and the events thereafter, Harry's mildly offended that Niall has already met Liam while the two of them haven't even _seen_ him, and demands to be introduced at some point. Zayn agrees and promises Harry he'll meet him as soon as they're 'official'. 

Because despite the fact that they've been on several dates now, they're still not really together. Or at least Zayn doesn’t think so. Actually, he's not quite sure _what_ they are and how that whole relationship thing works anyway. When do relationships start? After the first kiss, the first sex? Is that a thing you discuss or do you go from dating to relationship by silent mutual agreement? 

Zayn suddenly wishes things were as easy as they used to be in primary school. Back then, it was enough to hold hands with someone and you were considered a "couple". 

But then… does it really matter? He likes Liam, Liam likes him. They're spending a lot of time together, getting to know each other, and if things are meant to work out (and Zayn really, really hopes they are), everything will fall into place in its own time.

A busy week and a half passes after that night at the pub. Despite the fact that Zayn has several tests at uni, as well as two nights and a whole weekend of porn scenes to shoot, he manages to find some time for Liam. They talk and laugh, hold hands and share kisses that turn increasingly passionate, and just have a good time together. Zayn is in heaven; everything finally seems to work out perfectly.

They go out again that Wednesday night, and after dinner and a movie, they spend three hours snogging in Liam's car. Their lips are bruised and kiss-swollen, hands wander and Zayn is hard the entire time. 

But they still don't go any further. 

It isn't Liam's fault, however. Liam wants more; Zayn can tell. It is obvious in the way he looks at him, kisses him, touches him. There's a desperation in his whole demeanour that wasn't there before, and Zayn knows it's time to take this further. And Zayn wants to; he really does. He's been having the most perverted sex dreams about Liam for days now; dreams that make him blush with their graphic details. But whenever Liam makes an attempt to ask Zayn to come home with him after a date, some sort of block seems to go up in Zayn and he presses their lips together to prevent Liam from asking. When Liam's hands move down to his crotch, Zayn threads his fingers through Liam's or pushes it under his shirt instead, not letting him touch him more than he already has.

He's not sure what it is, but for some reason, he does everything in his power to keep Liam from getting what he wants.

When their lips are swollen and red and literally hurt, they decide to call it a night and both return to their respective homes more than a little sexually frustrated. After he's taken care of what is now almost a permanent erection, Zayn stares up at the ceiling and wonders what's wrong with him; why he won't let this happen.

He wants Liam. He wants him badly; more than he's ever wanted anything in his life. He wants to rub himself all over Liam, have him touch him everywhere and try things with him he's never even dreamed of doing before. Liam's all he thinks about day and night. But whenever they get to the point where Zayn could have Liam, he stops it. 

Why won't he just let it happen? When Liam's hands start wandering, Zayn tenses up and his mind is screaming at him to stop. Yet he has no idea why. 

He scowls up at the ceiling of his dorm, frustrated with himself because he can't seem to come up with an explanation for his truly baffling behaviour. He honestly has no idea what's going on. 

Before he can think it through, he reaches for the phone and calls the only person who might be able to help him. 

"Zayn? What is it, did something happen?" asks Louis, his voice slightly raspy and heavy with sleep as he picks up the phone after the third ring. Zayn glances over at his alarm clock and blinks when he realises it's 3 am and that Louis was most likely asleep. 

Zayn nibbles his lip. "No, don't worry. I'm sorry for waking you up; I didn't realise it was this late already. I should let you get back to bed. I'm really sorry."

He hears Louis sigh heavily on the other end of the line. "Well, no. Now I'm awake and curious, so spill. What is it, Zayn?" He hears Louis shift on the bed and Harry's soft voice as he asks him what's going on. "Go back to sleep, Haz, Zayn just needs to talk."

Harry hums in understanding, then falls silent again. 

Zayn nibbles his lip. "Okay, so Liam and I have been going on for a while, as you know, but we still haven't…" He trails off, waving his hand. 

"Done the deed?" Louis supplies helpfully. 

"Yeah."

"Why not?" Louis asks. "It's been weeks now, hasn't it? Don't you want to? He sounds pretty hot, if you ask me, and if I were you, I would've jumped him a long time ago."

"He is," Zayn admits. "He is really hot. And I do want him."

"Then what's the problem? Is it him?"

"No, it's not him at all. He's made it quite obvious that he wants sex." Zayn hesitates, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know what my problem is, Louis. I'm so frustrated and permanently horny. I really don't know what the fuck I'm doing here. It's just– whenever he tries to touch me or take me home with him, it just feels wrong, for some reason. Not in the sense that he's pressuring me or anything – because he isn't. We both want it, yet for some reason, I just… can't."

"That's odd," Louis comments. Zayn imagines him with a frown on his sleepy features, a tired Harry curled into his side, and has to smile. He turns serious again instantly, though, because this is really bugging him, and if Louis can't figure out what might be the problem, Zayn has no idea how he'll be able to stand being around Liam. Liam won't wait forever; sooner or later, he'll get tired of waiting, won't take 'no' for an answer anymore and move on.

"Maybe it's the porn thing," Louis suggests after a long pause. "I don't know how your brain works, Zayn, but I can see that being a possibility."

Zayn frowns as he considers this, and realises instantly that Louis is right. "That's it," he breathes, rubbing his face. "That's it exactly. When Liam touches me, I feel like I shouldn't be having sex with him when I'm sexually involved with other men."

"Aw, love," Louis murmurs. "You just have to let go and find a way to separate the two. Porn and your private life are two completely different things and after you finish shooting a scene, you just need to learn to let go and not think about it again until you're required to be on set again. You're not doing porn because you're in love with me or Haz or anyone else you might sleep with in the future. You're doing it because you enjoy sex, it gives you a… creative outlet, of some sort, it makes you a lot more confident, and – let's face it – because the money is pretty damn sweet. You love Liam and porn's got nothing to do with him; you just have to remind yourself of that whenever you're facing that problem."

Zayn pushes himself up, then leans back and sighs. "But isn't it technically cheating? If I sleep with Liam, it'll mean something and will probably take our relationship a step further. We won't just be casually dating; we'll be in an actual relationship. And sleeping with other people while you're in a relationship, is cheating, isn't it?"

He sighs. "I'm confused."

Louis shrugs. "I suppose it depends on your definition of the word relationship. Harry and I have always talked about it very openly as you know, and I don't consider it cheating when he sleeps with someone else in front of the camera. And Haz feels the same way about it. Porn isn't cheating; it's a job. So maybe all you have to do is think of it as your job, rather than a hobby, and you should be fine."

Zayn presses his lips together and swallows hard. "It just feels wrong, you know? Like I'd be betraying him."

"So tell him."

Zayn's eyes widened. "No. No way, I can't tell him. Are you insane? He'd never look at me again. Not everyone is as open and tolerant as you guys are, Louis; you can't expect everyone to understand what we do." 

"I don't. And I suppose you're right. Most blokes would probably have a problem with it." Louis sighs. "Look, Zayn, I don't know what to tell you here. I think this is just something you need to figure out for yourself. I've pointed you in the right direction and now you need to find a way to make it work for yourself."

Zayn is silent for a moment and idly plays with the fabric of his bed sheets. "Maybe I should just quit," he says quietly. 

"Do you _want_ to quit?" Louis asks.

Zayn shakes his head. "No," he murmurs. He sighs. "If I'd known before that I'd meet the man of my dreams pretty much the day after I decided to become a porn star, I never would've started this whole thing in the first place. But I suppose it's too late for that now, and yeah, you're right. I have to find a way to deal with this on my own."

He pauses. "Thanks, Louis."

"No problem, mate. But hey, don't beat yourself up over this, all right? In my humble opinion, you're safe until he says you're exclusive. So just enjoy yourself, and reconsider it again when that question comes up, all right?"

Zayn nods. Louis is right. He doesn't like thinking about this but for all he knows, Liam could be dating other people on the side. So until they talk about being exclusive, he probably shouldn't worry about anything. "All right," he sighs finally. "Thanks, Lou, this has helped a lot. I'm really sorry for waking you up."

"That's all right," Louis laughs. "Just try to think your deep, philosophical thoughts during the day next time, yeah?"

Zayn grins. "I'll try. Go back to sleep; I don't want to get in trouble with Harry when you look like crap in the morning. I'll see you soon, yeah?"

"You will, yeah," Louis says. "And Zayn? Relax, yeah? Don't be so fucking tense all the time and just let yourself enjoy your life. You're young and yeah, Liam may turn out to be the love of your life, but if he is, things are gonna work out either way. I'm a firm believer in faith and if you two are meant to be, you haven't got a thing to worry about. And if he isn't and can't accept the fact your job, then maybe you'd be well shot of him."

Zayn smiles, feeling much better than he had just a few minutes ago. "I'll keep that in mind. Night, Lou."

"Night, love," Louis says, and hangs up. 

Zayn sets his phone down and rolls onto his side, staring into the darkness for a little while, but eventually, he manages to let go and falls asleep. He doesn't dream about sex with Liam that night, but instead has a nightmare about Liam's reaction to finding out Zayn fucks other men in his spare time. 

He wakes up bathed in sweat (and not in the good way), and realises he has a long way to go; lots of thinking ahead of him before he can let this go. He also thinks that the fact that he's uncomfortable sleeping with Liam while doing porn at the same time isn't the only thing that keeps him from getting laid. He has a feeling there's something else…

*****

The next day, they go on another date. Liam doesn't mention the previous night and nothing seems any different between them, which Zayn is grateful for. They go to a coffee shop after classes and talk, then go for a long walk, planning on going to dinner whenever they start getting hungry. 

They walk in silence and it's comfortable and nice, the way it always is. 

Zayn doesn't even pay attention to where they're going and is a little surprised when Liam suddenly stops and squeezes his hand. Zayn looks at him curiously, brow furrowing behind his glasses. 

Liam seems nervous and glances up at the building they've stopped in front of hesitantly before he says, "This is where I live."

Zayn's heart skips a beat and starts racing as he looks up at the building as well. He glances over at Liam again, not sure what to say or think. He's been sure he'd have another few days to talk himself into this but it certainly seems like Liam's looking to get laid tonight.

Liam tugs him close. "I was thinking that we could spend the evening here," he says softly, warm breath ghosting over Zayn's face as he brushes a kiss over his lips and looks at him with deep brown eyes. "I could cook something, we could watch a movie…"

Liam doesn't say it, but Zayn knows what's implied. It's obvious. And it's not even that it's wrong of Liam to ask this; Zayn is just caught off guard and a little bit terrified.

He licks his lips, glancing back at the building hesitantly. "I don't know," he murmurs. "I thought we were going to that little French restaurant we found the other day…"

It's not that he doesn't want to see where Liam lives; he does. He just knows where it'll lead in the end, if they go up there now, and he's not sure he's ready to go there. And he feels like an ass for saying no, but he can't help it. 

"You don't want to," Liam says after studying him for a moment. 

He lets go of one of Zayn's hands and steps back. "All right. Sure. No problem. Some other time then."

He tugs on Zayn's hand lightly and they start walking towards the restaurant. Zayn watches Liam as they walk in silence. He can tell Liam is trying hard not to show his anger or disappointment, but he's not doing a very good job. He seems tense, and Zayn wants to apologise and explain it all to Liam, but how is he supposed to do that when he _himself_ doesn't even know what the fuck is wrong with him? He honestly wouldn't be able to blame Liam if he decided to just dump him right here and now.

They go to the restaurant, and dinner is nice. They talk and laugh a little but something is different. Zayn feels like he's broken something between them, and tries desperately to fix it but nothing seems to work. Maybe he's wrong, though. Maybe he's just imagining things and Liam's not mad at all.

When they walk back to Zayn's dorm after dinner, however, his fear is confirmed when Liam kisses his lips briefly and steps back right away. "Goodnight, Zayn. I had a lovely evening. Call me, yeah?" 

He turns around and leaves without another word, and with no real goodbye kiss. 

Zayn watches him leave and swallows hard, his heart pounding in his chest as he makes his way upstairs into his empty dorm, not even bothering to turn on the light as he throws himself onto the bed and tries not to panic. He can't help but think that he's done something really wrong now. He's fucked this up. Liam's lost interest in him because he's not willing to sleep with him. 

No, that's not quite right and makes Liam sound like an arse; which he obviously isn't. It's natural for him to want more; they're both adults and sexually active (Zayn only recently, but still), so it wasn't wrong of him to expect something at this point. And Liam probably isn't even mad because of the no sex thing but because Zayn didn't even give him an explanation. 

He's fucked up big time. 

Zayn lies there in the dark for a little while until there's a knock on the door. Sighing heavily, he drags himself back out of bed to open the door, expecting a drunk Niall or someone begging for beer for some party.

His heart skips a beat when instead, he finds Liam standing there, looking at him with an intensity Zayn's never seen in his eyes before. He's leaning against the doorway, just staring at Zayn longingly.

Zayn's about to open his mouth to ask if he forgot something, but before he knows what's happening, Liam reaches for him and pushes him into the room. He slams him into the nearest wall and kisses him hard. Zayn blinks and whimpers, but returns the kiss instantly, desperate for some affection after that relatively cold goodbye earlier.

Liam's hands are all over him and he kicks the door shut with his foot, without breaking the kiss. Zayn deepens the kiss, slides his tongue into Liam's mouth and moans when Liam shoves him harder into the wall, his solid, warm body pressed against Zayn's. Zayn slides his hands into Liam's hair, tugging a little, while Liam's hands move down to cup Zayn's arse, squeezing. 

Zayn arches into the touch, then breaks the kiss to gasp for air. Liam's lips immediately attack his neck; licking, sucking, biting, and Zayn's eyes flutter closed of their own account. Liam grinds his hips into Zayn's, pressing their clothed erections together and Zayn swallows hard. 

"Liam," he whispers, digging his fingers into Liam's back. When Liam doesn't react and keeps rubbing against him, sinking his teeth into his neck, leaving a mark, he says it again, a little more insistently this time, "Liam."

Liam lets out a frustrated sigh and pulls back, dropping his hands to his sides in defeat. He presses their foreheads together as he stares at Zayn intently, cupping his cheek with his palm and letting out a heavy sigh. "Okay, what, Zayn? What _is_ it? I'm beginning to get really fucking frustrated here, so tell me what the hell is going on. Because you want this – I can tell you do. So why…" He trails off and looks at Zayn expectantly. He doesn't look angry; just confused and desperate.

Zayn looks back at him, panting a little, and slides his hands down to Liam's biceps. He lowers his head and looks down at his feet, squeezing Liam's arms lightly as he tries to find the right words to explain what's going on. 

The silence stretches as they stand there in complete darkness, the only sound their heavy breathing.


	12. Chapter 12

"Zayn," Liam says patiently, cupping Zayn's cheek with his palm. He tilts his chin up, forcing him to look into his eyes. "Come on, what is it? Talk to me, please. I'm just trying to understand why you keep pushing me away when I can see so clearly that you want it too. You do, right?"

Zayn licks his lips and nods. "Yeah. I do; it's just…"

He sucks in a breath. "I'm just scared because I've never really been involved with anyone before. I've never been in love before and I'm falling hard for you and I'm afraid that if I give myself to you completely, I'll just be… really vulnerable, you know? I'm afraid I'm gonna get my heart broken. I know it's probably an irrational fear and I _know_ you're a great guy who probably wouldn't hurt a fly, at least not intentionally. I do trust you but I can't help feeling this way."

He tries to look away, but Liam still has a firm grip on his chin, so he's forced to meet Liam's eyes again eventually. He bites his lip worriedly as he watches Liam's expression soften. "That's it?" Liam asks softly. "You're afraid I'm going to break your heart?"

Zayn gives a weak shrug. It _is_ the truth; part of him is worried he'll end up getting hurt. Another part of him is worried that in the end, he won't be enough for Liam – in general and in bed – and he's so bloody attached to Liam already that the thought of losing him now kind of kills him. 

"Zayn," Liam murmurs, bringing Zayn's attention back to him. He gives him a small smile. "Those aren't irrational fears. They're normal. I don't know much about your past dating history but from what I understand, I'm the first bloke you're dating?"

Zayn nods hesitantly. "It's normal to be scared, especially under those circumstances," Liam continues. "I'm a few years older than you, probably more experienced – it's understandable that you've got certain worries and fears. But Zayn?"

"Hm?"

Liam smiles. "I'm not going to break your heart. You fascinate me. I've never dated anyone I've had such an instant connection with and I'm not planning on letting you go. There may be things I don't know about you yet – and you about me – but I can already tell that there's nothing that would make me not want to keep seeing you. I like you, Zayn. I like you a lot."

He licks his lips. "Now, if you're not ready to sleep with me, I get it. We can wait a little longer until you feel more comfortable around me or until I've made you realise that you can trust me completely. Just say the word and I'll go home, and we'll wait until you're ready."

Zayn looks into Liam's eyes, trying to process his words. They're exactly what Zayn needs to hear, and his doubts and insecurities vanish instantly. Instead of answering Liam's question, Zayn wraps his arms around his neck and fits their lips together in a long, deep kiss, telling Liam everything he needs to know. 

Liam lets out a soft gasp and seems surprised for a moment but he tightens his arms around Zayn and pulls him closer right away. Zayn leans against the wall, their bodies pressed together as they kiss slowly, pouring every emotion into that one kiss. Zayn's whole body is tingling from the bruising force of Liam's lips against his own, his heart racing in his chest. 

Liam's hands slide down Zayn's sides to cup his arse, squeezing it as he slides his tongue into his mouth and seeks out Zayn's. Zayn's breath hitches in his throat when Liam suddenly picks him up easily and carries him over to the bed; choosing the right one by instinct. 

He lays him down on it and Zayn's stomach flutters when Liam slides on top of him, his body heavy and solid above him. Zayn's never felt anything more perfect. Claiming Liam's lips in another heated kiss, he kicks off his shoes and wraps himself around Liam; long legs circling his waist and holding him close. 

Zayn trails his fingers down Liam's back and slides his hands under his shirt, stroking warm skin and eliciting a soft gasp from Liam. 

"Need you," Zayn murmurs when the kiss breaks and they both gasp for air. Liam stares down at him hungrily through the darkness and nods mutely, pushing himself up on his knees to tug his shirt over his head. 

Zayn stifles a moan as he looks up at Liam and fights the sudden urge to turn on the light. He wants to see Liam, but has a feeling that the bit of confidence he has right now would leave him instantly if, since Liam would be seeing _him_ as well. He's not quite ready for that. 

He manages to fumble his own t-shirt off as well, and reaches up to Liam to pull him down again, moaning when their bare chests are pressed together. He trails his fingers down Liam's naked back, exploring, tracing his muscles and digging his nails into his skin desperately.

The feel of Liam's bulge pressed against his own makes him moan and arch up to get more friction. Liam seems to understand and starts grinding his hips against Zayn's, circling them slowly.

Zayn feels his body heat up as they kiss again, tongues tangling, warm and wet. He swallows hard, suppressing a whine when much too soon, Liam pulls back again. He watches with wide eyes as the other man reaches down and opens his trousers, wiggling out of them. His boxers are already tented, his erection quite obvious and Zayn licks his lips unconsciously. 

He is about to reach for him again when Liam gets off the bed entirely and pulls down his boxers as well. He looks gorgeous in the pale light of the streetlamps outside. Zayn pushes himself up on his elbows and just stares at him for a moment, letting his eyes travel over the broad shoulders, taut abs, narrow hips. Finally, his eyes settle on Liam's erection, and he whimpers helplessly while his own cock twitches in his tight jeans. He's never wanted anyone more in his life. 

He opens his own trousers a moment later and pushes them down, managing to wiggle out of them with some difficulty and not even caring that he probably doesn't look very elegant as he does. He pulls his briefs down over his hips without hesitation, then meets Liam's eyes in the dark room.

"Fuck," Liam whispers as he takes him in, and Zayn feels his whole body heat up as a flush spreads over him, hoping Liam's admiring the view rather than disappointed by the sight of his naked, skinny body.

He doesn't complain, so Zayn takes that as a good sign. Liam kneels back down on the bed and lowers himself on top of Zayn, looking down into his eyes, their faces millimetres apart. Zayn's eyes flutter closed when he feels Liam's gentle fingertips on his chest, grazing his nipples lightly on their way down to his stomach. 

His lips are claimed in passionate heated kiss as Liam slides between his legs, pressing their bare erections together. Zayn lets out a surprised moan; his hips jerk up of their own accord at the feel of Liam's warm erection rubbing lightly against his own. When Liam starts thrusting against him slowly, Zayn's heart starts racing and he digs his fingers into Liam's shoulders, holding him in place as he rubs back against him almost desperately. 

Liam lets go of Zayn's lips and trails warm, wet kisses down his neck, sucking on his pulse point; probably leaving a mark. Zayn doesn't care; he wants to have Liam's love bites all over his body; wants everyone to know whom he belongs to. He cranes his neck to give Liam better access, threading his fingers through his hair as the other man slowly moves down Zayn's body, leaving no part of him untouched and unkissed. 

Liam licks and nibbles his way down Zayn's torso, taking his time to pay attention to every inch of his skin. Zayn uses the moment to reach into his bedside drawer to fumble for lube and a condom. He slams the drawer shut, then looks down at Liam, moaning when the latter looks up at him with dark eyes as he sinks his teeth into his thigh, hands firmly pinning his hips to the bed. 

"Liam," Zayn murmurs and sucks in a sharp breath when he feels Liam's warm breath on the exposed and already leaking head of his cock. He furrows his brow and grabs the bed sheets, holding on tightly as Liam trails his tongue up the underside of Zayn's cock with teasing slowness, nuzzling it with his cheek where it's resting against his stomach. "Ohh…"

He can feel Liam smile against his hip before he places a few wet, open-mouthed kisses to his stomach, follows his happy trail with the tip of his tongue and closes his fingers around Zayn's cock. Zayn arches up and lets out an embarrassing mewl while his fists nearly tear the sheets to shreds.

"Oh fuck," he whimpers and thrusts forward automatically when the wet heat of Liam's mouth engulfs his cock, sucking him down to the base. Zayn digs his teeth into his bottom lip and lifts his head, staring down at Liam as he sucks him off. 

Liam's good at this; really good, and Zayn can't help but wonder how many guys he's done this to; how many people he's shared a bed with over the years. He banishes that thought immediately, however, not wanting to get caught up in irrational jealousy. Instead, he leans his head back against the pillows and enjoys Liam's skilled mouth, reaching down to tangle his fingers in Liam's soft hair. 

Too focused on the sensation of Liam's tight lips around his cock and the feel of his tongue swirling around the head, he moans in surprise when suddenly, slick fingers rub against his opening. He clenches around them automatically, still not entirely used to the feel of someone else touching him there.

He relaxes soon enough, groaning when Liam's fingers push inside, stretching him carefully. Zayn pulls his knees up and spreads his legs wide, giving Liam better access as he pushes against his fingers encouragingly, wanting more. Liam seems to get the hint and starts finger-fucking him slowly, releasing his cock a couple of seconds later. 

Zayn can feel Liam's eyes on him and swallows hard when Liam finally considers him ready and removes his fingers. Zayn opens his eyes and licks his dry lips, watching Liam pull the condom over his cock and give himself a couple of firm strokes as he slicks himself. 

He wants to reach for him, pull him on top of him; but Liam has other ideas. He lies down next to him, slides an arm under him and pulls him back against him. Then he slides a hand under his thigh and pulls it up over his hip, moving his own leg between Zayn's as he aligns his cock with his entrance, rubbing the tip against Zayn's twitching hole. ([x](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/thilia/10428579/761992/761992_original.jpg))

"Oh god," Zayn whispers, his eyes fluttering closed and rolling into the back of his head when Liam gives a little push forward with his hips and slides in easily, his chest pressed against Zayn's back and encircling him with his arms. 

The position is different than anything Zayn's ever tried before; kind of intimate. He loves it. 

He wraps an arm around the back of Liam's neck, breathing shakily as he looks into his eyes, carefully clenching around Liam's length to adjust to it. He's big; bigger than anything Zayn's had in him till now but he feels amazing; seems to fill him up perfectly; complete him.

Their noses brush as Liam leans in and places a gentle kiss to his lips, pushing his hips forward and his cock all the way inside.

"Ohhh," Zayn moans, his breath hitching when Liam starts moving right away; pulling out just a little only to push in again. Zayn's fingers dig into the back of his neck as he pushes back against him, slowly moving with him, finding Liam's rhythm. He gazes deep into his eyes, both of them breathing heavily as they move a little clumsily at first before they fall into synch. 

Liam looks at him with dark eyes, stroking his stomach as he continues thrusting slowly but with increasing force, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Mmh," he moans quietly, showering Zayn's cheekbones and jaw with light, gentle kisses. Zayn furrows his brow and bites his lip in concentration, clenching around Liam and smiling at the little moans he gets in return. 

Liam alternates between rough and slow thrusts and Zayn tries to keep up with him, but after a while, all he can do is lie there, boneless and overwhelmed, while Liam fucks him. He looks up at him through his lashes, taking in Liam's flushed cheeks and the intent look on his face, watching him. 

Liam meets his eyes and lets out a breath, giving him a sweet smile as he presses a kiss to Zayn's brow and squeezes his hand. After a while, Liam's hand moves down and wraps around Zayn's cock. He strokes him roughly, his grip firm while he keeps slamming into Zayn, hitting his prostate so hard it almost makes Zayn see stars. 

It doesn't take much longer; a few more thrusts and he's gone, falling over the edge and gasping out Liam's name as he the familiar wave of pleasure rushes through his body and he comes all over Liam's hand, clenching uncontrollably around Liam's dick.

Liam presses his face into his neck and jerks forward a moment later when he comes as well, hips snapping forward to lock their bodies together. 

A moment later, he collapses on the pillow, breathing heavily into Zayn's neck. He carefully slips out of him, gets rid of the condom and then tightens his strong arms around Zayn, spooning him, holding him close.

Zayn slides his hands over Liam's, tightening the other man's arms around his waist and burying his face in the pillow as he tries to catch his breath. 

There's a long silence as they both recover from the force of their orgasms and think their own thoughts until Liam presses warm lips to the back of Zayn's neck and laces their fingers. "You all right?" he whispers into his ear, sending shivers down Zayn's spine. 

Zayn nods, smiling as he squeezes Liam's hand gently. 

"Yeah," he murmurs. "More than all right."

He can feel Liam smile against his shoulder, and reaches behind himself with his free hand, stroking Liam's hair gently. 

Another pause follows, then Liam asks softly, "Do you want me to go home?" 

Zayn tightens his arms around Liam's immediately and shakes his head. "No, stay."

"Okay," Liam whispers. He leans over Zayn and kisses his cheek, then buries his face in the back of his neck after pulling the covers over them, breathing him in.

They don't say anything else after that, both revelling in the aftermath of their love-making – because that's what it was. It wasn't casual sex; it was making love. Zayn isn't very experienced but even he can tell the difference. 

Moments later, he dozes off, falling asleep with Liam's arms wrapped protectively around him and a content smile on his lips.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter for you while I'm figuring out what to do next... ;)

When Zayn opens his eyes in the morning, he finds Niall sitting on his own bed, cross-legged and looking back at him with a goofy grin. Zayn furrows his brow and groans, burying his face in the pillow when he becomes aware of the warm body behind him. He smiles.

"Good morning," Niall says cheerfully. "Looks like congratulations are in order."

Zayn sighs. "Are you watching us sleep, you pervert?"

Niall huffs. "I just got back. It's not like I've been sitting here for an hour just staring at you. Please, I've got better things to do with my time."

Zayn shivers and frowns when he notices that the window is open. 

"Oh, yeah, smelled like come and sweat in here. It was disgusting," Niall continues happily, making Zayn seriously consider just going back to sleep. Behind him, Liam is still asleep, face buried in his shoulder, arms wrapped around him. Zayn nestles into him and rubs his face. 

"What time is it?"

"About nine," Niall says after checking his watch. 

Zayn gives him a look. "And you're waking me up this early _why_?"

Niall shrugs. "Just figured you may want to go to class, which starts in about an hour. Besides, I didn't wake you up."

Zayn blinks. "Oh. Right. Class."

He sighs heavily and burrows deeper into Liam's embrace, now wanting to be awake even less than before. 

"Did you have a good night, at least?" Niall asks and gives him a smile that Zayn can't help but return. 

"Yeah," he murmurs. "It was perfect."

Niall beams. "Good! I'm happy for you. You two look adorable together. I mean, apart from the fact that Liam's drooling all over you."

Zayn tugs his pillow out from under his head and throws it in Niall's general direction. He catches it expertly. "Ha," he laughs, tossing the pillow back and accidentally hitting Liam, who doesn't even stir. 

Zayn pushes himself into an upright position and rubs the back of his neck. "Would you get us some coffee?" he asks, not really expecting Niall to say yes – but it's worth a try. "I'd like a few minutes alone with Liam, if you don't mind, and coffee would be excellent right now."

Niall sighs heavily. "Fine, fine. I'll go. Make sure you're decent in about ten minutes."

Zayn smiles as he watches Niall leave, calling "Thanks!" after him. 

When the door is closed, he turns around to face Liam, propping his head up on his arm as he watches him sleep for another moment. Then he leans in and brushes a gentle kiss over the tip of his nose, smiling when Liam's nose twitches. 

Liam's eyes flutter open and he squints at the bright daylight. After a couple of seconds, he focuses on Zayn, and his face literally lights up when he recognises him. "Morning, you," he murmurs, his voice still rough with sleep. "Have you been awake for a long time? I'm sorry – when I'm out, I'm out."

Zayn shakes his head. "A few minutes, and it's all right. You're cute when you're asleep. I like watching you."

Liam gives him a crinkly smile and brushes gentle fingers over Zayn's bare hip. They just look at each other adoringly – and Zayn would gladly spend the rest of the day doing just that; but Niall will be back soon and he has classes to attend, so he has no choice. 

"Niall's bringing us coffee," he informs Liam after a moment of silence, brushing Liam's soft, messy hair off his forehead. "And my class starts in less than an hour, so I'm afraid I have to make you get up."

Liam rubs his face. "Oh, right. Forgot you have a roommate."

He pauses. "Wait, he wasn't here last night when we…" He trails off, looking a little green at the idea of having had sex with Zayn in front of an unsuspecting Irishman. Who may or may not have enjoyed the visual.

Zayn laughs. "No, he was out, probably getting some as well. He came back this morning."

"Oh. Good." Liam visibly relaxes. 

Zayn gives him a smile and leans in to peck Liam's forehead before he reluctantly rolls out of bed and stumbles his way to the bathroom to pee and brush his teeth and face. 

When he returns a moment later, he's still naked, and aware of Liam's eyes on him as he rummages through the pile of clothes on his chair on the search for something semi-clean to wear. While the night before, the idea of Liam actually seeing him naked worried him a little, right now, he's completely confident. Maybe it is too early in the morning for his self-consciousness to kick in. He glances at Liam as he sniffs a t-shirt. 

"Don't look at me like that," he chuckles as he pulls on clean boxers and a pair of jeans he's worn a couple of times before. "We have no time for what you're thinking about right now."

Liam raises a brow. "And what am I thinking about, hm?"

The tips of Zayn's ears colour at the suggestive tone of Liam's voice, and he gives him a small smile. "Something we don't have time for," he replies, giving him a wink as he pulls on a t-shirt and cardigan. He checks his appearance in the mirror, then pads back to the bed and sits down on the edge of it. 

"I really don't want to throw you out of bed, but unless you want Niall to see you naked…" When Liam raises a brow and grins, clearly not bothered by that at all, Zayn scowls. "Okay, never mind – _I_ don't want Niall to see you naked."

Liam grins, pushing himself up on his elbows. The bed sheets slide down to reveal pale skin and those impressive abs Zayn got a glimpse of the night before. He is slightly hairy and Zayn feels his mouth water when his eyes follow the happy trail down…

"Do I detect jealousy, Mr. Malik?" Liam asks teasingly as he removes the covers entirely and stands up. Zayn licks his lips as he admires Liam's naked body, which is far more gorgeous than he imagined. He shifts on the bed but reminds himself that there's no time for even a quickie. 

"Jealous? Me? Never," Zayn says with a smile, sighing softly when Liam gets dressed just in time – a couple of seconds later, Niall bursts into the room, fingers covering his eyes. 

Zayn laughs. "We're dressed," he says, smiling when Niall immediately drops his hand. 

"Oh, good," he says, smirking when he spots Liam up and awake. "Hey Liam!"

"Hi," Liam says back, grinning. "And you brought coffee! You may be my favourite person in the world right now," he adds as he reaches for one of the cups. 

Zayn clears his throat, and Liam amends, "Well, second favourite."

Zayn looks pleased at that and smiles his thanks when he accepts the second cup of coffee from Niall, wrapping his hands around it. He takes a few sips before he looks at Niall. "Wait, isn't your first class usually at eight?"

Niall nods. "Usually, yeah. It was cancelled. I was rather pissed when I found out I got up two hours early."

He grimaces. "I should probably get going, though; my next one starts in a few minutes."

He rises to his feet, then gives Zayn and Liam a stern look. "And you'll go to classes as well. Can't have you starting to skip a few classes here and there. You're supposed to be the serious one of us, so… keep it that way, yeah?"

Zayn grins. "Yeah, yeah," he says, shaking his head when he watches Niall leave. 

Then he leans against Liam and looks at him for a moment, before he leans in and presses a light kiss to his lips. "I had a great time with you," he says honestly, then adds, "And I don't regret it. I may not have been entirely ready for it last night but it was perfect. You _made_ it perfect for me, and… thank you."

He flushes a little, wondering where the urge to make that confession suddenly came from, but glad he's said it nonetheless. 

Liam slides an arm around his shoulder, pulling him close. "I'm glad to hear that, Zayn," he admits. "I'm sorry if I seemed insufferably pushy and impatient; that really wasn't my intention. You just…" He smiles. "You just kind of drive me crazy and it was hard not to want more."

A smile tugs on the corners of Zayn's lips. "Oh yeah? So I'm irresistible, huh?"

Liam nods seriously. "You really are."

He touches his cheek, brushing a warm thumb over Zayn's cheekbone before leaning forward to give him a kiss; a real one. Zayn closes his eyes and falls into the kiss, deepening it slowly and wrapping his free hand around the back of Liam's neck. 

When Liam pulls back, he looks thoughtful. "Does this mean I finally get to invite you over to my place? And you're _not_ going to say no this time?"

"I'd love to see your flat," Zayn says instantly. "I've wanted to before, I just… wasn't quite there yet."

Liam nods. "All right. This weekend then, yeah?"

"Perfect," Zayn agrees, and feels a nervous flutter in his stomach when he imagines what it'll be like. He's already looking forward to it. 

They finish their coffees swiftly as it's just about time for Zayn to leave. He shoves some books and his laptop into his backpack and shoulders it, then locks the door as they step out. 

The hallway is empty as most of the other students are either still in bed or already in class. Liam uses the moment of privacy to place another light kiss to Zayn's lips, looking at him with complete adoration. Then he steps back. "I'll text you later."

Zayn nods and takes a deep breath. "All right. Have a good day, Li."

Liam smiles. "I will."

He takes a few steps back, then sighs dreamily before he turns around and leaves the building. Zayn stays there for another moment, a probably ridiculously sappy smile on his face, before he snaps out of it and makes his way to uni, already knowing it's going to be a good day.


	14. Chapter 14

Zayn's day ends up being as good as he expected. He gets a B on his presentation, which is far more than he thought he'd get, then eats chicken in the canteen, which just happens to be his favourite meal, and his last class is cancelled. He ends up going back to his dorm earlier than expected and is in an extremely good mood when he gets there. 

He fumbles for his keys and blinks when he almost steps on a thick brown envelope as he's about to unlock the door to his place. He bends down to pick it up and turns it around, finding his name in big black letters on the front. His heart skips a beat when he realises what it must be, and he hurriedly unlocks the door, slamming it shut when he's inside. 

Not taking his eyes off the envelope, he drops his keys onto his desk and makes his way over to his bed, flopping down on it. He opens the envelope, not particularly surprised when a slim DVD case falls into his lap, followed by another, thinner envelope. He goes for the latter first, tearing it open carefully. 

When he holds the cheque in his hands, he can't do anything but stare at it for a while. His first paycheque. He stares at the four numbers in shock. He isn't sure how much he'd expected, but certainly not this much; especially not for his first movie. He can't help but wonder how much Louis makes these days. 

When he's done staring and processing the fact that he's actually quite rich now, he reaches for the DVD. It's blank, with no label, which Zayn is secretly glad about. It would be pretty embarrassing if Niall ended up finding a DVD with the title Horny Boys III or whatever they ended up naming the film.

Since Niall isn't supposed to be back for another couple of hours, Zayn takes out his laptop and pops the DVD in, leaning back as he starts the clip. He's actually a little nervous, despite having seen some of the scenes already. 

It starts with the very first scene Zayn shot that first weekend. Louis and Zayn are on the couch, watching football, drinking beer. Zayn cringes a little as he watches himself on screen, but after a couple of minutes, manages to look at the whole thing from an outsider's point of view. And he isn't bad. Harry and Louis are right – he does have a certain raw talent for this, and while he's still a little clumsy and much more awkward than the two other boys, who are obviously experts at this, he does do a rather good job. 

He does find a few things he doesn't particularly like, however, and makes a mental note to improve his blowjob skills and not hold back so much when he's trying to be seductive. He just has to completely forget about the cameras and focus on whoever he's working with. Which shouldn't be a problem, as long as he keeps getting to work with Harry and Louis. He isn't quite sure what it would be like with another man. Because what if he ends up having to shoot a scene with someone he isn't all that attracted to? Would he be able to fake enthusiasm and desire for a bloke who does nothing for him?

He isn't sure – but since Harry's already sort of promised him that at least for their next film, they would be together, he decides not to worry about that until the time comes.

When he's watched the whole clip, he slips the DVD back into the case and slides it into the drawer of his bedside table. Niall respects his privacy, so Zayn isn't worried about him finding it, as long as he keeps it there.

As if on cue, his phone rings the moment he's closed the drawer. It's Harry; the exact person Zayn wants to talk to. He smiles as he picks up. "Hey Harry."

"Zayn!" Harry sounds excited. "Did you see our film? Oh my god, it looks so good – _you_ look so good. I told you you'd be fantastic."

Zayn blushes a little but smiles. "Yeah, I wasn't too bad. But you and Louis looked incredible; I've got so much to learn before I'm as good as you guys."

"Aw, thanks. I think you're almost there, though. You're _so_ good. I actually really enjoyed watching you and Louis together." He sighs happily, then continues, "It's going to be put on the website tonight. I wouldn't be surprised if it got more views than Gangnam Style on YouTube."

Zayn snorts. "Don't exaggerate."

"I'm serious!" Harry exclaims. "Our viewers are gonna love you; they always get excited when we've got a new face, and yours is such a pretty one, so. Trust me. You'll get loads of good feedback."

"I hope so," Zayn murmurs, a nervous flutter in his stomach when he thinks about all the men who are going to see this. 

"I _know_ so," Harry says. 

"So, what's next?" Zayn wants to know after a brief pause. 

"Well, the next one is gonna be you and me 'cause Louis is going to shoot another film at the same time. It'll be great – just you and me in a bed; a bit of a romantic ambiance. It'll be nice."

Zayn lets out a breath and smiles. "That does sound nice."

He can feel Harry smiling as well. "Yeah. It'll be all slow and gentle and kind of intense. My favourite kind of scene. And I'm actually looking forward to having you all to myself for once."

Zayn laughs. "Yeah, me too," he says, rubbing the back of his neck. "Any idea whom I might get to work with in the future? I was just thinking about what it would be like if I didn't have you or Louis around and… I'm frankly a little nervous about that."

"Oh, don't be," Harry says reassuringly. "I've worked with most of Simon's guys and they're all really great – and ridiculously attractive. I wouldn't worry about that if I were you. And oh, right, I meant to tell you – there's this rumour going around about this porn legend coming back for one of the next few shoots, as a director. I don't actually know if it's true, but if it is… I never got to work with him, but Louis has done a couple of scenes with him, and if he's to be believed, the guy is amazing."

Zayn smiles. "Yeah? Sounds great."

"I does," Harry agrees. "Oh, and I also heard that they want you to do a solo shoot in a couple of weeks. You know – you masturbating, maybe with a few toys…"

Zayn blinks at that and his stomach flips. "Really? Is that a good thing?"

"Totally," Harry confirms. "It means Simon thinks you can do it on your own and don't need another bloke to guide you. And I know you'll probably be worried, but don't be. You'll be great."

Zayn smiles. "Well, as long as you think so."

"I do," Harry says. "Right, I should let you get back to whatever you're doing – got some homework to do, actually, so… I'll see you soon, all right?"

"Yeah, okay. Bye."

Zayn waits for Harry to hang up before he sets his phone down on his bedside table and rolls onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. He glances at his clock after a moment, then gets up and locks the door. Back on the bed, he turns on his webcam and swiftly removes his clothes, settling back against the pillows.

If he's supposed to do a masturbation scene on his own, he needs to start practising, and since he's alone for another few minutes, there really is no time like the present.

*****

The week comes to an end, and Zayn is rather relieved when Liam invites him over for Saturday, rather than Friday night, since his shoot with Harry ends up being scheduled for that day. But since Liam fortunately has some sort of appointment that Friday after classes, Zayn is spared the embarrassment of cancelling their date, can enjoy his night at work and then look forward to his date with Liam on Saturday.

When his last class of the day ends, Zayn meets Harry at the bus station around five o'clock. They take the bus to the studio together; the same building as last time. 

When they get there and enter the house, they immediately hear Louis' moans coming from one of the rooms downstairs. Harry snorts. "He's so bloody _loud_ ," he says cheerfully, and tugs Zayn to the room in question. 

Zayn's brows shoot up when he sees the scene being filmed there; Louis is on a man's lap and being spanked. His arse is a lovely shade of pink, his face flushed and his mouth hanging open; the expression on his face one of intense pleasure.

"Ohhh, professsssorrr," he hisses when the man, who looks to be in his late twenties, slaps his arse again. "Yes! Harder!"

Zayn feels his cheek heat up, and his cock hardens a little in his trousers; he can't help it. 

"That's Nick," Harry murmurs into Zayn's ear, watching the scene in front of them just as avidly. "He's playing the teacher, obviously, and Louis is his naughty student."

He sighs, his voice low. "Very naughty…"

Zayn raises a brow at him and grins, then turns back to the scene and bites his lip when he watches Nick flip Louis over and bend him over the table. Louis whimpers and pushes his arse back, rubbing against the other man's crotch, completely lost in what he's doing. It's fascinating to watch.

Zayn swallows hard and is about to literally reach down and adjust himself in his pants when Harry touches his shoulder and tugs him back out of the room and up the stairs. Zayn watches him as they make their way upstairs. "And it really doesn't bother you to see Louis with someone else, like this Nick guy?"

"Nope," Harry says, giving him a patient smile. "I've told you, Zayn, it's completely all right. I've been with Nick on my own, Louis' been with Nick on his own countless times – it's perfectly all right. It's just sex."

Zayn nods, even though he still finds it kind of hard to believe that Harry's completely unbothered by this. 

They enter a simple yet comfortable-looking bedroom; the camera's already set up. 

They talk to the director briefly, getting some instructions. Zayn watches Harry as he takes off his clothes and does the same after a moment of hesitation. When he's naked, he gets on the bed and stretches, rolling onto his side as he watches Harry get redressed in a suit and tie. 

The scene they're supposed to play basically goes like this: Zayn pretends to be asleep, his horny boyfriend comes home from work. Harry starts touching him while Zayn is still asleep; then he wakes up and Harry fucks him. Sounds simple enough.

"You look good," Zayn says to Harry when he's fully dressed, which earns him a smile. He watches Harry leave the room, and gets under the covers, sighing softly at the feel of soft satin against his skin. He pulls them up to his waist, as instructed, and gets into a comfortable yet sexy sleeping position. He ruffles his hair to mess it up a bit, then closes his eyes and pretends to be asleep. 

He's unaware of what exactly is happening for the next couple of minutes. He hears the director call, "Action!", then hears the rustling of Harry's clothes as he enters the room. Harry seems to watch him for a moment before Zayn feels the bed dip when he sits down. 

Gentle fingers brush his cheek and Zayn leans into the touch unconsciously. He tries not to shiver when Harry trails his hand down the side of his neck and touches his shoulder, then strokes his palm down his torso. 

Harry rubs his nipples lightly and Zayn feels his cock twitch and sighs softly. Harry's hand moves down his body, stopping at his waist. The next thing he feels is Harry's warm breath as it ghosts across his collarbone and his lips as they brush gentle kisses over his skin. A warm tongue slides down his chest and twirls around a nipple before it's sucked into Harry's mouth. 

Zayn stirs and Harry moves his way down his body, dipping his tongue briefly into his bellybutton before he pushes the sheets down to reveal Zayn's naked body. 

Harry sits back for a moment and Zayn can tell he's taking off some of his clothes. He takes that moment to shift a little and, still pretending to be asleep, he slides his hand onto his stomach to rest just above his semi-hard cock. 

Harry's mouth is back on his body a moment later, licking a trail up the underside of his cock. He wraps a large hand around it and starts touching him, slowly stroking him to full hardness. Zayn moans quietly, pushing his hips up to lightly thrust his cock into Harry's fist, letting out a shaky breath when Harry tightens his hand around him and starts stroking him firmly. 

Harry's mouth wraps around the head of his cock and sucks slowly, and Zayn releases another soft moan at the feel of the familiar wet warmth around his erection. 

He shifts a little more and tries to imagine when he would wake up if he was in this situation in real life, and decides that now would be a good time. He opens his eyes slowly, pretending to wake up from deep slumber. He rubs his eyes and looks down at Harry in mock-confusion and blinks. "Hey…"

"Good evening, sleeping beauty," Harry purrs as he removes his mouth from Zayn's cock and gives him a quick smirk. "Lovely to find you naked and waiting for me when I get home."

Zayn smiles sleepily and slips an arm behind his head, moaning when Harry keeps squeezing his cock gently. "Always ready for you," he murmurs, then throws his head back and lets out a loud moan when Harry winks and bends down to suck his entire length into his mouth. 

He reaches down and slides his hand into Harry's curls, tightening his fingers in his hair as he guides him a little, knowing Harry likes that. Harry hums around his cock and draws back to swirl his tongue around the already-leaking head of Zayn's erection before leaning down again and taking him deep into his throat. 

"Oh fuck, yesss," Zayn moans, screwing his eyes shut momentarily as he bites his lip and thrusts up gently into Harry's mouth. This goes on for a few moments before the director gives Harry a sign and he draws back, licking his lips. 

Zayn looks down at him with heavy-lidded eyes and gives him a small smile, looking up at Harry intently when the other boy gets on top of him, hovering above him on all fours. 

"How was your day?" Zayn asks, in character, reaching up to slide Harry's open shirt off his shoulders. Harry helps him shrug it off, then leans forward again. 

"Much better now that I'm home." Harry glances down at his lips, then leans in and presses their mouths together in a long, passionate kiss. Zayn makes a soft sound in the back of his throat and returns the kiss, reaching up to cup the back of Harry's neck. He lifts his leg a little and massages Harry's still-clothed erection through his pants. 

Harry moans and breaks the kiss to close his eyes and bite his lip. Even without seeing it, Zayn can tell the camera is on Harry's face right now, capturing that expression of pure bliss as Zayn continues to gently massage Harry's erection with his thigh. 

He reaches down and unfastens Harry's trousers, tugging them down and raising a brow when the fact that Harry's not wearing any underwear is revealed. 

"Mmh," he hums and reaches down, closing his fingers around Harry's cock and stroking him lazily while Harry pushes down his pants with some difficulty and toes off his socks. 

Harry's hands are on his hips and Zayn moans softly when Harry slides between his legs and pins him to the mattress. He looks up at him heatedly, eyes fluttering when Harry starts grinding against him, their cocks sliding against each other. 

Zayn sighs in disappointment when Harry stops a short moment later and watches him intently as he grabs the lube off the bedside table. Harry gets on top of him again, the other way this time, and Zayn blinks when Harry's hard cock pokes his cheek. 

It brushes against his lips when Harry lifts his hips and Zayn opens his mouth obediently to allow Harry to slide his cock in. He reaches up and wraps his hand around the base, stroking him firmly as he starts sucking him off. When he feels Harry nudge his legs apart, he spreads them willingly, closing his eyes when Harry slides two slick fingers inside him, getting him ready. 

He closes his eyes and tries to focus on Harry's cock. After a moment, he releases it and nips on his balls lightly, smiling when Harry lets out a groan. 

"Oh god," he moans when Harry jams his fingers into his prostate and pulls them out. He turns around and Zayn stares up at him, already desperate to feel Harry inside. 

He licks his lips when Harry picks up his legs and slides them over his shoulders, positioning himself at his entrance. Zayn pushes back against him, shifting a little to get into the most comfortable position. When Harry leans forward and pushes in, Zayn moans, hooking his ankles behind Harry's head, his lashes fluttering against his cheekbones when Harry settles himself inside him. 

"Fuck, you're so big," Zayn moans, thinking that a little dirty talk is never amiss. 

"And you're so bloody tight," Harry mutters in reply, trailing kisses down Zayn's neck. 

He starts moving then, slowly rocking back and forth, pushing his cock deeper inside with every thrust. Zayn moves with him, pushes back against him, digging his fingers into Harry's arms. 

Harry leans over him and kisses him again, pressing Zayn's knees against his shoulders. Zayn wasn't aware he was this flexible – but stores that information away for the future. He answers the kiss and moans into it when Harry keeps pushing into him again and again. 

"Fuck," Harry hisses as he pulls back, allowing Zayn to slide his legs off his shoulders. Harry stays on his knees and Zayn quickly manages to put his feet down on the bed, staring up at Harry in awe as he starts fucking him harder. 

Zayn moans loudly, not holding back this time – that's one of the things he's noticed when he watched the other film. He could be louder, so this time, he makes an effort to change that; letting out moans and whimpers and gasps whenever Harry slams into him and hits his prostate.

Harry leans forward and licks his nipples, sliding an arm around his back to hold him in place as his hips keep moving back and forth smoothly but firmly. 

Harry seems to know exactly when Zayn is close and wraps a hand around his cock to jerk him off while he keeps thrusting. Zayn bites his lip and grips the sheets, moaning loudly when Harry gives a particularly hard thrust, sending Zayn over the edge. He comes hard, spurting seed all over his stomach, his whole body trembling. Harry leans forward and licks a trail through the mess on his stomach before he buries himself deep inside Zayn once again, lets out a hoarse cry and climaxes a moment later.

"And cut!" the director calls after filming them for another few seconds. Harry stays inside Zayn, staring down at him; both of them breathing heavily. The moment of silence is interrupted when applause comes from the doorway. 

"Bravo! Wonderful!" Louis' unmistakable voice calls, and Harry looks over his shoulder to grin at his boyfriend. "That was truly inspired. I am in awe."

Behind him, the man from before – Nick, Zayn remembers – is grinning and also looks suitably impressed. 

Zayn winces when Harry pulls out of him and he rolls onto his side, taking a couple of deep breaths before managing to push himself up into a sitting position. There are a lot of people around all of a sudden, and Zayn reaches for the sheet to cover himself up a little as he gives them a timid smile. 

"Isn't he great?" Louis asks Nick, obviously meaning Zayn. 

"He is. He's a beauty," Nick says and gives Zayn a friendly smile. "A born porn star, if you're interested in my humble opinion."

Harry snorts. "Nothing about you is humble."

He grins. "I take it your shoot went well?"

"Incredibly well," Nick confirms. "It's always a pleasure to work with Louis."

"And it's an even greater pleasure to get to share a bed with him every night," Harry says, looking over at Louis fondly and getting a sweet smile in return.

"I can only imagine," Nick says, rolling his eyes as he watches the two of them make doe eyes at each other. "Louis and I were talking about getting a drink when we're all showered and dressed – are you in?"

"Sure," Harry says without hesitation while Zayn bites his lip, not sure if the invitation includes him or not. 

"What about you, Zayn?" Nick asks, tilting his head and giving him that nice smile again. 

Zayn finds himself smiling back and nods. "Sure, yeah, why not? I'm free."

"Fantastic. Then we'll meet you downstairs. I'm paying, by the way, so get ready to get spectacularly pissed."

Nick and Louis leave, and Harry snorts, shaking his head. "Nick is quite something. You're gonna love him."

Zayn has no doubt that he will come to like Nick and looks forward to a night out with his colleagues and new friends. 

He takes a deep breath and stretches on the bed, wrinkling his nose in discomfort at the feel of Harry's trickling out of him. He's ready for a shower and relieved when the director is exceptionally pleased with their performance and dismisses them for the night.


	15. Chapter 15

It is a night to remember. Nick was serious when he said he'd take them out for _drinks_ ; he made sure to never let anyone's glass get empty throughout the entire evening. At first, Zayn can't help being a little hesitant. Nick is not exactly intimidating but he's got a loud voice and talks a lot, laughs a lot and makes jokes at the expense of just about anyone. But as the evening progresses and after a few drinks (Zayn loses count after the third one), he begins to relax and actively participates in the conversation, too tipsy to be embarrassed. No one notices anyway; the others are just as drunk as Zayn is, so nothing _anyone_ says makes the slightest bit of sense.

It is past two am when they finally decide to go home. Neither of the four is capable of driving Louis' car at this point, so they call a cab instead, deciding to wait outside to get a little fresh air.

While Nick and Louis play some sort of game that seems to consist of trying to kick the other in the balls, Zayn lights a cigarette and leans against Harry, who's propped up against the building, smiling at no one in particular. 

"I don't wanna go home," Zayn slurs, burying his face in Harry's neck and breathing him in. "Mmh."

"Well," Harry says slowly – well, slower than usual, "you could come back to ours and crash on the couch."

Zayn shakes his head vehemently. "Nooo, don't wanna," he sighs, taking another drag. "I wanna see Liam."

Harry quirks a brow. "Aren't you going to see him tomorrow?"

Zayn pauses to consider this. "Well, yeah. But I wanna see him now."

Harry smirks. "You should totally go see him. Surprise him – bet he'd love to see you."

Zayn perks up at that. "You think?"

"Sure," Harry says cheerfully. "We'll drive you. Maybe then we'll finally get a glimpse at your mysterious boytoy."

"Boy _friend_ ," Zayn corrects him, looking offended at the insinuation that Liam is just a casual shag. "He's my boyfriend. I love him."

Harry beams at him. "Awww, you do?"

He ruffles Zayn's hair, then nudges him when a cab comes to a halt in front of them. Zayn blinks and takes one last drag off his cigarette, tossing it into the street before he all but falls into the back of the cab, scooting over until he's on the other side. Louis gets in after him, taking a seat in the middle while Harry's on his other side. Nick takes the front. 

"Where are we going, gentlemen?" Nick asks, turning around to look at them. 

"We're taking Zayn to see his boyto– friend! Boy _friend_ , sorry." Harry corrects himself before Zayn's elbow finds its way into his ribs. 

"You didn't even tell me you were taken, Zayn!" Nick exclaims, looking horrified and deeply offended. "What a way to break my heart."

He presses a hand to his chest and sobs obnoxiously.

Louis snorts and Nick gives him a wide grin while Zayn rolls his eyes and tells the cabbie the address, hoping he remembers it correctly. He's only seen the building from the outside but has a pretty good idea of where it's located. He hopes so anyway. Ringing a random person's doorbell in the middle of the night may not be the best idea.

The taxi takes off and while Harry and Louis start making out next to him, Zayn looks out of the window, up at the streetlights as they rush past them. He wonders if Liam's in bed yet, and hopes he won't be too mad if Zayn wakes him up. 

A little while later, the cab stops in front of the building and Zayn recognises it instantly. 

"Ohh, fancy," Harry says, letting go of Louis' lips long enough to look outside. "Go get him and tell him to come out, I wanna see him."

Zayn opens the door and clambers out of the car, fumbling for some money. He tosses it at Louis. 

"Thanks, mate! And no, Haz, he's not gonna go wake the lad up and drag him outside in the middle of the night. How would you feel if someone did the same to you?"

Harry pouts and shrugs. "I wouldn't mind," he mutters, and bites Louis' shoulder.

Louis rolls his eyes and gives Zayn a smile. "You go have fun, yeah? We'll wait a couple of minutes just in case he's not home, so you won't have to walk home."

Zayn gives him a smile. "All right, thanks. And thanks for the drinks, Nick."

Nick gives him a nod, smirking at Harry who's leaned forward and buried his hands in Nick's curls, fluffing them up.

All three of them start cat-calling and yelling in unison when Zayn slams the door shut, and he's quite sure he hears someone call, "Booty call, yeah!"

He grins to himself as he makes his way to the door, wondering if that's what this is; a booty call. He's not sure his booty is capable of calling anyone, and decides to wait and see where this leads. He really is quite extraordinarily drunk and not quite sure if he'll be able to get his cock to cooperate right now, whether he wants to or not. 

He studies the names on the doorbells with a frown, leaning against the door; but before he can find the right button to press, the door clicks open and he stumbles into the entry hall, barely managing not to fall. He blinks and snorts at himself, then finds the lift and gets inside. There are four floors, and Zayn gets out on each one of them, considering he hasn't got a clue which one Liam's flat's on. He ends up finding the right door on the last floor and smacks himself because he should've figured that Liam would choose the place with the best view. 

He takes a breath as he rights himself, and presses the doorbell a little too long. For a few seconds, nothing happens; then he hears a dull thump inside the flat and listens curiously. He hears footsteps approaching the door and smiles when Liam opens the door. His hair is a mess and he's squinting, wearing nothing but boxers as he stares at Zayn in surprise. "Zayn?"

"Hi!" Zayn says in a loud whisper, leaning against the doorway. "Surprise!"

Liam rubs his eyes and gives him a tired smile. "It is indeed… weren't we supposed to meet tomorrow?"

Zayn's smile falters a little and he looks at Liam uncertainly. "We were," he says quietly. "If you want me to come back tomorrow, I can, I just–"

"No, no no, you're staying," Liam says instantly, wrapping a hand around Zayn's shirt and tugging him inside. Zayn beams. 

Liam closes and locks the door behind him, then rubs his eyes once again before turning to look at Zayn. He studies him for a moment, the smiles. "Are you drunk?"

"What on earth gave you that impression?" Zayn gives him a sheepish smile. "Maybe a little," he says and closes the distance between them with two steps. He pushes Liam against the door – though more by accident than on purpose – and starts kissing him eagerly. 

Liam makes a soft, startled sound but puts his hands on Zayn's hips and kisses him back gently, drawing back after a few seconds. Zayn presses his forehead against Liam's, his eyes still closed, and rubs his nose against Liam's, smiling. "I missed you."

"Did you?" Liam asks and sounds pleased. "I missed you too, Zayn. Thought about you all night."

Zayn's smile widens as he feels the now familiar butterflies in his stomach again. 

He buries his face in Liam's neck, breathing him in. He strokes his hair gently and nuzzles him, feeling his eyes begin to droop as Liam's sleepy smell and warmth seeps into his body and he feels sudden exhaustion wash over him. 

Liam squeezes his hips. "Let me get you to bed," he says quietly. "And you should probably drink some water before you sleep; I don't want you to be completely hung-over tomorrow. How much did you drink anyway?" He pulls back to look at Zayn at that. 

Zayn shrugs. "A few beers, few colourful drinks with little umbrellas in them…" He counts them off on his fingers but gives up immediately; he honestly doesn't remember how much he's had to drink and doesn't much care anyway. "A lot," he finishes, flashing Liam a smile.

Liam answers it warmly. "Did you have a good time at least?"

Zayn nods enthusiastically, and keeps nodding as he lets Liam guide him into what he assumes is the kitchen. He obediently drinks a few large glasses of water, gulping them down thirstily. Then he leans against Liam again and lets him drag him into the bedroom, which he can't really inspect up close right now – but it looks nice. 

The bed is large and soft, as he finds out when he flops down on it unceremoniously, limbs sprawled out in every direction. 

Liam watches him with an amused smile, then manages to strip him down to his boxers.

"You tryin' to get in my pants?" Zayn asks, giving him a goofy grin, which makes Liam laugh. 

"Always," he murmurs, pressing a gentle kiss to the centre of Zayn's stomach before he gets in beside him and pulls the sheets up around them, throwing an arm over Zayn's middle. Zayn turns his head and looks at him with a smile, looking at him through the darkness. 

"Hi," he whispers. 

Liam looks back at him, brushing Zayn's hair back with gentle fingertips. "Hey."

Zayn looks into Liam's eyes for a moment, then lets his own flutter closed as he leans up for a kiss. He misses Liam's mouth slightly and ends up kissing his chin instead, pouting until Liam tilts his chin down and captures his lips in a kiss. He sighs contentedly as he kisses Liam back, sliding his arms around him and pulling him close. 

They kiss lazily for several minutes, and while part of Zayn wants more, he's too exhausted to muster up the strength for anything more than a kiss and a cuddle. He finally draws back slowly, presses his face into Liam's neck, smiling into his warm skin. 

Moments later, he passes out, curled comfortably into Liam's warm body.

*****

The pressure in his bladder is the main reason Zayn wakes up the next morning, closely followed by the stupid sun, which is way too bright and shining straight at his face. He throws an arm over his eyes and rolls over, moaning in frustration when he can't seem to escape it. 

He blinks for a few seconds and manages to open his eyes. He sits up and whimpers; his head feels heavy and hurts terribly. He holds it between his hands for a moment, then looks around, confused when he doesn't see the familiar surroundings of his dorm but a nice, large bedroom with dark blue walls and pale wooden furniture. He looks around in confusion for a few seconds before the previous night comes back to him and he remembers falling asleep in Liam's arms. 

He's too hung-over to feel embarrassed about his behaviour of the previous night, and manages to swing his feet off the bed, standing up carefully. He makes his way to the open door that leads into the bathroom and presses his hand against the wall to hold himself up as he pees. 

Done with that, he steps in front of the mirror and groans when he sees that he _looks_ just as horrible as he feels. He looks around for a moment, then opens a random drawer, relieved when he immediately spots a full box of paracetamol. Good.

He takes two, swallowing them down with cold water from the tap. He feels better instantly and lets out a breath of relief. Hangovers suck.

He washes his hands and splashes some cool water into his face, feeling himself slowly begin to wake up fully. After drying off, he makes his way back into the bedroom, looking out the window. 

He wasn't wrong last night; Liam definitely does have a terrific view here. 

He looks around for his clothes and finds them on a chair, neatly folded. They have beer stains on them and smell like stale smoke. Instead of putting them on, Zayn reaches for a baggy grey t-shirt he finds on another chair, pulling it on and smiling when he recognises Liam's smell. 

He buries his face in the soft fabric for a moment, then takes a breath and leaves the bedroom slowly.

He pads along the corridor, the cold marble floor feels nice and soothing against his bare feet. He peeks into every room he passes, kind of surprised that Liam's got such a big flat all to himself. 

He finds the kitchen after a moment and checks the time; it's only ten am. The next thing he notices is the post-it note on the coffee machine with Liam's messy handwriting. 

_Had to go to uni for some stuff but make yourself at home. There's coffee and tea, and food in the fridge. I should be back around 12 :-)_

Zayn smiles at the cute little smile smiley face, and carefully takes the post-it note off the coffee machine, sticking it to the fridge instead. He makes some coffee and inspects the kitchen while he waits for it to be done. He has two hours to kill before Liam gets back and decides to take a look around. He doesn't want to intrude on Liam's privacy but doesn't think there's anything wrong with familiarising himself with his surroundings a little. 

He takes the mug when it's filled with fresh coffee and takes it into the living room. He looks around curiously and decides against sitting on the sofa; it's a very light beige and he doesn't want to get any coffee stains on it. Instead, he sets his cup down on the table on the balcony and fetches his cigarettes from the bedroom. He sits down and enjoys the warmth of the sun on his skin while smoking his cigarette and sipping his coffee. 

When he's done with that, he fortunately feels like much better; his headache has almost completely disappeared. He makes his way back into the flat and after rinsing the mug, he walks through every room of Liam's flat, taking everything in. 

It's a beautiful place, and Zayn once again gets the impression that Liam's not just your regular poor university student. He has to be wealthy somehow. 

He isn't looking for anything in particular as he gazes around but can't help looking for possible pictures of ex-boyfriends and the like. He's relieved when he doesn't find anything suspicious, and doesn't feel it's right for him to dig deeper if he wants to keep respecting Liam's privacy. 

Finally, he sits down on the couch and grabs the soft blanket, wrapping himself into it as he reaches for the remote control and watches some dumb Saturday morning telly.

*****

The feel of warm, soft lips against his temple is what wakes him up sometime later. He opens his eyes and feels a smile tugging on the corners of his mouth when he finds Liam sitting on the edge of the couch, looking down at him with a fond smile. "Good morning, you."

"Hey," Zayn murmurs, his voice rough with sleep. "What time is it?"

"Noon," Liam says softly, gentle fingers threading through Zayn's hair. "Why, are you planning on leaving me already?"

Zayn shakes his head, leaning into Liam's touch unconsciously. "Mh-mh. Never," he murmurs, sighing contentedly. 

"Are you hungry?" Liam asks softly. "I brought Chinese food, if you want some. Thought you should get something into your belly after that rather rough night yesterday."

Zayn groans, hiding his face in his hands. "Was I terrible?"

Liam chuckles. "Not at all. I thought you were very charming."

He leans in and brushes a kiss over Zayn's nose after he removes his hands from his face. 

"I'd love some Chinese, though," Zayn murmurs when Liam keeps staring at him intently and Zayn feels his cheeks heat up. Liam's stare does that to him; he can't help it. It's always part fondness, part hunger, and Zayn can't help but wonder if Liam would rather have _him_ right now than Chinese food. The thought warms his stomach. 

"Right," Liam says, sighing heavily as he gets to his feet and makes his way into the kitchen. Zayn follows him after a moment and finds the bag with the takeout on the table. He peeks inside, curious about what Liam chose for him. His stomach rumbles at the scent of the food and he licks his lips at the sight of sweet and sour chicken. His favourite. 

When he looks over at Liam, he finds the other man staring at him again. "What?" he asks, giving him a tentative smile. 

Liam blinks, seeming to snap out of some sort of reverie, and returns his smile. "Nothing. I like what you're wearing."

Zayn looks down at himself and realises he's still wearing Liam's t-shirt and his own boxers; his legs and feet bare. "Oh… hope you don't mind?" he asks, giving him an apologetic smile. "My own clothes kind of smelled."

Liam shakes his head firmly. "I don't mind at all. In fact, I think you should always wear that."

Zayn grins, then takes the food into the living room as Liam follows with plates, glasses and a bottle of water. They get comfortable on the couch and turn on the telly, watching re-runs of some old shows while they eat. 

When they're done, Liam leans back and Zayn hesitates for a few long moments before he curls into Liam's side, resting his head on Liam's shoulder. Liam slides his arm around him and pulls him close, pressing a light kiss to his temple. Zayn closes his eyes and smiles, and at that moment, he can't remember ever being happier than right this instant. 

He could get used to this.


	16. Chapter 16

After spending most of the day in front of the telly cuddling and kissing, talking and laughing, they eventually clean up their mess, taking the dirty plates and mostly empty boxes into the kitchen. Liam does most of the cleaning up while Zayn hops onto the kitchen table and watches him. 

When Liam is done, he washes his hands and wipes them on a towel, then turns to Zayn and gives him a smile. He comes over to stand between his legs, sliding his hands onto the Zayn's hips and looking into his eyes. 

"Do you call this helping me clean up, hm?"

Zayn grins. "I was offering you moral support or something."

Liam arches an eyebrow. "Oh really? Is that what you're doing? And I thought you were just sitting here, looking pretty. My bad."

He gives him a grin and tilts his head, looking at him adoringly. "Hi," he murmurs after a moment. 

"Hey," Zayn says back, giving him a sweet smile. He pulls Liam closer and wraps both arms and legs around him, pressing a light kiss to his lips. Liam looks back into his eyes and reaches up to brush his hair back. 

Zayn smiles and closes his eyes when Liam leans in to kiss him again, longer this time. He sighs contentedly, sliding his hands up under Liam's shirt and stroking his back slowly, then traces the dimples in Liam's lower back before shoving his hands down Liam's pants and cupping his bare arse. He smiles against the other man's lips as he squeezes it gently, and Liam makes a soft unconscious sound in his throat. 

The kiss grows deeper and more passionate within seconds and it doesn't take long for him to feel his cock stir in his boxers. Liam is hard as well; his bulge pressing insistently into Zayn's. He pushes his hips forward and bites Liam's bottom lip teasingly as he squeezes his arse again.

Liam breaks the kiss a second later and looks at Zayn with dark eyes, breathing heavily. He tugs on his t-shirt and tugs it over his head, then presses his palm to Zayn's naked chest as he gently pushes him down onto the table. Zayn licks his lips and looks up at Liam, flushing a little under his intense gaze. Liam's looking down at him admiringly, trailing his fingers down Zayn's chest, tracing a couple of his tattoos with a light brush of his fingertip. 

"Fuck, you're gorgeous," Liam murmurs, shaking his head incredulously. Zayn feels a soft flutter in his stomach at the compliment. Liam leans forward and trails his lips across Zayn's collarbone, sucking a faint mark into his skin. His hands move down Zayn's sides while his lips travel down his body, leaving no inch of his skin unkissed. Zayn's eyes flutter closed and he sinks his fingers into Liam's hair, soft, breathy moans escaping his lips when Liam's teeth graze his skin. 

Liam's fingers hook under the waistband of his boxers and pull them down; Zayn lifts his hips so Liam can tug them down entirely. He's naked on the kitchen table in front of Liam who's still completely dressed and he doesn't know why but there's something incredibly sexy about that. He feels kind of vulnerable while Liam towers above him. He meets Liam's eyes, blushing yet again when Liam looks at him intently; desire written all across his face. 

"Damn," he murmurs, following the curve of Zayn's hips with his fingertips. He brushes them over Zayn's cock, making the latter's eyes close again as he arches up into the touch desperately. Zayn lets out a disappointed sigh when Liam lets go of him, and his brow furrows when he opens his eyes and Liam is gone. He pushes himself up on his hands, looking around in confusion. 

"Uh. Liam?"

He pushes himself into a sitting position and is about to hop off the table when Liam comes back into the room, shirtless. He closes the distance between them with two steps and is back between Zayn's legs a second later. 

"Sorry," he murmurs. "Had to get something."

Before Zayn can ask what he's talking about, Liam tangles his fingers in his hair, yanks his head back lightly, covering Zayn's lips with his own in a hard, passionate kiss. From the corner of his eyes, Zayn sees Liam put something down on the table and realises that Liam left to get lube. His cock twitches in excitement at the silent implication. 

Zayn slides his hands between their bodies, fumbling with Liam's trousers and tugging them open. His boxers follow and Zayn closes his fingers around Liam's erection, stroking him firmly. It feels warm and solid in his grip and Zayn is suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to feel it in his mouth and taste Liam. He hasn't had the chance to suck him off yet, but he wants to know what kind of moans he can elicit from Liam when he teases him with his tongue... 

Maybe later, though, since Liam seems to have other ideas for right now. He pushes him down onto the table again, spreading his legs. Zayn parts them willingly, licking dry lips as he stares up at his boyfriend, watching him slick his fingers. 

His eyes roll into the back of his head when Liam pushes one, then two of them inside, stretching him by scissoring his fingers, moving them back and forth until Zayn's a whimpering mess underneath him. Liam's lips press against the base of his cock and he sucks lightly on his balls, trailing his tongue up the underside of Zayn's cock while his fingers keep moving back and forth inside him. 

When he pulls them out and removes his mouth, Zayn manages to open his eyes again and stares up at Liam through his lashes. 

Liam bends over him, covering his body with his own and kissing him again. Zayn answers the kiss eagerly, swallowing hard when he feels Liam's hard cock press against his own. Liam pulls him up with him when the kiss breaks and he rights himself, then reaches for the lube again and slicks his cock. Zayn watches the other man's hand move over his cock and licks his lips, looking at him with undisguised hunger. 

Liam touches his hips gently and pulls him forward, closer to the edge of the table as he nudges his entrance with the tip of his cock. Zayn leans back, trying to give Liam the right angle to push in. When Liam does, sliding inside slowly but firmly, Zayn's eyes flutter closed. He tips his head back and lets out a moan when Liam fills him. 

When he's all the way inside, Zayn takes a deep, shaky breath and throws his arms around Liam's neck, crashing their lips together in another heated kiss. He can feel and hear Liam's moan against his lips and clenches around him as he wraps his legs around him and draws him closer. 

"Fuck, Zayn," Liam murmurs against his lips, drawing back just enough to stare into his eyes. His hands are on his hips, fingers digging into them. 

He brushes a kiss over his top lip, then presses his face into his neck for a moment. Zayn shivers when he feels Liam's warm breath ghost across his skin, leaving goose bumps, and strokes his back slowly, adjusting to Liam's cock inside of him. 

A moment later, he gasps when Liam pulls back and pushes back in, making Zayn's cock twitch between their bodies. He holds onto him and moans as he starts pushing back against him as much as he can, little whimpers escaping his lips whenever Liam thrusts in. Liam picks up his pace after a moment of still careful and shallow thrusts. The edge of the table digs painfully into his arse but Zayn doesn't care; the slight pain actually intensifies the pleasure of Liam's rough thrusts. He digs his fingers into Liam's shoulders and gasps, clenching around the other man's cock. 

After a moment, Zayn lowers himself onto the table before his arms give out, unable to hold himself up anymore. He looks up at Liam, lips parting when Liam keeps fucking him, his eyes never leaving Zayn's. 

"So bloody tight," Liam murmurs as he bends over Zayn to capture his lips in another searing kiss. 

Zayn smiles against his lips and bites Liam's bottom lip teasingly, moaning loudly when Liam hits his prostate. 

They keep moving together for several minutes, the only sound in the room heavy panting, soft gasps and little whimpers. Zayn leaves angry red scratches on Liam's back as he holds onto him, legs still wrapped around his back. He rubs against him helplessly, trying to get some friction for his cock between their bodies, then lets out a groan when his orgasm is suddenly ripped from him and he comes for what feels like minutes. 

Liam's still staring down at him hungrily and keeps fucking him through his orgasm. It takes a couple more minutes for him to reach his peak as well and Zayn pulls him down into a long, sensual kiss as he feels Liam's cock twitch inside him, his hips stilling when he's spent. 

He keeps kissing him lazily for a moment, then presses a couple of soft kisses against Liam's sweaty neck before he buries his face in it and breathes him in. He strokes Liam's back slowly, making a soft sound of discomfort when Liam pulls out. He doesn't move away, though; just stays bent over Zayn, holding him as they come down from the highs of their orgasms. 

"Bath?" Liam murmurs against his neck after a long moment of silence and Zayn smiles.

"Bath."

It takes a little while for Liam to find the strength to get up, but when he does, he picks Zayn up and carries him into the bathroom. Zayn loves that; the fact that Liam can carry him around with no effort. In the bathroom, he's set down and watches Liam as he runs them a bath, taking a deep breath as the strong scent of lavender fills his nostrils. 

He gives Liam a smile when he nudges him towards the tub. He slides into the tub, gasping at the heat of the water. He shivers, then closes his eyes and slides underwater to wet his hair before coming up again and pulling his legs up to make room for Liam. 

Liam joins him – but doesn't sit in front of him. Instead, he takes the spot behind Zayn, spreading his legs around him and pulling him down to lean against his chest. Zayn smiles when Liam's arms wrap around him, and he covers his hands with his own, relaxing against the other man's body. 

"Today has been the perfect day," Liam murmurs. "Waking up next to you, watching you sleep, then spending most of the day doing nothing…"

He lowers his voice as he brushes his lips over Zayn's ear, "And making love… We should do this every day."

Zayn smiles. "I wouldn't mind," he admits. "But we do have classes."

"Ahh, yes," Liam sighs. "I suppose we do have certain obligations."

Zayn hums contentedly when Liam continues kissing his neck for a moment. He plays with Liam's fingers, then laces them together, smiling at how perfectly their hands seem to fit together.

He's silent for a long moment as he looks around the bathroom; then he bites his lip when he contemplates asking Liam what he's been wondering ever since he saw his car. "Liam? Do you work?"

Liam's lips still against his neck for a moment before he trails them up to Zayn's ear and nips his earlobe lightly. "I used to," he admits. "You're probably wondering how I can afford all this. I got some money from my parents, of course, but most of it, I earned on my own. I used to work a lot during my first few years at university."

"Oh," Zayn says, nodding. "I figured."

He pauses again. "What are your parents like?"

He feels Liam smile against his neck, clearly pleased that Zayn's showing an interest in him. "They're great. I have a very close relationship with both of them and visit them a lot; as often as I can. They know pretty much everything about me and are very proud of me."

He strokes his thumb over the back of Zayn's hands. "I'd love for you to meet them someday, actually, if you want to. Maybe not yet, since we only got together a little while ago, but… if you want to, I can take you at some point."

Zayn smiles. "I'd love to," he says, while at the same time, his heart sinks a little because he knows he won't be able to introduce Liam to his own parents. Not anytime soon anyway. His mother might be okay with it, but his dad? He can't imagine ever telling him he's in love with another boy. 

He lets go of Liam's hand and turns around to face him, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. He looks into Liam's deep brown eyes for a moment, then gives him a sweet smile. "You're perfect, aren't you?"

Liam raises a brow and laughs. "I wouldn't call myself perfect but I suppose I _am_ a good guy."

He touches Zayn's cheek, brushing a thumb over his bottom lip. Zayn catches it between his lips and sucks it into his mouth, staring into Liam's eyes as he twirls his tongue around it. 

Liam's lips part as he watches him, and Zayn can see the arousal in his eyes. 

He smiles, then lets go of Liam's thumb suddenly and sits up. "We should probably wash up and get out of here before we get all wrinkly and gross."

Liam keeps staring at him as Zayn pushes himself up and gets on his feet. He smiles down at Liam and takes his time shampooing his hair and soaping his body, trailing his hands over his skin slowly. He grins when he sees that Liam is hard again, and can't help but be really, really pleased that he has this effect on Liam. 

"You're evil," Liam informs him and rises to his feet as well. He looks at Zayn with dark eyes as he washes his own body, also doing it slowly and seductively. It has the wanted effect on Zayn and he raises a brow. 

"We both are, clearly," he says cheerfully, lowering himself back into the water to wash off the soap. Liam grabs the showerhead instead and looks like a model in a fucking body wash commercial as he rinses the soap off his own body, all sensual and sexy.

Zayn was actually planning on getting out of the tub then, but one look at Liam and his semi-hard cock makes him change his mind. He waits for Liam to set down the shower before he pushes himself up on his knees and presses Liam against the shower wall. 

Liam blinks in surprise and looks down at him questioningly. Zayn raises a brow and gives him a wink before he leans in and wraps his mouth around Liam's cock. Liam's eyes widen in surprise before his head falls back and he moans, his hips jerking forward of their own accord. 

Zayn smiles around Liam's cock, then wraps his hand around the base and strokes him to full hardness. He pulls his foreskin back to reveal the head, trailing his tongue around it slowly. Liam's skin is wet and tastes clean as Zayn once again slowly sucks him into his mouth, trailing his tongue around his erection, memorising it. He closes his eyes and focuses on the texture of Liam's skin. He continues massaging the base with one hand while the other one keeps him pinned to the wall. 

He draws back a little, licking the slit of Liam's cock and tasting pre-come. When he looks up at Liam again, he catches him staring back at him, watching him avidly as he sucks on the tip of Liam's cock. He tightens his lips around him and licks the underside, eyes fluttering closed as he takes as much of Liam into his mouth as he possibly can. 

Liam's fingers tangle into his still wet hair, and he moans around Liam's erection when the other boy tugs a little. "Mmmhhh…"

Then Zayn starts moving his head back and forth, cheeks hollowing as he starts sucking in earnest, lips stretched around Liam's length. Liam's moans turn into whimpers and it doesn't take long before he starts thrusting forward helplessly, fucking Zayn's mouth. 

Zayn can tell when Liam is close and he tightens both his hand and mouth around him, doubling his efforts. Moments later, Liam cries out Zayn's name when he comes with a rough thrust of his hips. Zayn draws back, letting Liam's come coat his lips and face as he stares up at him, stroking him through his orgasm. 

Liam's knees are weak and Zayn helps him slide back into the tub, smiling as he watches Liam lean back and breathe heavily. 

He splashes some water into his own face to get the come off it, then gives Liam a sweet smile. 

"You," Liam murmurs, staring at him in awe. "You're…"

"Amazing?" Zayn offers, not wanting to seem too confident – but after getting told repeatedly he's good at blowjobs by Harry and Louis, he can't help but think it might be true. 

"Yeah," Liam sighs, staring at him still. "Beyond that, even."

Zayn gives him a sweet smile, a warm flutter in his stomach.

They get out of the tub a little while later and dry off. When Zayn is done blow-drying his hair, Liam cups his cheeks and looks almost nervous. 

Zayn looks at him curiously, sliding his hands onto Liam's hips and looking back at him, wondering what Liam could possibly be nervous about. He always seems so confident that this is a rather surprising new side of him. Surprising and kind of adorable. 

"Do you want to spend the night here again?" Liam finally asks quietly. "I mean, you don't have to; I know you haven't been home for a while, so I can't blame you if you want to sleep in your own bed but…"

Zayn melts a little and touches Liam's cheek, pressing a kiss to his lips. "Of course I'm staying, Liam, if you want me here."

Liam's face lights up. "I do. Of course I do. I always want you here."

Zayn smiles. "Good. You may need to give me some clean clothes, though. My own may need to be washed before I leave."

Liam nods. "No problem," he says softly, and gives him a smile. "Is it weird that I kind of like seeing you in my clothes?"

Zayn shakes his head, grinning. "Not at all. I like wearing them."

Liam smiles back and they make their way into the bedroom to find something to wear for Zayn. Liam's clothes are too long and baggy for him, but Zayn likes it that way. He's never felt more comfortable before.

They throw his clothes into the washing machine, then curl up in front of the telly again and spend the rest of the night doing what they've been doing all day; cuddling, kissing, talking and being in love.


	17. Chapter 17

Later that night when Zayn's in bed with Liam's warm, strong arms wrapped around him, holding him close, he thinks about the events of the past two days. About the porn shoot with Harry, during which he'd given his best performance so far, then the night out with Nick, Harry and Louis, which turned out to be far more entertaining than regular nights at the pub, and finally, this perfect day he's just spent with Liam. 

He wonders if he'll ever get over how safe he feels when he's with Liam. Even though they haven't really talked about their feelings yet, it's clear that Liam cares about him a lot. Zayn feels it in every glance, every touch, every smile. And he feels the same way about Liam; _has_ been feeling that way since the beginning, pretty much. He's falling in love and it's the most amazing feeling he's ever had.

Contemplations about his strong feelings for Liam lead to thoughts about how he's actually betraying him now; cheating on him. It's clear that Liam wants a relationship – he wants to introduce him to his parents, for Christ's sake, which, in Zayn's book anyway, isn't a small step. Liam's making plans for the future while Zayn, in the meantime, is starting a porn career. 

He's suppressed thoughts about his little job all day, not wanting to think about it when the day was so perfect. But now that Liam's asleep, Zayn can't stop himself from thinking about it and letting the guilt wash over him. With a heavy heart, he realises the time has come to make a decision.

It's either Liam or porn.

The decision seems obvious. He isn't going to pick a job – although a fun one – over a boy who could possibly turn out to be the love of his life. Of course, he also has the option of telling Liam about it and see how he reacts. But even while he's thinking that, he knows it's not going to happen. Liam can never find out about this; Zayn doesn't want the other man's opinion of him to change drastically, and he knows that Liam's knowledge of Zayn's dirty little secret _would_ change the way Liam looks at him. Like Liam said earlier, he's a good guy. Good guys don't date porn stars.

Zayn sighs softly and pulls Liam's arms around him, snuggling into him. Decision made, he vows to stop – right after the next shoot, that is. He's already promised he'll do the solo shoot, so he won't back out of that now, but after that, he's done. 

Feeling better now that he's made his choice, he turns around in Liam's arms and buries his face in his chest, rubbing his cheek against the soft, sparse patch of hair on Liam's chest. He sighs and nuzzles him, then finds a comfortable position as tiredness washes over him, and moments later, he falls asleep.

*****

Zayn reluctantly goes home late the next morning. He would've preferred to spend another day with Liam, but knows he has homework to do and tests to study for. Especially now that his short-lived porn career is almost over, he needs to focus on his classes and make sure he passes them, so he can get a real job and earn money the right way.

Liam promises to call him in the evening, and with that to look forward to, Zayn enters his dorm, full of energy and motivation. He slams the door shut behind himself and tilts his head curiously when he finds Niall standing in front of his desk, back turned towards Zayn.

"Hey, what's going on?" he asks as he shrugs off his jacket and tosses it onto his bed. He makes his way over to Niall, standing beside him and blinking when he notices the laptop on the desk. 

A cold shiver runs down his spine and his heart stops. His body literally freezes when he sees what Niall is staring at so intently. After a moment of awkward silence, Niall turns to stare back at him and his voice is almost hysterical when he squeaks, "Is that _you_?"

He's pointing at the screen and Zayn feels all colour drain from his face. The screen currently shows Zayn, naked, bent over a couch with Louis behind him and Harry's cock pressed against his lips. He's pushing back against Louis, moaning obscenities.

Zayn opens his mouth with the intention to explain but no sound comes out. He stares at Niall helplessly, watching Niall's cheeks flush when Zayn moans, "Fuck me!" on screen.

Finally, Zayn reacts. He slams the laptop closed and silence falls over the room as the moans subside.

"It's not what it looks like," he whispers finally, knowing it's a ridiculous excuse because it is, in fact, _exactly_ what it looks like. Niall's still staring at him, and, unnerved by his friends intense blue eyes, Zayn takes a step away from him and sits down on his bed. His stomach tightens and he feels like he's going to be sick. 

"It's not?" Niall asks, clearing his throat when he's still making those unmanly squeaking sounds. "It looks like you're getting fucked by two strangers, and judging by how professional the editing and picture is, I assume it's not an amateur movie either. Are you… doing _porn_ , Zayn?"

Zayn swallows hard and rubs the back of his neck. "It's… I'm not– I can explain."

Niall stares at him for another moment, then sits down on his own bed. "Okay. I'd love to hear that explanation, to be honest."

Zayn rubs his face, taking a deep breath. He thinks about whether there's a way out of this awkwardness, but since there is no way for him to miraculously make Niall forget what he's seen, he has to tell him the truth. 

He takes a breath. "I… yes. Yes, I'm doing porn."

Niall releases a breath and blinks. "Dude. Has this been going on for long?"

"No," Zayn says instantly, looking up. "No, I just started recently – that's the first film I ever made, I swear."

Niall shrugs. "Hey, I'm not judging you or anything but… are you okay? I mean, are you having financial problems? Do you need money that desperately? Because you know, Zayn, you don't have to do this sort of thing if you need some money. You could just ask me, you know? I know I'm not exactly loaded but I do have some money on the side, so if you're in trouble, I could help you."

Zayn shakes his head. "No, no, it's not about money at all. I mean, sure, the pay is great, but I wasn't doing it for money."

Niall gapes. "Then why _were_ you doing it?"

Zayn shrugs. "I can't explain it. I just… I knew I was attracted to men before, but I couldn't see myself coming out any time soon and was reluctant to admit it to myself. Then I came across this advertisement and… it just called to me? I know it sounds stupid but it just felt like the right thing to do. And I haven't really regretted my decision either, but. I never meant for you to find out. Fuck."

He buries his face in his hands again and rubs his forehead, tugging on his hair in frustration. 

Niall is silent for a long moment. "What about Liam? Does he know?"

"No," Zayn says immediately and his head snaps up. "Don't tell him. I'm begging you, Niall, don't tell him. If he ever finds out…"

He swallows hard. "I'm gonna stop anyway. I have one more shoot and then I'm gonna stop; no one ever has to find out."

"Of course I'm not gonna tell him; who do you think I am?" Niall actually looks offended for a moment, then tilts his head. "Why are you quitting, though," he wants to know.

Zayn eyes him. "Because of Liam, of course. He's more important to me than this. Our relationship is becoming more and more serious and it doesn't feel right to do this to him. The guilt is killing me and I just… I can't."

"Oh," Niall says, nodding. Then he shrugs. "You should consider it, though, man, you're pretty good."

Zayn stares at him. "What?"

Niall looks a bit embarrassed but gives him a grin. "I have to admit I'm not an expert when it comes to _gay_ porn but no matter what type of porn it is, I can tell when someone's into it. And you are definitely into it, Zayn. So maybe you should consider just telling Liam about it and going on. Especially if the pay is as great as you say."

He paused. "So, how much do you make for a little film like that?"

Zayn sighs. He reaches into his bedside drawer and tosses the cheque at Niall; now that his friend knows his worst secret, there's no point in hiding this little detail. 

Niall's eyes widen when he stares at the cheque and whistles. "Wow, that's quite impressive."

"I know," Zayn says, then sighs. "But I can't tell Liam. I mean, how would you react if you'd been dating a girl for a while and it was serious and you were even considering of introducing her to your _parents_ – how would you react if that girl suddenly told you she was sleeping with other men for money?"

Niall keeps looking at the cheque as he contemplates this, then sighs in defeat. "Okay, I suppose I wouldn't be that happy." He studies Zayn. "So he wants to introduce you to his parents? Wow, it _is_ getting serious."

Zayn nods. "Yeah. Which is why I need to stop this, whether I want to or not. I have another shoot next week, but after that, I'm done."

Niall nods. "Well, you seem to have made up your mind, so… that's good."

He's silent for a long moment, then nibbles his lip as he looks back at the laptop. 

Zayn's eyes widen and he throws a pillow at his friend. "Do not tell me you want to see the rest!"

Niall grins sheepishly. "What if I do? It _was_ pretty good. I was just getting into it when you interrupted me so rudely."

Zayn groans. "And you don't think it might get a little weird between us if you watch me get fucked on screen?"

Niall shrugs, then sighs. "I guess you're right. Fuck."

Zayn frowns. "Why were you going through my things anyway? I'm pretty sure I put the CD into my drawer, which you're not supposed to open."

Niall gives him another sheepish smile. "I was just looking for condoms, man, I'm sorry. I've got a date tonight and I'm out. And then I saw the CD and it looked blank and since I needed an empty CD for some music, I thought I'd check it out, but… yeah. I didn't expect _that_. I'm scarred for life, to be honest.

Zayn gives him a look. "Really? A few seconds ago, you wanted to watch the whole movie. You don't seem scarred to me at all."

Niall laughs. "All right, busted. I'm not scarred, but I certainly didn't expect it to find out your kinky little secret."

Zayn's cheeks flushed and he sighs. 

Niall hugs Zayn's pillow to his chest as he leans back. "So, who are the other two guys?"

Zayn looks up. "Harry and Louis. They're a couple and my friends. They're pretty cool, and want to meet you, actually, so if you're ever up for that..."

"Sure," Niall says, smiling. "Your friends are my friends, so we can set something up."

Zayn gives him a smile and nods. For a little while longer, he feels tense, but soon, he relaxes and realises it actually feels quite good to have Niall know everything there is to know about him. Even though Niall won't stop asking questions now that he knows, and Zayn finally has to go study in the library to escape him and his insistent question for a little while. 

As he leaves, he takes the DVD with him because as much as he loves Niall, he doesn't want him to see the rest of the video. 

That would be taking their friendship a little too far.

*****

Going to the library was evidently the right decision because Zayn gets done twice as much as he thought he would. He leaves the library, feeling accomplished. Liam calls him when he's on his way back to his dorm. They talk for a little while, then eventually hang up and they promise to meet up the next day after classes. Zayn already misses him and wouldn't mind spending another night in Liam's bed, but since he doesn't want to appear too clingy, he doesn't suggest it. 

Niall has left for his date in the meantime, and after ending the phone call, Zayn stares up at the ceiling, wondering what to do tonight. He realises he hasn't talked his parents for quite a while, but he doesn't feel like it right now. Maybe sometime next week. 

Instead, he dials Louis' number.

"Zayn! You're alive! How have you been?"

Zayn smiles. "A little hung-over. How about you?"

Louis groans. "Ugh, don't even get me started. Worst headache I've ever had. I'm still not quite all right, but Harry's been taking care of me, so I'm getting there. He, of course, feels fine."

Zayn blinks. "He does? How is that even possible; wasn't he about twice as drunk as the rest of us?"

"Yeah, he was," Louis laughs, then hisses in pain. "Ah fuck, my head. But yeah, he did have more booze than the three of us, but he's a lucky bastard and hasn't had a hangover in his life. It's completely unfair."

"It is," Zayn agrees. "We should do it again sometime, though – I had fun."

"Yeah, definitely," Louis says. "As soon as my headache's gone, we can get together again." He pauses. "Was there any specific reason for your call? Not to be a bitch but I'm really not feeling all that well and even holding the phone is too much for me right now, so…"

Zayn hesitates. He meant to tell Louis about his decision to quit porn, but now he can't seem to find the courage to tell him. And Louis is obviously not feeling all right, so Zayn decides to do it some other time. 

"No," he says after a moment. "Just wanted to check on you."

"Aw, that's sweet. Well, if you haven't got any plans, you could come over. Harry and I are gonna watch the Notebook…"

Zayn grimaces and shakes his head. "No, thanks. I think I'll pass."

"You don't like The Notebook?" Louis asks, and he sounds a little dangerous. 

Zayn raises a brow and assures him that he _does_ like it (even though he doesn't; he thinks it's completely overrated) but just doesn't feel like leaving the house again. They talk for another few minutes, then hang up. 

When the call ends, Zayn takes a bath, has a wank and reads a book for the rest of the night. It feels good to spend some time on his own, he has to admit, and even though he'd rather be with Liam right now, he does enjoy his time alone. He ends up going to sleep early, getting some much-needed rest for the busy week ahead of him.


	18. Chapter 18

During the next week, Zayn is so swamped with schoolwork that he barely has time for anything else and is too exhausted to go on proper dates in the evening. He does go to Liam's flat a few nights, though, but after finishing his homework, all he can do is let Liam wrap his arms around him and hold him. He falls asleep on the couch with his head either on Liam's lap or his shoulder every night they're together, unable to even think about sex. Liam doesn't seem to mind, since his own week is pretty hectic as well.

The other half of his evenings, he spends with Niall, who's a little too interested in the porn business these days, and keeps asking Zayn the most random questions. "Isn't it weird to have the camera in your face while you're fucking someone? Do they give you instructions or do they just let you do what you want? Are there actual scripts or is it all improvisation? Do they have [fluffers](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fluffer) there, to get you hard, or do you have to do it on your own? Or do they just let you look at some porn to get yourself into the mood? Does everyone make as much money as you do? Will you make more after a while? Do they ask you to do really perverted stuff like double penetration? Would you do that if they asked you? Cause ow, I think that'd be painful. Do they have girls there too, or is it an all-gay film company?"

Zayn is a little exasperated – and embarrassed – since he's trying to focus on his homework at the time, but gives up on it after a while and answers all of Niall's questions. He wonders why Niall seems so intent on finding out so much about all of this, but decides that it's just unfamiliar territory for him and he's just a little curious. Zayn can't blame him; he's always wondered about the same things whenever he allowed himself to watch porn before he got involved in the business himself. And maybe Niall is just trying to be a good friend; show an interest in Zayn's activities and make sure he's safe.

Most of his time, however, Zayn spends either sleeping, or trying to pay attention in class. He can't really focus on school constantly, though, and often spends his time reconsidering his decision about quitting porn. He knows he's going to miss it; not just the job itself but spending so much time with Harry and Louis – and now also Nick. Of course it's not impossible for them to keep seeing each other if he does quit but he has a feeling that it might be one of those things where they wouldn't stay in touch if they no longer share the same… hobbies. 

He hopes it won't be that way, obviously, but it just feels like that's how it's going to be. 

He thinks his decision quite a lot, going over it in his head over and over again but can't seem to come up with a way to keep doing it while dating with Liam. And since Liam comes first, always, he just doesn't see any other option but to quit. 

He thinks about calling Simon once or twice, to inform him about it, but can never quite bring himself to dial the producer's number. Instead, he decides to tell him after the shoot next Saturday, where he'll hopefully be able to do it in person.

The week goes by faster than he expected; he is busy almost non-stop, so time passes rather quickly. 

On Friday night, Zayn and Liam discuss their plans for the weekend while eating pizza by the telly. Zayn has already come up with a number of excuses he can use to explain his absence the next day, but as it turns out, Liam's got a few things to take care of as well, so he doesn't have to use any of them. He doesn't like lying to Liam, so he's relieved when he isn't forced to do it.

They go to bed early, kiss lazily for a few minutes before Zayn falls asleep with his cheek pressed against Liam's chest, lulled to sleep by the steady beat of Liam's heart.

*****

At two pm on Saturday, Zayn finds himself in front of the now familiar building, smoking a cigarette.

He's nervous. 

This shoot isn't technically more difficult than all of the others Zayn has participated in so far, but he will be alone. It'll be just him, on a bed (he assumes), touching himself. There will be no one else to take the attention off him; he'll be the sole focus of this movie. So he has to make it good. 

Harry and Louis have both been very reassuring, telling him how great he'll be and that he doesn't always have to get everything right on the first try. They can cut out the parts they don't like and make him reshoot certain scenes, so it's not like it will all be ruined if he does something wrong. 

He's not really sure what _can_ go wrong, actually – he's been touching himself since he was about thirteen, so he's a pretty practised masturbator. But if they want him to use toys he has no experience with or get into certain weird positions, it could get a little trickier. 

He takes a deep drag off his cigarette and blows out the smoke. He's about to stub it out and face the team waiting for him inside when two familiar figures approach him, both of them grinning widely. 

Zayn blinks. "What are you guys doing here? I thought you had other stuff to do today!"

Harry grins. "We did, actually, yeah, but then we figured you might want us around, so we decided to come and give you some moral support or whatever." He beams. "Are you nervous?"

Zayn gives him a hesitant smile back, and promptly lights another cigarette. "Yeah," he admits. "A little. It's not that I'm nervous about what I'll have to do – I do know how to touch myself and think I look quite all right while doing it." He leaves out the part about how he's practised in front of the mirror and webcam, too embarrassed to mention it. "It's just… I'll be alone, you know?"

Louis nods sympathetically. "I do know. I was more nervous about my first solo shoot than I was about any of the other, much kinkier shoots I've had to do, so I get it. But it's really not that different. The director will tell you what to do if you're not doing well on your own. I doubt he'll have to give you many instructions, though – you seem to have pretty good instincts."

He gives him an encouraging smile and Zayn returns it, relaxing a little. 

"At least it's not one of those live cam things," he says after a moment. He's been browsing porn sites, just looking at what's out there, and found quite of those live shows. He can't imagine ever doing that, though. Just the thought of sitting in front of his webcam, touching himself while a bunch of guys watch him get off at the same time makes him uncomfortable.

"Exactly," Harry says, nodding enthusiastically.

They tell him about their week while Zayn finishes his cigarette. Eventually, he's reached the end of it and knows he can't stall any longer; he stubs it out and sucks in a deep breath before he enters the building. 

He's told which room to go to, and after checking his appearance in the large mirror in the hallway, he finds the room and takes a look around. It's the same bedroom he and Harry were in the week before. The camera's already set up but the room is empty, except for him, Harry and Louis. 

"Do you want us to stay and watch?" Harry asks, flopping down on the sofa in the corner. "Or do you just want us to keep you company until the director gets here?"

Zayn shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe it's better if I'm alone later; I'll be self-conscious if I know you're there."

"Aw, Zayn!" Louis sighs. "You've got nothing to be self-conscious about – you do know that, right?"

Zayn gives him a little smile and shrugs, but looks unconvinced. "I guess."

He starts taking off his clothes, setting them down on a chair, but keeps his boxers on. He notices a box on the bedside table and goes to open it, raising a brow when he sees various dildos and differently-flavoured lubes. Well then.

He closes the box, then sits down on the bed, arms wrapped around his stomach. 

"So how's your boyfriend?" Harry asks suddenly. Zayn can tell he's trying to distract him – and it's working, sort of. He likes thinking about Liam, obviously, but at the same time, it makes him feel incredibly guilty because Liam doesn't know about this. 

"He's great," he says, releasing a breath. "We've been spending a lot of time together and he's wonderful. I haven't found a single flaw yet."

"Good. Great," Harry says, smiling widely. His enthusiasm is infectious and Zayn returns his smile. Harry opens his mouth again, and Zayn can tell by the look in his eyes that Harry's about to ask about meeting Liam again, but before he can say anything, a woman he's met briefly before – Caroline? – comes in. "Hey, Zayn? We should be able to start in five minutes, so make yourself comfortable."

Zayn nods, giving her a shaky smile. 

As soon as she's gone, Harry continues, "Well, I suppose you'll introduce us to him someday, right?"

Zayn nods. "Sure," he says, moving up on the bed to lie against the pillows. He looks down at himself and tugs his boxers down a little so his hipbones are exposed. He tries out a few positions, then feels silly posing that way when Harry and Louis are still there, and in the end, just sits up again, folding his legs.

"They want you to do a scene with Nick at some point," Louis says suddenly. "If you want. He's been begging to work with you, so maybe that'll be next."

Zayn looks at him and hesitates. He hasn't told Harry and Louis about his decision to quit, and maybe now's not the right time to broach the subject – but at the same time, he can't think of a better opening for the conversation. 

"I'm not sure I'll do another movie after this one," he says quietly, glancing at them through his lashes.

Both Harry and Louis stare at him with wide eyes, looks of almost identical surprise on their faces. 

"Why not?" Harry asks when he finds his voice. "Aren't you enjoying it? I thought you were fine with it."

"I am," Zayn sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I'm just not sure if it's the right job for me, you know? And then there's Liam, and he doesn't know about this, and I can't imagine just telling him about it, Harry. I don't want to lose him or shock him or change his opinion of me." He pauses. "I don't want him to think I'm some cheap slut or something."

Louis nibbles his lip. "It's your decision, of course," he says quietly. "But if he's as great a guy as he seems to be, and if he's as smitten with you as I think he is, it won't change anything about your relationship. I personally think you should just tell him and ask if he minds. If he does have a problem with it, you can always quit _then_."

He shrugs. "But of course not everyone is as open-minded as I am, and I can see why you would be hesitant to tell him. Just… think about it some more, all right? Don't just quit before you've considered all the angles."

Zayn sighs. "I just… he seems like such a _normal_ guy, you know? I can't see him being happy about this."

Louis wants to say something else; probably urge him not to give up on this, but Zayn gives him a pleading look and Louis closes his mouth. He gives him a nod and a shrug, seemingly accepting Zayn's decision. 

They hear voices in the corridor, coming closer, and Zayn's heart skips a beat when he realises that the five minutes are probably almost over and they're ready to film.

Harry and Louis stand up, getting ready to leave the room while Zayn lowers himself onto the bed, assuming a comfortable but sexy and seductive position. He reaches between his legs, rubbing his cock through his boxers to get himself in the mood. He closes his eyes for a moment, trying to focus on the sensation of the gentle pressure of his palm against his cock. He feels his cock stir and bites his lip as he keeps rubbing, managing to tune out the background noises and focus on himself.

He almost misses the sharp intake of breath coming from the door. For a moment, he doesn't let it distract him and just hopes it's the director being really turned on by what he sees. 

What he hears next, however, makes his blood turn cold. 

" _Zayn?_ "

His eyes snap open and he sits up abruptly because he knows that voice. He knows that voice very well. When he looks to the door, he pales, his whole body freezing when he meets the very familiar eyes of the tall man standing in the doorway.

He opens his mouth and stares at his boyfriend's equally shocked face. " _Liam?_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 0:)


	19. Chapter 19

"Oh god."

The moment of silence that follows Zayn's breathless gasp seems to last for minutes; minutes during which Zayn can only stare at Liam with a mixture of shock and confusion. Part of him doesn't quite understand what Liam's doing here, while the other part slowly begins to grasp what's going on and is only surprised because Liam is literally the last person he expected to show up here today. Or ever.

It's Louis who finally breaks the silence. "Hang on a sec – this is _your_ Liam?"

Zayn blinks and glances at him for a moment while Louis looks between the two of them with an expression that suggests he wants to laugh really badly right now but isn't sure whether it would be quite appropriate. Either way, Zayn is glad he seems to be able to control himself. Harry just looks stunned, though also a bit excited. 

Zayn licks suddenly dry lips and nods as he looks back at Liam. "I… yeah," he murmurs. "That's… my Liam."

Sudden panic washes over him because Liam's still staring at him, his face unreadable, and he's not saying anything. Zayn has no idea what he's thinking and it's making him very uneasy.

He opens his mouth to say something but doesn't know what, so he swallows hard and looks down at his hands. He can literally feel the awkwardness in the room and prays for someone to just _say_ something already. 

A moment later, he wants to kiss Louis when he claps his hands and exclaims, "All right, lads, out. Let's give them some privacy."

Zayn keeps his eyes on his hands when he hears everyone leave and eventually, the door being shut. It takes another couple of seconds for him to find the courage to look up, not sure what he'll see when he does. 

Liam's still standing by the door; leaning against it now, and looks at him seriously. Zayn suddenly feels very naked and vulnerable, and pulls the bed sheets up around himself, swallowing hard as he thinks about what to say. 

"So you're the porn legend everyone kept talking about," he finally says, wishing Liam would give him a smile or _anything_. 

Liam seems to snap out of whatever trance he's been in since entering the room, and takes a deep breath as he runs a hand through his hair and comes over to the bed. He sits down on it beside Zayn and nods slowly. "Yeah," he murmurs before he looks up. "And you're the latest porn sensation, I've been told."

He pauses, then adds, "They didn't mention your name."

Zayn's cheeks flush and he nods, biting his lip. "I suppose I am. And – Harry and Louis didn't mention your name either."

Silence falls over them again and Zayn wants to touch Liam, crawl into his arms and make everything all right again. He can't stand the thought of that blissful harmony they've been living in for the past few days suddenly being over and prays to every deity up there that nothing will happen to them. 

Liam bites his lip. "Were you ever gonna tell me?"

Zayn considers this, then shakes his head. "No," he says tentatively, not even trying to lie. "Were you ever gonna tell _me_?"

Liam shrugs. "Eventually," he murmurs. "I would've told you the other night if you'd asked for more details about my past job. I mean, I did mention I used to have a job in the tub the other day; if you'd been a little more curious, I wouldn't have lied to you."

Zayn's brow furrows at that. "Oh, so you're saying I lied to _you_?"

Liam looks him straight in the eye. "You didn't tell me the truth exactly, did you?"

Zayn stares back at him, feeling sudden anger well up inside him. He pushes the covers back and gets up, starting to pull his clothes back on. "I didn't lie to you," he says firmly. "You didn't ask where I was going either, so really, I did nothing wrong."

"You slept with other people while you were with me," Liam points out. 

Zayn whirls around and folds his arms over his chest. He probably looks pretty ridiculous right now, since he's wearing only his boxers, t-shirt and socks. "Yes, I did," Zayn says defensively. "Before you mentioned how you felt about me and that you wanted us to be serious and introduce me to your parents and all that. And today was going to be my last shoot. I decided to stop doing it because I hated feeling so fucking guilty every time I was with you. And since today, it was just supposed to be me on my own, I wouldn't have cheated on you. But yes, I suppose you're right. I did sleep with other people while we were seeing each other – but before we said anything about being exclusive."

He angrily pulls on his trousers, not paying any more attention to Liam. He knows he's probably overreacting but the fact that Liam's clearly angry at him despite the fact that _he_ kept a secret from him as well, just pisses him off. 

He blinks when he suddenly feels Liam's strong hands on his arms, turning him around to face him. He avoids looking at the other man, but Liam forces his chin up with a gentle touch of his fingers. 

Zayn glares. "What?"

Liam sighs. "Look, Zayn… I'm just surprised, okay? I didn't expect to see you here today, any less than you expected to see _me_. I'm not mad at you or anything; I just need a moment to process this, all right? Can you give me a second to wrap my head around this?"

Zayn swallows hard and shrugs. "Fine."

He pulls away and turns around to look out of the window. His anger fades and he suddenly feels cold and empty. He presses his forehead against the window. "I just… I never meant to betray you. I auditioned for one of these films before we'd met. I didn't think I was going to meet someone I could like this much anytime soon, so I thought it would be okay and I could do this for a while and then quit whenever I didn't feel like it anymore. And by the time we did meet and I realised you were interested in me too, I'd already agreed to do a few movies and I didn't want to let them down."

He swallows hard. "I just… I never expected to fall in love with you this fast."

Liam's quiet for a long moment and Zayn hangs his head in defeat. Then suddenly, he feels Liam's warm arms wrap around him again and pull him flush against his chest. Zayn stiffens for a moment but then relaxes into Liam's embrace and closes his eyes. 

"I love you too," Liam whispers against his neck, making Zayn's eyes snap open again. He turns around in Liam's arms and looks at him, searching his eyes. 

Liam looks at him seriously and a warm shiver runs down Zayn's back at the affection he sees in the other boy's eyes. He opens his mouth to say something, then changes his mind and presses his lips against Liam's, sliding his fingers into his hair as he pulls him close, pouring every emotion he feels for the other boy into that single kiss. 

It's the first time anyone outside his family has ever said this to him. 

Liam loves him. Liam is in love with him. 

Zayn breaks the kiss after a moment, letting out a shaky breath. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm sorry for not telling you about it; I just really didn't want you to look at me differently or think I'm some kind of pervert."

Liam shakes his head. "I wouldn't have," he says softly, rubbing the tip of his nose against Zayn's and looking deep into his eyes. "It's not like I can blame you for anything, considering I used to be in the exact same position a couple of years ago and did this for a little longer than you have."

He brushes Zayn's hair back and takes a breath. "I'm sorry for being a dick. I just… didn't expect to see you here."

Zayn nods. "I get it, really, you don't need to be sorry."

He takes a breath and glances back at the bed and the camera beside it. "So, what about… I mean, do you want me to leave?"

Liam tilts his head and studies him. "If you leave, my presence here is kind of pointless, considering I'm supposed to direct and film you." He gives him a little smile. "So no, don't leave."

Zayn licks his lips. "What about after this? Do you want me to quit after this?"

Liam rubs his hands over Zayn's hips and tugs him to the bed. He sits down and pulls Zayn onto his lap, leaning back as he looks at him. "I can't tell you what to do, Zayn. It's not my place to make this decision for you."

Zayn licks his lips. "Yeah, but. I mean, wouldn't you kind of hate it if I continued?"

Liam considers this. "I would probably be a little jealous," he admits, "depending on who your co-star is. But only if I have a feeling that he'd be a real threat to our relationship. But if you're asking me whether I would mind dating a porn star? Then the answer is no. I wouldn't mind. I know what this is like; I've made my own experiences in the business and know it has nothing to do with real affection, let alone love. So no, I wouldn't mind, and I mean it, Zayn. The decision is yours. And considering I've been thinking about possibly coming back to star in a few films, I suppose I should ask you the same question."

Zayn bites his lip and thinks about this as well. He's glad Liam doesn't have any objections because Zayn does enjoy working as a porn actor and only really wanted to quit because of Liam. And now that he knows Liam doesn't mind, he can imagine doing a few more films. 

But how does he feel about Liam doing the same? He's never really thought about this before. Sure, Harry and Louis' unique situation made him consider it from time to time, but he's never imagined what it would be like if he knew _Liam_ was sleeping with other men in front of the camera. 

Before he can answer, the door opens and Harry peeks inside. "Um. Hey. So Caroline's wondering how long you two are gonna be in here and whether we're gonna shoot the movie today or not. Time is money, you know?"

He gives them a little smile, looking a bit uncomfortable to be intruding on such an intimate moment. 

"Give us another few minutes," Liam answers. "In fact – give us an hour. If we don't come out in ten minutes, we're busy filming."

Harry hesitates, then nods and closes the door again. 

Zayn turns back to Liam and gives him a small smile. Liam cups his cheeks and leans in for a light kiss. When he draws back, he moves his hand down to wrap it around the side of Zayn's neck; his touch warm and comforting. 

"Let's discuss this later, all right? I think we both need some more time to think about this, and since they want us to either get started or vacate the room, now is not the time for an in-depth discussion about our future."

Liam smiles. "So we should get started. But first…"

He slides his hand around the back of Zayn's neck and pulls him down for a kiss. Zayn smiles against his lips and wraps his arms around Liam, falling into the kiss. He stops thinking right then because Liam is right; there is no point in trying to come up with a solution that works for both of them right now; they'll have ample time to consider the advantages and disadvantages of their options later. 

Right now, he should get back into the mood to make this film. 

Liam flips him suddenly and lays him down on the bed. He slides on top of him, kissing him hard and touching every part of him he can reach, and Zayn's body begins to react. He has a feeling getting into the mood won't take very long if Liam keeps this up.

He's back to full hardness in no time and lets out a disappointed mewl when Liam eventually pulls away and gets to his feet, bringing quite a bit of distance between them. He fumbles with the camera while Zayn splays out on the bed, breathing heavily. 

Liam looks up. "You ready?"

Zayn sighs. "Can't we just… can't you help me?"

He gives him a coy smile, batting his lashes in a way he knows Liam finds very endearing, and grins smugly when Liam doesn't manage to hold back a moan. "You know I would love to help you, but sadly, it's supposed to be a solo shoot," he murmurs, looking down at him after picking up the camera and moving over to the bed. 

Zayn looks up into his eyes and smiles seductively, pushing his t-shirt up a little to reveal a flat belly and protruding hip bones. He brushes his fingers over his skin, following his happy trail down and licking his lips slowly, his eyes never leaving Liam's.

He sees Liam's Adam's apple bob when he swallows and smiles to himself. When Liam just keeps looking at him, however, Zayn lets out a sigh and shrugs, resigning himself to the fact that it'll be just him and his hand then.

He sits up and wiggles out of his clothes quickly before getting into the same position he was in before Liam even showed up earlier. He slides a hand between his legs, above his boxers, and raises a brow at Liam, then closes his eyes and starts moving his hand slowly over his clothed cock. 

He hears Liam make a soft, reluctant sound before he turns the camera on and murmurs, "Go on then."

And Zayn does. 

He keeps rubbing his cock slowly for a little while, biting his lip at the friction. He pushes his hips up and moans softly, making sure he looks good as he touches himself. After a moment, he slides a hand into his boxers and strokes himself slowly. 

Then he slides his boxers down and pulls his knees up, legs spread as he curls his fingers around his cock again, moving his hand slowly up and down and squeezing lightly. He presses his thumb against the underside and brushes his fingers over the head every time he moves his hand up, licking his lips as his arousal grows. 

He tries to forget about the camera and pretends he's at home, in his own bed, touching himself. He doesn't think about all the men who are going to see this movie but instead, thinks about Liam and the fact that his boyfriend is watching him right now, probably painfully hard at the mere sight of him. 

The thought makes his cock twitch and he moans as he digs his teeth into his bottom lip, tightening his hand around his length and moving faster.

After a moment, he lets go of his cock and reaches for the lube in the box on the bedside table, slicking his fingers. He strokes himself a couple of time, then spreads his legs wider as he brushes the lube over his crack and circles his hole with two fingers. He slides one, then two inside, finger-fucking himself while his hand keeps moving on his erection. 

Despite avoiding thinking about the fact that he's being filmed right now, he needs to remind himself to take it slow; this movie is supposed to last more than just a few minutes. He slows down the movements of his hand again, touching himself teasingly. 

When he feels himself get closer to the edge, he stops for a moment and touches his chest, rubbing his nipples teasingly. He writhes on the bed a little before he rolls over and grabs one of the dildos from the box. He slicks it with a generous amount of lube, then meets Liam's eyes briefly as he positions the tip of the dildo against his entrance. He licks his lips slowly and looks straight at Liam – or the camera – as he lets his eyes flutter closed, an expression of intense pleasure on his face as he pushes the dildo inside, moaning when it stretches him further and fills him up. 

"Ohhh… oh fuck," he moans, his voice breathy and desperate as he begins to move it in and out, fucking himself with it, his muscles clenching around it. 

He hears Liam let out a shaky breath and smirks inwardly, enjoying that he has this effect on Liam. 

What he's not prepared for, is Liam's sudden, "Oh, fuck this."

When his eyes open, the camera is on the bedside table, trained on them, and Liam is between his legs, batting his hand away. He takes hold of the dildo and starts moving it for him. Zayn's eyes widen and he lets out a surprised whimper at how differently it feels when someone else is doing this to him. 

He tangles his fingers into the bed sheets, gripping them and pushing back against the dildo. He bites his lip and finally opens his eyes again, meeting Liam's, a shuddery breath escaping him at the intense look of hunger in his boyfriend's eyes. 

"Fuck me," he whispers, staring down at him. "I need you to fuck me."

Liam's tongue darts out to lick his lips and he pulls the dildo out roughly, carelessly tossing it beside the bed. 

He unbuckles his belt and unzips his trousers hurriedly, tugging them down over his hips. His cock springs free, hard and leaking and Zayn's mouth waters at the sight of it. He watches Liam grab the lube and give his erection a couple of rough strokes, spreading the slick substance all over his length. 

He slides his arms under Zayn's knees and pulls him close easily, leaning over him to kiss him hard as he rubs the tip of his cock over Zayn's opening. 

He grabs one of Zayn's legs and wraps it around his waist as he grips his own cock and pushes inside with no preamble, making Zayn's eyes flutter closed and his lips part. "Ohhhhh…"

He pushes all the way inside, then covers Zayn's body with his own, hovering above him as he starts fucking him right away, not holding back. His thrusts are rough and practised; the same, yet not, as they are when they're alone at home. Zayn briefly wonders if their intimate connection will be obvious on camera before his brain shuts down completely and his body takes over. He pushes back against Liam every time he thrusts in, meeting his hips with his own. Liam sucks on his neck, then presses their lips together in a hard kiss, his hips moving steadily, his cock moving in and out of Zayn. He alternates between shallow and deep thrusts, making Zayn's head spin and his breath catch in his throat every time he hits his prostate. 

After fucking him for a good few minutes, Liam slides an arm under Zayn and gets onto his knees, taking Zayn with him, settling him on his lap. He looks up at him intently as he guides Zayn on top of him, moving his own hips up to bury himself deep inside Zayn every time Zayn sinks down. 

Zayn throws his head back and moans while Liam drags his lips across his collarbone, licking, sucking, nibbling, his fingers digging into Zayn's arse cheeks, spreading them as he thrusts into him again and again. 

Liam hits his prostate over and over again and Zayn holds onto him, whimpering helplessly as he lets Liam move his body up and down and up and down repeatedly, bringing him closer to the edge with every thrust. 

Suddenly, Liam pushes him back down onto the bed but stays on his knees, lifting Zayn's hips off the mattress. He's holding him in place as he keeps thrusting, his breath coming fast. Zayn arches up and lets out a long moan and a whimper before he comes suddenly, splashing come over his stomach while he clenches violently around Liam. Liam keeps thrusting into him, fucking him through his orgasm before he draws back and lowers Zayn back onto the bed. 

Zayn manages to open his eyes and look at Liam's cock as he gives himself a couple more fast strokes before he coats Zayn's thighs and lower stomach with his release. 

He pants heavily as he looks down at Zayn, and Zayn, spent, barely manages to keep his eyes open. After a moment, Liam reaches over and turns off the camera before he slides his arms around Zayn and rolls onto his side, taking Zayn with him. 

Zayn presses his face into Liam's sweaty neck, breathing him in as he tries to regain control over his body, slowly coming down from his orgasm.

When he finally catches his breath, he slides his arms around Liam and grins against his collarbone, letting out a soft laugh. "That was unexpected," he murmurs. "But definitely not unwelcome."

He can feel Liam's smile as he murmurs, "Yeah. Sorry about that. Couldn't help myself."

He shakes his head. "You're so fucking sexy, Zayn; I don't think you even know how gorgeous you are. I don't think we can work together if I'm supposed to keep my hands off you. I don't think I'm that strong."

Zayn lifts his head and looks up at him, giving Liam a grin before he brushes a kiss over his chin. "Do you think they'll make me do this again when they see it's not technically just me masturbating, the way it was supposed to be?"

Liam looks at him thoughtfully and shakes his head. "No. I think they'll be pleased, actually. They've been begging me to come back as an actor for months now; they'll be happy I finally agreed, and eternally grateful to you for getting me back into this."

Zayn smiles and tucks his head back under Liam's chin. He feels Liam's fingers thread through his hair and sighs contentedly, his eyes closing as he nestles into the warmth of the other man's body. 

"I can see why they wanted you to do this alone, though," Liam murmurs after a moment. "You look incredible on camera, Zayn. Not as beautiful as you do in reality, but fuck, you're so sensual and…" He trails off, shaking his head again as he looks for the right word. When it doesn't come to him, he kisses Zayn's forehead and tilts Zayn's chin up."I can't quite believe that you're actually mine."

Zayn smiles at the compliments and meets Liam's eyes. "I am, though," he says softly, seriously. "I'm all yours. Even if I keep doing this, I'll always be yours, completely."

Liam gives him a smile and bends his head to brush a kiss over his lips. Zayn closes his eyes and returns it gently, sliding his tongue around Liam's in a gentle but deep kiss before he draws back and rolls onto his back, taking a deep breath. He grimaces at the cool and slowly drying come on his stomach and pushes himself up. "I need a shower."

Liam slides an arm behind his head and smiles. "Mind if I join you?"

Zayn looks over at him and shakes his head, a smile tugging on the corners of his mouth. "Not at all."

He finally gets off the bed and pulls on one of the robes he finds in the closet, handing the other one to Liam. As they're about to leave the room and head to the bathroom, Zayn stops and turns to look at him. "You should prepare to be attacked by Harry and Louis when we get out, though. They've been _dying_ to meet you. Just a warning; they can be quite a lot to handle."

Liam looks at him seriously and nods. "I think I can handle them," he says with a smile. 

Zayn gives him a sceptical look, then a quick kiss before he opens the door and they exit the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to let you know that I won't be home next week, so I'm not sure if I'll have internet access or not. If I do, I'll definitely post the next chapter at some point this week, if not, you'll probably get an update next weekend or at the latest on Monday the week after that :) 
> 
> And thank you for all your amazing comments, especially on the last chapter! ♥


	20. Chapter 20

Liam and Zayn manage to make their way to the bathroom without running into Harry and Louis, who, surprisingly, aren't standing outside their door with their ears pressed to it. Showering takes a little longer than expected because the two of them can't seem to keep their hands or lips off each other; exchanging gentle kisses and touches while they wash the sweat and come off their bodies. At some point, they do exit the shower, however, and when they're dry and dressed, they meet Harry and Louis in the hallway. 

"We just watched some of your film," Harry says the moment he spots them. "And oh my god, that must've been the hottest thing I've ever seen. You two are amazing together."

Liam slides an arm around Zayn's shoulder and smiles. "Are we?" he asks in a tone that suggests he already knows; the smile on his lips smug. 

"Yeah," Louis agrees. "You do realise that this will get the most views in no time, right? And not only because you're finally back, Liam. But your chemistry is incredible. Which makes sense, I suppose, considering you're dating. Which is kind of mind-blowing, to be honest. I mean, what are the chances that you end up dating Liam Payne of all people?"

Zayn nods. "Yeah. I had no idea," he says, looking up at Liam. "If I'd known, I wouldn't have been so afraid to tell him about this."

Liam looks down at him and kisses his nose. "You never have to be afraid of me," he says softly. 

Zayn smiles. "I know that now."

Louis slides his hands into his pockets. "So, do you guys wanna grab some drinks and dinner, maybe, and fill us in on everything?"

Zayn raised a brow. "Do we have a choice?"

Louis pretends to consider it for a moment, then grins. "Not really."

Zayn rolls his eyes but smiles; he can't blame Harry and Louis for being curious, so they decide to go to the pub nearby for a beer or two, and an early dinner. On their way out, they run into Simon, who's already been told about the events of the day. Rather than angry because Zayn's solo shoot didn't quite work out, he's immensely pleased to have a new Liam movie to give to their viewers. He and Liam talk for a bit, then promise to stay in touch and talk about the possibility of more movies like this.

Then, the two couples leave the studio and go to the pub where Harry and Louis start asking questions. "Why did you stop doing porn?" Harry wants to know. "And why did you decide to come back? Are you going to do more movies now that you _are_ back? And do you prefer directing or acting?"

Liam raises a brow. "Is he always like this?" he asks Zayn and Louis, who exchange a grin and nod. 

Liam smiles. "Well," he says. "I did it for a few years, until I left the country. I spent some time in the United States and only just came back a little while ago, Zayn may have mentioned it. Being on a different continent obviously made continuing difficult, so I decided it was time to quit. I'd made a lot of money, and while I was having fun, porn was never meant to be a permanent career for me. When I came back, Simon wanted to recruit me again but I declined, since that chapter of my life was over for me. But when he suggested directing a movie, I thought why not? So I told him I'd come back for one last movie – as a director. And I enjoy both, really. Directing kind of failed this time because it was Zayn I had to direct, and since I'm clearly madly in love with him, I couldn't keep my hands off him. But I think I would be good at it if it was someone else."

"And you did a movie with Louis at some point, right?" Zayn asks, remembering either Harry or Louis mentioning something like that at some point.

Liam nods. "Yeah. It's still one of the most popular films, right?"

Louis grins. "Of course it is. We were hot together."

Zayn eyes him and Louis bites his lip. "Sorry. It's true, though. You should check it out at some point."

"I might," Zayn says, even though he's not sure he can do it. He kind of wants to see what Liam was like because people keep calling him a 'legend' and Zayn has no doubts that he was incredible. But at the same time, he doesn't know if he'll be able to watch Liam be with someone else. 

Liam seems to sense what Zayn is thinking about and reaches for his hand under the table. Zayn looks down at their laced fingers, then meets Liam's eyes and gives him a smile, squeezing his hand. 

"So, what about now?" Harry asks then, propping his chin up on his hand. "Are you back for good or was this just a one-time thing?"

Liam reaches for his glass and takes a sip, glancing at Zayn briefly. "I don't know," he admits. "Zayn and I haven't had the time to discuss that yet."

Harry nods, understanding. 

They talk about porn some more, but afterwards, the conversation turns to different things and Zayn is relieved that the three of them seem to get along so well. He isn't surprised, really, Liam seems to be the type of person who gets along with everyone, but it's still a huge relief to see him connect with his friends so easily; first Niall, and now Harry and Louis.

After dinner, the four of them split up and Zayn goes home to pick up a few things, planning on spending the night at Liam's again. But he wants to check on Niall and pack some more clothes, so Liam drops him off on campus and Zayn finds himself in his dorm a little while later.

Niall is there – alone – and seems kind of jumpy; he literally flinches when Zayn opens the door and enters the room. Zayn blinks at him. "Are you okay?"

Niall nods. "Sure," he says, keeping his eyes on Zayn as he makes his way over to his closet. Zayn pulls out a bag and stuffs some clean clothes into it, as well as a book he might need for homework tomorrow, then turns back to Niall who's still staring at him and biting his lip. He looks like he's got something on his mind and Zayn looks at him, somewhat amused. 

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Niall looks down, then lets out a breath. "Yeah… Okay, look, there is something I need to tell you and I know it's going to hurt you and I really wish I didn't have to be the one to tell you this but since I'm your best friend, it's kind of my duty to do it."

Zayn furrows his brow and tilts his head, looking at him curiously and wondering what Niall could possibly have to tell him. He actually looks upset, and since it takes a lot to get Niall into this state, Zayn prepares for the worst. "What happened?" he asks, sitting down on his bed slowly. 

Niall takes a breath. "I was browsing some porn site earlier – gay porn – 'cause I was curious, and…"

He bites his lip, then blurts out, "I saw Liam in one of the films! And I know you probably don't believe me but I'm sure it's him. I googled him and found him in some porn actor database and… I'm so sorry, Zayn, I really wish I didn't have to tell you this."

Zayn raises a brow, relaxing instantly. He kind of wants to smack Niall for worrying him this much; the look on Niall's face made him expect far worse news, like the death of a family member or something. 

For a moment, he wonders what his reaction would've been if he hadn't found out about Liam's past porn career this afternoon, and comes to the conclusion that it probably wouldn't have upset him too much either way. 

"I know," he says before Niall works himself into a frenzy. 

At Niall's baffled look, he smiles. "I just found out today," he explains, and tells Niall all about the events of the afternoon. Niall stares at him with wide eyes and looks stunned. When Zayn finishes, he shakes his head. 

"Well, I'm glad you found out like that," he says thoughtfully. "I think randomly finding one of his movies online would've been a little more traumatic, no? But wow. I just didn't expect it, you know? Liam really doesn't _look_ like a porn star."

Zayn raises a brow. "And I do?"

"Well," Niall says, and pauses. "No, not really. And Liam may not look like a porn star, but he's really good. I watched some of his movie before I realised it was him."

"Can I see?" Zayn asks, unable to contain his curiosity anymore. 

Niall bites his lip. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

Zayn raised a brow. "Why wouldn't it be? Come on, let me have a look."

Niall finally agrees and reaches for his laptop. Zayn gets up and flops down next to Niall, hovering over his shoulder when Niall starts the movie. He doesn't watch the whole thing; just checks out a few scenes here and there, and has to admit that Niall is right – Liam _is_ good.

What Zayn isn't prepared for, however, is the jealousy he suddenly feels when he sees Liam on screen with someone else. He doesn't know Liam's co-star; it seems to be someone who isn't with the company anymore, or at least someone Zayn hasn't met yet. He's quite good-looking and they both seem really into it, and Zayn has a hard time reminding himself that it's just porn.

When Niall closes the tab, he turns to look at Zayn. "Are you okay? This must be weird for you, no?"

Zayn nods slowly and shrugs. "A little, I guess. I mean, I know this was a few years ago, but seeing your boyfriend with someone else is… weird, yeah."

Niall looks at him curiously. "Have you guys talked about how this is going to work? I mean, I know you told me about Harry and Louis, and that they're in a relationship and have no problem with the whole thing but… are you gonna keep sleeping with other guys? Would Liam be okay with that?"

"He said he would be," Zayn says softly. "I haven't decided whether I'm going to continue yet. I was going to end it when Liam didn't know about it yet, but now that he does… I don't know. We've got a lot to discuss, I guess."

Niall nods. "Yeah, I suppose so."

Zayn rubs the back of his neck and rises to his feet. "I should go; he's waiting for me."

"Oh, sure," Niall says, nodding. He closes the laptop and sets it aside, looking up at Zayn who looks back at him. 

"Are you gonna be okay? I feel kind of bad leaving you alone all the time."

Niall shrugs it off and smiles. "Yeah, I'll be fine. I've got plans with this girl tonight, so I won't be here anyway."

"Oh," Zayn says, nodding. "Good. Good luck then. I'll see you whenever, yeah?"

Niall nods. "Sure. Have fun."

Zayn gives him a smile and leaves the room with his bag full of clothes. He's glad he told Liam to drive home, as it'll give him some time to think about everything that's happened while he's taking the bus to Liam's place. 

By the time he arrives at Liam's, he still hasn't come to a conclusion, though, but is ready to discuss the matter. Liam seems to be as well; he pulls him into a kiss when he enters the flat, then takes him into the living room. He sits down on the couch and pulls Zayn down next to him, looking into his eyes. 

"What are you thinking about?" he asks softly. 

Zayn shrugs. "Just… everything," he murmurs. 

He bites his lip and continues, "Niall just found one of your films and showed me a bit of it. And I got a little jealous."

Liam brushes his hair back and looks at him thoughtfully. "That's understandable," he says quietly. "I haven't seen any of your movies yet, but I think I'd feel the same way watching you with someone else, even Harry or Louis."

Zayn nibbles his lip thoughtfully. "I just… I kind of want to keep making movies but at the same time, it would feel kind of weird and unfair to keep doing it and expect you to be okay with it while I'm _not_ okay with you doing the same thing. I think it would really hurt our relationship after a while and I don't want to lose you. So I guess the logical thing to do would be to quit."

He sighs. "I wish it could be just the two of us together," he murmurs, burying his face in Liam's neck. 

He feels Liam's fingers in his hair and sighs contentedly, then looks up curiously when Liam says, "It could be."

Liam glances down at him. "It is possible for the two of us to keep doing this and be exclusive, even on screen."

"It is?" Zayn asks, eyebrows shooting up. 

Liam smiles. "Yeah. I don't think there's ever been an exclusive couple with Simon's company but I knew this guy who worked for someone else, and he only slept with his boyfriend on screen. So that is a possibility."

Zayn sits up, liking that option a lot. "And would you want to do that?"

Liam is silent for a moment, his fingers gently rubbing the back of Zayn's neck. "Ever since Simon contacted me again when I got back from the US, I thought a lot about getting back into acting. I did consider it for a while because I've always enjoyed doing porn and not just because of the money. Then I met you and I dismissed the idea right away. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep with other guys while being in a committed relationship. Directing seemed like a good way to stay faithful to you and still be in the business, but in the end, it was acting that made me love porn so much."

He takes a breath. "What I'm saying is that yes, I think that would be a great way for both of us to have all the advantages that come with being a porn actor without hurting our relationship. And really, Zayn, we were amazing this afternoon."

Zayn smiles a little. "We were. Do you think Simon would be okay with this proposal then?"

Liam nods. "I think he would be, to be honest. He wants me back in the business, and he obviously doesn't want you to leave it, considering you're his new star. And when he sees our film from this afternoon, he would be stupid to say no."

Zayn nods and smiles, feeling much better now that he knows about this option. And really, earning money for loving your boyfriend in front of a camera seems like the best job in the world. 

"Now," Liam says after a moment, tightening his arm around Zayn and drawing him closer. "Are you tired or…"

He raises a brow, a seductive smile playing on his lips. Zayn grins back. "I'm never too tired for…" He wiggles his brows in return and wraps his arms around Liam, smiling when the other boy leans in and kisses him. He wraps himself around Liam, sighing happily into the kiss.

Everything seems perfect now. Only this morning, he felt terribly guilty for being secretive and hiding an important part of his life from Liam; now, everything is out in the open and he can finally relax.


	21. Chapter 21

On a Saturday two weeks later, Zayn and Liam are getting ready for their first official porn shoot. Well, the first one they're _supposed_ to star in together. The first one, the one that was meant to be a solo shoot but ended up featuring Liam as well, was already up on the website and had, as predicted by just about everyone, thousands of views. On the first night alone, so many people wanted to watch it that the servers crashed. 

By now, many more guys have seen the film over and over again and keep asking for more. 

After making up their minds about staying exclusive on and off camera, Liam and Zayn met up with Simon to discuss their idea. Simon didn't hesitate for more than a second before he said yes. He did express his regret about no more movies with either of them with other people, but in the end, they came to an agreement. 

And now, after a two-week break during which they focused on university and their relationship, it is time to start shooting. 

And Zayn's a little nervous. Of course it isn't his first time shooting a movie, nor the first time he's going to sleep with Liam, but after a more or less long break, he can't help but feel as if he's forgotten everything he's learned. Liam seems to sense his nervousness and presses a gentle hand to his lower back as he guides him to the door. "It'll be fine, love. I've got you."

Zayn gives him a small smile, then leaves the flat, Liam behind him. They get into his car and drive to the location. When they enter the building, Zayn releases a breath and smiles at Nick, who's waving at him from another room. 

Liam takes his hand and Zayn turns his attention back to him, nibbling his lip as Liam leads him down into the basement. They meet the crew, then go into the changing room, where Zayn takes off his clothes and Liam, after removing his as well, pulls on white trousers and an equally white t-shirt. 

He looks good in white, Zayn decides, looking at him appreciatively. The trousers are tight enough to leave nothing to the imagination, and the t-shirt hugs Liam's broad shoulders and chest. Zayn licks his lips as he looks at him, then shakes his head to clear it. He grabs a towel from the rack, gives Liam a quick kiss after he's wrapped it around his waist. He glances at his reflection briefly, then enters the studio. He gives a shy wave to the crew and gets onto the table, lies down on his stomach, folding his arms and resting his forehead against them. 

He feels someone tug on the towel to adjust it, then takes a deep breath and tries to relax. A moment later, he feels warm breath on his shoulder as Liam presses a gentle kiss to it. "Ready for your massage, Mr Malik?"

Zayn smiles and turns his head, glancing up at Liam and nodding.

Liam gives him a wink, then moves over to a small shelf that contains all sorts of massage oils and lotions. Zayn watches Liam study the bottles and pick one before giving the director and camera guy a sign and nod of his head.

Zayn presses his forehead back against his arms and rolls his shoulders back, closing his eyes.

"And action," the director's voice calls, and the shoot begins.

Soft, classical music plays in the background, and while he's waiting for Liam to make his appearance, Zayn tries to figure out what it is. The melody is familiar and after a few seconds, he remembers it's Marriner's 'Air', soft and calming. He feels his body relax and sighs contentedly.

"Good morning," Liam says as he enters the room, moving over to a small table to pick up the oil. He comes over to Zayn and pours some of the oil onto his back. It's cool against his skin, and Zayn sucks in a breath. 

"Sorry," Liam says, his voice low and sultry. "I should've warned you."

"It's fine," Zayn murmurs, his eyes rolling into the back of his head, lids fluttering when Liam starts spreading the oil over his back and shoulders with his large, warm hands. 

Zayn makes a soft sound and relaxes instantly. 

"Do tell me if anything feels uncomfortable," Liam murmurs. 

Zayn shakes his head. "No, it's perfect," he says, sighing again when Liam starts massaging his shoulders, kneading the tension out of his body. Zayn's never experienced a professional massage but he's sure that Liam has to be better than any actual masseur. His hands are gentle but sure, and he knows how to touch Zayn. Zayn's eyes close of their own accord and he hums contentedly. 

"Is this okay?" Liam murmurs as he rubs Zayn's shoulders slowly, his hands sliding gently over Zayn's slick skin. 

"Mhm," Zayn sighs, biting his lip when Liam's hands move lower, lightly brushing the sides of his body before he starts kneading again.

"Not too rough?" Liam asks then, and Zayn can't suppress a smirk. 

"No," he murmurs, his voice soft and slightly raspy. "I like it rough."

Liam's hands still for an instant, almost unnoticeably, but Zayn feels a smug grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. He can imagine what Liam is thinking about right now. And it isn't a lie – Zayn _does_ like it rough from time to time. 

He sighs softly when Liam rubs the tips of his fingers over his hips and then moves his hands back up to his shoulders. Zayn's already hard and the impatient part of him wishes Liam would just give it to him already, but he knows Liam is going to take his time, tease him until Zayn can't take it anymore. 

He pushes thoughts of Liam's cock buried deep inside him out of his head and focuses on the feel of Liam's hands all over him. When Liam moves to his lower back again, rubbing oil over the curve of his arse, Zayn bites his lip, waiting for Liam to tug away the towel, climb on top of him and fuck him. 

None of that happens, however; instead, Liam's hands disappear for a moment, and it isn't until a couple of moments later that Zayn feels them on his body again, now massaging his calves. 

Zayn sighs softly when Liam slowly moves his way up his legs, spreading oil over the backs of his thighs. He sucks in a breath when Liam's hand dips between them, so high up that his fingers almost brush his balls. 

Almost. 

Liam keeps teasing him, moving his way up and down Zayn's body until Zayn feels his cock twitch where it's trapped between the mattress and his body. 

He lets out a soft whimper when Liam's fingers brush the crease of his arse, the towel only barely covering it at this point. 

"Is this okay?" Liam asks softly, a hint of amusement in his voice. 

Zayn releases a shaky breath and nods. "Yeah," he murmurs. "Go on."

Encouraged, Liam tugs on the towel and bares Zayn's arse. A low, guttural moan escapes Zayn when he feels Liam pour some more oil onto his lower back before his hands spread it down over Zayn's arse cheeks. He swallows hard. 

Liam's hands are amazing. They move smoothly over Zayn's skin, squeezing his arse gently. Zayn feels a drop of oil slide down and drip onto his balls, and he digs his teeth into his lips. He's holding on to the table, moaning softly every time Liam's fingers slide between his cheeks and brush his hole. 

His body is aching for Liam; he just wants him to slip his fingers into him already and get him ready, all the while knowing that it'll probably be a while before that happens. 

He guessed correctly, as a moment later, he feels Liam's warm breath ghost over his bare shoulder. "Roll over, babe."

As though he hasn't seen him naked countless times before, Liam holds up the towel to cover Zayn's cock as the latter rolls over with some difficulty, trying not to ruin the shot by accidentally rolling off the table.

He licks his lips and stares up at Liam with dark eyes when he's on his back, while Liam looks down at him with a small smile. He would look completely unaffected, but the growing bulge between his legs gives him away. Liam does give him a little wink, but that's all he does before he starts oiling up Zayn's front, taking his time to trace his tattoos with the tips of his fingers and running his hands up and down Zayn's torso, making sure not to miss a spot. His skin is glistening in the warm light of the room.

His arms and hands are next and Zayn stares up at Liam with unhidden desire, licking his lips when Liam raises a brow at him and his eyes travel down his body. 

Zayn lets out a sigh of frustration and need when Liam moves back down and rubs Zayn's feet lightly but firmly at the same time. He uses the perfect amount of pressure and Zayn sighs contentedly. 

Then Liam's hands slowly move up his legs; he's taking his time with the front of them as well. When he slides one hand between Zayn's thighs, Zayn's hips jerk up of their own accord and he moans. His eyes open and he locks them with Liam's, who's now staring down at him with unadulterated lust. 

"Is _this_ okay?" he asks softly, and Zayn, unable to reply verbally, just nods his head, tongue darting out to lick his dry lips. His erection is very obvious beneath the white towel and bobs slightly when Liam drags the cloth away and squeezes Zayn's hips. 

Zayn's chest is rising and falling rapidly when Liam slowly drags his fingers over Zayn's hipbones, brushing his cock with a lightness that is both highly erotic and insanely frustrating. 

Zayn closes his eyes again, digging his fingers into the mattress below him and biting his lip when he feels Liam's freshly-oiled hands grip his erection. 

"Ohh," he moans, thrusting up into Liam's warm fist as Liam starts stroking him slowly but firmly, moving his palm over the head of his cock every time he slides it up Zayn's length. He massages the base firmly, then rubs his thumb along the underside while Zayn feels his arousal grow continuously. 

"Please," he breathes, wanting, needing more. Liam's other hand is busy rolling his balls between his fingers, tugging lightly on them as he keeps stroking Zayn. As always, every single one of his touches makes Zayn's head spin and moans of pleasure leave his lips.

After a moment, Liam lets go of his cock and Zayn, his eyes closed again, takes a deep breath, swallowing hard. He feels Liam's fingers against his shoulders and looks up at him hungrily. His eyes travel down his boyfriend's body and come to rest on the very obvious bulge between his legs. Zayn raises a brow and smiles, then reaches forward to cover it with his hand. He looks up at Liam through his lashes as he starts massaging his cock through his trousers, smiling seductively when Liam lets out an almost inaudible gasp. 

Zayn pushes himself up into a sitting position and uses both hands to swiftly unbutton Liam's trousers and tug them down over his hips. The other man's cock released, he wraps his hand around it and strokes him expertly, his mouth watering as he pulls Liam's foreskin back to reveal the head. He bends his head and leans forward, sliding Liam's cock into his mouth and focusing all his attention on the cock in his mouth. 

He loves Liam's cock; it's long and thick and feels heavy and hard between his lips as they stretch around it while he pushes forward to take more of him into his mouth. He sucks lightly, then harder, stroking his tongue along the ridge when he releases him again and licks his way down the underside. He looks up at Liam, briefly aware of the camera very close to his face. He blocks it out and instead nips at the soft skin of Liam's cock, staring up at him as he once again slides him into his mouth, cheeks hollowing as he goes back to sucking. 

Liam's still-oily fingers are in his hair, and under normal circumstances, he might have complained about Liam ruining his hair, but right now, he is focused on pleasuring Liam. Liam's eyes are on him, not missing a moment. 

Finally, Zayn draws back and sucks the head between his lips, trailing his tongue around it, his eyes half-lidded. A bit of saliva dribbles down his chin as he pulls off Liam, lips glistening. He closes his hand around Liam's erection just before Liam tugs him up into a hard, needy kiss. 

Zayn answers it hungrily, biting Liam's bottom lip teasingly as he slides his tongue into his mouth, closing his eyes. When Liam breaks the kiss, he steps out of his trousers and tugs off his t-shirt, then pushes Zayn down again. He flips him over easily and Zayn hisses softly as his cock is once again pressed against his lower abdomen and the hard mattress, and Liam's hands are back on his arse.

Zayn sucks in a breath when Liam spreads his cheeks and presses his tongue against his opening, licking gentle circles around it before pressing down against it more firmly. Zayn lets out a surprised moan. Liam's tongue is warm and wet, pushing past the tight muscles insistently and teasingly, and it doesn't take long before Zayn starts whimpering and hissing in pleasure and need, begging Liam for more. 

"Fuckfuckfuckfuck – ahhh, oh god, yesss," he moans as Liam continues his ministrations on him. "Oh god, fuck me, please fuck me, ohhh…"

Liam does fuck him then – with his tongue, showing him everything he's planning to do with his cock a moment later. 

When he pulls back, his breath warm against Zayn skin, Zayn is breathing heavily, unable to beg more. He lifts his hips a bit, hoping Liam will finally give him what he wants. 

Liam bites one of Zayn's arse cheeks lightly, making Zayn hiss in pleasure and pain, then moves to straddle his thighs. Zayn swallows hard and turns his head, staring up at Liam with dark eyes and watching him reach for the lube sat beside the bottle of massage oil. Liam slicks his fingers and pushes two inside Zayn without preamble, scissoring them briefly and drawing them out again only about a minute later. 

They'd slept together the night before, so Zayn doesn't mind the minimal preparation; he encourages it, actually, needing Liam inside him right this instant. 

He opens his mouth and stares up at him in a silent plea, and Liam leans over him to brush a kiss over his lips. Then he reaches down and strokes his dick a couple of times before he spreads Zayn's arse cheeks once more and pushes into him. 

Zayn's eyes flutter closed and he presses his forehead back against his arms, moaning softly as he spreads his legs as much as his current position allows him to. Liam pushes in all the way, making a soft sound in the back of his throat as he's settled. He rubs Zayn's sides and gives him a moment to get used to him; then he draws back and starts pushing in and pulling out slowly, taking his time, making sure Zayn feels every inch of him before he draws out again.

Zayn sucks in a breath every time Liam thrusts forward, holding on to the sides of the table. He pushes back against Liam, meeting his thrusts and giving him the best possible angle. 

He lifts himself up on his elbows and looks over his shoulder; Liam is staring down at them intently, watching his cock disappear inside Zayn. The look on his face is almost enough to push Zayn over the edge right then and there. 

When Liam looks up, his eyes are dark with an almost dangerous glint in them. Liam moves forward, then presses his flat hand against Zayn's back and pushes him down, holding him in place as he keeps pushing into him, now with more and more force. 

Zayn's breathing is speeding up and he cries out every time Liam finds the perfect angle. His cock and hips are pressed hard against the mattress whenever Liam rocks forward, giving Zayn amazing friction to go with Liam's cock hitting his prostate roughly. 

He whimpers and tries to hold back for as long as possible, but after a few more rough thrusts of Liam's hips, he comes, his muscles gripping Liam tightly as he clenches around him. 

Liam keeps thrusting a few more times before Zayn hears a groan. Liam slips out of him and his cock slides between his arse cheeks as he starts coming and Zayn feels warm come splash over his lower back. 

Staying in the same position for a while, both of them are breathing heavily when the director calls, "Cut!" a few seconds later.

Liam leans forward to brush a gentle kiss over the back of Zayn's neck, burying his nose in his hair. Zayn grins goofily and reaches behind himself to touch Liam, turning his face to meet his eyes. 

Liam smiles back and kisses his nose, then slides off him, a little unsteady on his legs when his feet are back on the ground. Zayn rolls over carefully, sighing softly as he pushes his hair back and catches his breath. 

"That was amazing," the director says. He sounds genuinely impressed and gives them the thumbs-up in approval. "All right, lads. Take a break, go have a smoke and a snack, and we'll see you in about forty-five minutes for the hot tub scene." 

He and the camera man leave the room, and Zayn takes a deep breath, a still slightly dazed smile on his lips. 

Liam laughs. "You're too cute," he says as he leans over him and kisses his lips. He rubs their noses together affectionately and gives him an adoring smile. 

"I know," Zayn says cheerfully, still slightly high from his orgasm. He feels great, and looking up at Liam, all sweaty and hot, he has no doubt that he'll be ready to go again when he's required to, for the next scene.

He's actually looking forward to it, and decides that this is definitely the best shoot so far. He feels like he's at a spa with his boyfriend – and getting paid for it. What more could he possibly want?

A moment later, Liam's lips are on his again after he picks him up, and kisses him deeply, holding him in his arms for a little while. He carries him into the adjacent bathroom then and they shower together, getting rid of sweat, massage oil and come. 

They use their break to have a drink and, in Zayn's case, a quick smoke outside. They also watch a bit of Nick's film that's being shot on one of the upper floors. 

Finally, they make their way back downstairs where the whirlpool, warm and bubbling, is awaiting them.


	22. Chapter 22

Zayn sighs contentedly as he lowers himself into the large whirlpool, shivering a little when he leans back and grinning when he feels the bubbles against his lower back. He closes his eyes briefly, leans back and relaxes, only opening his eyes when he feels Liam get into the tub as well. 

He watches him dip his toes into the water, then smiles at him when he fully slides inside, sitting down across from him. 

"Any dialogue?" Zayn inquires, referring to the scene they're about to shoot. 

"Nope," Liam says. "Basically, you just pounce me and ride my cock."

Zayn sucks in a breath, swallowing hard as he watches Liam's eyes darken. He loves it when Liam says words like 'cock' or 'fuck'; he looks like the type of guy who doesn't use any profanities, so when he does, it sounds kind of unexpected and ridiculously sexy. Or at least Zayn thinks so.

He smiles. "Sounds good to me."

He gasps when Liam presses a button on the outer edge of the tub and the force of the jets inside the tub increases. There's one just between Zayn's legs and he stifles a moan at the feel of it against his cock. 

He pushes himself off and moves over to Liam, straddling him; his knees on either side of him. He wraps his arms around his neck and looks at him with a smile, then leans in and presses their lips together. 

"You're too fast for us," mutters the camera man behind them, and the director calls, "Action."

Zayn smiles against Liam's lips, taking his time as he kisses him; first, it's just a brush of lips, teasing in its lightness, but it soon grows in heat and passion as their tongues slide against each other slowly and sensually. Liam's hands are on his shoulders, stroking gently before they slowly travel their way down his back. He cups his arse and pulls him up a little, squeezing his cheeks in his palms. 

It doesn't take more than a few seconds for Zayn's cock to harden fully, and he presses it against Liam's chest, his head bent in order to keep kissing Liam. Finally, he draws back and looks down at Liam intently, his eyes fluttering a little when Liam's fingers trace his cleft. He feels one of Liam's fingers work its way into his body and Zayn digs his own fingers into Liam's shoulders, tipping his head back. His mouth opens in a silent moan. 

Liam fingers him slowly, his lips pressed against Zayn's chest. He wraps his lips around one of his nipples and it hardens under the gentle pressure of his tongue. Zayn moans and pushes back against Liam's finger eagerly, but Liam doesn't speed up its movements or add another one; just keeps teasing him with that one finger. 

It isn't until Zayn literally digs his nails into Liam's back, leaving crescent-shaped marks there that Liam lets out a gasp and adds a second finger. He keeps moving them slowly, alternating between deep and shallow thrusts. He scissors them and stretches Zayn before withdrawing them altogether. 

Zayn lets out a soft sigh, then watches Liam intently as he reaches for the lube sitting on the table right beside the tub, and slicks his fingers. A moment later, he slides them back inside Zayn, adding a third one and moving them back and forth. Zayn lets out a low moan and leans forward, holding on to Liam as he moves on Liam's fingers, trying to get them into him as deep as possible. 

"Ohhhh," Zayn moans and slides his fingers into Liam's hair, yanking his head back roughly to press their lips together in a deep, wet kiss that lasts for several minutes until Liam pulls out his fingers and gently traces Zayn's entrance with one of them. 

Zayn swallows hard, clenching around the tip of Liam's finger automatically and remaining in the same position as Liam places his hands on the edge of the tub and lifts himself up a little, enough to brush the tip of his cock against Zayn's hole. Zayn's eyes flutter closed and he swallows hard, then grabs the lube and squirts some of it onto his fingers. He reaches down and slicks Liam's cock with a couple of rough strokes, then wraps his hand around it and carefully guides Liam into him. He slides down on him, taking all of Liam in, moaning when Liam pushes up and seals their bodies with a rough thrust. 

Back in the water, Zayn lets out a breath and closes his eyes for a moment as he adjusts to Liam's cock inside him, wiggling a little until he's in a comfortable position. Then he cups the sides of Liam's neck and looks down at him, his eyelids fluttering as he starts moving on top of him, slowly up and down, taking his time.

Liam stares up at him with an expression Zayn has seen many times before; it's the look he always gets when they're making love. He stares at Zayn as if he has a hard time believing he's actually real; acting like Zayn's a god, rather than an actual person. Zayn can't deny that he loves that expression; it gives him confidence and makes him feel extremely powerful. And, he imagines, it's probably pretty much the same expression he has on his own face when he looks at Liam.

He looks down at Liam with a smile, brushing his hair back gently as he moves up and down slowly, making sure to clench around Liam whenever he lowers himself back onto his lap. He bites his lip and moans, trailing his fingers down Liam's back again before he leans forward and starts kissing his neck. He feels the vibrations of Liam's moans in his throat while his hips jerk up and he buries himself deeper inside Zayn. 

Zayn whimpers when Liam grabs his hips, digging his fingers almost painfully into them. Then he suddenly lifts him up and off him. Zayn doesn't have a second to complain or whine because a moment later, he finds himself on his knees, bent over the edge of the tub, and Liam pushes back inside him, his hand warm on Zayn's lower back as he slides all the way in. 

"Oh goddd, yesss," Zayn moans, meeting Liam's thrusts with his hips as the other man keeps pushing into him again and again, no longer gentle and holding back. His movements are rough and sure and Zayn gasps in pleasure. His hips hit the edge of the tub repeatedly and it digs into them painfully. Zayn hisses and presses his hands against the edge of the tub, pushing himself off it a little whenever Liam jerks forward to prevent his hips from being completely bruised later. Not that he minds – the idea of having marks or bruises from rough sex all over his body is a big turn-on.

An arm wraps around his waist and Liam's hand rests calmingly on his stomach as Liam keeps fucking him. He slides his hand up to his chest and presses Zayn's back flush to his chest, forcing him to sit up and lean against him. Zayn does, head resting on Liam's shoulder as he lets out breathy gasps with each one of Liam's thrusts. He presses a kiss to his cheek and looks into his eyes, lips parted as he moans and gasps and whimpers. Liam's staring at him intently, his own low moans sending shivers down Zayn's spine.

After a moment, Liam's hand travels down Zayn's chest and stomach, strokes his hips soothingly, and finally wraps around his cock, stroking him in time with his thrusts. Zayn groans and reaches behind himself to bury his fingers in Liam's muscular back, keeping them pressed together as he alternately pushes back against Liam and thrusts into his fist. 

They're both flushed and hot, staring into each other's eyes intently, their bodies moving in perfect sync.

Liam's lips press against Zayn's shoulder, his moans low and raspy. Zayn can tell by the urgency of Liam's hand on him that it won't take much longer. He slides his hand up his own chest and pinches one of his nipples just as Liam's hand tightens around him and he thrusts forward. The combination of sensations rips his orgasm from him and Zayn moans as he comes hard and for what feels like minutes.

Liam lets go of his cock and takes hold of his hips instead, holding him in place as he fucks him through his orgasm all the while approaching his own. Zayn braces himself against Liam's rough thrusts and bites his lip hard when he feels Liam fall over the edge as well; his name on his lips as he climaxes as well. 

Liam stays inside Zayn for a moment before drawing back. He keeps his hands on Zayn and manages to turn him around, pulling him close for a long, deep kiss. Zayn is breathing heavily but wraps his arms around Liam and returns the kiss as he slowly comes down from the high of his orgasm. 

"And cut," the director says behind them. Liam keeps kissing him for another minute or two, then draws back and lets himself fall back into the tub. Zayn slides down onto the seat, breathing heavily. 

He meets Liam's eyes and raises a brow when he notices an oddly blissful and amused look on his boyfriend's face. He tilts his head curiously, but Liam merely grins. 

"We need to get one of these," he says cheerfully, as the water bubbles around him. "This feels incredible."

Zayn rubs his face and snorts, but has to admit Liam's right. He feels the soothing sensation of the water pressing against his slightly sore arse, and yeah, it does feel nice.

The director and camera guys leave them alone for a while, and Zayn pokes Liam with a toe. Liam raises a brow and smiles, then sort of swims over to Zayn, leaning in for a gentle kiss. 

"I love working with you," he says softly. "You're the best I've ever had."

Zayn gives him a smile and touches Liam's cheek. Then he's suddenly curious. "How many _have_ you had?"

Liam's smile vanishes at that and he shrugs. "Does it matter?" he asks, and without waiting for an answer, presses another kiss to Zayn's lips. He deepens it instantly, not giving Zayn the chance to ask more questions, and after a moment, it doesn't even matter. Zayn focuses on the kiss, his fingertips lightly rubbing Liam's shoulders. 

The kiss breaks sometime later, and they get out of the tub and into the shower. When they're dry and dressed, they make their way upstairs, and Zayn excuses himself for a smoke while Liam stays inside to catch up with a couple of his former co-stars. 

When he's done with his cigarette, Zayn goes back inside and after a brief chat with Nick and then Simon, he and Liam say goodbye and leave the studio. They go grocery shopping and buy some takeout, then spend the evening at Liam's, watching a (decidedly non-sexual) film and snuggling. 

They kiss for a while but neither of them initiates more than that, since the afternoon has satisfied and exhausted them both. As they're lying in bed later, Liam's arms around Zayn, gently stroking his bare back, Zayn can't help thinking about the way Liam looked when Zayn asked him about his former sexual partners. Liam seemed to close down at the question and avoided talking about it, and while it isn't like it actually _matters_ whether he's slept with twelve people or twenty-five, Zayn is still a little curious about the actual number. 

He considers asking Liam about it for a moment but doesn't want to ruin the mood, so he doesn't. Maybe some other time. 

Instead, he buries his face in Liam's neck and breathes him in, stroking the short hair at the back of his neck before rolling over. He smiles when Liam wraps himself around him immediately, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. 

"Night, love," he whispers, and his breath tickles Zayn's skin, making him shiver. 

"Night," Zayn murmurs, closing his eyes. 

Moments later, he hears Liam snoring faintly and knows he's fallen asleep. 

It takes a little longer for Zayn himself to fall asleep as well, though. He's not sure why, but for some reason, he can't seem to stop thinking about Liam's life before him, realising that he actually doesn't know all that much about him at all. Sure, he knows everything about Liam's family and his studies, but he knows next to nothing about Liam's love life before him. 

And he _knows_ it shouldn't matter, but now that the question is in his head, he can't seem to forget about it. 

Eventually, he tells himself to drop it. Liam's never given him any reason not to trust him, and Zayn doesn't want to turn into a suspicious, jealous arsehole. 

After a while, he drifts off into dreamless sleep.


	23. Chapter 23

The next morning, Zayn is the first one to wake up. He looks down at Liam and watches him sleep for a while but resists the urge to kiss him awake. He remembers the previous night and how Liam avoided his question about his previous sexual partners, as well as his own reaction to it. 

He's still jealous and can't quite shake off the feeling that Liam's number of sexual encounters is much higher than he expects. He knows it's something he should address; that he should tell Liam about his sudden insecurities and ask for reassurance. But he hates arguing with the people he loves, and maybe it's just something he needs to get over on his own. He knows it's irrational, but he can't help the way he feels.

After watching Liam for a little while, he carefully disentangles himself from Liam's warm embrace and slips out of the bed. He pulls on his clothes hurriedly, then finds some paper and a pen to write a note for Liam, telling him he'll be back later, but that he has some things to take care of. 

Which isn't a lie; he does have some homework to do, and while he could just as well do it at Liam's flat, he thinks that maybe he just needs some space to get over his jealousy. 

He leaves the note on the pillow next to Liam, then looks down at him again before grabbing his things and leaving Liam's flat. 

His dorm is empty when he arrives. He's a bit surprised, figuring that now that he isn't there as much as he used to, Niall would use it more often to bring his dates back. He drops his things and sits down on the bed, rubbing his face tiredly. When he looks up, his eyes rest on the laptop on his desk, and he wonders if it would be stupid to check out some of Liam's films. 

It probably would be, but maybe it's the only way for him to find out how many people Liam's actually slept with – on camera, at least. Maybe that'll give him clarity and the reassurance he'll need, and he won't think about it constantly when he's with Liam.

He's about to reach for it and google his porn legend boyfriend, when the door opens and Niall tumbles in. He spots Zayn and beams. "You're here! Hey! Didn't expect to see you for the rest of the weekend. You practically live at Liam's these days."

His tone isn't reproachful, but Zayn can tell that Niall misses him. And he misses Niall too, now that he thinks about it. His life has changed quite abruptly, and he's gone from spending all his time with his best friend to only seeing him from time to time. But it's Zayn's first real relationship and he hasn't quite figured out how to find a healthy balance between his love life and… well, Niall. 

He's kind of glad he doesn't have any other real friends – Harry and Louis excluded, considering he sees them on set quite a lot – because even finding time for the one friend he does have seems difficult. 

"Yeah," he says after a moment. "Sorry. My life's just been kind of hectic with school and Liam, and everything."

Niall nods. "It's fine, mate, really. I know you're in love and want to spend as much time with Liam as possible. I get it, trust me. Just… don't forget about me, all right?"

Zayn smiles. "I couldn't."

He leans back. "So… what's up? Anything new? Tell me everything."

Niall shrugs as he flops down on his own bed. He fluffs up the pillow and gets comfortable, then gives another shrug. "Not really. Just classes, and girls, and drinking, and all that good stuff."

Zayn smiles. "Nothing different then."

Niall grins. "Well, I do go to school a bit more regularly than before, so I guess you could call that a positive development."

Zayn smiles. "Yeah, definitely. I'm actually proud of you for taking your studies more seriously now."

"Aww," Niall says. "It's all your good influence on me."

Zayn grins back and rubs the back of his neck. 

Niall continues. "So, how is Liam? And how's your porn career going? Done anything interesting lately?"

Zayn nods. "Liam and I had our first official shoot yesterday," he says. "Nothing too kinky, I'm afraid, but it was good. Really good."

Niall smiles. "I'm sure you'll get a million views; you two look good together."

Zayn opens his mouth to reply, then stops. Then he eyes Niall. "Wait… did you watch–"

Niall blushes before Zayn even finishes his question, and Zayn's eyes widen. "You didn't! Niall!"

Niall grins sheepishly and shrugs. "I'm sorry! I've been watching a lot of gay porn lately, and yours was just _there_ and I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about and… well, it was good. I tried to stop watching but you guys were really great together. Hottest thing I've seen for a while."

Zayn feels his own cheeks flush and groans, rubbing his face. It's kind of weird, knowing that your best friend has seen you get off with your boyfriend. Not quite as awkward as if Niall ran into them in real life, but still. 

"I won't do it again if it makes you feel uncomfortable," Niall offers. "I was just curious."

Zayn shakes his head. "No, it's all right. I can't stop you from doing it, just… maybe don't mention it again?"

Niall smiles. "Sure. It'll be my dirty little secret."

Zayn sighs and pushes himself up, then looks over at his laptop again. "Have you… I mean, since you seem to be watching a lot of those films… have you seen any others of Liam? Like, from back when I didn't know him?"

Niall shakes his head. "Not really, why?"

Zayn shrugs. "No reason." The moment the words are out of his mouth, he knows that Niall doesn't believe him. 

Niall eyes him. "Zayn…"

Zayn sighs. "It's nothing. I just… I asked Liam about his previous partners last night and he just kind of avoided the question by kissing me, saying it didn't matter. It's just weird, you know? He's so open about everything else, so why wouldn't he just tell me how many people he's slept with? It's not like I'm going to judge him."

"Maybe he just doesn't want you to get jealous – which you obviously are, already," Niall points out. "And honestly, the past doesn't matter. If I fell in love with someone and they asked me about my previous partners, I wouldn't feel comfortable telling them about it either. Cause you know me – I've had a lot of one-night stands and it would probably give them the impression that I'm a bit of a slut, which is not what you want the person you love to think about you."

Zayn considers this, then raises a brow. "But you _are_ a bit of a slut."

Niall looks at him and smirks. "Well, yeah. But I still wouldn't want them to know about it."

Zayn leans back and sighs. "Maybe you're right. I just… if it's no big deal, then why won't he just tell me, you know?"

Niall gets up and comes over to him, rubbing his leg comfortingly. "Just try not to think about it. I've seen the way he looks at you, Zayn – he loves you. He's all about you now. Isn't that the only thing that counts?"

Zayn lets out a heavy sigh and stares at his hands. "I suppose," he murmurs. "I just hate the idea of there having been people in Liam's life – and bed – before me."

"He's not asking you questions about how it was with Harry and Louis, is he?" Niall asks then, and Zayn shakes his head. He knows Niall has a point. If Liam asked for details about what exactly he's done with Harry and Louis, Zayn wouldn't want to tell him everything either. 

"You're right," he says eventually. "I know you're right. It's just hard to stop being jealous once you've started."

"I know," Niall says, petting his leg. "But you'll get over it. You know you can trust him, so just focus on the present and future rather than the past, all right?"

He gets up. "And now I'm gonna take a shower and try to write that fucking essay that I've been procrastinating on for two weeks. Oops."

He grimaces and Zayn laughs as he watches him go to the bathroom. When Niall is gone, his smile fades slowly and he plays with the fabric of his t-shirt. Images of Liam with other men, naked and sweaty, flash before his eyes, and Zayn lets himself suffer for a moment before he pushes those thoughts away and gets up. 

He takes out a book and frowns at it for a long moment before he tries to focus on what he's supposed to be doing. Thinking about Liam with other guys won't help, so he tries to worry about homework instead. 

It gets easier when Niall gets back from his shower, and they end up discussing school stuff, which eventually makes him stop thinking about Liam. By the end of the day, he's finished all the homework he has for the next week and realises he hasn't thought about Liam's previous sex life even once. 

Clearly, spending time with Niall is good for him, and he vows not to neglect his friend again.

*****

As promised in the note he's left Liam this morning, he returns to his boyfriend's flat in the early evening. The door downstairs is open, so he lets himself in, and then takes the lift up to Liam's floor. He knocks on the door, smiling when he hears the lock turn and the door being opened. 

His smile falters a little when he doesn't come face to face with Liam's familiar features, but a middle-aged woman with blond hair. He opens his mouth and hesitates, then frowns. "You're not Liam," he says, checking the number on the wall beside the door to make sure he's got the right flat. 

He's spent so much time there lately that you'd think he knows which door is Liam's by now – and indeed, he's got the right flat. 

"I am not Liam, no." The woman laughs. "You must be Zayn. I'm Karen – Liam's mother."

Zayn's heart stops for a second and he swallows hard. He's imagined meeting Liam's parents countless times, but he's always assumed he'd have some time to prepare for it and figure out what to say to them. This is unexpected, to say the least. 

"I… hello," he says, managing a nervous smile. "Yeah, I'm Zayn, it's… it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," Karen says, giving him another warm smile and stepping aside to let him in. "I've heard so much about you. I've been dying to meet you ever since Liam first mentioned you. He's never talked about another man this much before, so I knew you would be special."

"Muuum, please." Liam's voice comes from the kitchen and he comes out into the hall when Zayn enters the flat. He rolls his eyes and gives Zayn a sweet smile. "I see you two have met."

"Yeah," Zayn says, licking his lips nervously. "I didn't know your parents were coming over?"

"Neither did I," Liam says, giving him an apologetic smile. "Mum just sometimes likes to come over for a surprise visit, but since I've seen her recently, I didn't think she'd be here again so soon. I guess she was just curious about you."

"I was," Karen admits. "I'm sorry I didn't call you before. I offered to come back tomorrow, but Liam said you didn't have any plans tonight, so I thought I'd stay for dinner. Unless you mind, of course."

Zayn shakes his head quickly. "Of course not," he says, licking dry lips. "I don't mind at all. I was just surprised. If I'd known I was going to meet Liam's parents, I would've… I don't know. Dressed up or something."

He smiles at her, and Karen laughs. "You look fine, love – and it's just me. My husband is back home since he has to work, but I was visiting a friend of mine in the area, so I thought I'd come by and check on my baby."

Liam groans. " _Mum_."

Zayn grins; Liam's discomfort is quite endearing, and his mother seems lovely. He likes her already. 

Liam beckons them into the living room while he disappears into the kitchen, and Zayn takes a deep breath as he sits down on the couch beside Liam's mother. They sit in silence for a moment before Zayn remembers his manners. "Oh – do you want anything to drink?"

Karen looks up. "I've got my glass in the kitchen. I'll just go and get it."

Zayn shakes his head and gets up before she can. "Let me," he says, and disappears into the kitchen, closing the door behind himself. He takes a deep breath, and when he looks up, he finds Liam looking at him with an amused smile. 

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," Zayn sighs. "I just… I've never had a boyfriend or serious girlfriend before, so I've never had to impress someone's parents. Couldn't you have texted me, at least? I would've brought some flowers for her or something."

Liam comes over to him and places a light kiss on Zayn's nose. "I'm sorry. I meant to, but then I forgot. And Zayn, love, just be yourself, and she'll be impressed. You don't need flowers to win a woman's heart. It's just my mum – she doesn't expect you to be perfect. Just… be yourself. She loves you already."

Zayn looks at him doubtfully but leans in for a kiss anyway. When he draws back, he feels a little better and nods. "All right. Just… cook fast, all right? In case I run out of things to entertain her with."

"Yeah, don't worry," Liam murmurs, kissing him again. "Dinner should be ready in about ten minutes, so you won't have to be alone with her for too long."

Zayn takes a deep breath and nods. "Okay. I just hope she'll like me," he murmurs. 

"Of course she will," Liam says without the hint of a doubt, and Zayn feels himself relax. Liam's right; being nervous about this will only make him do or say things he'll regret later, so it's probably best to just… take a deep breath and not think too much about impressing her. Be himself. He can do that.

He reaches for the half-full glass of champagne on the counter and takes out another one for himself. Then he takes the bottle and gives Liam another look before leaving the kitchen again and rejoining Liam's mother. 

"Sorry about that," he says, setting the glasses down and refilling them. Then he sits down and clinks glasses with Liam's mum, taking a healthy sip of champagne before putting the glass down again. 

"So, you were visiting a friend?" he asks politely. 

"Yes – an old friend from school I haven't seen for years. It was nice seeing her again. I thought I'd be there till tonight but she had other plans for the evening, so I thought I'd check on Liam. I didn't really expect him to be home, but since he was…"

She trails off and smiles at him. "So you're the infamous Zayn," she says. "Liam mentions you every time he calls me. I can see why now."

Zayn feels his cheeks heat up and gives her a little smile. "So he talks about me?"

"Yes," she replies. "Only good things, though, don't worry."

"Good," Zayn says, looking relieved. He doesn't know what _bad_ things Liam could possibly tell her, but it's still good to hear that Liam seems to talk about him so much. For a moment he feels bad because his own parents don't even know he's seeing someone, but that's nothing he should think about right now. He focuses on the matter at hand. 

"So you study literature as well?" she asks, looking at him interestedly. 

"Yeah," Zayn says. "I'm still at the beginning of my studies, but I like it. I want to be a teacher someday."

"Good profession," she says approvingly. "Liam says you're a really good writer, too – your parents must be so proud."

"Yeah," Zayn says, smiling a little. "I think they are. My mum was sad when I left home to come here but I think she is proud."

"I'm sure she is," Karen says. "And I understand her – it's hard to let go of your kids, and see them grow up. But we're always proud of you, no matter what. And I was kind of prepared for it already since Liam's older sisters moved out a few years before him. But it did take a while to get used to the sudden silence in the house."

"I can imagine," Zayn says, taking another sip of champagne. 

"Do you have any siblings?" she asks interestedly, and Zayn nods, relieved that it seems to be going so well, and that she seems interested in him and asks him questions he can actually answer. He talks about his own sisters for a while and admits that he misses them quite a lot. He's only just realising that he does, and decides to call them soon and see what they're up to. 

Before they can talk about anything else, Liam comes out of the kitchen with the food. 

"Do you need help with anything?" Zayn asks, getting up. 

"Yeah – you can help me bring the food in, if you like, while I get the wine. Mum, you can sit down – and no, you won't help. You're our guest tonight, so we'll do all the work."

Karen looks as if she wants to protest for a moment but then gives in and takes a seat while Zayn helps Liam with the food. Liam's outdone himself. Zayn's seen him cook before and knows that Liam has some serious skills in the kitchen, but how he's managed to cook a roast and potato gratin on short notice is beyond him. 

They start eating when everything is set up, and both Zayn and Karen compliment Liam on the amazing dinner. Liam gives them a modest smile and gives all the credit to Karen who's taught him everything he knows about cooking, and has apparently helped him quite a lot before Zayn's arrival. 

They talk about university and Liam's family, catching up, but both Liam and Karen make sure not to exclude Zayn. The evening passes quickly, with a lot of laughter and no awkward silences, and Zayn is pleased because it's going a lot better than he expected. 

After dinner, they talk a little longer and Liam offers his mum the guestroom, not liking the idea of her driving home this late at night, even though it's only ten. Karen, however, insists on leaving, and eventually, Liam gives in and leads her to the door. 

"It was good to finally meet you Zayn," Karen says when she's put on her coat and pulls him into a warm, motherly hug. "You've exceeded my expectations."

She gives him a smile and Zayn answers it warmly. "It was good to meet you too. I can see why Liam's so wonderful now – he must have it all from you."

While he lets his boyfriend say goodbye to his mother, Zayn retires to the kitchen and starts cleaning up. He's almost done and turning on the dishwasher when Liam finally returns, and pulls him into a hug. 

"She loves you," he says with a smile. "Just like I told you she would."

"She does?" Zayn asks hopefully, and at Liam's firm nod, he lets out a sigh of relief and feels the tension leave his body. "Good, I'm glad. She's so great, Liam, and so easy to get along with. I thought it would be awkward but it wasn't at all. I love her, seriously."

"She really is," Liam says fondly. "But you – you've charmed her completely, Zayn. You shouldn't have worried about impressing her at all. She loves you already."

Zayn smiles at him and nestles into Liam, sighing contentedly when the other boy's arms tighten around him. He closes his eyes and breathes in Liam's familiar scent, relaxing into his embrace and nuzzling him. 

Now that his meeting with Liam's mum is over, he allows himself to think about his own family, and imagines how they would react if Zayn introduced Liam as his boyfriend. He shudders at the thought. His mum might be cool with it – she wants him to be happy, and that's the only thing that matters. His sisters would probably be all right with it as well. But his dad?

He doesn't even want to imagine that. 

So he doesn't; not right now, at least. He knows that eventually, he will have to consider telling his family about Liam, but it isn't something he's looking forward to. 

He closes his eyes firmly and focuses on the happiness he's felt all evening, and fortunately, Liam leans in to kiss him then, and soon, Liam's lips are the only thing that matter.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Possibly _slight_ dub-con at the end of this chapter (though some readers consider it non-con, so... it depends on your definition of dub- and non-con).

The next day after classes, Zayn finds himself alone in his dorm, staring at the phone. He isn't expecting a phone call but contemplating one. He's been thinking about his very successful meeting with Liam's mother the previous night all day and can't seem to stop wondering how his own family would react if he just told them.

He can't help but feel like maybe he's being too pessimistic about the whole thing. Maybe it wouldn't be quite as apocalyptic as he thinks it'll be. Liam's mum's coolness has given him hope. The only thing that matters to her is her son's happiness – and isn't that what all parents really want? Maybe if he just rang up his mum right now and told her that he's met a wonderful boy, she wouldn't even blink and tell him to bring him over so the whole family could meet him?

He sighs, knowing it probably wouldn't be quite that easy. Or maybe it would be – with his mother. But his father… 

His relationship with his dad used to be good when he was a child. His father was there, played with him, openly showed his adoration for him. He isn't sure if it was the fact that he grew up that made his father distance himself from him, or if it was something he did, but at some point, they stopped spending time together. His father started expecting things of him, wanting him to be good at school, take care of his sisters. But for some reason, no matter how hard Zayn tried, nothing was ever good enough for his father. He always found something to criticize; whether it was the B+ Zayn got on a test, or the friends he made at school. 

Zayn never stopped trying, but when the time came to leave his parents' house and come to university, he was relieved; glad not to have to prove himself to his father on a daily basis anymore.

For a moment, he imagines telling his father he's dating a boy now. Then he stops, knowing there's no point in thinking about a scenario like that. Zayn is a realist and knows his father wouldn't be cool with it, no matter how great a guy Liam is. 

He still finds himself reaching for the phone after a moment or two; watching Liam with his mother the night before has made him miss his own mum and sisters, and desperate to hear their voices. 

"Hello?"

A smile tugs on the corners of his mouth when he hears his mother's familiar voice. "Hey mum," he says softly. "It's me, Zayn."

"Zayn!" his mother exclaims, and he can imagine her dropping whatever she's working on to fully focus on him. "I feel like I haven't heard from you for ages. How are you doing, love? Studying hard?"

"Yeah," Zayn says, smiling fully now, and feeling a little bad for not calling her more often. "Yeah, you know me. Always studying."

Which obviously isn't the entire truth, but hey, it's not as if he can tell her about his extracurricular activities, right?

"Aw, well, make sure to have some fun every once in a while too, all right? Good marks aren't everything." He can feel her smiling on the other end of the line. "So, talk to me. Tell me everything. How's your room mate, have you made any new friends since last time, how are your lectures?"

"Great," Zayn says, leaning back. "Everything is great. Niall and I are still getting along, my lectures are… well, some of them are boring, obviously, but I'm enjoying most of them. I've made some great friends recently; I think you'd like them."

He's silent for a moment, then adds, "I miss you and the girls, though."

"We miss you too," his mother says softly. "The girls keep asking when they're gonna see you."

"Well, maybe we can meet up soon? I could come up there at some point. Soon."

"That would be lovely," his mother says softly. "I'd let you talk to them, but they're all out at the moment, I'm afraid. Visiting friends. Your father is here, though, so if you want to–"

"I'd rather not," Zayn says quickly. He feels a little bad for dismissing the idea of talking to his father so abruptly, but even knowing he won't tell him about Liam, a cold shiver runs down his back at the idea of talking to his father and not hearing the same happiness in his voice that his mother is currently demonstrating.

"All right," she says, her voice still soft and understanding. "He's probably busy anyway."

"Yeah," Zayn says and stares down at his hand on his thigh, nibbling his lip. He opens his mouth, then closes it again, not sure what else to say. The silence stretches, and it is as if his mother can sense that there's something he wants to talk about.

"Are you quite all right, love?" she asks softly. "You're very quiet. Is something bothering you?"

"I," Zayn starts, then his head shoots up when the door opens and Niall comes into the room. 

"Hey, you're here!" He stops when he sees that Zayn's on the phone. He waves a hand, gesturing for Zayn to finish his phone call, and turning to close the door silently. 

Zayn clears his throat. "Hey, Niall just got back, so I gotta go. But I'll visit soon, all right? Bye, mum, love you!"

He hangs up before his mother can say anything else, and looks up at Niall with an overly cheerful smile. "Hi!"

Niall raises a brow. "Sorry, mate, I didn't know you were talking to your mother. Didn't mean to interrupt."

Zayn shakes his head. "We were just about done anyway, don't worry about it."

Niall nods. "If you say so," he says, and flops down on the bed. "Didn't think you'd be here! I thought you were going to spend the night at Liam's."

"I would be," Zayn says, sighing as he leans back. "But he's got other plans."

Something in his tone makes Niall look up and frown at him curiously. "What kind of plans?"

Zayn shrugs. "How would I know?" he asks a little more sharply than he means to.

Niall tilts his head and studies him. "Are you jealous?"

"No," Zayn snaps, narrowing his own eyes. "Why would I be jealous?"

Niall raises his hands defensively. "I don't know. You just seem unhappy whenever Liam's got other plans, is all. So you didn't ask him what he's doing tonight?"

Zayn sighs. "No, I didn't. He's allowed to have his own life, you know? I don't need to know where he is every second of every day."

He doesn't mention that he'd actually quite like to know where Liam is at any given time, knowing that uttering that out loud _would_ make him sound rather jealous. 

"You say that," Niall says, "yet you don't sound very convincing."

Zayn sighs exasperatedly. "Can we drop this?"

Niall shrugs. "Sure. Whatever."

He's silent for a moment, nibbling his lip as he looks out of the window. "So that means you're free tonight then?" His face lights up at that.

Zayn nods. "I guess so, yeah."

Niall smiles. "Wanna hang out with me then?"

Zayn returns the smile and shrugs. "Sure. What did you have in mind?"

Niall rubs his chin. "I don't know. I actually don't have any plans tonight either, so whatever you feel like doing. We could go down to the pub as usual, or we could go bother someone else. Hey, I still haven't met your friends Harry and Louis. We could go visit them."

Zayn eyes him. "Why?"

Niall shrugs. "I don't _know_ , it was just a suggestion. Christ, you're in an awful mood tonight."

Zayn bites his lip and looks down for a moment, then heaves a sigh. "I'm sorry. I'm just tired. But sure, if you wanna hang out with Harry and Louis, I can call them to see if they're available."

Niall looks pleased. "Yeah. Do that."

Zayn nods and reaches for his phone. A brief phone call confirms that Harry and Louis don't have any plans. When Zayn suggests hanging out at their place, Louis says no, though, claiming Harry's currently redecorating their flat and that it looks like a bomb has hit it quite violently and that there's no room for him and Niall. Instead, he suggests meeting them at the pub, and after mentioning the idea to Niall, they all agree to meet up there around eight.

*****

"You forgot to mention he's _cute_ ," Harry hisses at him the moment Zayn introduces him to Niall. Louis gives Harry an amused glance, then shakes Niall's hand, while Niall looks at both of them with wide eyes.

"I can't believe I'm finally meeting you," Niall says, grinning widely. "I've seen some of your movies – they're really, really hot."

Zayn's eyes widen comically and he stares at Niall; he was completely unaware that Niall has actually seen _any_ of their films, let alone enough of them to turn him into such a fangirl.

Harry grins charmingly at him. "Aww, thanks! Always great to meet fans," he says, and shakes Niall's hand as well. Then he looks at Louis. "Can I have him?"

Louis sighs heavily. "No, Harry, you cannot _have_ him. He's not a pet."

Niall raises a brow and smirks. "For you, I could be."

"Niall!" Zayn stares at him in complete shock, wondering where exactly Niall finds the time to watch so much gay porn, and when he'd come to appreciate it so much. 

Niall gives him a grin and shrugs. "Right, so who wants a pint?"

Harry's hand shoots up very Hermione-like, and Niall grins at him before he rises to his feet and makes his way over to the bar to order drinks for all of them.

Three pairs of eyes follow him; Zayn still looks kind of shocked while Louis is watching Niall curiously. Harry, however, tilts his head and sighs appreciatively. "Cute arse."

Zayn rubs his temples and hears Louis laugh. "Are you all right?"

Zayn nods. "Yeah, I guess so."

Louis' expression turns into one of concern. "What's going on?"

Zayn sighs heavily. "Nothing, really. I've just got a lot going on at the moment."

Louis raises a brow, obviously wanting him to elaborate. Zayn sighs again. "It's just… I met Liam's mother last night. And she was sweet and great, and it was more perfect than I could've wished for. But it's making me wonder how my own parents would react, and I don't think I'll ever be able to come out to them. It's just… Liam makes it look so easy."

Louis nods. "It is easy for some people," he says. "I think Harry here came out when he was about five. His mother once told me that he's never really had to have a formal coming out and that she's always kind of known. It took me a little longer to tell my mum, but she was very accepting as well. But I know some people who's had a harder time. But that's okay, Zayn. No one's saying you _have_ to tell them right away. Just do it whenever it feels right; whenever you're ready. Or not at all. There's nothing wrong with keeping that part of your life private until you're ready to let them know."

Zayn nibbles his lip and shrugs. "I guess you're right. I just… what if Liam wants me to tell them?"

Harry, who's finally managed to take his eyes off Niall's "cute arse", shakes his head. "That's not how it works, Zayn. It's your decision whether you want to tell them or not. I don't think Liam would actually pressure you to tell your family, but if he did… it wouldn't be right. It's different for everyone, and if you feel you can't tell them yet, then don't let anyone make you feel like you have to."

Zayn rubs the back of his neck. "I guess. Yeah, I don't think he'd ask me to tell them anyway. He seems pretty understanding. I just… feel bad because he's introduced me to his mum when we've only been dating for a little while, and I just feel like he expects me to tell my parents about it sooner or later. Even though he hasn't mentioned anything or given me any indication that that is how he feels. It's probably just me."

Harry nods. "Probably. But take your time. It's all new for you, and it's not like everyone has to know about it."

Louis looks at him. "Is that all?"

Zayn tugs on the collar of his shirt and shrugs again. "I'm also kind of jealous," he admits. "I asked Liam how many people he's slept with and he didn't tell me, and I just… didn't expect him to be so secretive about it? I don't know."

"Ahhh," Louis says, nodding. "I'm afraid you'll just have to wait for him to tell you – or not. I mean, you've got to understand him. He's more experienced than you are, his number of previous sexual partners is probably way higher than yours, and he doesn't want you to think he's a slut or anything."

"But I wouldn't think that," Zayn says instantly. "He must know that."

Louis shrugs. "Just be patient then. If he feels comfortable telling you, he will tell you at some point. If not… there's not really anything you can do. But hey – I've seen him look at you. You may not know how many guys there were before you, but you can be one hundred percent sure that there's no one else now. That boy loves you, Zayn. Don't screw it up with unreasonable jealousy."

Zayn bites his lip; he knows Louis is right, but it's not as if he's _choosing_ to be jealous. It isn't something he can help, exactly. 

"I'll try not to," he says when Niall comes back with their drinks, plopping down on his chair. 

"Cheers," he says, raising his glass, and when Zayn sees Harry and Louis grin at Niall, clearly loving him already, he takes a deep breath and forces himself to stop worrying and just enjoy his night out with his friends. 

 

For most of the rest of the night, Zayn just sits there and stares aghast at Niall, who's openly flirting with both Harry and Louis. The two of them seem completely charmed and flirt back, and the whole situation is kind of surreal.

Zayn keeps drinking, hoping that'll make him feel a little less like he's in some sort of weird alternative universe, but no, even after three more beers, it's still weird to see Niall giving Harry and Louis that suggestive smirk.

By the end of the night, Zayn is so drunk that Louis suggests helping Niall carry him home, but Zayn refuses, claiming he can walk perfectly on his own. That turns out to be a lie as he stumbles the moment he gets up. Niall wraps an arm around him and holds him up, promising to get him home safely, and only when Harry and Louis are convinced that Niall's much more sober than he should be after all the drinks he's had, they let the two of them go home on their own.

Zayn leans against Niall, holding onto him as they make their way back to their dorm. The fresh air makes him feel a little better, though he's still unsteady on his feet. He makes it to the steps that lead up to the front door before he lets go of his friend and flops down on the stairs, taking a deep breath. 

"Come on, dude, we're almost there," Niall laughs, clearly amused. 

Zayn sighs heavily, then lets Niall drag him up by his arm and follows him up the stairs. With some difficulty, they finally manage to get inside. Niall closes the door, still holding onto Zayn, and then manoeuvres him over to the bed. 

Zayn flops down on it unceremoniously, closing his eyes. Apparently he's had more to drink than he thought; everything is spinning and he doesn't feel quite like himself. He blinks when he suddenly feels Niall's hands on his belt, and manages to open his eyes and look down at him. 

"Are you gonna molest me now?"

"Yeah," Niall says and snorts. "As if."

He lifts his hips obediently when Niall tugs his trousers down, then sighs heavily when Niall helps him up into a sitting position to remove his shirt as well. When he's only wearing his boxers, Niall tugs the sheets out from under him and covers him, looking down at him. "You're not gonna throw up, are you?"

Zayn blinks. "Uh… I don't think so."

Niall eyes him suspiciously, then leaves briefly and comes back with a bowl. "Just in case."

He sits down on the edge of the bed and tucks him in, and Zayn sighs softly, feeling much better now that he's lying down. The world is still spinning, though, and his eyes are closed. When he opens them, he meets Niall's eyes.

He isn't sure how long they stare at each other, but in a moment of what must be pure madness, he reaches up and touches Niall's cheek, and leans in for a quick kiss. It just seems like the thing to do. He's about to pull back, roll over and go to sleep when _Niall_ leans in and kisses him again, a little harder and more insistently. Zayn's brows shoot up at the urgency of the kiss, and he knows he shouldn't be doing this, for some reason he can't quite remember right now, but he's drunk and Niall's lips are soft and warm and wet, so he wraps his hand around the back of his neck and returns the kiss. 

A stifled gasp escapes Niall's lips as he slides his tongue into Zayn's mouth and Zayn makes a soft, appreciative sound when he brushes his own tongue along Niall's, deepening the kiss. 

The kiss grows in heat over the course of the next few minutes, and before he knows what he's doing, Zayn tugs Niall down so he's half on top of him, and slips a hand under his shirt. He touches warm skin and moans into Niall's mouth when the latter bites his bottom lip. Niall draws back long enough to kick off his shoes and tug the sheets down before he slides fully on top of Zayn. His weight on top of him feels comforting, Zayn finds, and he shifts a little as the hard fabric of Niall's jeans presses against his crotch.

Niall presses their lips together and kisses him again and Zayn melts into the kiss, sliding his arms around Niall's neck, his fingers into his hair, tugging lightly on the soft strands. Niall moans and his hips jerk forward, pressing down against Zayn's. He feels Niall's fingertips travel their way down his sides and arches up when Niall unceremoniously slides his hand into his boxers, fingers wrapping around his cock. 

Zayn hisses and arches up, thrusting into Niall's tight fist. His head is still spinning, though whether it's the effect of the alcohol or arousal, he doesn't know. Maybe a bit of both. It doesn't matter because Niall's jerking him off now, his hand moving firmly over his erection and Zayn's reduced to soft little moans. 

He sighs in disappointment when Niall removes his hand a little while later, and forces himself to open his eyes. Niall's on his knees above him, hurriedly opening his own pants and tugging them down over his hips, along with his boxers. Zayn tilts his head as he looks at Niall's erection, which rivals his own in its hardness. 

His eyes roll into the back of his head when Niall presses their hips together and starts grinding against him, causing sweet friction. Zayn thrusts up against him, breathless when Niall kisses him again. He keeps moving his hips against Niall's, then moans when the other boy once again wraps his hand around both of them and strokes them roughly. 

Zayn arches up, turning his head to break the kiss in order to gasp for air. He squeezes his eyes shut and lets out a startlingly loud moan when he feels his orgasm wash over him and he comes between their bodies, covering Niall's hand with his release. He looks up at Niall again with half-lidded eyes, smiling slowly as he takes in his friend's flushed cheeks and tousled hair. Niall's staring down at him, his hand still moving fast on his own cock. Zayn leans in and sucks on Niall's bottom lip, smiling against the corner of his mouth when he feels the splash of Niall's come on his belly, and a hoarse little moan leave his lips.

Niall collapses on top of him a moment later, breathing heavily against his neck. They're both sweaty and hot and covered in come. Zayn slides his arms around Niall, holding him against him. He's not sure if it’s the feel of Niall's breathing slowly evening out, the comforting weight on top of him, his friend's warmth or just the booze he's had earlier, but moments later, he falls asleep with Niall practically glued to him, feeling perfectly content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides*


	25. Chapter 25

There's a firm knock on the door and Zayn wakes with a start. He's disoriented, hearing a familiar voice outside the door but it takes a moment for him to realise where he is and who he is and what the heavy weight on top of him is, before he can focus on anything that's going on outside. 

He stirs but the solid body on top of him doesn't budge and prevents him from getting up, but with some difficulty, Zayn manages to roll onto his side and move the person off him. He rubs his eyes; they feel heavy and he needs a moment before he can open them. When he does, he sucks in a sharp breath when he comes face-to-face with Niall's wide blue eyes and pale face. 

In a flash, the events of the previous night come back to him and he sits up abruptly, staring down at Niall in complete and utter shock. Niall seems just as shocked, but neither of them has the time to process what's going on or launch into a string of curses before someone raps on the door again. 

" _Zayn!_. Zayn, are you in there?"

Zayn blinks and stares at the door, then tries to get off the bed, his legs getting tangled in the sheets in the process, but he catches himself before he can hit the floor. He feels dizzy, his heart racing abnormally fast, and Niall doesn't look much better. 

"Yes," he manages when there's another knock. "Yes, I'm coming! One second."

He looks around, fumbling with the clothes on the floor until he finds boxers and a t-shirt and hurriedly pulls them on. Meanwhile, Niall gets off his bed and flops down on his own, rubbing his pale face. 

Zayn takes a breath, then unlocks the door and opens it, too preoccupied with the fucked up situation he's gotten himself into to think about whom he's going to see when he does open it, and either way, nothing could've prepared him for who it actually is. 

"Mum?" he asks, blinking in surprise when he sees his mother's smiling face. 

"Finally! I was just about to give up," she says, looking exasperated for a moment before she gives him a sweet smile. "Hi love."

Zayn feels himself get pulled into a hug but it takes a moment for him to relax and return it. But when he does, he buries his face in his mother's neck and hugs her close. "Mum, what are you _doing_ here?" he asks, overwhelmed. 

His mother's gentle fingers thread through his hair and he feels her brush a light kiss against his cheek. When she pulls back, she gives him a smile and touches his cheek. "I was worried about you," she said quietly. "You sounded really distracted on the phone the other day, and I just needed to make sure you're okay. You look a little pale, love."

Zayn rubs the back of his neck and shakes his head. "Mum, you didn't have to come all the way down here," he says softly but he can't hide the grateful smile that tugs on the corners of his mouth. "But I'm glad you did."

He wraps his arms around her again, holding her close until she nudges him into the room and closes the door behind them. 

"Oh hey, Niall," his mother says when she spots his roommate. Zayn tenses at the mention of Niall, as he thinks about his _massive_ screw-up from the night before – but he can't think about that right now. He needs to focus on his mother right now, and then deal with what he's done later. "How've you been?"

"All right," Niall says politely, the corner of his mouth hitching up as he gives her a nod. Zayn finally steps back and sits down hard on the edge of his own bed, avoiding Niall's looks in his direction. 

"Did you just get up?" she asks after a moment of silence, and Zayn gives her a sheepish smile. 

"Yeah, we… sort of went out last night and I didn't get to bed till late. I…" He hesitates. "Maybe you should go wait for me in the coffee shop; it's not too far away from here and pretty easy to find. I'll just take a shower and join you in a few minutes?"

His mother nods. "Of course, I can do that. I realise I just barged in here without any notice, and you smell rather strongly of beer, so… yes, go take a shower and I'll go wait in that coffee shop."

She touches his hair and gives him a smile. "I've missed you, love."

"Missed you too, mum," Zayn says softly, leaning into the touch for a moment. Then she waves at Niall and turns around to leave, and a moment later, the door falls shut behind her. 

An awfully tense silence falls over the room and Zayn feels the hairs on the back of his neck rise in discomfort as he glances over at Niall. 

"Zayn–," Niall starts, but Zayn immediately lifts his hand and shakes his head. 

"No," he says quietly. "No, I just… I can't deal with this right now. Please. I just… we'll talk later but I can't think about this right now. All right?"

He looks over at him, his eyes pleading, and Niall nods. 

Zayn takes a breath and rubs his face, then rises to his feet, grabs some random clean clothes from the closet and disappears in the bathroom. He leans against the door and closes his eyes as his head starts spinning again.

He manages to take off his clothes and get into the shower, relaxing only when the warm water runs down his back. He tries not to let his mind wander back to the events of the night before, but flashes of warm lips against his own and a firm hand around his cock still come back to him despite his resolution. 

Cold fear is bubbling inside of him, just beneath the surface and he knows he's in for a major panic attack later. He knows he's screwed up big time. He's kissed Niall, let him touch him and enjoyed it, not thinking about a moment about the repercussions of his actions. The thought of saying no and pushing Niall away didn't occur to him for even a second, and really, it was _Zayn_ who initiated the whole thing. He's sure Niall would've just tucked him in and gone to bed if he hadn't kissed him, however briefly. 

Zayn knows it wasn't just the alcohol that clouded his mind when he returned Niall's kisses; most of all, it was his still unreasonable jealousy and the fact that Liam just won't tell him about his past love and sex life. 

Which doesn't justify what he's done for even a second; he realises that, and when he imagines telling Liam about what he's done, he feels his stomach lurch uncomfortably. 

Having washed his hair and body quickly but thoroughly, he gets out of the shower and dries himself off. He looks at his face in the mirror and swallows hard, feeling bile rising in his throat, disgusted with himself. He closes his eyes and swallows it down; there's no time for self-hate right now. His mother is waiting for him and he can't freak out now. He'll have to think about all of this later. 

He takes a breath, dries his hair and brushes his teeth for about ten minutes before he hurriedly pulls on his clothes. He doesn't look at Niall when he leaves the bathroom; just mutters a quick, "see you," before he leaves the dorm and makes his way to the coffee shop he's ordered his mother to. 

He lights a cigarette the moment he's outside, gripping the banister as he descends the stairs leading down from his building. He takes a deep drag and feels the familiar calm wash over him as the smoke enters his lungs, and blows it out after a long moment, relieved when it does help him feel a little better. 

He finishes his cigarette before he reaches the coffee shop, then takes a deep breath and forces a smile onto his face when he joins his mother at her table. She's already ordered tea, toast and jam, and he pours himself a cup of tea and wraps his hands around the warm mug. 

For a moment, he focuses on the warm beverage filling his queasy stomach, then makes himself look up at his mother and give her a tiny smile. "So, what brings you here?" he asks softly. 

"I've told you," she says, reaching for his hand, closing her own fingers around his. "I've missed you, and you worried me. You seemed a million miles away when we talked on the phone the other day, and I couldn't shake off the feeling that something's wrong. I tried to ignore it but this morning, I spontaneously decided to pay you a visit. I hope you don't have any classes today?"

"I do," Zayn says softly, shaking his head when his mother bites her lip. "Don't worry about it. It's only a lecture and I haven't been absent even once in that class, so it doesn't matter; I can skip it once."

"Good," she says, buttering her toast and covering it with a thick coat of jam. She takes a bite, then looks at him with concern. "So, tell me, love. What's going on? You seem horribly distracted, still. You know you can talk to me, right?"

"Of course I know that, mum," he says softly, avoiding her intent gaze by focusing on his own slice of toast. "It's nothing, really. I've just been very busy and sort of preoccupied – but it's nothing I can't handle."

"Care to tell me about it?" she asks softly. "You look like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders right now; let me help."

Zayn shakes his head again. "It's fine, mum," he says. "I promise."

He gives her a smile, then proceeds to steer the conversation away from his own problems by asking about his sisters, demanding a detailed retelling of what exactly _they_ have been up to for the past months. His mother seems to understand that whatever it is that's bothering him, he's not ready to talk to her about it, and so obediently tells him everything that's going on at home in Bradford. 

After a moment, Zayn manages to push his own problems into the back of his mind and listens to everything she tells him while they finish their breakfast. 

After that, Zayn leads her around the campus, showing her everything; the library, an empty lecture hall, the cafeteria. His mother seems very interested and Zayn is glad for the distraction; anything is better than thinking about what he actually _should_ be thinking about right now. 

In the early afternoon, they're taking a walk through a nearby park. There's a comfortable silence between them – at least until his mother asks, "So, have you been dating anyone?"

Zayn feels himself tense up again and he stares at the floor resolutely, about to say no. He hesitates, however, and his mother smiles. "So there _is_ someone, then? You can tell me, Zayn. Even if it isn't serious, I'd like to know who you spend your time with."

"It is serious," Zayn says after a brief pause, then swallows hard. He wraps his hand around his mother's wrist and tugs her over to a bench, sinking down on it and trying to think about how to tell her. "It's… It's very serious."

His mother raises her brows in curiosity and Zayn feels his heart pick up its pace as he tries to think of a way to tell her without upsetting her. After a too-long pause, he blurts, "His name is Liam."

He doesn't look at his mother after this confession, terrified of what he'll see on her face. The silence stretches between them and Zayn feels his stomach tighten as he waits for… well, anything. For his mother to tell him he can't date a boy, for her to get angry at him – anything. 

"Liam," she says after a moment. "That's a good name. What's he like?"

Zayn looks up in surprise and his mother gives him a little smile. "Don't look so shocked," she says softly. 

"But," he says, looking at her curiously. "I thought you'd… I don't know. Disapprove. Did you _know_?"

His mother shakes her head. "I didn't _know_ , but I've had my suspicions," she admits. "It's not something you did, I just always knew it was a possibility because you never really seemed entirely comfortable around girls. I've seen you with your crushes back in Bradford and you never really seemed that into them. But… Liam, huh?"

Zayn swallows hard, feeling relief wash over him, but at the same time, he doesn't quite allow himself to believe that his mother is completely okay with his admission. He nods carefully. "Yeah," he says softly. "Liam. I… I met him a little while ago, at the library, and we just sort of started hanging out and dating and… I'm in love, mum. He's wonderful. He's… everything."

She wraps an arm around him and kisses his cheek. "Tell me about him then."

Zayn gives her a quick smile, then tells her everything about Liam, all the while feeling horrible when he realises how wonderful Liam really is, and how horribly he's betrayed him. He pushes his discomfort back, still not ready to deal with it.

"He sounds great," she says finally when he runs out of things to ramble about. "I hope you'll introduce us at some point?"

Zayn nods. "He'd love to meet you too," he says. "It's just…"

"What?" she asks quietly. 

Zayn shrugs and sighs. "Dad."

"Ah," she says, leaning back and nodding. "Yeah."

"He won't accept this, will he?" he asks softly, giving her a hopeful look, even though he _knows_ his father won't be okay with it. 

"Probably not," she admits. "He's… well, you know what he's like. He wants you to marry a sweet girl, have a family… No, I don't think he'd react very well, if you told him. But Zayn… maybe he'd come around if you gave him some time."

Zayn shakes his head. "I don't think he will," he says quietly, staring at his feet. "I think he'd beat me up if he found out – I can't tell him."

"Maybe I could," his mother suggests. "I could ease him into it, and you could introduce Liam to him when he's had some time to process the news."

Zayn shakes his head firmly. "No. I just… I don't think this is an aspect of my life I can share with him. I'll just have to pretend to be single for the rest of my life."

His mother rubs the back of his neck with gentle fingers and he sighs. "What about the girls? Do you think they could keep a secret?"

His mother shrugs. "Probably," she admits. "I'll tell them, if you want me to."

Zayn nods. "Yeah. Just… please make sure they won't tell dad. He can't find out. Not now, not ever."

He leans against her and sighs, and she strokes his hair. 

"Mum?" he asks after a few seconds of silence. He sees her look at him from the corners of his eyes, and he bites his lip. "I did something really stupid. I don't know if I can tell Liam. I… it might ruin everything."

His mother is quiet for a long moment and Zayn feels his eyes prickling with tears of anger and frustration as he finally lets himself think about what's happened. He rubs his eyes, pushing the tears back, not wanting to break here, out in the open. 

"I don't want to lose him," he whispers, his voice thick.

"Zayn," she says softly, kissing his temple. "I don't know what this is about, but hiding something of great import is never the way to go. If you want your relationship to work out, you can't hide anything from him. Secrets are what ruins even the strongest relationships. Be honest with him. He sounds like a great, understanding guy, so… just tell him."

"I don't know if I can," he whispers, burying his face in her neck and swallowing hard. "This is really bad."

"If he loves you," she says softly, "he'll forgive you, eventually. Your father's not an angel, but I love him. He's done his share of stupid things in the past but we're all human, love. We make mistakes."

"Yeah," he says softly, letting out a bitter laugh. "I don't know if Liam actually is human. I don't think he makes mistakes, and I don't know if this is something he can forgive me."

Silence falls over them after that, both lost in their own thoughts.

Eventually, they walk back to the campus and Zayn tries to get his mother to stay for dinner, feeling better in her presence, but she has to get back home. He leads her to her car instead, then hugs her firmly when they say goodbye. 

When she draws back, she touches his cheek and brushes a kiss over the other one. "Be good," she says softly. "And no matter what, you've got my support, love. If you choose to tell your father about your relationship, I will have your back."

Zayn lets out a breath of relief and gives her a tiny smile. "Thanks, mum. I really appreciate that. You're the best."

She smiles. "I know," she says, letting out a laugh. When she's about to reach for her car keys, Zayn feels a wave of panic wash over him and he throws himself at her again, hugging her tight. 

"Call me more often," she says. "I miss you when you're gone."

"I miss you too, mum," he says softly, then finally, reluctantly, lets go when she gets into the car. He stands there for a long moment after he watches her drive away, and feels cold when he turns around to walk back to his dorm, aware that the time has come to deal with the giant mess he's gotten himself into.


	26. Chapter 26

Niall is gone when Zayn gets back to his dorm, and doesn't return for the rest of the night. Even though Zayn would've liked to clear up the whole thing right away, he can't deny that part of him is grateful for Niall's absence. He needs time to think and fully process what he's done, and he knows he'll probably break down and cry himself to sleep, and he'd rather do that on his own, and before hearing how Niall feels about the situation. 

He resists the urge to just hide in his bed, and makes himself take off his clothes and put on something comfortable before he opens the window and sits down on the window sill, his knees pulled up to his chest. Then he lights a cigarette and looks outside at the slowly darkening sky.

His relief about his mother's positive reaction to his confession that he's gay doesn't last, unfortunately; soon enough he feels the guilt he's been trying to suppress all day wash over him and hit him with a force that brings tears to his eyes.

He's cheated on Liam. There really is no other way to put it, and he doesn't blame Niall for anything that's happened. It's all his own fault. He initiated the kiss that was meant to be brief and innocent, and he returned Niall's more insistent kisses the moment the other boy's lips brushed his own. If he wanted to, he could have pushed him away, told him that he wasn't comfortable with it, but he did nothing of the sort. The kiss escalated into hurried handjobs, and now Zayn has to deal with the consequences. 

He's still not sure about the reasons for his behaviour, but he knows he doesn't have any hidden or long-denied feelings for Niall. He's his best friend and that's about it. Sure, Niall is attractive. He can't deny that. But he's never felt any urge to pursue the other boy before, so he knows that's not the reason. 

The only possible explanation for his behaviour is the jealousy he's been feeling ever since Liam refused to tell him about his past love and sex life; the jealousy that he knows is completely irrational and stupid but that he can't seem to overcome. He hates that there's a part of Liam's life he knows nothing about, and the fact that Liam doesn't seem to want to talk about it has hit him harder than he thought it would. 

And instead of asking Liam about it until he tells him something – _anything_ , he's done something so horrible and unforgivable that he can barely think about it. He's never been unfaithful before; none of his previous relationships or flings meant much to him, yet he's never felt the urge to be with someone else while his heart belonged to someone. And now that he has finally found what he believes to be the love of his life, he's screwed it up. 

Maybe he just doesn't want to be happy. Maybe he doesn't _deserve_ to be happy. Especially after this. 

He takes a shallow breath and presses his forehead against his knees, holding the tears back. He knows his mother is right; he does need to tell Liam. Their relationship is supposed to be based on complete honesty, and this is something so huge that he can't just pretend nothing's happened. Stuff like this always comes out in the end, and he'd rather be upfront and tell Liam himself than have him find out some other way. 

Which doesn't mean that he isn't completely petrified at the idea of telling Liam. He tries to imagine Liam's reaction and tries to come up with a scenario that has a positive outcome for everyone, but he knows it won't be that easy, and it's foolish of him to think that there's any chance Liam will be okay with this. How could he be?

Instead, Zayn tries to imagine how he himself would react if their positions were reversed; if Liam was the one to accidentally kiss and touch his best friend. Zayn knows he would be hurt and would probably not trust Liam again for a long time. He's not sure if he would go as far as to dump him; he does love Liam more than anything, and already can't imagine not being with him anymore. But he and Liam are different in many ways, and he can't be sure how Liam would – _will_ – react. 

As he lights his third cigarette, he tries to think of a way to tell Liam, but every time he does, he sees Liam's face, disappointed and angry, and feels a wave of nausea wash over him.

Because he has no excuse. Sure, he can say he was drunk and that it didn't mean anything; he can try to laugh it off as a joke; as a harmless make-out session between best mates that's happened countless times before (even though it hasn't). But that doesn't seem fair, and Zayn knows he can't lie to Liam, or pretend that it was anything less than it was. When he looks into those deep brown eyes, he won't be able to say anything but the truth – or nothing at all. It'll probably be hard to address the subject at all, but he deserves that; he deserves all the discomfort that comes with this mess he's created. 

Zayn rubs his chin and blinks at the faint trace of wetness on his fingers, causing more tears to roll down his cheeks and get caught in his lashes, blurring his vision. He rubs his eyes and stubs out his cigarette, sliding off the window sill and moving over to his bed, collapsing on it bonelessly. He tugs the sheets up to his chin and stares up at the ceiling for a moment, then sniffles and rolls onto his side, grabbing his pillow and curling around it as he buries his face in it and lets the tears fall, finally letting go and letting himself feel the whole impact of his actions. 

His life seemed to be so perfect for a while; everything was working out, and now he's ruined everything. Things will probably never be the same again, not between him and Liam, or even with Niall, who apparently doesn't even want to be in the same room with him anymore. 

He tries to breathe as he sobs into his pillow pathetically, holding onto it for dear life – at least until he realises that it smells like sweat and sex, and images of what happened the previous night flash before his eyes and he's so disgusted with himself that he can't lie there any longer. When he gets up, his stomach lurches and he stumbles into the bathroom, reaching the toilet just when he tastes the bitterness of vomit fill his mouth. He holds on to the toilet as he throws up repeatedly until his stomach is empty and he's dry-heaving. 

He stays bent over the toilet for a long time until he finally manages to flush it and rise to his feet unsteadily. He grips the sink as he leans over it, exhausted from all the crying and vomiting and the sheer amount of self-hatred he feels. He glances up at himself in the mirror, barely recognising himself. His face is pale, with dark shadows under his swollen, red eyes. His cheeks are tear-stained and his lips cracked; he looks like he's been through hell and back. 

_Good_ , a voice inside his head says. He doesn't deserve any better. 

After staring at himself for a long moment, he reaches for his toothbrush and washes the bitter taste out of his mouth, then splashes some cool water into his face and makes his way back into the bedroom. He stares at his bed for a long moment, then pulls off the covers and tosses them into a corner. He doesn't bother to change the sheets; just pulls off all the bedclothes and lies down on the mattress, curling up into a ball and closing his eyes. 

It takes a long time for his conscience to finally quiet down and let him get some rest, and when he finally dozes off, his sleep is restless and he's plagued with nightmares about Liam leaving him, hating him.

***

The shrill sound of his phone wakes him up the next morning and Zayn reaches for it blindly, opening his eyes to blink at the display. The screen comes into focus after a moment and he stares at Liam's name, feeling his heart skip a beat. He swallows and bites his lip hard, his thumb hovering over the 'accept call' button, but before he can make himself press it, the insistent ringing ceases. 

Zayn swallows hard and keeps staring at the dark display, until it lights up again with the notification of a missed call and a message on his answering phone. Zayn contemplates listening to it for a moment but decides to do it later; hearing Liam's voice right now, completely unsuspecting and sweet as ever, is too much for him. 

He sets the phone down and shivers. Rather than feeling a little better and more rested, he feels worse than the night before. He's slept without his covers and the window open and feels chilled to the bones. He gets out of bed and makes his way over to the window, closing it and emptying the full ashtray. He looks out of the window for a moment without really seeing anything, then glances at the clock on the wall, realising that he's missed his two first classes. He can't bring himself to care. 

He goes into the bathroom and takes a hot bath, finally feeling marginally better when he's clean and slightly warmer than before. When he's dressed, he sits down on his bed and tries to focus on schoolwork, hoping it'll keep him distracted for a while, at least. He knows he can't take another crying fit like the one he's had the night before; he still feels exhausted from all the tears he's cried. 

Liam calls him several times over the span of the afternoon but Zayn doesn't pick up. He can't talk to him right now; can't risk him finding out about what's happened until he's ready to talk about it. He doesn't want to tell Liam over the phone, even though that would be a lot easier for him. But he needs to do this in person; needs to see Liam's face when he tells him what he's done. 

His phone rings again in the late afternoon, and this time, it's Harry. Zayn doesn't feel like talking to him either, but he picks up anyway. Harry invites him over for dinner. Zayn says no, but Harry keeps insisting until Zayn agrees. He knows he should go see Liam instead; clear this whole mess up because the longer he waits, the harder it'll be to tell him. But he hasn't eaten all day, and the thought of Harry's amazing cooking skills is what finally makes him say yes.

Around seven, he arrives at Harry and Louis' flat, managing a small yet genuine smile when Louis opens the door. He listens to the two of them telling him how much they enjoyed meeting Niall the previous night, even though the last thing he wants is to talk about Niall right now. He hasn't seen him since the morning before and knows his friend is avoiding him, which doesn't exactly make him feel better. Not only has he most definitely fucked up his relationship with Liam; he's also alienated one of his best friends, and can't even blame him for it. If he was in Niall's place, he would stay away as well.

He should know better but accepts the glass of champagne Louis offers him, sipping it slowly to see if his stomach can take it. He eats a few potato chips and peanuts in between to fill his empty stomach. Louis is talking to him but Zayn has a hard time listening to him; his mind preoccupied with other things.

When the doorbell suddenly rings, he looks up in surprise, giving Louis a questioning look. 

Louis gives him a wink, then disappears to open the door. A moment later, Zayn hears Liam's voice in the corridor and feels his heart jump in his chest, his eyes widening. For some reason, Liam is the last person he expected to see right now, even though it does obviously make sense for Harry and Louis to invite his boyfriend over as well. They don't know about what's happened; no one knows, and since they've met Liam and are sort of friends now, obviously they'd assume it's a good idea for him to be there too. 

And maybe it is. At least Zayn will be spared the effort of making his way to Liam's place to talk to him about this, so he should be grateful. 

Liam comes into the room, followed by Louis, and gives him a smile. "Hey you. You're hard to get a hold of these days," he says as he comes over to Zayn and kisses his lips. He touches his face, studying it for a moment, worry crossing his features. "Are you okay?"

Zayn half-nods, half-shrugs, giving him a tentative smile, even though he wants to curl up and die. "Yeah, I've been feeling a little sick since last night, but I'm okay. And I'm sorry for ignoring your phone calls; I was just busy with school and stuff."

Liam nods. "That's okay," he says, sitting down next to him and sliding an arm around him, pulling him close and kissing the top of his head. "At least I get to see you now."

Zayn tenses a little at Liam's affectionate touches but soon enough, he relaxes into Liam's arms and nuzzles his neck, breathing him in and realising that this may well be the last time he's this close to Liam. His heart hurts and he tries not to cling to Liam too much, not wanting to alert him right now. 

A few more hours; he can allow himself a few more hours of closeness. There's no point in telling Liam right now, especially with Harry and Louis right there. He'll deal with this later.

They sip their champagne, and Liam and Louis do most of the talking while Harry's in the kitchen, preparing their meal, and Zayn is grateful that he doesn't have to talk and pretend he's okay when he's really not. He stays snuggled into Liam's side, their fingers linked. He tries not to think about what he'll have to tell Liam later, but a little voice in the back of his mind keeps reminding him that he's a horrible person, a cheater. 

He's relieved when Harry finally comes in with the food and they take their seats around the table and eat. Despite the fact that the chicken and potatoes Harry's cooked smell and taste amazing, Zayn doesn't have much of an appetite and eats only enough to keep his stomach from growling loudly. He barely manages to follow the conversation and has to have questions repeated to him when he's addressed directly. Harry, Louis and Liam exchange a look, and Zayn knows all three of them realise that something isn't quite right with him, but he hopes they'll put it down to the sickness he's mentioned before. 

Harry and Louis then tell Liam about their night out with him and Niall, and Zayn keeps his eyes on his plate as a fresh wave of panic washes over him. His heart is racing in his chest, his stomach fluttering uncomfortably and his palms are clammy; he's never felt this bad in his life. If he didn't know any better, he would think he was about to have a heart attack or stroke.

"We were all so drunk, though," Louis laughs. "Zayn had to be practically carried home."

Suddenly, Zayn can't stand it anymore; he can't sit around here and pretend that everything is fine when he knows his whole world is about to crumble. He looks up and meets Liam's eyes; they crinkle as he gives him an amused smile, and it's all too much. 

"I have to go," Zayn says suddenly and pushes himself up so abruptly that his chair falls to the floor with a loud bang. He mutters an apology, then grabs his coat in the corridor and leaves the flat, running down the stairs and taking a deep breath when he's outside. 

He closes his eyes and leans against the building, rubbing his face and trying to breathe. 

"Zayn?" 

It's Liam, and Zayn makes a soft sound of desperation. Of course hoping Liam wouldn't follow him is too much to ask. He feels the other boy's warmth in front of him as gentle hands come to rest on the sides of his neck. 

Zayn keeps his eyes firmly closed, trying to keep his breathing even, even though he's close to hyperventilating. 

"Zayn," Liam says again, voice soft and concerned. "Zayn, look at me."

Zayn swallows hard and tries to avoid Liam's eyes when he opens his own, but finally, he does look at him. His stomach flips. 

"What's going on?" Liam asks, his expression so sweet and full of concern that Zayn simply doesn't deserve. He looks back at Liam for a long moment, then looks down at his feet, and finally moves away from him, unable to look at Liam's honest face any longer. 

He turns away from him and takes a breath, pushing his hair off his forehead and hugging his own chest. He swallows hard and opens his mouth, then closes it again as his heart keeps beating fast. Finally, he makes himself turn around and look Liam in the eyes.

His breath hitches and his voice breaks when he finally says, "I have to tell you something. And I don't know how to say it. I did something really stupid and… there's no excuse; I just royally fucked up, and…"

He trails off, then bites his lip hard to keep the tears back that threaten to fall again. "I kissed Niall," he finally blurts out. "I kissed Niall and touched him, and he touched me."

He wants to add how sorry he is and that he never meant for it to happen, and that it was meaningless and stupid and that he loves Liam with all his heart and never wanted to hurt him, but nothing else comes out. The facts are out, and now all he can do is hope that Liam will forgive him. He knows the chances are slim, but he still allows himself to hope; at least until, after a long moment of tense silence, he looks up and sees Liam's face. 

It's much worse than he imagined. Liam looks stunned; shocked even, his face reflecting everything he's feeling. He looks hurt, disappointed, angry, but most of all disbelieving; as if he has a hard time imagining that Zayn could do something so terrible. 

Zayn's heart jumps and he takes a step closer to the other man, feeling like someone's stabbed him through the heart when Liam recoils and meets his eyes with a hard, unforgiving stare. 

"Liam," Zayn whispers, and finally the words he couldn't find before tumble out. He's probably not making much sense, but he realises that this may be his only chance to beg for forgiveness. "I'm sorry. I'm so, _so_ sorry. It just happened, and I know that's no excuse; I should've been stronger than that but… I just thought… no, I didn't think at all. But I was jealous because you wouldn't tell me about your past relationships and you keep disappearing and not telling me where you're going, and I know what I did is a hundred times worse because I know you would never do such a thing to me, but I was… I was hurt and insecure and I haven't got much experience when it comes to relationships and… fuck. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Liam, please, _please_ forgive me. It didn't mean anything; it was a mistake, a stupid, drunken mistake and it won't ever happen again."

He finally falls silent and looks at Liam pleadingly, making another attempt to close the distance between them and touch him, but Liam flinches away. 

"Liam," he whispers, his voice shaking as a cold shiver runs down his back when a hard mask falls over Liam's face, and he turns around and starts walking away. Zayn's eyes widen and he lets out a little whimper as he stumbles after him. When he reaches him, he touches his shoulder, trying to keep him from walking away; from leaving him. 

Liam whirls around, shaking his hand off, and takes a few steps forward until Zayn's back is pressed against the wall again and Liam's standing right in front of him, looking angry and hurt. "I'm going to walk away now," he says with a calm that surprises Zayn. "I'm going to walk away and you're going to stay here because I can't look at you right now. I can't deal with this right now. I don't want to see you or talk to you, so just… leave me the fuck alone right now, Zayn."

And with those words, he turns around and walks away again, and this time, Zayn lets him. He feels like he's been punched in the face. It's not like he expected Liam to forgive him or that everything would be okay right away, but to hear those words out loud and see the anger in Liam's eyes is far worse than he could've imagined. 

He watches Liam walk away until he disappears in the darkness, his back pressed against the wall until his knees give out and he lands on the floor, feeling like he's just lost the only thing that really matters to him. He feels empty and alone and cold all over, and he wants to scream and cry and beg for Liam to come back, but all he can manage is to keep breathing and try not to lose it completely.

He sits there on the floor outside Harry and Louis' house for what could be minutes or hours until he eventually manages to get up and make his way home. He sends a text to Harry and Louis automatically, letting them know that he's at home and apologising for the scene he's caused, then turns his phone off and lies down on his bed, staring at the wall through the darkness. Niall is still not there, and even though Zayn wouldn't want to talk to him right now, he feels terribly alone and wishes someone was there to hug him and hold him and tell him everything's going to be okay, even though he knows nothing is or will ever be okay again. 

Liam's expression told him everything he needs to know. 

It's over, and there's nothing he can do about it.


	27. Chapter 27

Zayn doesn't sleep through the night. His nightmares wake him up twice, and though relieved to escape the darkness of his dreams, reality doesn't seem much better. Zayn feels a cold, empty sadness wash over him and he tries hard not to cry. 

The first time, he falls back asleep the moment he rolls over; the second time, sleep won't seem to come for a while, so he gets up to have a cigarette. It's chilly outside and he isn't wearing much, so he shivers at the lightest breeze blowing through the open windows, goose bumps breaking out all over his skin. He can't bring himself to care.

He's still exhausted, though, and manages to make his way back to the bed after his smoke. Even though there are no warm arms to wrap around him, no soft lips to brush a comforting kiss over his shoulder, he dozes off into blissfully dreamless sleep right away.

***

"Are you crazy? Dude, I thought you were dead!"

Zayn blinks, eyes heavy with sleep as he tries to figure out where he is and who's talking in that obnoxiously loud voice. He squints at the bright light shining through the window and recognises Niall who's leaning over Zayn's desk to close the window. 

Zayn sighs heavily and rolls back over, curling into a ball and shivering. "I'm not," he murmurs. 

Niall's voice comes from behind him now. "Well, if it was just a little colder outside, you could've frozen to death without a blanket or anything to keep you warm." There's concern in his voice, and Zayn turns his head and looks up at him curiously. 

He isn’t sure what he expected when it comes to Niall, but his absence for the past couple of days made him suspect Niall doesn't want to be around him anymore. He feels a little better at the thought that that's apparently not the case. 

Niall looks at him expectantly, then sighs and walks over to his own bed, grabbing the covers and throwing them over Zayn. They smell like Niall, and Zayn wants to cry. 

"I'm gonna get us some coffee," Niall says after looking around for a moment. He's still standing beside Zayn's bed a little awkwardly, and Zayn can't blame him. He doesn't know what to say to Niall either. 

His friend leaves and Zayn snuggles into the sheets despite the strong scent of Niall's cologne, and feels his body warm up a little. He pushes himself up a little and leans against the headboard, covers wrapped firmly around him as he waits for Niall to get back. 

After about ten minutes, Niall enters the room and hands him a cup of coffee. "There. Drink that."

Zayn wraps his fingers around the cup and takes a careful sip, sighing contentedly when he feels the warm beverage slide down his throat and warm him up from the inside. He keeps his eyes on the coffee, not wanting to make this more awkward than it has to be. 

"Look," Niall says eventually, after a moment of too-long and uncomfortable silence. "About the other night… I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry. I never meant for any of that to happen, and it obviously didn't mean anything and no one has to know about it, Zayn. I just feel horrible because I took advantage of you and… I don't even know _how_ it happened. All I can say is I'm sorry and I hope you can forgive me someday."

Zayn looks up at him, studying his friend's face, and knows he's telling the truth. There are dark circles under his eyes, and Zayn can tell that Niall's gotten about as much sleep as he has. He looks back down at his coffee and shakes his head. "It was my fault," he says quietly. "You didn't take advantage of me. I was perfectly capable of saying no to you, but I didn't. It's… my fault. I kissed you, and I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry."

Niall shakes his head. "I don't think it was your fault, and even if it was, I wasn't innocent. I could've stopped it too. But like I said – it was a one-time thing, a stupid mistake and we don't have to tell anyone. We can just pretend it never happened, all right?"

Zayn feels a bitter smile tugging on the corners of his mouth and shakes his head weakly. "It's kind of too late for that," he murmurs, his voice barely audible.

He can feel Niall's curious eyes boring into him, and he sighs. "I told Liam yesterday," he says softly. "And he's hurt and hates me, and doesn't want anything to do with me. I can't blame him. I fucked up, Niall, and none of it is your fault. If it hadn't been you, it might've been Harry or Louis or whoever. It's all over now and I can only blame myself."

A stunned silence falls over the room when Zayn takes another sip of coffee. "He broke up with you?" Niall asks, his tone incredulous and a little hysterical. "But, did you explain what happened?"

Zayn nods. "Of course I did. I begged him to stay, but there was no point. I hurt him, I betrayed him, and now he's done with me."

"Well, what did he say exactly?" Niall asks, and Zayn can hear the guilt and hope in his voice. "Maybe you just misunderstood him; maybe he just needs a break."

Zayn sighs. "Niall, just… don't. He could barely look at me and he was so… so _angry_ and disappointed, and then he just walked away; told me he didn't want to see me or talk to me."

He looks up at Niall who's biting his lip, and sighs. "Niall – it's not your fault. Stop blaming yourself for something I did."

"But we both did it," Niall insists, looking a little helpless. "Maybe if I talked to him – maybe if I explained the whole thing to him, he would–"

"Niall, just drop it," Zayn says more sharply than he means to. He takes a breath. "There's no point. If he sees you right now, who knows what he'll do? He may end up punching you, so just don't. I don't think it would do either of us any good."

Niall looks unconvinced but after Zayn stares at him for a long moment, he gives a brief nod, apparently accepting it. "I just wish there was something I could do," he murmurs. 

Zayn shakes his head. "There isn't anything you can do," he says firmly. "I just…"

He pauses and sits up a little, turning to Niall. "I can't lose you right now. Please tell me you're not mad at me because I've already lost Liam and I don't think I could stand to lose my best friend right now."

Niall's brows shoot up and he shakes his head. "Zayn, mate, of course not. Why would I be mad at you? I have no reason to be mad at you; if anything, it should be you who's mad at me. Cause if it wasn't for me–"

"Niall."

Niall stops and raises his hands defensively. "Okay. Okay, I'll stop. I'm sorry. I just feel really, really bad about the whole thing. Not the, you know, kissing and touching part, cause that felt bloody brilliant, but… you know."

Zayn manages a little smile and nods. "I know."

He slides back down into the warm cocoon of Niall's bed sheets around him and sighs as he finishes the rest of his coffee. When Niall doesn't move, he looks at him. "Don't you have classes to go to?"

Niall blinks, as if only just realising it's a school day, and he nods. "Right. Yeah. I guess I should get ready."

He packs his books and disappears in the bathroom for a little while, and when he comes out, he stops by Zayn's bed. "What about you?"

Zayn shakes his head. "I'm not going anywhere."

Niall bites his lip. "You should try to get up, though, Zayn. I know it must be hard, and that you must feel like there isn't a point in going to classes and stuff, but it'll be much worse if you just stay in bed all day."

Zayn doesn't say anything, because staying in bed and not dealing with anything right now sounds heavenly to him. Niall seems to understand, and wants to say something else, but then changes his mind, reaches down to squeeze Zayn's shoulder before he leaves the room to go about his day. 

When he's gone, Zayn sets down his empty coffee cup on the bedside table, burrows into the thick blankets around him, and goes back to sleep.

He's grateful to have Niall around, and glad that his friend doesn't hate him as well, but he's not ready to just go back to his normal, boring life and pretend Liam doesn't exist; that they've never met or spend the most amazing time together. He's not sure he could do it if he tried. So instead, he sleeps and feels sorry for himself, because it seems like the only thing left to do.

***

Zayn wakes again in the early evening. He wouldn't even bother getting out of bed, but apparently the coffee from that morning has reached his bladder, which now demands his attention. He gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom, brushing his teeth and washing his face while he's in there already. 

When he comes out, he lights a cigarette, opening the window, and stares outside. The sky is already getting dark, but he doesn't even care that he's spent most of the day in bed. 

He tries not to look at his phone, but after a while, he does, struggling against the urge to reach for it and see if there are any messages. He doesn't want to know; he's not ready to deal with anything related or unrelated to this whole fiasco. 

In the end, however, curiosity wins out, and he turns on his phone. His heart skips a beat and his stomach constricts when there are several messages. His heart picks up its pace when he opens them, only to be followed by a sick, dull feeling in his stomach when he sees that none of them are from Liam. 

He didn't really expect Liam to call or text him, but seeing that Liam really doesn't want to talk to him, hurts more than he's thought possible. He flips through the messages, only half-reading them because they don't really matter. 

There are two texts from Harry and Louis, asking if he's all right; both of them clearly worried about his abrupt departure and vague text the other night. There's another recent one from Niall, asking if he should bring home pizza for dinner. Zayn doesn't feel like eating anything, but his stomach makes itself noticeable at that moment by growling loudly, so he texts Niall a quick 'sure'. 

The last message is from Simon, asking if he's available this weekend. Zayn doesn't really feel like seeing him or anyone related to the porn company, but then thinks that maybe hanging out on set may be good for him; a distraction from all the pain. 

Besides, if Simon's texted him, he's probably also asked Liam, and even though Zayn knows Liam hates him, he can't help but hope that maybe, he'll end up coming to the set this Saturday afternoon. He tells Simon he'll come, then sets his phone back down and looks out the window. 

He still feels sad and empty, just like before, and wonders if the feeling will ever go away. The only thing he can think of that would make him feel better, is to get Liam's forgiveness, but he knows that won't happen. 

He suddenly wishes his mother was still there, and for a moment even contemplates calling her and asking her to come and make him feel better the way she always had when he was little. But he doesn't, realising how pathetic it is to be close to twenty years old and longing for his mother as if he was no older than five. 

He's spared the humiliation of that phone call when Niall comes in a little while later, carrying two large pizza boxes in one hand, and three DVDs in the other. "I thought you could use some distraction," he says, giving him a smile. "I got two films with absolutely zero romance in it, so don't worry – there's absolutely nothing in these that can remind you of _him_ in any way. It's just lots of action and dumb jokes, so that should keep your mind off Liam for a while. You in?"

Zayn doesn't feel like pretending he's having a good time and wants to say no, but he feels kind of touched that Niall's making such an effort to make him feel better that he can't say no. He gives Niall a nod and a small smile which makes Niall's face light up, and Zayn's smile widens just a little. 

They get comfortable on Niall's bed as they start the first movie and eat their pizza, and Zayn realises he's hungrier than he thought, eating slice after slice until his pizza is gone. The movie is so stupid that it's almost funny, and that, combined with his full stomach, does make him feel a little better, if not much.

They finish their first film, then start with the second one, and it isn't until a quiet scene that Niall nudges him. "Feeling a little better?"

"A little," Zayn admits. 

There's a long moment of silence, and Niall seems kind of tense before he says, "I went to see Liam earlier."

Zayn sits up at once and stares at him. "What? But I told you not to!"

"I know," Niall says, pushing himself up as well. "I know you did, but I couldn't just stand by and watch you be miserable, Zayn. And he didn't punch me, like you thought he would, so that's gotta mean something, right?"

Zayn looks at him doubtfully, allowing himself to sink back against the pillow. He doesn’t want to talk about Liam, too scared about what Niall's going to tell him, but after a moment, he still asks, "So, what did he say?"

Niall pushes his hair back and shrugs. "Not much. I asked him to listen to what I had to say, and he did. I told him it was my fault and that we were both drunk and that your judgement was more than a little clouded. He didn't say anything, really, but I think he misses you. I just… don't give up hope just yet, all right? I know it all seems hopeless right now, but if you just give him a little time to process this, he might come around."

Zayn sighs softly and nods, studying Niall for a long moment before he glances back at the screen, heaving a sigh. "Yeah," he says quietly, shaking his head. "I don't think he will. But thank you."

He looks back at Niall. "Thank you for trying. I do appreciate it."

Niall's lips quirk up a little and he wraps an arm around Zayn's shoulder. "Hey, that's what best friends are for, right?"

Zayn manages to give him a tiny smile in return and nods, then rests his head on Niall's shoulder as they watch the rest of the film, and Niall's plan almost works out. Zayn almost doesn't think about Liam at all. 

Almost.


	28. Chapter 28

On Saturday afternoon, Zayn makes his way to the studio, despite not feeling like going anywhere. Part of him just didn't want to leave the comfort of his bed, while another part of him is afraid that Liam won't show up and that he'll finally have to face that his relationship is over. While he's still in the safety of his own dorm, he can keep pretending that nothing is wrong; that he's just a little ill and that he will see Liam as soon as he gets better. But he knows staying in bed doesn't help him or anyone else, so he finally, after much contemplation, drags himself out of bed and makes his way to the studio. 

And finds that the by now familiar atmosphere there makes him feel a little better right away. Attractive naked men and slightly less attractive dressed men with cameras shouldn't make him feel warm or at home, but for some reason, they do. It's just really obvious that everyone here cares about each other, and Zayn realises he needs that comfort right now. 

"Hey Zayn," a familiar voice calls to him, and he smiles when he looks up and sees Nick in a satin robe, approaching him. "Haven't seen you for a while."

Zayn smiles. "Yeah."

"I've heard you and your boyfriend are exclusive now," he says then, and sighs heavily. "Too bad. I was really hoping we'd get the chance to shoot together at some point."

At the mention of his 'boyfriend', Zayn's smile falters a little, but he shrugs. "Still a lot of other handsome men for you to shoot with," he points out, and Nick nods. 

"True, true. I can't complain. I'm getting to spend some time with both Harry and Louis today, so."

Zayn smiles. "Oh yeah? They're here?"

Nick nods. "Yep. Already at it in that room over there."

Zayn looks over to where Nick's pointing and can't help but snort when he hears Louis' desperate moans. They walk over to the door and watch them. 

"Everything okay?" Nick asks after a moment. "You look a little tired and pale. They're not working you too hard at university, are they?"

Zayn glances up and shakes his head. "No, I've just been… feeling a little under the weather."

Nick nods and gives him a smile, then takes a sip of his Coke and hands the empty can to Zayn. "I'm afraid I can't stay and chat; this is my cue."

He shrugs off his robe and thrusts it into Zayn's face. Zayn blinks when the older man enters the room without hesitation and joins Harry and Louis. He watches them, soon lost in thought and not really seeing them, as he wonders yet again if Liam's actually going to show up today.

Apparently he's not the only one who's wondering that, because a moment later, that woman – Caroline – appears at his side. "Hey, any idea where Liam is? He was supposed to be here at three and it's fifteen past now, and no trace of him."

Zayn wants to lie to her – and himself – and tell her that he'll be here any moment, but he obviously doesn't know that. And Liam is never late – the fact that he should've been here fifteen minutes ago tells him everything he needs to know. 

He swallows hard. "I'm not sure he is going to come, actually," he says softly. "We… we've had a fight and… well, it was bad, so… I don't know."

Caroline stares at him, and looks for a moment as if she wants to give him a comforting hug, but then she steps back and continues, all business-like, "I'm gonna try to reach him."

She walks away and Zayn looks down. He gets rid of Nick's Coke and robe and makes his way up the stairs to an empty bedroom. The cameras are set up and he knows without asking that this is probably the room they've reserved for him and Liam. 

He walks over to the bed and lies down on it, staring up at the ceiling. Far away, he hears moaning from several different rooms and closes his eyes, letting the sounds wash over him; trying to focus on them rather than the hollow feeling in his stomach and the knowledge that he won't see Liam here today. Or ever again.

He feels sudden exhaustion wash over him and is almost asleep when he hears voices nearby and the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs. He doesn't open his eyes, doesn't want to get his hopes up that it's Liam, come to work with him, because the chance that it's not Liam is much higher. 

A moment later, however, people are in the room and he can hear someone working on the camera while Caroline says, "Ah, there he is. All right, Simon wants you guys to do whatever you want today. It isn't that he was displeased with your last performance or anything, but he thinks you guys work better on your own, without a script or scenario. So we'll just let you guys do whatever you feel like, and if you need directions, we'll step in."

Zayn finally tears his eyes open and his heart skips a beat when he sees that it is indeed Liam who's standing beside Caroline. Zayn sits up, tries to catch Liam's gaze, but the other boy seems engulfed in his conversation with Caroline. 

He looks good; there's nothing left of that vulnerability Zayn saw in his eyes the other night; he looks strong and determined and even without meeting his eyes, Zayn can sense that he's still angry. 

Zayn swallows hard and looks down, wondering why Liam is even here if he's not going to acknowledge his presence. He looks down at the sheets, tugging on a loose thread, trying to ignore Liam the way Liam is ignoring him.

"All right, lads, get ready then. We're already late, so," Zayn hears the camera man say, and finally looks up again. And Liam is staring straight back at him, an unreadable expression on his face, almost looking _through_ him rather than _at_ him, and any words Zayn may have wanted to say die on his lips. 

When Liam approaches the bed, Zayn looks up at him hopefully, but all Liam says is, "Take your clothes off and get on your hands and knees."

Zayn's eyes widen a little and he feels his cheeks flush. "I… Liam, shouldn't we first–"

"Not now," Liam interrupts him, looking at him still with that unreadable expression; daring him to contradict him. Zayn knows he should be worried that Liam doesn't want to talk to him or clear this up before they get started – or at all – but instead, he can't help being a little turned on by Liam suddenly being all dominant and intimidating.

He swallows hard and nods, then gets off the bed and out of his clothes. He puts them on a chair in the corner, then gets on his hands and knees in the centre of the bed, feeling suddenly horribly naked and vulnerable. He has no idea what's about to come and while that does make him feel a little uneasy, he doesn't really care because just having Liam this close again, touching him, even if it's not as affectionate and intimate as it would be if they were alone, it's better than nothing, and enough to make his heart beat faster and his cock begin to stir.

"You guys ready? All right – action!"

Zayn isn't sure if he's ready; he has no idea what's going to happen, what the scenario is or what Liam is going to do to him. He's still on his hands and knees, staring down at the sheets and waiting with some trepidation for Liam to touch him or say something – anything.

The first touch comes unexpectedly and Liam's hands are suddenly on his hips, sliding up the sides of his body slowly, gently even. Zayn's eyes flutter closed and he leans into the touch unconsciously, starved for affection. It feels like he hasn't been touched this way for months, even though it's only been a few long days. 

He bites his lip and focuses on the feel of Liam's warm hands on his body, leaning into the touch and sighing contentedly. If Liam's still capable of touching him like this – gently, reverently – he can't be that mad at him anymore, right?

Liam's body presses against his own, covering his back. He's still fully dressed but Zayn can feel the heat of his skin through the thin cotton of his shirt, and the insistent bulge of his erection through the hard fabric of his jeans. A moment later, he feels Liam's warm breath graze his skin as soft lips press against the juncture between his shoulder and neck. 

"Put your hands on the headboard," Liam murmurs. His voice sends a shiver through Zayn, and he hurries to comply, shifting up on the bed and sitting up on his knees until he's able to reach the headboard. He doesn't question Liam's request; just does as he's told, still unsure what to expect.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, only looking up when he feels Liam's presence beside him. His eyes widen a little when Liam wraps a soft silk scarf around his wrist and ties it to the bed, then the other one. Zayn tugs on the ties automatically, testing them, and Liam seems pleased with his work. He disappears behind Zayn again, and Zayn forces himself to relax. He trusts Liam implicitly, and if Liam wants to tie him up, he isn't going to complain. 

He feels soft silk brushing his shoulder and a moment later, a third scarf is wrapped around his head, blindfolding him. He lets out a soft moan as his cock keeps hardening; clearly aroused by everything Liam's doing to him. He feels helpless, in a way; unable to see or move much, and it's incredibly sexy.

He's about to ask if Liam's still there when he feels the other boy's hands on his body again; cupping his hips a little more firmly than before, his touch expert and possessive. He slides a hand down between his legs and grips his cock, stroking him roughly, and Zayn lets out a helpless moan, thrusting forward into the familiar warmth of Liam's fist. He digs his teeth into his bottom lip when Liam strokes him harder and faster, brushing his thumb over the exposed head of Zayn's erection while he presses his lips to the small of his back, licking a trail up and down his spine before tracing the dimples at the bottom of his back with the tip of his tongue. 

He lets go of his cock then to cup both of Zayn's arse cheeks with his palms, squeezing them possessively, and Zayn finds himself pushing back against Liam's large hands, wanting to give him more to hold on to. Liam keeps touching him that way for a moment, just gently stroking his buttocks while his thumb occasionally grazes the sensitive crack, before moving one of his hands up to his hip again. 

Zayn sucks in a deep breath when Liam's fingers dig into his hipbone with bruising force and he arches forward, needing more; wanting Liam to mark him. 

He's desperate for more; doesn't care what Liam does to him; he just wants _something_. 

A moment later, he gets it. He just doesn't expect it to sting like that.

Zayn sucks in a sharp breath when Liam's hand connects with his arse, the slap loud in the otherwise silent room. He lets out a startled moan when Liam hits him again, then a third time, and his cock twitches in approval. It hurts, but not in a bad way, and Zayn is stunned when he realises that the sharp pain actually makes his cock grow harder. 

Liam leans over him and Zayn turns his face towards him unconsciously, wishing he could touch him, but the scarves around his wrists restrain him. He lets out a breath when Liam murmurs, "You've been a bad boy. And bad boys need to be punished. I think I need to remind you that you're mine."

He growls the last word and Zayn lets out a soft whimper, fingers digging into the wood of the headboard. "Yes," he manages. "Yes, please."

He can feel more than see Liam's smirk as he murmurs, "Oh, so you like this. You like pain, don't you?"

Zayn lets out a shaky breath and nods mutely because fuck yeah, he does. He never thought he would be the type to be into this stuff, but apparently he is. Or maybe it's just Liam who brings out his kinky side; either way, he finds himself wanting more. 

Liam's hand is on his backside again, stroking gently, his fingers cool on Zayn's warm skin. He sits up again, and this time, Zayn is prepared for it when Liam's hand connects with his skin again, slapping him repeatedly. Zayn whimpers and his hips jerk forward every time he does, and he has no doubt that if Liam touched his cock right now, he would come instantly.

His teeth dig into his bottom lip and the coppery taste of blood floods his mouth as the already bruised skin there bursts. He licks it up and closes his eyes, his moans getting increasingly loud when Liam continues slapping him. 

Zayn tries to imagine what he looks like right now; on all fours, hands tied to the bed, blindfolded with his arse up in the air. It's probably pink right now, the abused flesh a stark contrast to his otherwise relatively pale skin.

He can barely feel his buttocks at this point and lets out a whimper when Liam stops suddenly and he feels the dull pain wash over him.

He's panting loudly and can feel Liam breathe heavily as well as the other boy leans against him, pressing surprisingly gentle kisses against his shoulder blades. Liam's fingers are now tenderly caressing the bruised skin while he trails kisses down his back. 

Zayn whimpers when he suddenly feels Liam's cool tongue trace patterns on his abused flesh, the touch soothing. He sucks in a breath when Liam's tongue brushes his crack, licking his hole teasingly and opening him up with gentle, careful licks. He pushes back against Liam when the tip of his tongue slips past the first ring of muscle and he fucks into him with his tongue, slow and gentle.

"Liam," Zayn whispers and swallows hard when Liam's arm wraps around his middle, his hand warm and gentle on his stomach. "Liam, please."

Liam thrusts his tongue in once more and Zayn lets out a soft moan when his hand wraps around his cock again, giving him a few firm strokes. Then Liam draws back entirely and Zayn shivers as a cool draft brushes the bruised skin of his ass and his wet opening. 

He hears the rustling of clothes and sighs contentedly and just a moment later, he feels Liam's hard cock slide between his cheeks, already slick with lube. He rubs against him without entering him and Zayn pushes back, needing to show Liam how much he wants and needs this; that there's no place in the world he'd rather be than right here with him.

Slick fingers push into him, stretching him slowly and carefully, the touch both everything Zayn wants and not enough. Liam crooks his fingers and brushes his prostate and Zayn throws his head back in ecstasy, moaning loudly and clenching around Liam encouragingly, urging him to give him more.

Liam scissors his fingers, then withdraws them and presses the slick tip of his cock against his opening. Zayn swallows hard and starts babbling nonsense, unable to help himself any longer. He begs Liam to get inside him; needs this more than he's ever needed anything, and he's relieved when Liam doesn't tease him much longer and pushes inside with one practised thrust, filling him up. 

Zayn clenches around him automatically and desperately, almost as if to keep him there, make sure he doesn't pull out again. 

Liam gives him a brief moment to adjust to his length, then starts thrusting roughly, not holding back. Zayn grips the headboard and moves with him, meeting Liam's thrusts with his hips and gasping every time he pushes in. 

The force of Liam's thrusts make Zayn's forearms and elbows connect with the headboard repeatedly, and it's painful but he doesn't care; the knowledge that his body will later be covered in bruises only makes this more arousing. 

After a while, Liam leans over again, his thrusts slowing down for the moment, becoming shallower, and he presses his lips against Zayn's neck, sucking a mark into his skin. His lips brush the shell of his ear and he whispers so softly that the camera can't catch his words; but Zayn hears his words as clearly as if he's shouting them. " _Never_ do that again, Zayn."

It's a warning, a threat, and Zayn doesn't even have to think about how to respond to it. He swallows hard and shakes his head. "I won't," he whispers, knowing now isn't the time to discuss this in depth, but needing Liam to know that he regrets everything he's done more than he's ever regretted anything and that it certainly won't ever happen again. "I won't, Liam."

He throws his head back when Liam pulls out almost all the way and then pushes in until he's buried balls-deep inside of him, resting his head on Liam's shoulder, and moaning loudly. "Oohhhhh…"

Then Liam starts fucking him again, and they move together in perfect sync. Liam slides a hand up his chest and catches Zayn's nipple between his fingers, pinching it almost painfully. Zayn hisses and jerks forward helplessly. His cock feels as if it's about to burst, but it's not enough; he needs Liam to touch him more for him to find that much-needed release. 

He lets out a long, frustrated sigh when Liam suddenly pulls out, but his disappointment doesn't last. Soon, he feels firm hands lifting him up and then he has Liam between his thighs, underneath him. The blindfold is removed and he blinks at the sudden brightness. His eyes come into focus and he looks down at Liam, taking in his dark eyes and the look on his face. 

He looks down; he's straddling Liam now and Liam's hands are on his hips, guiding him down to slide down onto his cock. Zayn's eyes flutter closed when Liam's inside him again and he starts moving right away, up and down, up and down, needing to feel every inch of Liam. The tip of Liam's cock brushes his prostate and Zayn shudders, gasping loudly every time that spark of pleasure shoots up his spine. 

He meets Liam's eyes again and Liam is looking back at him, finally, without just staring through him. Zayn feels the connection he hasn't felt since he's told Liam about that night, and relief washes over him as he lets himself drown in the depths of Liam's eyes. 

Liam reaches up and cups the back of his neck, pulling him down for a hard, bruising kiss. Zayn returns it eagerly, sliding his tongue into Liam's mouth, and just as Zayn feels his orgasm begin to build, Liam's hand wraps around his cock and jerks him roughly. Zayn keeps moving up and down as much as he can; his movements becoming erratic and clumsy when his orgasm is suddenly ripped from him.

He spurts seed all over Liam's stomach, clenching around him helplessly and falling forward into his arms when he's spent, his body still thrumming with the after effects of his orgasm. The position is uncomfortable with his hands still tied to the bed but he doesn't care; Liam's arms are around him now, holding him protectively, and it's the only thing that matters. 

Liam follows him over the edge a moment later, his orgasm seemingly just as intense as Zayn's, and then they just lie there like that, pressed together, both breathing heavily. Blood is rushing through his ears, so he doesn't hear the camera man wrap up the shoot and leave the room, but when Liam, after several minutes, reaches up and unties his hands, they're alone in the room, the door closed. 

Zayn arms drop to the bed and he rubs his sore wrists for a moment before he glances back down at Liam to find a look of mild concern in the other man's eyes. "You okay? Was it too tight?"

Zayn nods, licking dry lips. "Yeah. I mean, no. I'm fine."

Liam nods, and before he can say anything else, Zayn slides his arms under his body, wrapping them around him and pressing his face into his neck, breathing him in, savouring the moment. 

He just needs to be close to Liam for a while before they talk about everything that's happened to them – _if_ they talk about it at all. 

Maybe this is all Liam wants; a quick shag to punish Zayn and remind him not to be a dirty cheater in his future relationships. Maybe they're done now; maybe all Liam's here for today is to find some sort of closure. Zayn doesn't want to think about it, but it is a definite possibility. 

So he clings to Liam for as long as he can, holding onto him almost desperately until he feels Liam's arms wrap around him as well and hold him close. He takes a deep shaky breath, and for the first time in three days, allows himself to feel something akin to real hope.

He won't know till later if Liam actually wants him back and finds it in his heart to forgive him, but for now this is enough. Right now, he can pretend that he has his Liam back and that everything is going to be okay.


	29. Chapter 29

They don't talk much when they get up, grab their clothes and leave the room to take a shower – separately. Liam has something to discuss with Caroline, so he does that while Zayn takes a quick shower. He feels tense now that he's no longer in Liam's arms, and doesn't know what to expect when they're both done and ready to leave. Does Liam want to take him home with him, or is this the last time he'll ever see him? Zayn wants to hope for the first but doesn't quite dare to; he's not sure if he deserves to have things work out this easily after everything that's happened. 

He gives Liam a little smile when he leaves the bathroom and watches him disappear behind the door. He stands there for a long moment, listening to the water being turned on as Liam gets into the shower and washes the sweat and come off his body as well. 

Zayn starts fidgeting with his shirt, and eventually just goes outside for a cigarette or five, needing the calm effects of smoke filling his lungs right now. He leans against the wall and takes a deep drag, mentally going through all the things he wants to say to Liam when – if – he gets the chance to. 

After several long minutes, he hears the door open and looks up when Liam comes out. For a long moment, they just stand there, looking at each other in silence. The distance between them is almost too much for Zayn; all he wants to do is throw himself at Liam, cling to him, beg him to take him back and tell him how sorry he is; how much he loves him. Instead, he takes the last drag off his cigarette, stubs it out and bites his lip when he meets Liam's eyes again. 

Liam pulls his car keys from the pocket of his jeans and tilts his head. "Coming?"

Zayn's heart skips a beat and he hurries to nod, and when Liam turns away to walk to his car, he speeds after him, his heart beating fast. He knows this doesn't mean that Liam's forgiven him for what he's done, or that everything will be all right again, but it does seem to mean that he'll at least get the chance to explain himself. 

Or maybe not. Maybe Liam just wants to drive him home – but Zayn can't help but hope that Liam will take him home with him. When they reach the car, which is parked just around the corner, Zayn gets inside and wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans. He fastens the seatbelt and glances over at Liam as he does the same and starts the car, pulling into traffic a moment later. 

The silence in the car is tense, and Zayn can't make himself relax until they've driven past the university campus. He relaxes a little now that Liam is clearly not driving him home, but he still desperately wants to do something to fix the awkwardness between them. Every time he tries to say something, however, he chickens out and ends up closing his mouth; everything he can think of to break the silence sounds stupid to him. So he takes a deep breath, listens to the soft music coming from the radio and looks out of the window until they round the corner of Liam's street a few minutes later. 

He follows Liam to his building once the car is parked, and silence keeps stretching between them when they get into the lift and take it up to Liam's floor. Zayn stays behind the older boy as the latter unlocks the door, then steps past him into the apartment when Liam lets him inside. Their fingers brush when they both reach to close the door simultaneously, and Zayn shivers, then blushes. 

Liam looks at him for a moment, then turns without a word and makes his way into the kitchen, grabbing two beers from the fridge, taking them into the living room and sitting down on the couch. Zayn follows him hesitantly and then stands a little awkwardly in the doorway, not sure what to do or where to sit, and whether to sit down at all. 

Liam looks up at him finally and raises a brow, then tilts his head and holds out his hand. "Come here."

Zayn's heart skips a beat at the obvious invitation but he doesn't hesitate; he takes a few steps forward, wrapping his fingers around Liam's before he lowers himself onto the couch as well and looks at him expectantly. He doesn't know _what_ to expect, though; for Liam to yell at him, tell him how much he's hurt him, probably. 

Liam's anger doesn't come, however. He's still holding Zayn's hand, looking down at their intertwined fingers with a thoughtful expression on his face. Zayn needs a moment but finally finds the courage to break the uncomfortable silence. 

"I'm so sorry, Liam," he whispers, eyes never leaving the other boy's face. 

Liam lowers his eyes and licks his lips, then eventually looks up to meet Zayn's eyes. "I know you are," he says softly. "I've talked to Niall. He says you haven't left your bed for a week. I'm sorry I ignored your phone calls."

Zayn's brows shoot up; he didn't know Liam and Niall have been talking. And now Liam's apologising to him, even though he hasn't done anything wrong. Zayn can't exactly blame Liam for being hurt and not picking up the phone when he called him. 

"I deserve far worse," he murmurs, swallowing hard. 

Liam looks at him and shakes his head. "No, you don't," he sighs. "Look, I was upset, Zayn. I still am. I'm not saying what you did was right, and it took me a while to get over the first shock of hearing about you and Niall, but I'm not mad at you anymore. I'm still disappointed, yeah, but I don't hate you, if that's what you're afraid of."

Zayn stares at him and opens his mouth in complete surprise. "Why not?" he blurts out. "You should hate me. What I did is inexcusable."

Liam squeezes his hand and gives him a tiny smile. "No, it's not," he sighs, shaking his head. "I wish it hadn't happened, of course, but I've already forgiven you. I think I forgave you the moment I saw your eyes when I left you outside Harry and Louis' that night. I just needed some time to come to terms with the whole situation. But the thing is… I love you, Zayn. You mean more to me than anyone has in a long time, maybe ever. I don't think I've ever had feelings this strong for someone before, and maybe that's why it hit me so hard at first. In my mind, you were perfect. Hearing about your night with Niall made me have to face the fact that you're not. You're human, you have flaws. We all make mistakes, and while hearing about your… thing with Niall did hurt me at first, at least you were honest with me. You had the balls to tell me, even though it can't have been easy, and I appreciate your honesty. You could've lied to me, pretended everything was all right. I may never have found out, or someone else might've told me. I have a friend whose girlfriend cheated on him a while back, and he had to find out through someone else. I'm glad I heard it from you, Zayn."

Zayn nods slowly, even though he can't quite believe that Liam is actually thanking him. He isn't sure how he expected this to go, but he certainly didn't think he'd get instant forgiveness. "I never wanted to hide this from you," he murmurs after a moment. "And sure, it was hard to tell you and see your face after I did, or even to accept what I've done. I never meant to hurt you, Liam, please believe me. I'm so sorry I did."

Liam turns to him and brings his hand up to his lips, brushing them over his knuckles lightly. "Stop apologising, Zayn. I know you're sorry, I know you didn't mean for it to happen or for it to hurt me, but it did. But I'm okay now; I've accepted your apology and forgiven you. We can let it go now."

Zayn lets out a breath of relief, and while the part of him that still feels incredibly guilty about everything that's happened, wants to keep apologising, he doesn't. If Liam is ready to forget it ever happened, Zayn can do the same thing. He'll probably feel terrible for a long time, though. Maybe he'll never entirely forgive himself.

"There's just one thing I've been wondering ever since you told me," Liam says suddenly, pulling his legs onto the couch and turning to fully face him. Zayn looks at him curiously, silently urging him to continue. "Was that something you've been thinking about before? Kissing Niall?"

Zayn frowns curiously, then understands what Liam means. He makes himself think about it for a moment, even though the answer is clear. "No," he says finally. "No, it wasn't like that at all. It's not like kissing Niall was some secret fantasy of mine that I've been suppressing for weeks. I don't have a secret crush on my best friend."

Liam nods. "Good," he says softly. "I didn't think you did, but I thought I'd ask."

He's silent again for a long moment. "Do you have any idea why it did happen then? I mean, you say you didn't have that much to drink, so I assume that if everything was all right between us, you wouldn't have been tempted to kiss Niall."

Zayn takes a breath and sighs, shifting a little on the couch. "I'm not sure, exactly, but… I think I was jealous."

Liam's brows shoot up. "Jealous?"

"Yeah," Zayn says, feeling stupid because he knows how irrational that jealousy is. If Liam was seeing someone else, or thinking about being with someone else, they wouldn't be here right now. Liam would've used this opportunity to get rid of him – yet he didn't, which once again proves that Liam has been nothing but faithful to him.

Zayn licks his lips and explains. "I was hurt when you wouldn't tell me how many people you've slept with. And I know – I _know_ it doesn't matter. I don't even know why I feel the need to know this because it's really not important to me whether you've slept with three people or a hundred. But when you just shot me down when I asked, I felt like you were hiding something from me. Which you're clearly not; I know you probably just don't want me to think of you differently or something, but it still kind of hurt that you didn’t even consider telling me. And then…" 

He pauses, feeling ridiculous. "You always seem to disappear and don't tell me where you're going, and… It's not that I don't trust you. I do, I don't think I've ever trusted anyone as much as I trust you, but it kind of turned me into a jealous idiot and I was coming up with different theories about where you were going in my head, and I couldn't stop it. I tried not to think that way because I _know_ you would never cheat on me, but I couldn't help it."

Liam looks at him thoughtfully, and for a moment, Zayn thinks Liam's going to get angry. But he doesn't. He lets go of Zayn's hands to reach for his bottle of beer and take a few long swigs. Zayn takes a sip as well, his eyes never leaving Liam. 

"I've never cheated on you," Liam says when he finally meets Zayn's eyes again. "I wouldn't. You mean too much to me, and it's never occurred to me to be anything but faithful to you."

Zayn feels his cheeks flush with shame when he realises how stupid of him it was to accuse Liam of cheating (even though he hasn't really), and opens his mouth, wanting to explain again that he really didn't think Liam was doing anything wrong; wanting to stress that he isn't accusing him of anything. Before he can say anything, however, Liam continues. 

"The reason why I didn't tell you about my previous sexual partners is because they really don't matter to me. The past is the past, and what I want to focus on is the present and the future, and you. I know you've only been with a couple of people before me, and I know who they are and that they're no threat to me, but if there had been people before Harry and Louis, I wouldn't need to know about them."

He sighs. "I do however realise that not everyone feels that way about the past, and I do understand your need to know, or at least have a vague idea of who was there before you." 

Zayn feels his cheeks heat up and shakes his head. "You don't need to tell me, really, Liam. I'm stupid – I'll get over it. I know it doesn't matter, and I'm sorry for ever doubting you."

Liam takes another sip of beer, then seems to be lost in thought for a moment before he turns back to Zayn and looks into his eyes. "I've had two serious boyfriends before you, but those relationships ended years ago. I was in love with both of them but that love wasn't as strong as what I feel for you now. They both don't live in the area anymore and I haven't seen them for years, so you don't need to worry about them coming back suddenly. I've had several one-night stands and brief flings, I suppose you could call them, all with men I'm no longer in touch with. One of them introduced me to Simon, which is how I got into the porn business."

He pauses again for a moment, then shakes his head. "I can't tell you the exact number of people I've worked with, but I'm sure you can find out if you ask Simon to give you my file."

Zayn's cheeks are flushed in embarrassment, and now that he knows, he feels ridiculous for ever asking. Liam's right – it doesn't matter who was there before him, but apparently Zayn needed to hear this in order to realise it. Still, he can't deny that he's relieved to hear that Liam's only had two serious boyfriends before him. He doesn't know _why_ it makes him feel better; it just does. 

"I don't need to see your file, Liam, and I'm sorry for asking. It was stupid, and you really didn't need to tell me," he sighs, rubbing his face. "But thank you. For telling me," he adds when he manages to look at Liam, finally. 

Liam gives him a little smile. "You're welcome. And no, you were right. You deserve to know. We need to talk about these things, and if we want this to work out, we need to be open and honest with each other. You had every right to ask."

He looks down at their hands again, then smiles. "If I remember correctly, you also want to know where I sneak off to without telling you," he says after a moment, looking up. Zayn wants to protest; Liam's told him so much already, but he can't help being curious. So he bites his lip and silently urges Liam to continue. 

"I'm going to move out of this flat soon," Liam says then, "So I've been meeting with people who may want to rent it."

Zayn looks at him and his heart sinks. Of all the things he expected Liam to tell him, this was the last thing that could've possibly occurred to him. Liam's moving away? Zayn can't quite keep the disappointment off his face and looks down quickly to hide it, swallowing hard. 

It makes sense, of course. Liam is in his last year of university, already working on his doctor's thesis. He probably won't have classes in the last semester of his studies here, so he doesn't need to be around all the time. 

"Zayn," Liam says softly, and Zayn can hear the smile in his voice, which confuses him and makes him look up. Liam _is_ smiling at him, and squeezes his hands gently. "I'm not leaving you. I'm not moving away."

"You're not?" Zayn asks, his voice sounding small and hopeful, even to himself. 

"No," Liam says. "I've been looking for a bigger place in the area. I've been living here for a while and like it, so I'm not planning on leaving anytime soon. I'm hoping to find a job here once I'm done with school, so I recently bought a house. It's almost done now, so I need to meet up with the architect regularly. So that's where I've been going."

Zayn just looks stunned, unable to come up with something to say, so Liam keeps smiling. "I'm not going anywhere, love. In fact, I was wondering if you may possibly want to move in with me when the house is ready. You don't need to decide now, of course, but I hope you'll consider it?"

Zayn keeps staring at him, his mouth hanging open in complete surprise, wondering if he's possibly fallen asleep at some point and is just dreaming all of this – or if Liam is actually asking him to move in with him. He opens his mouth, closes it, then feels a huge, incredulous grin tug on the corners of his mouth. 

"You want me to move in with you?" he asks in disbelief because fuck, this is definitely not how he expected this conversation to go. Hell, only about an hour ago, Zayn was worried Liam was going to break up with him, and now this? It all seems a little surreal. Part of him wants to ask Liam if he's insane for asking him to move in with him right after the whole Niall incident, while the bigger part of him doesn't want to question Liam's choices at all and just be happy and imagine their future together. 

"Yes," Liam says, laughing at the expression on Zayn's face. "You look stunned."

"I am!" Zayn exclaims. "I didn't think you would want to see me again after… well, after everything, and now you want me to move in with you, and I'm just… surprised."

Liam sets his beer down and reaches for Zayn, pulling him onto his lap. Zayn moves with him, straddles him and looks at him curiously, his eyes fluttering briefly when Liam reaches up to cup his cheeks. The touch is gentle and loving, and Zayn leans into it automatically, needing it. "I love you, Zayn. And I know you regret what you've done, and I trust you not to make the same mistake again. I want to be with you and start a life with you because when I look at the future, all I see is you. So yes. I'm asking you to move in with me."

Zayn melts at those words and still cannot quite believe them, but he feels the same way about Liam. The idea of life without Liam terrifies him; he's come so close to losing him that he's so grateful to have him back at all. And now Liam wants to make very concrete plans for their life together and it's all a little overwhelming, and yes, the thought of his life changing so drastically is _also_ a little scary, but it's all Zayn's wanted since he met Liam. 

He takes a deep breath and finally just smiles. "I'd love to move in with you," he says softly, his smile widening when Liam pulls him in for a long, deep kiss. Zayn melts into his embrace and slides his arms around Liam's neck, returning the kiss just as passionately, his fingers sliding into Liam's hair. 

Liam's hands are on his back, sliding up to his shoulders, then back down to his hips, pulling him flush against him, and Zayn presses against him a little desperately. When the kiss breaks, he looks at Liam adoringly, finding the same love reflected in his boyfriend's eyes. They share a smile before Zayn rests his head on Liam's shoulder and breathes him in, finally allowing himself to believe that things are going to work out for them. 

A huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders and he can finally breathe again.


	30. Epilogue

**Two months later**

"Zayn? Zayn, you home?"

A smile tugs on the corners of Zayn's mouth when he hears the sound of the door opening, followed by Liam's voice. He jumps up and runs down the stairs, still smiling widely when he sees Liam kicking the door closed and holding what has to be the last box. 

"Welcome home, baby," he says, grinning when Liam looks up at him with a raised eyebrow. He's been waiting to say this to him ever since they've started moving into the new house, which has been a long and exhausting process, and even though they've only been apart for barely an hour now, it seems like the appropriate time to welcome Liam into their new home.

 _Their_ home. Most of the time, Zayn still can't quite believe that things have worked out this well. After their brief relationship hiatus, Liam showed Zayn the house, which exceeded his expectations. He assumed it would be a relatively small house but in fact, it is the most beautiful place Zayn has ever seen, let alone lived in. It seems made for the two of them; has enough space for them to share – or avoid each other, should that be necessary. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a large living room with an open kitchen, a terrace as well as a large backyard with a garden. It still looks rather empty because neither of them has enough stuff to fill it all up, but Zayn can already picture what it'll look like a year or two from now. 

Despite its relative emptiness, the house gives him a sense of home that he's never really experienced before; not like this. And maybe it isn't the house at all, but Liam's presence.

Liam drops the box and turns to him, giving him a smile. "Come here, you."

Zayn grins and jumps down the last couple of steps, closing the distance between them and throwing himself at Liam, giving him a long kiss. Liam's arms wrap around him and pull him close, and Zayn melts into the embrace, unable to stop smiling. 

The semester is almost over now; they both only have a few more exams left. Exams that Zayn is now sure he's going to pass because after all the stress in his personal life, he's managed to focus on school for the past two months, and make up for the few classes he's missed. 

Moving house in the middle of the school year seemed like a bad idea to him at the time; he thought he would get distracted and end up missing more classes because he'd rather focus on getting their home ready, but somehow, he's managed to do both.

Leaving Niall wasn't easy, of course, and Zayn was terribly nervous when he had to break the news to his friend. He leans his head on Liam's shoulder and thinks back to the day he told him.

"You've been staring at me for ages," Niall said, obviously feeling that Zayn had something to tell him. "It's freaking me out, to be honest, so spill. So let's hear it."

Zayn took a deep breath, deciding to stop beating around the bush and confess. And Niall didn't even blink. It was almost as if he'd expected Zayn to move out sooner or later. Zayn remembered Liam mentioning that he'd been talking to Niall during the week they'd been apart and wondered if Liam had told Niall about his plans of asking Zayn to move in with him. Either way, Niall didn't seem terribly surprised and had made the whole thing a lot easier for Zayn when he said, "Finally."

Zayn's brows shot up. "Excuse me?"

Niall grinned. "I'm not saying I want to get rid of you – not at all. You were a great roommate, but you do have to admit that we weren't always very compatible. Our interests aren't really the same. Like, you don't like to go out that much, prefer hanging out at home on your own doing God knows what, so it would be cool to have someone who shares my outgoing nature, you know?"

Zayn grumbled, only a little offended. "I suppose."

Realising that Zayn was a little put out, Niall stood up, made his way over to him and wrapped his arms around him. "I will miss you, though. Promise we'll still see each other?"

"Of course," Zayn sighed. "I wouldn't just abandon you here. Maybe I should even have a look at whoever's going to be your new roommate; wouldn't want you to have to room with some psycho."

Niall grinned. "Aw, that's sweet. I'm sure he'll be fine. Or _she_. You never know."

He winked, Zayn laughed, and everything was all right.

Zayn has met Niall's roommate a few times since then, and has to admit that Josh was the perfect choice. He and Niall clicked right away; they have a lot of similar interests and already get along really well. At first, Zayn was worried he'd be jealous, but Josh is just so nice that it's impossible for anyone not to like him. So after a few initial reservations about his best friend's new roommate, Zayn has come to accept, and even like him. 

"How was your day?" Liam asks finally, drawing back and looking into his eyes. 

Zayn raises a brow and laughs. "Seriously? It's been an hour, Liam, and I told you what my day has been like in great detail before you left."

Liam shrugs, giving him a little smile. "Well, a lot can change in an hour."

"Nah," Zayn says, playing with a strand of Liam's hair. "Nothing's changed. Everything's great. I did get started on cooking, though. They'll be here in a little less than an hour and a half, so we should probably make sure the food is ready when they get here."

"Right," Liam says, nodding. "I'll just put this stuff away and take a quick shower and then I'll meet you in the kitchen, all right?"

Zayn smiles. "Sounds perfect."

He makes his way up the stairs, closely followed by Liam who apparently can't resist and smacks his arse lightly. Zayn turns around in mock horror, but Liam just gives him a cheeky grin and wink before he takes the box into his study. Zayn smiles and shakes his head, then makes his way behind the kitchen counter and looks at the pile of vegetables he's chopped. 

He starts working on the chicken and potatoes then, humming to himself while he works, and thinking back to the past two months. 

He and Liam were very careful around each other at first; neither of them wanting to break that renewed and still fragile trust between them by doing something that might hurt the other. They stuck to their promise, though, and talked about their feelings whenever something came up that might grow into a bigger issue, and resolved it before it could create tension between them. 

Liam was incredibly happy to hear about Zayn coming out to his mum and wasn't surprised by her positive reaction. He was eager to meet her, and the feeling was mutual. Zayn stayed in touch with his mum, calling her twice a week at least, and when he forgot, he could be sure that she would call him. And every time they were on the phone together, he ended up giving the phone to Liam as well, just so he could say hi to her or tell her how hard Zayn was working for his exams.

When his mother and Liam both expressed the desire to meet, Zayn was sure she would come down and that they'd spend a day or two together; getting to know each other. He wasn't prepared for her to invite both of them home for dinner, and he definitely didn't expect his dad to be there. They introduced Liam as a friend at first, not wanting to upset Zayn's dad right away. He seemed a little suspicious about the fact that Zayn was bringing a random friend home for dinner, but didn't ask any questions. 

Oddly enough, he and Liam hit it off right away; talked about sports and politics, and seemed to share an opinion on many things. Zayn watched the whole scenario with bemusement, unable to believe that it could really be this easy. 

As it turned out, it wasn't. During dinner, his dad kept asking whether Zayn had a girlfriend and what she was like and if he was making plans for his future. At first, Zayn tried to avoid his interrogation by saying he was focusing on school and didn't have time to look for a girl; but the more questions his dad asked, the more annoyed he got, and finally, he ended up jumping to his feet and declaring that he was dating Liam and that they were happily in love and moving in together.

All colour drained from his father's face and Zayn didn't stick around long enough to watch him explode. The moment he'd said everything he had to say, he turned around and walked out – but not before thanking his mother for being so great and understanding, as well as an excellent meal. Liam followed him outside after a moment, and they drove home in relative silence. 

The following day, his mother called to tell him that his dad had calmed down more or less; that he was by no means okay with him and Liam being together, but that he was processing it, and that eventually, he would see that Zayn wasn't going to change and that he had to get used to the idea of him being with Liam, if he didn't want to lose his only son. She also told him what Liam had said after Zayn had left the house; something about hoping that Zayn's dad would get over it someday and come to accept him as Zayn's boyfriend because he loved Zayn very much and was going to make sure to make him the happiest person on earth every day for the rest of his life. 

Zayn wondered if his mother had embellished that little speech a little, or if Liam really had said all that. It still makes him feel fuzzy and warm inside to think that Liam really feels that way about him. 

He hasn't talked to his dad ever since, and it's been a month now. His mother keeps telling him that he just needs to be patient and give his dad the time he needs to come to terms with this, and it's not like Zayn has a choice. He isn't holding his breath, though, not really expecting his dad to apologise anytime soon. _He_ has come to terms with the idea that his father might never truly be okay with it, and it doesn't bother him as much as he thought it would. It just feels good to have it all out in the open now, and not have to worry about accidentally being caught holding hands with Liam. He can finally be himself and do what he wants, and it's the best feeling in the world. 

He and Liam have also discussed their porn careers again, since the jealousy caused by it ended up being the main reason for their fight. They didn't have to talk about it much, however; both of them agreed that they want to keep doing it, and have shot a few very successful movies since. They don't spend as much time at the studio as Harry and Louis, for example, but it works well for them that way. They get to explore certain kinks, satisfy their exhibitionistic nature, and get paid for it. 

Zayn smiles as he remembers the last movie they've shot, for which Simon rented a taxi. They were filmed doing naughty things to each other in the backseat of the cab, and it had been pretty interesting, especially considering that anyone looking over could've seen them. 

"What are you smirking about, hmm?"

Zayn jumps a little when he feels Liam's arms wrap around his waist, his voice in his ear. He shivers a little when Liam brushes a kiss over the back of his neck and pulls him against him, stroking his belly. "Nothing," Zayn murmurs. "Just thinking."

He puts down the knife and turns around in Liam's arms, pressing his face into his neck and breathing him in. "You smell good," he sighs, trailing kisses up Liam's neck and breathing in the scent of soap, shampoo and Liam. When he draws back, he looks him up and down and sighs appreciatively. "You look amazing."

Liam smiles back. "Glad you approve," he says, hands still on Zayn's hips. "So do you. Wish I could ravish you right here."

"Please, I'm a mess," Zayn protests, but his knees get a little weak and he's tempted to lean in for a kiss, but instead holds up his hand. "But not now. We don't have time for that. Grab a pot and cook the potatoes."

Liam raises a brow and smirks. "Bossy," he says, but finally lets go of Zayn and does as he's told. Zayn watches him, then turns back around to complete his own task. They work well together in the kitchen, just as they do everywhere else. Both of them are calm and focused, and they don't even panic when they're running out of time and Zayn leaves to take his own shower barely ten minutes before Harry, Louis and Niall are supposed to arrive. 

When he comes back clean and dry several minutes later, Harry and Louis have already arrived and are looking around in awe. 

"Zayn!" Louis exclaims when he sees him approaching. "You told us the house was great, not a bloody palace! This is truly amazing, lads."

Harry nods. "It really is. Can we get a tour?"

Zayn glances at Liam who nods; Niall's already seen their house before, so he doesn’t need to be shown everything whenever he chooses to arrive. He's usually never late, and Zayn briefly wonders what could be the hold-up. He turns back to his friends and smiles. "Sure. So… this is the living room and the kitchen – which you're not allowed to look at right now because it's a bit of a mess."

He gives the two of them a moment to look around, then leads them around, showing them the spacious bedroom with the large window, then the bathrooms, Liam's study, and finally, his own second room, that he's turned into a bit of an artist's studio. He hasn't had much time to work on his art a lot because he's been busy working on the house and studying for his exams, but there are several older paintings up on the walls, and a semi-finished one in the corner of the room. 

"I didn't know you could paint like that," Harry says, looking stunned. "You're full of surprises, Malik."

Zayn grins and blushes a little at the compliment. "Yeah… I haven't been able to do much of it – I just didn't have enough room in my dorm. The ones on the walls were under the bed and in the back of my closet."

"Just like you," Louis says cheerfully, and laughs when Zayn punches his arm. "It's true, though!"

"But not anymore," Harry says, giving Zayn a somewhat proud smile that Zayn can't help returning. 

He looks around and takes a breath just when the doorbell rings downstairs. "Oh, that must be Niall. Let's go drink some champagne, yeah?"

Harry and Louis have no objections and follow him back to the living room, just when Liam enters it, Niall behind him. "Hey, sorry I'm late," Niall says. "Had some stuff to take care of."

Zayn eyes him curiously but Niall just gives him a grin, then accepts the glass of champagne Liam offers him. "Thanks, mate."

They raise their glasses and talk about school and life. Zayn leans back against Liam and smiles when his temple is kissed. They take a seat around the table sometime later to eat, and Zayn is beyond pleased when everyone's enjoying the meal, leaving no leftovers. After dinner and dessert, they retire back to the couches and have a few more glasses of wine and talk about God and the world. Well, not God, literally, but just about everything else.

Niall is strangely quiet for someone who's had a lot to drink, however, and after spending most of the evening watching him, Zayn wants to know what's going on, and whether his odd behaviour has anything to do with the fact that he arrived late. 

At the question, Niall grins and gives a shrug. "Maybe."

When four pairs of eyes look at him curiously, he laughs and sets his glass down. "All right, mates. I've got some news to share. After a lot of contemplating, I've decided to follow in your footsteps and start my own career in the porn business."

He leans back and smirks. "I've talked Josh into joining me and we actually just got back from our first day at the studio. It was awesome."

Stunned silence follows before all four of them start talking at once, wanting to know everything about Niall's unexpected decision and his first day on set. Niall looks smug, and while he tells Harry and Louis everything they want to know, and also agrees to shoot with _them_ at some point, Zayn looks at Liam and gives him a smile. 

Liam leans in for a kiss and Zayn closes his eyes, smiling against his lips and chuckling when he hears Niall's very vivid retelling of his first porn shoot. But soon, Liam deepens the kiss and Zayn falls into it, and nothing else matters as a feeling of perfect happiness washes over him and he holds onto Liam, almost as if he's afraid Liam's going to disappear and the past months will turn out to be just a really great dream. 

He knows that won't happen, though; he finally understands that Liam loves him just as much as he loves him; finally feels confident enough to believe that someone _can_ love him this much. 

And just like Liam, he can't wait to spend the rest of his life with Liam. After all he's been though, he finally knows that he's ready for anything the future will throw at them. From now on, he will let nothing come between them. 

He feels like he's finally where he was always meant to be; in an amazingly beautiful house, with his great boyfriend and their three best friends. His life finally feels complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not quite as long as I wanted it to be but I'm happy with the ending now, especially considering how hard it was to write this :) 
> 
> I'd like to thank all of you for commenting so much and being so supportive and sticking with the story, despite some of the cliffhangers and unexpected plot twists :) It really made writing this an amazing experience; your enthusiasm kept me inspired and I hope you've enjoyed the ending. I've mentioned a sort of spin-off with a few of the porn scenes before but I can't promise if or when I'll start working on that. After this, I need a bit of a break but maybe I'll feel inspired someday and will want to come back to this universe. 
> 
> So... thank you so much, your lovely comments literally always made my day :) ♥
> 
> Linxe_Termoil is writing a Niall-centric piece based on this fic, so if you'd like to have a look at that: [Click here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1035778/chapters/2065354) :)


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